The Long Dusty Road is about as interesting as it sounds. Once again, I count myself lucky for being undead and not able to tire easily. Mile after mile, I walk alone through an empty landscape. On the map, there's a small dot with the word "Hippodrome" next to it. It looks right next to the swamp, but all I've passed is empty dessert. I'm almost certain I must be going in the wrong direction, when I see a halo of light coming up over some dunes.

An hour later, the buildings come into view. Although, they're not really buildings but tents. A dozens of them at most, all lit up with strings of electric bulbs. It's hard not to be dazzled by the sight after so many hours of nothing but sky and sand. My mind races as to what this might mean. I didn't even know electric lights existed in the Underworld. Is this some modern tent city? An outpost of civilization in this weird world I now inhabit?

As I get closer, the seediness of the settlement becomes apparent. The tents show sign of wear and their festive stripes are stained with splatters of unknown muck. Barrels blazing with fire dot the grounds. Signs with fading paint point out things with dramatic arrows but look ready to crumble into splinters. Among the tents are a few wooden booths just as ramshackle as the signs. A sparse crowd mills about.

As bizarre as it seems, it's a circus.

I was planning on stopping and resting a bit. Ask around for more information, learn what I'm in for up ahead, maybe even learn a few more spells. But I don't see much use trying to knock down milk bottles or watching acrobats. I've wasted enough time in the swamp, and there's no point in stopping at a threadbare carnival. Besides, clowns give me the heebie-jeebies.

However, the road passes right next to it and I cannot avoid the tinny calliope music and the stench of stale popcorn. A high wrought-iron fence rings in the compound with only a single gate in or out, as far as I can see. 

At the gate, a demon stands on a podium screaming out things like, "Come one, come all to the greatest show not on Earth! See marvels that defy the imagination! See performances that will leave you gasping in wonder!" He's an indigo blue color with corkscrew shaped horns which spiral up through holes in his top hat. 

"You there, Miss!" he calls to me when I'm in front of him. "This is you're lucky day! Welcome to The Endor Sisters Circus of Wonders! Prepare to be amazed!"

I keep walking and mutter. "Sorry. Not interested."

"Not interested! Not interested! To not be interested in the amazing sights and astounding feats that await you, why, you'd have to be dead!"

"I am."

In a lower and more snide voice, he says, "Of course you are. It's a figure of speech." As I begin to move beyond the gates, he calls out, "Hey! Hey! Slow up there, young Miss!  We have something for everyone! Every! One!" When this doesn't work, he yells, "Look, I don't normally do this, but because I like you, here are ten free ticket! Use them for the attractions! The games! Maybe win a prize! You might get a nice dolly!"

I turn back. "Why would I want that?"

"Well, I thought with your hair you...never mind." At t he mention, I can't help but put my hands to my pink pigtails as if to hide them. 
He continues, "There's all kind of prizes for the discerning patron! Toys! Hats! Even Objects of arcane power!"

This catches my interest. "What sort of objects? What sort of powers?"

"Aahh!" he says knowingly. "I could tell you were a woman of distinction! Interested in the arcane arts, are you? Well, there are lots for you at The Endor Sisters Circus of Wonders! See Esmeralda the Seer and be mystified by her uncanny power of prognostication! See Marty the Magnificent the most masterful magician in all of the Lands of the Dead! Try your hand at water darts and win a Wand of the Wyvern! Visit—"

"Are you really a demon or some kind of robot? This all sounds prerecorded."

The demon is taken a back and puts his hand to his chest in a sign of offence. "Looky here, kiddo, you think this gig is easy? There's nothing around for leagues, and still I have to cajole and weedle little snots like you to come inside and have a look. I could have been in charge of the pool bar at the Oasis, but no, Jubilly (my own brother!) back stabbed me and stole the job, and left me running the gate in this armpit of a circus."

"Um...I think I'll just be on my way."

"Wait! Wait! Wait! I'll make it twenty tickets. It's been a slow century. And the last new customer we had caused so much trouble we had to kick her out. Come on. What do you have to lose?"

With a big sigh, I say, "Fine. And grab the string of tickets from his hands."

He opens the gate and the hinges squeal with rust. After I step in side, the demon slams it shut and says, "No refunds." Then, he starts cackling.

 

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Inside, it's all a little depressing. The tents and game booths are even more tattered and worn than I first thought. The stench of rotting popcorn and rancid cotton candy is everywhere. And the high-pitched carnival music is just a beat too slow to be festive and immediately starts to give me a headache.

I make my way over to the water darts booth. The thought of acquiring magic items is very appealing to me. Perhaps it comes from all the video games I played when I was alive. Now that I come to think of it, I spent a lot of my life alone playing console games. It's a bit of a blank memory filled with snippets of games but nothing standing out as distinctive.

I figure water darts is going to involve breaking water balloons with darts, but it turns out to be far stranger and more challenging. You have to throw a dart made out of water at a target. If it hits, the dart splashes into a cup, and to win, you have to fill the cup. I give the demon running in charge a ticket, and he places five darts in front of me. Getting a grip on water, then actually aiming it is nearly impossible and none of my first five goes anywhere near the target. By my fourth attempt, I finally manage a hit. But I've spent nine tickets before I manage to get enough in to fill the cup.

The demon yawns and asks what prize I want. He points me to a bunch of dolls and plush toys that look like they were made sometime before World War II and were recently dug out of a garbage dump.

This demon looks younger than the others I've come across. Either that or he got shortchanged in the looks department. He appears to be a pimply teenager with the barest nubs of horns and candy-apple red hair. I tell him I want the Wyvern Wand.

"Do you now? And how would you know about those?" he asks suspiciously.

"The dude at the gate told me about them."

"Son-of-a bitch," he sighs. "I told him to push the dolls. No one ever wants the dolls. Too fucking creepy, I say. You sure you don't want a doll? You look like you play with dolls." I repeat that I want the wand, and he sighs again and reaches under the counter to get me one. He hands me a stick with a pastel-blue paper-maché dragon on the end. The only thing remotely magical looking about it is its blue glitter that fall off, making a mess over everything.

"I thought this was supposed to have some sort of arcane power."

"It does. That there is a genuine Wand of the Wyvern both rare and powerful. Whoa! Whoa! Watch where you point that thing. We don't want any mishaps, do we?"

Feeling very ripped off, I toss the piece of junk in my Victoria Secret bag and decide to get back on the Dusty Road. But at the gate, the demon in the top hat stops me. Now he's standing on the inside, blocking the way out.

"What? Leaving so soon!"

"Got to be going. Places to be."

"Right. Right. I understand completely. That will be fifty tickets."

"What?!?"

"The price to leave is fifty tickets."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me that when I came in?"

"You didn't ask. Hey! Hey! Don't look at me like that! I don't make the rules! If you're mad, take it up with one of the Endor sisters!" Then under his breath, he says, "Not that they'll do anything other than laugh at you."

"How am I supposed to get fifty tickets?"

"Win a game and ask for some instead of a prize! Or get paid with them for doing some work! Or just stick around and enjoy the fun, like most of the sad bastards you see!"

I'm very tempted to cast some Phosfire at the prick, but since I'm locked in, setting fire to the place might be a bad idea. So, I settle on telling him to go fuck himself.

Back at the water darts booth, I ask pimple-face, "Can I trade this stupid dragon for some tickets?"

"Sure thing. I'll give you two for it."

"But it's rare and powerful."

"It's also used. And to be honest, I have a crate full of them. Two tickets. Take it or leave it."

Somehow trading it for so little would only make me feel more ripped off and wouldn't even get me close to the number of tickets I need, so I tell him to forget it and ask if he knows were I can find some work around here.

"I'm sure if you find a spot on one of the main paths you'll have no problem finding clients. But heads-up, the going rate for a blowjob is ten tickets. Regular sex is twenty. And it's twenty-five for anal. It's best you don't try and undercut the other girls."

"I'm not a prostitute," I say through clenched teeth.

"Oh. Really? Oh. It's just you're outfit...and those tattoos...are you sure?"

"Yes! I happened to have had some wardrobe issues. That's all. Any non-sex work around here?"

"Can you juggle? They're looking for a new juggler. We never seem to keep them very long. You have to be able to juggle three axes and two cleavers at once. Can you do that? No? Well, you might be out of luck then."

I walk away, not really sure where I'm going. I try and avoid the other customers. They all look tired and hopeless. There clothes are coming apart at the seems. Rings darken their eyes. Nobody smiles.

There must be some other way out of this stupid circus. But how?

Off by the edge of the compound, the fortune-tellers tent would be lost to darkness except for the glow coming from a nearby fire in a garbage bin. It's smaller than all the others, about fifteen-feet square and barely six high. Over the doorway, it simply says: "Madam Esmeralda." But all over the canvas are other signs touting her abilities, such as: "Learn your Future!" "What awaits you? Romance? Fortune? Adventure?" "Past, present, future all is known to Esmeralda the Seer!"

I never had much faith in this kind of thing, but one the numerous signs says: "Find answers to you're biggest problems!" And I figure, it can't hurt. This kind of thing might actually work in the Underworld. Or maybe, it won't, but as an employee, she'll know of another exit.

 

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The tent is dark. A lone candle sits on a table draped in black velvet. It's laid out with a crystal ball and tarot cards. A stunning woman sits behind it. She has smooth olive skin and dazzling green eyes. Her hair is wrapped in a red silk scarf.

"Please, have a seat," she says, directing me to a chair opposite her. "How may Madam Esmeralda help you? No! Don't answer. I know already. You are looking for you're lost doll. Do not worry, Madam Esmeralda sees all and will help reunite you with it. For three tickets."

"I'm not looking for a doll! Why does every think that?"

"I can provide you with the answer to this quandary and more. For three tickets." She holds out her hand.

I pay her from my dwindling supply. "What I want to know is—"

She cuts me off and puts a finger to my lips. "Shhh. Let Madame Esmeralda divine your future." She pulls the crystal ball close to her. "To find out where one is headed, one first must see where one has been." She caresses the orb. "Let us go back into your past and see what deeds you have accomplished."

The strange woman stairs blankly into the glass for a while. I try having a look, but I can only see the upside down reflection of myself. After a couple of minutes her eyes go wide. "Oh, my!"

"What is it?" I ask.

"You have been rather...er...active haven't you? Oh, my!"

"I can explain."

Sweat forms on her brow and she starts fanning herself with her hand. "I've never seen anything like this before. I mean, is there anything you won't do? Anyone you won't do?" Her mouth sounds dry and her eyes are glued to the visions she's seeing.

"Look, forget about that. I have a question that I need answered. You do that, don't you?" 

"Right. Right." She pulls herself away from the crystal ball but her eyes keep darting back to it. "No need to worry. I know exactly what is in you're future."

"You do?"

"Yes." She strains to pull herself together and look professional again. She squares her shoulders and pats her cheeks. Then, wipes the drool from her mouth. "Of course I do. It's really quite clear. You and I will have sex so vigorous and for so long, it will make all your previous escapades look pitiful by comparison. Madam Esmeralda has spoken!"