Fluffy white clouds floated across the blue skies of spring. The sun shone down on the garden, brightening the colours of the flowers and leaves into verdant jewels.

A cluster of women sprawled out on thick carpets under the shade of the golden-roof pavilion, their voices bright as they indulged in conversation, tea and tiny delicate sweets. They had all learnt inedia, but on such a lovely spring day, these treats matched perfectly.

Li Hua was one of these women. One hand played absently with her long black hair, as her eyes wandered between the joyous open flowers and the light-hearted faces of her friends. Her eyes couldn’t help but linger on one Meng Yujie.

Meng Yujie’s hair was pulled up all into a top knot. In the relatively warm day—and as a cultivator who rarely felt the cold—Meng Yujie had opted for thin white outer robes that showed clearly her defined shoulders and arms that her inner purple robe did not cover.

In contrast, Li Hua was taller, but also slighter. Her body resisted taking any kind of curve, despite all her careful cultivation, though she did her best to hide that fact with her robes.

For a brief moment, Meng Yujie glanced at Li Hua. Yujie smiled and moved a small flower-shaped sweet onto Hua’s plate.

“A delicious flower for Xiao Hua,” Yujie said, her eyes sparkling.

“T-thank you, Meng Yujie,” Hua said, feeling warmth bursting over her chest, and tingling as she called her Meng Yujie instead of senior martial sister Meng.

Under Yujie’s gaze, Hua nibbled on the sweet, the flavour of cherry blossom delicate on her tongue. She couldn’t help but be reminded of That Event that occurred in this very garden. 

 

Ten years ago, Li Hua—though that was not her name then—had run into this garden, harassed by the boys in her sect’s first-year cultivation group.

“You’re such a girl! Are you even a boy?” the boys had said, laughing. “Do you like men? Should we find you a women’s robe to wear?”

Li Hua froze, because that was what she wanted in her heart. Even though everyone called her a boy, in her heart, she knew she wasn’t. She just wasn’t. Yes, she liked the martial cultivations that mortals tended to associate with men. But she wasn’t a man.

“Oh, you like men?” one of the boys said. “We should tell the sect master to move you in with the other cut-sleeves…”

“Who are you.” A cold voice cut through the air, sharp as the blade levelled at the leader of the boys. At the other end as a young female cultivator, her hair and clothes in slight disarray, for she had just finished a training session. “These gardens are restricted from...the likes of you,” she continued.

“We were just having fun,” the boy said. “Look at him,” he said, pointing at Li Hua. “He’s even more pitiful than a girl!”

The girl with the sword turned to the person that would be Li Hua. “What is your name?” she asked.

Li Hua had shaken her head. “I...I don’t like my name,” she mumbled.

The other boys heard. “He has the manliest name, strong and virile, yet he’s like this!”

Fists clenched. “I’m...I’m not a boy.”

Realisation dawned on the face of the girl with the sword. She turned to the boys and glared at them. “Leave, you bastards. Just wait til the second Head Disciple of my sect hears about this.”

Between the sword and the promise of retribution from higher authorities, the boys fled.

Tears started rolling down Li Hua’s cheeks. It wasn’t of anger or frustration. It was because this girl was the first person who had protected Li Hua in this way.

The girl gave a hmpf. “Inconsiderate assholes,” she muttered. She sheathed her sword and placed a hand under Li Hua’s chin. “Now, now, don’t be so sad,” she said. “How could I see your lovely smile through your tears? Here.” She offered the crying girl her own mandarin-scented handkerchief to dry her eyes.

“If you don’t like your name…” The girl knelt by the flower beds and plucked out pink peony with many petals. With care, she threaded it through Li Hua’s hair. “How about the name Hua? After all, you are as beautiful as the flowers.”

Hua meant flower blossom. Li Hua had nodded, unable to speak for the tightness in her chest and throat.

 

After that, the girl, whose name was Meng Yujie, organised for Li Hua to be transferred to her sect.

Under the guidance of Meng Yujie and her senior martial siblings, Li Hua had learnt sword and weaponry cultivation, advancing the stages to try to catch up to her senior martial sister Meng Yujie. In consultation with some healing-based cultivators, Li Hua had slowly changed her body using her cultivation, “healing” her body to make it comfortable to herself.

 

In the present day, Meng Yujie poured Li Hua and the other martial sisters another cup of tea. After the round of sipping tea, Meng Yujie continued on what she was talking about: “...yes, this moving-meditation should be a very good cultivation technique. Really, Head Disciple forcing us martial cultivators to practice stationary meditation for cultivation is too much. We are not scholarly!”

“Meng Yujie will break through to the next stage at this rate,” one of the other cultivators teased. “Don’t forget about us when you do, big sister!”

“Have you tried this moving-meditation yourself?” a younger cultivator, Wang Liu, enquired, her eyes serious. Some of the other cultivators teased Wang Liu for her studiousness, but nonetheless, Meng Yujie answered just as seriously.

Li Hua sipped her tea and simply let the conversations flow, engaging whenever someone asked for her input.

Footsteps drew everyone’s attention as another cultivator, Dou Quan, hurried down the garden paths. “Ah, everyone!” Dou Quan called out. She pouted as she noticed what they were doing. “You were having a tea party without me?”

“Eh, you were busy! What is the news?”

Dou Quan brightened again. “Those cultivators from the Golden Sun Sect are here! The really handsome ones!”

“Do you want a husband already, Xiao Qian?” someone teased.

“Or just some fun?” another said. But nonetheless, many of them stood up, excitement on their faces. For some of them, seeing handsome men was nothing to be ashamed of. For others, men from other sects were fresh blood.

“Yujie, coming?” Dou Quan asked as the other cultivators neatened their robes. Only three remained in the pavilion.

Meng Yujie made a face. “You know I feel nothing for men. Just accept any challenges for me. I will stay here and enjoy the spring and the flowers.”

Some of the women smirked, holding up their sleeves or fans over their mouths. “If you say so,” one of them commented.

The young studious cultivator, Wang Liu, said, “I will go and practice walking meditation.”

Lastly, Li Hua said, “I also would like peace and quiet.”

Dou Quan shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’ll share any gifts those handsome cultivators give us,” she promised. She and the other cultivators left, chatting amongst each other.

“If you’ll excuse me, senior martial sisters,” Wang Liu said politely, and after Li Hua’s and Meng Yujie’s farewells, Wang Liu also left.

Now, it was just Li Hua and Meng Yujie. Nervousness spiked in Li Hua as she remembered what was stored in her spatial storage ring.

“More tea?” Meng Yujie asked.

Li Hua shook her head, suddenly feeling shy.

“Hm,” Yujie didn’t seem to believe Li Hua and instead shifted closer. “You know, it's been ten years.”

Li Hua’s eyes widened, turning quickly to Meng Yujie. “You remember?”

Meng Yujie smiled. “Of course I remember!” she said, patting Li Hua’s shoulder. “How could I forget my first meeting with a flower?”

Li Hua nudged her back. “Stop teasing me!” she muttered, looking away.

Although it was true that her body had slowly changed, it still did not match exactly with women who had the fortune of being born as themselves. Li Hua never bathed with the other women, despite everyone’s assurances that it was fine; she could not even fathom showing herself to Meng Yujie, it was decades too soon.

“Xiao Hua,” Meng Yujie said. “Xiao Hua, why are you drawing away from me?”

“You're too nice to everyone!”

Meng Yujie laughed. “Xiao Hua thinks too highly of me! I’m very mean to people I don’t like. Now, what is bothering my Xiao Hua?”

Li Hua busied herself with rummaging through her spatial storage, even though she knew exactly where and what she was looking for. “I remembered that I never thanked Senior Martial Sister Meng for that day,” she said. She pulled out a cloth-wrapped object and presented it to Meng Yujie. “Please accept this small token of thanks, that cannot convey how grateful I am to you.”

“...” Meng Yujie accepted the package. Her lips curved up at the images of swords stitched onto the cloth.

Li Hua watched nervously as Meng Yujie unwrapped it. Meng Yujie lifted the object: it was a purple sword tassel, the colour being Meng Yujie’s favourite, instead of the usual red or gold or black tassels.

When Meng Yujie said nothing, Li Hua hurried to speak. “I worked with Third Disciple on this sword tassel for you. I collected the silk from the spiritual silk worms during one of my missions, and Third Disciple helped me dye and enchant it. You do not need luck, this tassel will help your blade cut through air and shake off dirt and blood that accumulates. Ah, but if you don’t like it, do not pressure yourself to use it, it’s fine…”

“Xiao Hua, this is beautiful.” Meng Yujie immediately summoned forth her sword, Light Through Dark. She removed her old black silk tassel and affixed the purple tassel. “It’s perfect.”

Li Hua ducked her head in embarrassment. Heat bloomed across her cheeks, as relief and joy mixed in her heart. “It is nothing…”

“Xiao Hua…”

Li Hua flinched back when Meng Yujie rested a hand on Li Hua’s knee. Meng Yujie withdrew her hand, her expression serious, her dark brown eyes seemingly searching into Li Hua’s soul.

“Why do you draw away from me when we get so close? If I can be honest?”

Li Hua nodded silently.

“If I can be honest, during the first years, I understand why you wanted to stay away. When a person is uncomfortable with their own body, how could they let anyone closer?”

Li Hua’s eyes widened. She wanted the earth to swallow her up, for how Meng Yujie had noticed that.

“But as the days and months and years past, I have seen how you have grown into a confident, strong woman. Have you not seen how the junior disciples watch you with hearts in their eyes? You are always there to listen to our troubles, but you rarely tell us your troubles. Li Hua, when I say I love flowers, I love them for flowers in their soul, not their outside meat-costumes.”

“You’re so vulgar!” Li Hua said in shock.

Meng Yujie grinned mischievously. “Li Hua, if I may be even more vulgar, I have had many thoughts about dual cultivating with you.”

Li Hua was even more shocked. “S-Senior Martial Sister Meng!”

“Didn’t I tell you to call me Meng Yujie? Yujie? Jiejie? And what were you thinking of? I think we should practice a two-person sword style, fighting back-to-back. Next year, there is the inter-sect competition that has a team event.”

“But surely...what about Senior Martial Sister Dou Quan?”

Meng Yujie made a face. “I don’t want to kiss her.” She shook her head. “No, this sort of hinting romancing is too hard. I’ve been doing it for so many years and yet you don’t see!”

“???!!”

Meng Yujie captured Li Hua’s hand and declared, “I really like Li Hua. Her eyes are like sparkling amber, her hair like exquisite silk, her sword cutting rivers of blood!”

Li Hua couldn’t help but snort at Meng Yujie’s ridiculousness. That river of blood event happened only once, for heaven’s sake! Also, laughing helped Li Hua not think about Meng Yujie’s apparent confession.

Meng Yujie’s voice softened. “We are cultivators, we live for a long, long time. I know I should be patient. But I wanted to tell Li Hua that I like every part of her, understood? From her outside to her inside to her soul. I will kiss every part of the flower if she consented, but I will resist when she does not.”

A lump grew in Li Hua’s throat. “How. How, Meng Yujie…”

“You are like a blade that has pierced my heart,” Meng Yujie said.

Li Hua shook her head. “No, you are the one who pierced my heart from the first day.”

“You don’t believe me?” Meng Yujie’s tone dropped.

“I…”

“Li Hua. If consequences did not exist, if your body was exactly how you wanted it, what would you like to do right now?”

The world seemed to fade around them, as Li Hua fell into the world in Meng Yujie’s sharp eyes.

Li Hua swallowed. Her voice turned whispery. “If consequences did not exist, if...everything...then I would like Senior Martial Sister Meng to kiss me.”

A brightness returned to Meng Yujie’s eyes. “Would Junior Martial Sister Li Hua accept a kiss as an early birthday present?”

Li Hua could barely nod.

Meng Yujie’s lips curved up. She leaned over, placing a hand on Li Hua’s arm. Her face moved closer, heat building up between them.

Thump thump thump was Li Hua’s heart. Li Hua closed her eyes, unable to watch Meng Yujie’s face.

Meng Yujie’s lips were like petals against Li Hua’s cheeks, against the tip of Li Hua’s nose.

But disappointingly, not on Li Hua’s lips. Li Hua opened her eyes, pouting a little as Meng Yujie shifted back.

“How was that?” Meng Yujie asked, sounding pleased and satisfied.

“You—you call that a kiss?” Li Hua said. Unbeknownst to Li Hua, Meng Yujie felt as though she’d kicked a puppy.

“Well, yes,” Meng Yujie said. She cleared her throat. “Unless you want something more?” Her eyes curved mischievously. “Then you should come and collect.”

Li Hua wanted to be mischievous too. She tugged Meng Yujie closer again, and this time kissed...Meng Yujie’s chin. Annoyed, Li Hua tried again and landed on Meng Yujie’s mouth.

Sensation alighted on Li Hua’s lips. And a heat flooded her cheeks as she realised her audacity.

Meng Yujie licked her lips. “Xiao Hua…Are you feeling better now?”

Li Hua nodded. She hadn’t felt any dysphoria when they kissed. Quite the opposite, actually.

“Then, should we practice some more kissing? Just kissing?”

Li Hua nodded.

Meng Yujie grinned, punching the air. “Yes!”

Just then, wind blew through the gardens, shaking pink cherry blossoms to snow around them. Petals landed on their clothes and in their tea cups.

Li Hua looked around them, and laughed. “Is this the world’s way of also saying yes?”

“I think it is,” Meng Yujie said immediately. She tilted her head at Li Hua. “I think these flowers suit you. I’ll find a junior disciple to conjure cherry blossoms as you walk.”

Li Hua nudged Meng Yujie playfully. “You’re so ridiculous!”

“But you’re a flower,” Meng Yujie said, pretending to sound slighted. “Look at these petal-lips.”

Li Hua started to pout, but then Meng Yujie kissed her properly. As Meng Yujie kept her hands strictly above waist, Li Hua finally relaxed, soaking into the decadent feeling of Meng Yujie kissing her. Never had Li Hua imagined kissing to feel this good—not even all the romance books could truly describe this!

The blue sky had turned to golden-orange streaks by the time they finally stood up. Some of the flowers were beginning to close for the night, and the leaves were looking more orange-dark-green. Meng Yujie kissed Li Hua again, as though she couldn’t get enough. Li Hua soaked up the affection like a plant soaking up sunlight.

Meng Yujie took Li Hua’s hand. Meng Yujie’s grip was firm: she clearly regretted nothing. And with that unreserved attraction, Li Hua couldn’t help but follow Meng Yujie’s lead.

Even if that lead was to the main hall with the other disciples who all looked at their joined hands and smiled knowingly, some of them even going as far as to congratulate the two, or say, “Finally!”

Li Hua had buried her face in Meng Yujie’s hair in embarrassment.

 

🌸The End🌸