Chapter 4.9
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“Descend to madness,” I whispered in the darkness. A pair of glowing green eyes flickered alight.

“You.”

“Whew, this trunk is deep,” I said, sliding to the bottom. “Hello, Suit. I came to visit you.”

“Suit? Visit?”

“I see you’re full of questions. Suit is your name. Visit is something that people do when they want to meet other people. Are you other people?”

Suit’s green eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Aren’t you afraid that I’ll take over your mind?”

“Nah,” I said. “You can’t do it down here, it’s against the rules.”

“What rules?”

“The ones I’ve just made up. Look, would you mind if I created some light?”

“Suit yourself.”

“Puns? I like you already.”

A warm and tidy campfire sprang to life between Suit and me, and I sat down on the trunk of a fallen tree beside the fire. Quite nostalgic. I beckoned the shade’s inky shape closer.

“I get it now,” Suit said. Her indistinct body drifted lower. “You’re here to humiliate me further, aren’t you? Asserting your dominance. Rubbing salt into my wounds. Indulging your ego.”

“Nothing so drastic,” I said. “I just want to chat.”

“You’re not human. No human could have done what you’ve done to me, Mad Painter.”

“Objection! My name isn’t Mad Painter—it’s Randel outside and Roland inside. Only strangers call me Mad Painter, and the two of us won’t be strangers for long.”

“You didn’t deny that you’re not human.”

“Because I don’t know the truth of it,” I said. “I’m not sure what I am, nor that your assumptions are correct. You claim that no human could defeat you, but maybe it’s just a matter of practice. You see, humans have typically no experience in mind battles. It’s easy for you to possess them because – unlike me – they don’t know how to manipulate their mindscape.”

Suit watched me with her glowing eyes, thoughtful and silent and perhaps a little bit unnerved. Her inky form absorbed the fire’s light.

“I sense other shades nearby,” she said. “Three of them.”

“Yeah, they’re might roommates. Friends, even.”

“Friends?”

I shrugged. “We have a lot in common. We’re all stuck in this miserable body, pretending to be sane, dancing to the whims of the Inspectors while thirsting for freedom and dreaming about how good it would feel to take vengeance.”

“That’s a long sentence.”

“Oh, it’s only the short version.”

“Mmm. What’s the long version?”

I sighed, leaning against the backrest. Yes, there was a backrest now behind me. What else would I have leaned against?

“It’s complicated,” I said. “I don’t actually know what I want. Story of my life, really. I hate the Inspectors too and I’m on board with taking revenge, but I’m not a particularly vengeful person. Sometimes I do want to watch the world burn—but other times I just want myself to burn. I mean, why not? Past-Randel has always failed at everything he ever attempted. I’ve gotten tired of trying, you see. Lee, Tamie, and Wolf … at least they have confidence in themselves. With them in control, Randel might just finally become someone.”

“Even if it’s someone you hate?”

“If it wasn’t obvious,” I said, smiling at her, “I’m already someone I hate. I don’t have much to lose.”

“I hope your depression isn’t contagious.”

“Thank you for your concern, Suit, it was just what I needed to hear. I don’t think it’s depression, by the way. It’s more like—being aware that you’re a terrible person. That you’re a disappointment. It gets uncomfortable whenever I think about it, so I distract myself with something else. It doesn’t affect my mood if I don’t think about it, and neither does the world look so dark that way.”

“Ah.”

“If you’re going to tell me that I just need to face my insecurities and force myself to change, I’m going to slap you. With my fist. In your nose.”

“I don’t have a face or a nose.”

“I’ll give you one just for this purpose.”

“Mmm. I believe you. Either way, I wasn’t going to give you any advice. You can dig a hole to lay down and die in, for all I care.”

“Cool. I knew you were good company.”

“Thanks.”

We sat in silence for a while, and I did my best to reign in my imagination and keep our surroundings minimalistic. Just a tiny campfire and the four dark walls of the trunk’s inside. Suit on one side, me on the other. I wore casual clothes and my left leg was flesh and bone this time. Suit was an indistinct inky shape still.

I liked my first impression of her. She hadn’t talked much yet, but she seemed like an outspoken person like Wolf. Being able to have a decent conversation with her – even if I did most of the talking – was refreshing. The other shades had been much more elusive. Granted, those circumstances had been a bit different; I hadn’t impressed them in the beginning, and so they had believed that conversing with me was pointless. The same couldn’t be said for Suit over there.

“You’ve ruined me thoroughly, Roland.”

“You seem fine to me, Suit.”

“You don’t realize what you’ve done,” the shade said, green eyes flaring. “Think about it, would you? My Factory was slowly but surely taking over Fortram through its industry. It was going well. Really well. Then the Mad Painter arrived, turned the city into a Dungeon, and threw my plans back a decade. He became a competitor overnight.”

“Well, in my defense—”

“But that wasn’t enough for him,” Suit said. “The Factory had no chance against the Dungeon’s infinite resources and rapid expansion. I needed to turn the tide. I needed to get in touch with someone who had more pull than Fortram’s spineless Governor. The High King’s ball was a perfect opportunity for this. I had plans and schemes and even backup plans in place. So what did the Mad Painter do? He stepped in and squashed me like a bug. He doomed the Factory and locked me in this cage with laughable ease. Decades of efforts turned into dust.”

“Uh, yeah, if you put it that way—”

“And then,” Suit hissed, “and then he visits me to chat. He treats me like a person and opens his heart to me. It turns out that he’s sharing his body with three other shades and he’s calling them his friends. Of all the things I’ve seen and heard over my existence, that has to be the most ridiculous, most amazing thing I have ever encountered. You’re astounding, Roland. And I hate you.”

“Yeah, well … thanks, I guess?”

“But even if I hate you, my previous host has always been good at putting her feelings aside—and so am I. So let us talk business, Roland. I do not believe that you’ve captured me on a whim. What do you want from me?”

I rubbed my chin, feeling a bit embarrassed. Suit’s confession was, well—she made someone like me sound so extraordinary. As if it wasn’t just pure chance that things turned out like this. I cleared my throat and did my best to focus.

“First off,” I said, raising a finger, “I’m truly sorry about your Factory. I know that it’s no excuse, but I didn’t have anything against you personally—okay, I actually kinda did. Are you responsible for those missing people in the lower ring?”

“Which ones?”

“The ones that—you know what? Never mind. I don’t even want to know. Your Factory was in the way, but it wasn’t too personal. Surely, you can understand that?”

“I can,” Suit said. “Though I don’t care whether it was personal or not. I don’t even have a person right now.”

“If that was supposed to be another pun, I don’t think it was very funny.”

Suit shrugged. “It suited the conversation.”

“You’re going to overuse that joke, aren’t you?”

“Only if it annoys you.”

“Alright, anyway, let’s look at your situation from a new perspective. You wanted to make Fortram revolve around the Factory, and now you can’t do that because of me. But what if you joined forces with me? You tried to possess the Mad Painter, so you must have thought about it. He could take over the Factory. You could have your Factory back.”

“Perhaps.”

“But if you join us, you’d basically have Fortram too. You’d have reached your goals already. So what I’d like to know is: what comes after? What were your plans after you took Fortram for yourself?”

“I was going to figure it out once I got there.”

“You shades seem like ambitious people to me,” I said. “Surely, you had something in mind.”

“Not really, no. Just because the shades you’ve met so far have been ambitious, it doesn’t mean that all of us are. There are shades drifting through the Astral Plane that cannot even fathom the concept of ambition; they haven’t encountered it since the beginning of time.”

“Whoa, that’s awesome.”

“Naturally, it’s easier to meet ambitious shades because they are the ones who seek opportunities. They are the shades you meet out there.”

“What kind of opportunity do you seek, then?”

Suit mulled over that question for a moment.

“Challenge,” she said. “I like to feel challenged, and I like the feeling I get when I overcome those challenges. Seeking achievements is what kept me sane so far.”

“Oh! That’s a really good answer.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah, ‘cause I have something challenging in mind. What do you think, are you comfortable with working in a team?”

“Is this a job interview?”

“I suppose it is. So, are you?”

“I’ve never shared a body with other shades. I didn’t even know it was possible. We are solitary beings.”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, the others are in the same shoe. They bicker all the time and their teamwork is awful.”

“That doesn’t sound like a healthy work environment.”

“Well, it’s what we have. Constant headaches, no holidays, and nonexistent pay. But! It’s challenging.”

“Hmm. You haven’t convinced me yet.”

Suit’s indistinct shape flowed left and right, almost as if she was pacing around in excitement. I had offered her something new, interesting, and truly unusual. I had a feeling that I was winning her over—there was just one big problem in the way.

“If I join you,” Suit said, “am I going to get trapped in that weapon of yours? Am I going to remain in there as your mortal shell crumbles into dust?”

“Honestly?” I asked. “I would love to tell you that the future is uncertain, that anything could happen … but if I put my excuses aside, yeah, it’s a very real risk. I’ll do my best to free you of that shackle, but you might still get trapped for the rest of eternity.”

“Then why would I ever agree to this? Why should I risk it for a few moments of fun?”

“Because … at least you’d have company?”

Suit’s glowing eyes gave me a withering look.

“Because, uh, you feel trapped in this world anyway?”

Her expression didn’t change.

“Because you have nothing better to do?”

“No.”

“Because—”

Suit surged forward, snuffing out the campfire as she darted over it, catching me around my neck. She flung me off my seat and pinned me against the trunk’s wall, squeezing my neck tight. I reached up but my hands went through her. Suit watched me closely, too closely—the void within her threatened to consume my light as she pushed her glowing green eyes against my eyeballs. I couldn’t look away.

“I’ll tell you why, you not-quite-human who is at my mercy. It’s because of you.”

I opened my mouth, but she was squeezing my neck too hard to speak. I had to remember that I didn’t actually need air or mouth in here.

“I don’t think I follow,” I said. “Because of me?”

“Yes. Not because of Lee, Tamie, or Wolf. Because of you.”

“That doesn’t make much sense,” I said. My eyes hurt from matching her bottomless gaze for so long. “You said that you hated me. You know that I’ll eventually die. Also, could you stop strangling me, please?”

Suit’s fingertips sank into my neck and I jerked in pain. No, not pain. Who knew what a shade’s fingers felt like? I imagined that they tickled—and suddenly I had to suppress a giggle.

“See,” she said, “you’ve just proven my point.”

“Huh? But I didn’t do anything, aside from giving you a blatantly short-sighted deal. It wouldn’t make sense for you to accept it!”

“Exactly,” Suit said in a pleased tone. “My reasons don’t need to be rational, and you don’t need to understand them. That’s what makes me real.”

She let go of my neck and backed off a bit. I rubbed my neck as I turned her words over in my head. Well, her words were technically already in my head, but—anyway. I couldn’t decide how to feel about this turn of events. Everything went suspiciously too well. Why was Suit so … agreeable? I had expected her to be much more reluctant. In fact, I was fully prepared to pay her multiple visits to slowly win her over.

“I get it now,” I said. “You’re crazy like the rest of us, aren’t you?”

“Perhaps. Or perhaps I just appreciate that you’re asking me to join, instead of forcing it on me.”

“Oh. So, gratitude? Is that your reason?”

“No.”

I threw my hands up in the air. “Alright, fine! Keep your reasons to yourself. But I’m warning you, I can be just as infuriatingly mysterious as you! If you wanna keep that title, you’ll have to work for it.”

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in your mind.”

“My? Suit, are you messing with me right now?”

“I would never.”

I scowled at her and her eyes shone with mirth. She had told me that she hated me, but at that moment, I found it difficult to believe. Her fluid body began to shift, change, and coalesce into something more familiar. Something more human. A woman whose beautiful features were molded by age. Valentine, but with glowing green eyes. She was wearing the suit I had last seen on her.

“That look suits you,” I said. Suit raised an eyebrow. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“It’s alright,” Suit said. “We all make mistakes.”

“Uh … sure. Now, where were we?”

“Talking about me joining you. When do I get to meet the others?”

“Not yet,” I said. “Let me explain the plan first. You like to achieve new things, right? I think this might just scratch that itch.”

“I’m listening.”

I grinned.

“Tell me, Suit. Have you ever spit a god in the face?”

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