CHAPTER 20 - A VERBAL CATFIGHT BAR FIGHT

I can’t hold it anymore.

Seeing the Agarthan Princess on a cat-maid costume is pure cuteness, and the blushing effects on her face add to the mix. Did I forget to tell you that I have a thing for hot girls in eyeglasses? It makes her a lot more adorable! And oh, her embarrassed expression makes me want to tease her.

“Pfft!” I scoffed.

All of a sudden, Lizzy materialized her sword and pointed it at my throat.

“You really love risking your neck, aren’t you!?”

“W-Wait! Don’t just use magic in the public!” I cried.

“I don’t care! What’s so funny, you stupid donkey!?” Lizzy glared. “Are you mocking me? You find it funny that a royal princess like me would stoop so low!?”

“Did you just read my mind?”

“Grrrrr!” The sword went an inch closer to my adam’s apple.

“N-No!” I raised my hands up. "I'm just kidding! I'm just kidding!"

“Wah!” It was a shriek from the counter of the cafe. All of a sudden, a white-haired cat-maid with fluffy paw gloves entered the scene and hugged Lizzy from behind just to remove the sword from my throat. “T-There you are, Maid Lizzy!”

“M-Manager!” Lizzy cried.

The cat-maid manager immediately whispered to Lizzy but their conversation is loud enough for me and Yufa to hear.

“Maid Lizzy, I told you not to threaten the customers! Please refrain from pointing your sword to anyone!” The manager said.

“But he’s mocking me!” Lizzy said. 

“Customers are gods in a maid cafe, remember that! We should treat them with love and care, or else they won’t leave any tips!”

Lizzy made a deep sigh. "Fine."

As soon as their briefing is done, the manager-maid and the princess of Agartha turned towards us. The manager bowed with all her heart as she spoke to us.

“I-I’m sorry for my cat-maid’s manners, my dear customers nya! I’m the cat-maid Manager Neko and this is our new recruit Maid Lizzy! She's our cutest maid in this cafe! However, she’s still not used to this costume, so I apologize for her manners, nya~”

Manager Neko elbowed Lizzy, which triggered her cute cat-maid introduction switch.

“I-I’m Maid Lizzy, meow. I’m glad to be of service to you, m-master.”

Lizzy’s cute reddish face combined with an adorable gesture of hugging her tray and talking like a shy person is a killer move for me. I felt like a heart-shaped arrow just struck my heart. 

“I-Is that all your order, m-master?” Maid Lizzy asked.

“Oh, there’s one more thing,” I said. “I want you for dine-in.”

After I said those words, everybody freaked out. Yufa and Manager Neko had their jaws hung with “Eeeeeeeh!?” cries coming from their throats. Meanwhile, Maid Lizzy had her brain explode. She’s all radioactively red now.

“You… You... You’re mocking me!” Maid Lizzy roared. She raised her tray up above, ready to smash it to my head.

“W-Wait, Maid Lizzy!” Manager Neko cried. “Remember, customers, are gods!”

“God is dead!”

When I realized my poor choice of words earlier, I immediately retracted.

“Wait! It’s not what you think! Yufa wanted to talk-”

Pang! It was too late to say my defense. The metal tray has already molded my face in it.

 

<>

It took a while for me to clean the misunderstanding. Manager Neko gave Lizzy a short break so that she can talk with us a little.

Now in her sassy princess mode, Lissy sipped a cup of her creamy coffee as she sat between me and Yufa.

“So, what is this thing you two wanted me to talk about? Make it quick. I only have ten minutes.” Lizzy asked as if she does not have any care in the world.

I immediately handed her the card of the Cathedral Exa. She stared at it as if she already know something about it. She even slightly ignored as if sipping her coffee is a more important matter.

“Princess Alessia- I mean, Miss Lizzy- Ah! Maid Lizzy-” Yufa sweated hard with a forced smile. “Um, how should I address you?”

“Just Lizzy is okay. Call me Maid Lizzy only if I’m here working for my shift.” Lizzy said as she laid her half-empty cup of coffee on the table. “So what’s with this demon-extermination calling card?”

Lizzy seems to know about the business already, so that saves a lot of time of explanation. Yufa went straight to the point.

“Um, Miss Lizzy… I want to recruit you and Mister John Casterdyne to join the Cathedral Exa. It would significantly make the Undead Demon huntings easier if you two joined. Of course, we will compensate you for every time you helped.”

“Wait, there’s compensation?” I asked. I immediately grabbed the calling card and inserted it into my wallet. “I’m in!”

“Hey, don’t decide this on your own!” Lizzy nagged at me.

“Shut up! I need money to pay for our broken fire alarm, those kitchen tiles you shattered, and the chopping board you slashed with your sword! And I haven’t paid for the month’s electricity and water bills yet!”

“I have a job now, so I can pay for those.” Lizzy crossed her arms. “Just why do you think I’m working here? Hmph!”

“Even so! I need that extra money to buy the newest gaming console and preorder the newest gaming titles!”

“If you’re going to earn money just to spend it on worthless things that will affect your studies, then you should not earn money at all. I changed my mind. I will only pay my share of the rent. You go buy that new fire alarm and chopping board on yourself.” Lizzy said.

“You monster!” I cried. I'm fed up with her shit, so I'm gonna talk back now!

“Ahahaha…” Yufa laughed in the background. “You two argue like a married couple.”

“Of course not. This argument is just normal if you live together with a stupid donkey-like him.” Lizzy answered.

“Shut your stupid ass up, you motherfucker hobo princess! You forced yourself into my house!”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you stupid wanker! You let me in your house when we first met, you perverted donkey! You even did a lot of terrible things that made me hospitalized!”

“I got nothing to do with your hospitalization at all, you nudist lake-bathing porno! You ran to that truck yourself!”

“Fuck you!”

“No, you!”

Meanwhile, in the background, Yufa can be seen sweating as she gave a forced smile. It took two minutes before both Lizzy and I ran out of words to roast each other. After that, we both decided to drink our own respective coffee to moist our throats.

Yufa nervously raised her hand and asked a question.

“S-So, what’s your decision on joining the Cathedral Exa?”

“We join!” I said happily.

“Hey, it’s not for you to decide, you stupid donkey. I am the princess. I gave you the Archonlight System. You pledged your allegiance to me. Every move you make that involves the power I gave you is up for me to decide.”

“Fine,” I said wryly as I drank my coffee again. My throat hurts already, so I need to back off from our argument for now. “So what’s your decision now, ‘princess’?”

“We’ll join,” Lizzy said.

“I said that the first time! So all of that nagging and protesting for nothing?” I whispered under my breath.

Lizzy heard my whisper but paid no attention. She raised her index finger and pointed it to the clueless Yufa Haruna.

“On one condition!” Lizzy said.

“W-What is it?” Yufa scaredly asked.

“You will grant us access to the Time-Space Warping Device.”

"W-Why?"

"Because I'm going back to Agartha."