CHAPTER 26 - A DIVORCE FROM A FAKE ROMANCE HURT AS MUCH

When Lizzy first said that we’re going to visit her mother, I expected that we would dress up as secret agents, silently breaching through the Agarthan Castle like those spy movies. We’d be visiting the queen, after all, so my imagination shouldn’t be far off.

But this? I don’t know what to say. We’re breaking into a mental hospital. Yufa looked a little worried. But Lizzy is damn serious.

“Let’s go,” Lizzy said as she took a step towards the entrance.

This hospital isn’t far off from what we have on the surface, except that most of it is high-tech. The doors are sensor-enabled, there are metal detectors, there are spherical security drones hovering the surroundings. Just like most hospitals, everybody wears white.

All of a sudden, Lizzy hugged my left arm as if she’s about to collapse. She held her bandaged forehead and whispered to my ear. “Let’s pretend that I’m an incoming patient so that we can get through.”

I got no time to react. Her breasts are squeezing my biceps which made me stunned. We are already at the front desk when I came back to my senses.

“How may I help you?” The front desk nurse asked.

“H-Hi, I’m John Casterdyne. Uh, my wife needs medical attention. Apparently, she got her head hit by a truck and now she’s acting like a retard.”

I felt a strong pinch on my wrist which makes me want to holler out loud. 

“Ouch!”

“Stop making weird excuses!” She whispered.

“S-See!” I pointed at my ‘wife’. “She’s acting like a retard again!”

Lizzy snapped as she stomped heavily on my foot. 

“Aaaargh!” I cried. I think my pinky is dead.

“O-Oh.” The front desk nurse looked a little skeptical for a moment. Good thing Lizzy is quick to improvise.

“T-That’s right! I-I got hit by a truck, and now I can’t think well!” Lizzy started to hug me tight. “I-I’m sorry, darling! I didn’t mean to hurt you with my mood swings~” 

“Okay.” The nurse seemed to buy it. “Can I get the patient’s name?”

“Lizzy. Lizzy Casterdyne.” Lizzy said as she pulled out a paper that contains her previous medical record back when she got hospitalized in my city. That Lizzy Casterdyne fake name in the medical record actually helped us a lot this time.

The front desk nurse wrote the fake name on her record and then pointed in the east direction. “Mister and Miss Casterdyne, we need to check her injuries first. Please go to the east wing for the Diagnostics Ward.”

“Thanks!” 

Lizzy and I nodded, and we immediately left the front desk. Yufa also followed our trail. For a moment, the front desk staff stared at Yufa but she let her get through. I think her disguise worked.

Lizzy grabbed my wrist and pulled me until we entered the fire exit door. Yufa took the courtesy to slam the door shut and lock it from our side.

“The elevators will have tight face scan security, so we have to take the emergency exit stairs,” Lizzy said.

I looked upwards and saw never-ending spiral stairs. It’s the same feeling when you fall off from a nightmare until you get to the infinite depths of the void. The only difference is that these stairs go up.

“My mother should still be on the fiftieth floor. Come on, let’s go.”

“Fif-Fiftieth floor!? We’re going to climb all the way up there!?” I cried.

“It’s only for fifty floors.” Lizzy crossed her arms. “Be grateful that I’m not asking to climb up to the hundredth or two hundredth floor. Stop protesting like a kid, you stupid donkey.” 

“Ahahaha.” Yufa laughed in the background. 

“Stop yanking. Let’s go.” Lizzy said and Yufa nodded. Then they started the marathon to the heavens.

“Hey, don’t leave me behind!” I yelled as I followed their trail.

However, they already left me. Those two girls acted like it’s a race and they are running all the way to the top. To make things get more tension, there’s a counter on the wall that states what floor we are in.

I wanted to keep the pace, so I ran too. But when I got myself on the tenth floor, my body started to move sluggishly. My legs started to ache, and I have to heave just to breathe. 

“I guess… those taco Tuesdays… and late-night pizzas… does not help… Hah…” I wept.

“Hey, Mister John! Are you still there?” Yufa’s voice from the higher floors echoed all the way down. “What floor are you in?”

“Tenth. You?”

“Twentieth!”

Damn these superhuman high school girls and magical princess! They already left me behind!

“How about you guys take a break while I catch up to you? This ain’t a race!” I cried.

“Okaaay~” Yufa answered. “I’ll meet you at the twenty-fifth!”

I continued to walk again. These stairs ain’t gonna climb itself. But deep inside, I want to sue the guy who invented the stairs. I would like to push him rolling in the stairs just to tell him how bad his invention is.

When I reached the fifteenth floor, I saw Lizzy waiting at me. She is hugging her encyclopedia while leaning on the railings. She has this cold glare at me as if she’s waiting for her late date.

“Lizzy...hah...You waited for me?”

“No, I’m not, stupid donkey. I went back to you. I’m five floors ahead of Yufa, but I decided to check you out if you’re still breathing. Good thing you’re still alive.”

“Hah… Thanks.” I smiled. “That’s so thoughtful of you.

“Come on.”

Lizzy started to walk at my pace which made me feel a lot better. At least I have someone here to accompany me. I can crack a joke to remove my exhaustion.

“So… you’re getting used to your new last name, Mrs. Casterdyne,” I smirked. “You even got that fake medical record with you. I guess being the husband of the princess is not bad after all.”

“I want a divorce,” Lizzy said coldly.

“Awww, you don’t have to be so harsh like that~” I teased. “You really are a tsundere.”

“Huuuh?” 

Lizzy made a long sigh. And then she exploded! She poked my cheek in an aggressive manner that I think she’s going to push my head off! 

“Let me get this straight! I have zero romantic interest for you, get it? I’m just doing this so that I can visit my mother! Does your stupid donkey brain interpret this wrong!? Well, your imagination is completely wrong! So don’t talk to me about those shitty things like being in love with you or anything! Don’t you have any respect for me at all!?”

I don’t have any say about that. I just let my jaws hung themselves as Lizzy’s sharp words sink into my eardrums all the way to my heart.

Lizzy made a deep sigh. “Talking to you might make me confined in this mental hospital. So please shut up and let’s just walk.”

“Y-Yes ma’am,” I said in a dour tone. “I’m sorry.”

And so all our stair climbings all the way to the fiftieth floor were engulfed with deadly awkward silence. I think I just severely wounded my relationship with Lizzy just by making jokes and flirting remarks.

I think I’ll stop making fun of her. Lesson learned.

Yufa went one floor ahead of us the whole time, so she was the first one to reach the fiftieth floor. 

When we met up with her, she was just in front of the emergency exit door.

The Yufa Haruna that always looks so jolly is now in a troubled smile.

“Guys… The door is locked.”