3:56 p.m.

I have no idea how to operate my new camera. All the controls and the usage of a viewfinder feels so foreign to me. As for here, I honestly don't know where I am. Well, I do, this is KOMTAR, but I've never explored it on foot for such a while now. I don't know where to go next. 

The feeling of exploring places you've never been to before, it's not the feeling of being confused from disorientation too. Because I've always seen these places behind panes of glass before. This is my home island, and even if I've never seen these things, ill still has a close connection to them. This fragile symbiosis of curiosity and familiarity, it makes me excited inside. And I know ill make it worthwhile. I'll remember this wanderlust in photo's because such an experience will only come once. Before I get too familiar with my own home island, let me be a child indulging in youth. Yes, this is what it means to be a youth. The first-time experiences that only come once. Not the vices of the internet that I've never found joy in, in fact, the very thing that brings dissatisfaction to my living. I want to forget, I want to walk unknowingly into beauty, into puddles, into corners ill want to remember the first time I've seen them. 

4:23 p.m.

It wouldn't be an uneventful day. That can't be possible. Something has to happen, for the better or the worst. If only I could have known that it is currently the rain season. I don't know where I am now, but isn't that the point? This structure definitely wasn't here the last time I passed. In truth, I don't know much to write about. It's all ingrained into my mind.

I'm now under new construction. It seems peaceful, bordering by boarded-up heritage buildings for inbound demolition or reconstruction. The rain is only slight. The tarmac dries from the hot midday sun before drinks heavily at the raindrops.

I saw food aid being given out to the homeless just know, but out of respect and decency, I hesitated to take the shot. I don't think this crosses too much for me. Nothing I do shall encroach on the deeds of others out of good faith, even if it means nobody shall know, because some things are better left undocumented. This is my own morality for photography - I do not want to journalise the world for others, only myself. And for that, I have my eyes, and I save into my memories. 

The rain is growing stronger. My back facing the river is beginning to feel wet. 

4:48 p.m.

Do the reflections off of the ground after rain not bring your eyes to it? Lockdown has only been lifted recently, and it is peaceful to walk on this place alone. Selfishly, I dislike crowded places as if I want all of the places I see in my vicinity to be my own and only mine. I dislike interaction with others. I do not wish to hold this resent, but I will see strangers as morally inferior. 

5:10p.m. 

I see an old man by a Chinese temple of sorts. He was feeding his dogs. As I passed by, the barked at me, promptly causing the old man to shout at them to stop and come back. He murmured to himself about other things as well, but I could not understand his dialect. 

5:30 p.m.

Peering into the closed wet market, it reminded me of the beginning of this year. I doubt it would ever be a time that will ever come back for the foreseeable half a dozen years. The livelihoods of so many that they can never return to, brought so many to desperation, I can only praise the fortunes that I am to leave it only slightly scathed. That doesn't mean ill be a bystander. At the very least, through this lens of mine, ill record this year in frames for the future to see. Well, whatever this does for those that come after me. 

I've dreaded for my own future beyond this lockdown. With the cases increasing by the day I doubt the end of the lockdown locally would last long. It's only a matter of time until I am once again unable to come out to shoot like this. And for me, I felt as if I've wasted the entire lockdown wasting away, not doing much. There is an innate feeling of hurriedness, to do all the things I was too lazy to do in lockdown. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated at my own incompetency for wasting away this supposed year of my youth. I...

5:36 p.m.

When I turned around the corner, I saw a man hunching over a chair by his stall. It was a small little corner by the road, with food stalls right in front and beside. Cars barely passed the narrow street. His stall was immediately eye-cathing - it did not sell food, souvenirs or drinks like all that was around it. Instead, he seemed to be a traditional key maker, either selling or fixing locks and keys. A small portable mill, and other tools I do not know the name of were on the table of his stall, dirtied and greyed from soot. A rack of keys stood out the front, while the table is piled high with all sorts of clutter. As he sat crouched, going through the storage compartment of his cart, it looks as if a skilled craftsman is opening up his repertoire for all to see, the tools of his craft which are seemingly going extinct with the rise of pre- manufacturers locks and keys made en-masse from factories. It made for an interesting composition, so I took the shot.

Every time I walk past another part of our fading history, my heart fills empty. I know, I cannot accept that our modernization of today has brought to the demise of these things, even if I don't seem to have a part in it. I still want to preserve these crafts, these cultures, because frankly, I have a huge disdain for the monoculture we all adopt today. I despise the direction the youth in my country is heading towards. Even if I am one myself. I don't care being called a traditionalist simply because I accept that I am one. This wasn't the society I was believed would be once I left my Buddhist kindergarten. I do not accept those who litter, those who seek money over or else, those who choose to give no time for those who need it. No. This internal hatred I have for them, I won't let it manifest into anger. It only motivates me more to do the opposite. This world has forgotten its love, so I must give it more. I can't keep using hatred as a motivator for the acts I do. Just that for now, I'm trying to see the good of the world, one that stems from the way people on this world treat it. I am too bitter of them to claim I am trying to help us move towards this goal.  

6:44p.m.

So this is it. I'm going home. I... don't think I've learnt much from today. Its missing something. But for once, in so long, I feel free. I seem to have forgotten about all of my worries. If that were true, I must have learnt something, even if unconsciously, from today that has allowed me to slightly, just slightly solve my internal conflicts with suffering and dissatisfaction. Well, I look into the cars. They are passing by at speed, but my eyes stare dead forwards. I feel hopeless, empty inside. Maybe that was the point. I wasn't meant to learn anything today. Just to keep my mind off of everything else so I can focus on a resolution to the conflict faster.

Yeah, that must be it.

7:11 p.m.

It's impossible to summarize my encounter. I'll have a link in the bottom to the videotaped version of the encounter. I wish that you do not republish, share, or try to harvest any information from the recording. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWWO1R3oe0Q&feature=youtu.be