Cooking is an art that transcends both space and time. No matter the species or world, a form of nourishment will always be required. Thus, that nourishment will eventually be subject to an artist's touch.

For example, before me lies two pans. In one pan, I have sizzling diced veggies and meats all doused in butter. A rather colorful scheme of various peppers, onions, and dried seasonings can be seen dripping with juices.

On my other pan is a world favorite. A staple in nourishment today. The majestic chicken egg. Yes, the egg, an unborn child of a dinosaur descendant is currently being scrambled, spiced, and subjected to the crackling of the pan, waiting to be transported to a plate.

With a practiced hand movement, I grab the pan of sizzling veggies/meats and allow it to flow out onto the pan of cooked eggs… but I do not stop there. My hand flicks out, grabbing cheese and quickly sprinkling it over, making sure to evenly distribute it or risk cheese melting out.

And now, the hard part. Most people would just turn the eggs to one side, but I am an artist. And artists never do things the normal way.

Taking up smaller utensils, I slowly start to fold the eggs inward. But not too slowly, or risk overcooking the eggs, which would be just as bad. My hands, unshaking, my mind, focused, and my eyes concentrated, I fold lightly, perfectly, not allowing even a twitch of my fingers. All of my training and thousands of years of experience is being put to the test for this morning.

I take a slow steady breath.

Almost there, just a few more folds

*RRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGG*

My hand twitches, the tweezers rip through the egg… destroying my hard work… and ruining everything.

*RRRRIIIINNNNGGGGG*

I turn my head to the side, my phone rings, the caller ID says Franky.

With a sigh, I grab my phone and bring it up to my ear.

“Franky, I don't feel like talking right now,” I tell my friend, tears slowly moving down my cheek.

“... Quasi are you crying again?” *sigh* “How is it that the smartest person I have ever met is also a cooking perfectionist? Like really, must you make all of your food into an art piece? So what were you making today?”

*Sniffle* “I… uh was making an omelet… and I poked a hole through the eggs when I was folding it.”

“Really now… you poked a hole through the eggs. How the hell do you poke a hole through eggs? Aren't you using a spatula?”

“Well, knowing you, you would probably use something different like nose tweezers or something.”

I choke, my eyes turn towards my hand… still holding the tweezers…

“Um…”

“Don't answer that. I don't even want to know. Just calling to tell you that we have an advanced engineering exam today.”

Today? No, it should be a few days from now.

“You mean Friday, right Franky?”

“Nope, our dear old professor pushed up the exam a few days because his daughter is getting married or some shit like that. So yea, people are pissed already, but we can't do too much anyhow. I know you don't even come to class except for exams… which I still find amazing that you still get perfect scores.”

Ugh…I don’t want to go to school. Today was supposed to be ‘relax and polish my sexy statues’ day.

*Sigh* “Well Franky, I guess I’m going to school today for that stupid test. Thanks for calling me and telling me about it. Need a ride to school?”

“Nah, I’m already here, studying my ass off. If you do decide to come early though, I would really love a tutoring session from you.”

I smile at my friend Franky. A genuinely good friend. He is the type of person who would fight a pack of wild wolves to save a helpless kitten. A true selfless hero… easily a possible candidate for a hero summon if it were ever to happen to him.

“Ok Franky, let me take a quick shower and I'll drive up to school.”

“Thanks, Quasi, I really appreciate it.”

I smile at his sincerity, ”I wouldn't help you otherwise. Anyways, I have to clean up this mess and take a shower. I'll call you at school.”

“Thanks, Quasi.”

“Yes yes, bye.”

I hang up the phone and start to clean up the mess in the kitchen.

I should hire a maid… a cute maid with a revealing outfit. My mind wanders, thinking about the possibilities, or better yet, I can get a whole bunch of them! And then I can have them polish my statues as I watch!

I nod, smiling as I throw everything into the dishwasher and turn it on. From there, I head towards the bathroom.

I wonder how much it would cost for a dozen maids?

I enter my bathroom, a rather massive thing with a jacuzzi at the corner. I quickly undress and throw my clothing into a laundry basket.

I can have them do laundry too...

I enter the shower and turn on the hot water, allowing it to run down my head. Moving my hand back, I remove the rubber band holding my long hair back and allow it to rest on my shoulders.

If I pay enough, I can have them clean me in the shower too!

A perverted smile finds itself on my face only to quickly be replaced by a frown.

Really? This is the worst possible time!

My soul resonates, feeling the call of the void. Energy starts to flow around me. Times slows down as my mind and body resonate with the new world. The droplets of water slow and stop. A quick flash and reality bends around me.

______

Summonings comes in all shapes and sizes. Some worlds will just take your soul and create a new body or put you into someone else's body. Others will utilize reincarnation, allowing you to actually be born naturally into the world.

Looking around, I see pure darkness, a limbo before a summoning may happen. From that darkness, a man appears with a smile.

“Aaaahhh Quasi,” he looks me up and down, a smile forming on his face. ”Unfortunately, restrictions keep me from creating clothes for you.” He shakes his head, smiling internally.

I scratch the side of my head, not at all used to having an extremely old and powerful god staring at my naked self.

“Ok… so… how is this summoning going to work? Will I be using my own body or what?”

The god shakes his head and pulls out his hand. Within a moment, a purple ball of energy comes to life, quickly expanding to a huge size. ”Unfortunately, your body would be much too weak for the world I am summoning you to. Thus, a new one will be created.

The ball of energy forms and bends, taking on a humanoid shape. Then it starts to create features quickly, each second growing closer and closer to a human.

Within a minute… or some indeterminable amount of time, a replica of my body floats before me in excruciating detail.

The god's other hand flows up, five balls of various colors circle around.

He flicks them one by one towards the body.

The first ball strikes the left shoulder, a black spider tattoo forms. The second flies towards the right shoulder, a black wolf tattoo forms. The third ball splits into two and flies towards the shin, forming two black feathers on each side. The fourth ball flies towards the upper back, a black circle forms. The final ball moves towards the lower back, creating a detailed image of a fox. But this image is gray instead of black.

Interesting. I wonder if those tattoos mean something specific.

Before I can ask, the god teleports right in front of me.

“The time has come. Adapt quickly or die.” His hand flies out and slams through my chest, incredible pain rips through my soul as he forcefully removes it from my body.

Just as quickly as the pain had come, it disappears as I find myself floating in my new body.

At least I think it's my new body…

...Actually… this may still be my body since I can still feel the water frozen in place and touching my skin…

...The feeling isn't painful per say… but when you can feel every freaking droplet of water as though they were a mosquito oh so gently tickling you…

...Softly caressing your skin, making sure that every tiny feeler oh so gracefully touches a most sensitive neuron…

I’M GOING TO RIP THAT GOD’S FUCKING FACE OFF FOR THIS!

*wiggle*

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*wiggle* *wiggle*

The god in question places his gloved hand on his chin. ”Impressive, only a few moments after the body fusion and your soul is already claiming your new body.”

His hands go to his hips as he shakes his head. ”And I was all worried about your soul being ripped apart in the most gruesome way possible if the fusion were to fail.”

*wiggle* *wiggle* *wiggle*

He nods to himself, “Well then, since I can see that you will be fine, let's continue the summoning process,” His left hand comes to the forefront of his face, his eyes taking one last look at me.

“Have fun, [Hero].”

*Tap*

Reality bends and reels as I plummet further into oblivion until a flash of light and… what?

Clouds float over me as gentle wind caresses my wet skin. All around me I see clouds and light while feeling weightless as well.

*wiggle* *wiggle*

Yup, still can't move.

*twitch*

Yup… not even my eyes work properly.

Sighing internally, I close up my mind and ignore the sounds and sights around me, focusing upon my very soul. A rather powerful skill I had learned on my 17th summon.

My mind slows down as the world around me fades to black, visualizing my soul, a ball of celestial energy, caged within the confines of a mortal body.

*ding*

Unfortunately, my meditation is oh so quickly interrupted by a giant floating blue box.

...What?

The feeling of power as it settles upon the barrier protecting my soul… fruitlessly attempting to overpower my shields that had been so thoroughly molded by an elder god… the first god I had ever worked for, feels weird as hell.

Um...

Whips of energy slam into my barrier, ricocheting off with extreme pressure. My soul vibrates, feeling each impact like a bowling ball striking a thick metal wall.

Even still, I smile internally, enjoying the futile attempt of… whatever this thing is as it attempts to gain access to my soul.

Ever had that feeling of finding yourself in the presence of something that is so absurd, your first reaction becomes outright fear because you just can't get your head around it?

A giant freaking eyeball comes into being, dwarfing my size thousands of times over.

It just floats there, staring at me with… what do giant eyes feel anyway?

The eye looks to me… and blinks.

Ohhhhh crap

Soul energy ripples from the giant eye, ramming into my barrier… ripping it apart like a fat guy with a pizza.

My soul gets engulfed while a sense of helplessness descends on my psyche as foreign energy molests me from the inside.

My virgin soul, forever tainted by a giant floating eyeball.

The eye blinks

“Don't freakin’ read my mind!” I yell out, not at all happy to have my deepest, darkest thoughts known to a giant eyeball.

Oh shit, I can move. I think, realizing that I have full control of my body.

 

I blink, staring at the wall of text before me, floating a foot before my face, following my eyes as they move.

Completely forgetting the fact that a giant eyeball just soul raped me, I move my hand forward, passing through the giant blue screen.

Closing one eye, the screen adjusts to my open one.

Oh, that's pretty cool

My head turns back to the giant rapist eye, incapable of discerning any features because of a giant floating blue screen in my way.

Taking a deep breath of the cool misty air, I forcibly calm myself down, hoping that the giant rapeball hadn't done anything wrong with my soul.

“Programming… oh crap, you’re a synthetic soul.” I yell out in surprise.

Isn't the creation of synthetic souls illegal?

Nodding, I remember a few older gods explaining to me of a massive war which had happened before their existence. Of synthetic god souls wanting to rip universes apart.

If rapeball is a synthetic soul… and has not been destroyed… oh crap.

“You are extremely old.”

The eyeball blinks.

Older than any god… shit. No wonder he so easily ripped apart my barrier… speaking of barrier.

“I don't suppose you can fix the barrier you so easily ripped apart. I kinda need it for protection.”

Before I can react to his words, he disappears and a screen pops up in front of me.

Holy crap, is that an exact score for my mental age? Damn, I have to remember that number in case anyone asks.

Attributes?…

This seems rather explanatory… why is my endurance so low?

 

Yup, I’m in an RPG… a freakin’ world built as an RPG… this will be fun… and very new.

 

 

Mere moments after I read the last interface message, my body starts to disintegrate, my vision quickly blurring.

*******************

Blood… the smell of blood is the first thing that strikes my senses as I regain control of my body. Then the feeling of cold air as it strikes my naked wet flesh. And finally, my eyes finally settle, allowing me to look at my surroundings.

This is the weirdest fucking summoning I have ever done

Even with my internal surprise, my body stays relaxed, my expression calm, slowly gazing at my surroundings, old training easily taking hold when faced with an unexpected situation.

I seem to be in some kind of underground cavern.

My eyes roam around.

Ok… a bunch of anorexic people, dead on the floor… drained of blood. Probably some kind of blood magic. Considering the number of bodies, I can guess that the blood was used as a ritual.

I crack my neck side to side, doing my best to look uninterested while my eyes continue to roam.

A very skinny woman is sitting on a marble pole to my left.

She would have a pretty nice figure if she just ate more.

In front of me is a very old man, covered in a cloak. The man pants hard, hands tightly holding the staff in his hand as he uses it to keep himself from falling. His face, though wrinkly, has an ecstatic smile filled with accomplishment.

I can’t tell if he’s exhausted or trying to hide a boner… and that smile is borderline pervy unlike the third person on my right.

Practically bald, the scarred man covered in a black cloak glares at me warily.

Good instincts… but you haven't attacked… so not that good.

I smile slowly, making sure to not make any hostile movements or gestures.

Slowly, I extend and retract my hands, forming and reforming fists as I get a feel for my body.

“Interesting.”

My strength is more than twice of what it was. Movement is extremely fluid. My body seems to be slightly heavier. My senses seem strengthened… I can work with this.

My eyes travel and look directly at the old man.

I am going to guess that you're my summoner and the massive undead skeletons behind you are your minions… looks like you're dying first.

The old man returns my smile with his own, albeit slightly less perverted this time.

“Hero… I Mordus… loyal servant of Loki… welcome you to our realm.” he exclaims, taking a breather in between.

Oh...that's going to be annoying.

My eyes look at the floating blue box that so unexpectedly blocked my vision.

Do I just like… will it to go away?

The screen fades out of existence in answer to my thoughts.

That was pretty easy… now then, who the fuck is Loki? Is that the god I made a deal with? Loki sounds like an Norse God from earth…

“Hmmm… I see. Good.” I reply back, testing the foreign language I had learned within seconds.

Gotta love magic.

I stretch out my body, moving in place as I prepare to end their lives.

Normally I don't resort to homicide over people getting killed. I can usually very easily ignore dead bodies. Massacres happen all the time. Heck, I've done some myself in many of my summons.

But I'm still human, and thus I can be swayed by my emotions.

My eyes flicker, taking a quick look on the ground, focusing on a dead four-year-old child covered in bruises and dried blood.

A memory of another life… of another world… of my own children, slaughtered mercilessly all for the sake of some petty revenge.

Sadness for a life lost.

Guilt for not being able to protect them.

...Anger towards those who take life for granted.

My mind whips back to the present, not even a moment passed. I don a respectful smile.

“It seems the summoning has been successful,” I say towards the old man. ”So in exchange, you will be rewarded”

I take a few careful testing steps towards the old man, ignoring the cautious glare of the other. As I get within a few feet of the elder, I throw out my open hand with a smile.

“Grab my hand, Loki has told me to gift my summoner a reward.”

The old man, wheezing uncontrollably, grips his staff hard as he raises it and uses it as a crutch, eyes determined to take my hand.

He takes short steps towards me, staff clanking hard on the marble floor.

“Father, something feels off,” the other man exclaims, his intuition telling him that I am a danger.

And he would be right.

The old man reaches my location and grabs my hand, the other still holding the staff.

With a firm grip, I tighten the hold of my hand using my full strength, feeling the bones in the old man's hand crack easily under my pressure.

Oh, thank God. I was worried your body was going to be extremely resilient. This should be easy then.

Within a heartbeat, I harden my biceps as I pull the old man into me. At the same time, my knee kicks off the ground with superhuman speed, ripping into the old man's face, creating a very audible crackling noise.

The feeling of bone breaking and softening allows me to recognize his skull fracturing.

One down, another to go.

Without breaking stride, my other hand flings out and rips the staff from the old man's other hand.

My hand blurs, moving the staff in position. Bottom portion pointing forward, I lean back my arm and extend. Before the old man's body touches the floor, my makeshift javelin flies through the air and rips through the other man's throat in midst of forming a spell.

My body quickly turns towards the two massive undead. I take a defensive stance, ready to react to any possible threat.

But my fear is unwarranted, the two massive undead stand unmoving, the light from their skulls completely gone when their creator had died.

Taking a calming breath, I allow my eyes to move from the statues towards the sole living being other than myself.

Long blond hair, tanned white skin, blue eyes… if she wasn't anorexic, she would have been considered gorgeous.

With a practiced smile, I turn my body towards her, hand flicking my hair back as I allow my eyes to roam her nonexistent curves.

Yup, she needs to eat more.

“Why hello there.”

Her eyes widen, only for her eyelids to close as she falls on the ground.

“She just passed out,” I say aloud after noticing her chest rising and falling.

… I'm just gonna let her sleep.

My eyes move towards the entrance to the hall with stairs leading up.

“There are probably people upstairs, I'll have to deal with them soon… but first… STATUS.”

Nothing happens.

I was hoping that would work...

“So… do I just thi-.”

 

 

 

This is rather informative. Skills normally require vocal and movement activation… which means that I pretty much have nonexistent cast time… and this world has achievements… let's continue.

… that's it?

*Sigh* ”Not this again…”

The dust particles around me stop moving, air stops blowing, and any form of sound becomes non-existent.

Turning around, looking at the center I find the giant floating eyeball in all its glory.

“Rapeball, buddy, how have you been. Enjoy your nap?”

The eyeball blinks and focuses on me.

I move my hand up to my head and flick my hair back, ”When you’re as amazing as I am, it’s no wonder that not even the world can handle your awesomeness,” I say with a smile.

The Eyeball just blinks and continues to stare at me.

I just got dissed and ignored by a floating eyeball… and I am supposed to choose a class from a world that I am greatly ignorant about...um...

“Overlord!”

...shit…

“Dragonknight?”

 

Stupid floating eyeball!

I look around my surroundings, hoping for an idea, until my eyes stop against the two massive undead. A smile crosses my lips.

“Necromancer,” I say cooly.

 

 

 

The floating eyeball disappears and the world continues to move again.

So he stopped time… very, very few Gods can do such a thing.

“Welp… whatever. I have a new class now,” I say out loud, smiling at my new [Spells].

 

 

“Holy shit,” I yell out. The awareness I gain of the dead is almost overwhelming. I can sense dead bodies up to a couple miles away. A very disorienting feeling.

Taking a deep breath, I learn to relax and control the skills, restricting its range to just the sanctum around me.

I can sense the weak dead bodies of those sacrificed, the high-level bodies of the two mages I had killed, and the dwarfing presence of the two massive skeletons standing motionless. A sense of understanding gauges at me. A minute knowledge of corpses is added to my understanding, increasing exponentially from my own significant understanding.

 

Really? I get a skill just because I was a surgeon in another life?... So knowledge can be used to create skills. Nice.

I look towards the skeleton and smile confidently.

[Corpse Analyze]

With but a thought, a screen appears in my view.

 

Well then, looks like I got myself some bodyguards.

I hold up my hand, a smile on my face. My palm opens up. ”[Raise Undead],” I say out loud, even though I wouldn't need to have done or said anything.

Mana splurges forth from my body, a type of purple smog which quickly flies by and engulfs the undead, entering and converging around. The skeleton’s head glows a soft purple light.

 

A mental connection forms with the bruiser, allowing me to feel his location. The skeleton in return just stands there glowing a nice purple glow.

“Damn, I was not expecting such a huge mana cost… I guess I should have… Well, whatever, it worked out.” I shrug my shoulders and order my new undead to mentally move its arm. Perfectly reacting to my thoughts, the undead follows my direction.

Nodding, I turn and walk towards my fresh kills as I wait for my mana to regenerate.

“[Corpse Analyze], [Corpse Analyze].”

 

“That staff would have been pretty useful a moment ago… and those rings.”

As I walk towards Beurnin and wrap my hand around the staff, I stop, realizing what just happened.

I dont have the ability to identify items… but I can identify dead bodies, which informs me of the items and their usage. So if I can id-.

 

Rolling my eyes, I snort at being given a skill far better than [Corpse Analyze].

Bending down, I grab the items from the two dead bodies and equip them, thankful that this Beurnin guy is wearing clean clothing.

Frowning momentarily at the inability for the [Rings of House Kizor] to stack their effects, I turn my eyes towards the sleeping beauty on the floor.

Awwww, she sleeps like a kitten… a starving, practically naked kitten with a lot of bodily scars… I’ll deal with her later.

Turning away from the woman, I turn to the other Skeletal Bruiser and point my staff.

“[Raise Undead].” Mana flows out of my body and enters the staff. The staff head glows purple and the mana rushes out towards the undead. With far more efficiency and speed than before, a new undead joins my small family.

Cracking my neck, I mentally instruct my two undead to place all of their packs on the floor. Then I instruct them to climb the stairs.

Smiling, I follow them up, preparing for the inevitable massacre to come, staff and dagger firmly in hand.