8/21    9:33 a.m.

Today I am going down on a trip to Kuala Lumpur to collect my camera body which I had recently bought used online. I understand that this in some form messes up my schedule on visiting my local city for the entire duration of the break but in the end, It's hard to say I care much for it anymore.

10:29 a.m.

We dropped off our pet dog for the duration of the 1-day stay. 

10:41 a.m.

Crossing the Penang bridge.

(Along this point of time, the entries become very haphazard which has made collation and recollection of events unclear.)

12:(?)p.m.

It all begins with It really feels like with every passing  I've begun to calm down slowly, having the biggest struggles being the exams passed. All is good for now, and I don't wish to artificially induce suffering as I've done so many years ago. I want something, knowledge that can last beyond just a few years of salvation. Perhaps, I seek redundancy in the knowledge I keep to heart, in a simple way to put it.

Or perhaps, this method of knowledge retention is bound to fail after all?

When I eventually reach a point where my previous knowledge is utilized, I would be in a similar position as the last time where such knowledge was obtained and remembered. Should I re-utilize such knowledge in a similar predicament, wouldn't that be just subjecting myself to a similar cycle of climb and fall?

Or perhaps, I've gained all of my past knowledge, written down all of these teachings, so that I can avoid them at a later date?

2:58 p.m.

Its been a while since I've been to Kuala Lumpur. Perhaps I do not remember the skyline as brightly as I did, but Kuala Lumpur is the flagship of Malaysia. Its the only place I've been to and see construction wherever I look. If there weren't new bridges or skypases being built, it would be seeing the transport trucks carrying foundation blocks or the countless front end loaders driving on the roads. Nothing seemed to be stagnant here - everything seemed to be moving at a faster pace compared to Penang, still riddled with UNESCO certified relics of the past. 

I've gotten my new camera, and it would be an understatement to say that I'm not excited, or instead overly elated to continue writing what is supposedly a future recollection of my strugglings.

10:21 p.m.

I've decided that for now I rest, just to take my mind off everything and enjoy this expensive, one night trip to Kuala Lumpur. Once I return home, id spend the last day of school break in an escape. Well, that's the plan. Its been harder and harder for me to find things to write about - truly, in a sense I am exhausted of things that might intrigue the interest of the reader that eventually reads this, yet I do not wish to overly dramatize - prostitute my work. I admire the way n-buna has treated his own work. Every single piece is meticulously crafted, on the closest verge of perfection, yet none of his work he chooses to let his audience influence or take part in making an influence. In a sense, I find that the artists that portray the truest and most transparent subjects in their most potent form care not for the end result that is the product that is finalized to the public, and what that work means to its audience. Instead, they forget about that altogether so that they can expand all of their focus solely on the act of creation. Everything else matters not. 

For me? perhaps not. I've tried out such a living similar to the likes of Henry Darger. It's not even a dozen days that I've quickly realized I cannot provide the complete dedication required. That's why I've instead accepted that my work will be unorganized, without a set time frame and always running late. I am being true to myself that I am incapable and ineffective, thus I would be reminded constantly to part myself from this that mars. 

Just rambling on, and on, and on...

8/22 

7:36 p.m.
I've decided that tomorrow's escape would be the final entry. The last entry before the conclusion to it all. As for the story up until now, I've learned nothing. Little, perhaps somethings to document, but in truth, nothing has moved me in any particular direction away from the direction I was already heading in.

If there is anything to be hoped for, tomorrow is probably my last chance. My last attempt.