I woke up with the first rays of morning.

“Good morning, Old man. Everything is fine?” I greeted the one who sits on the turret.

“They never moved after our little show of force. How is your back?” He patted my shoulder and stretched out his hand to help me sit.

“It is fine, might even try walking.” I smiled and pushed his hand away after he helped me rise.

“Ha-ha, you should be more careful with this. Has your back ever hurt before?” (O)

“Nah, I am not that old. Hey, is yours…?” Come on, he might be called Old but he is coeval.

“Not yet, well, how about we stop this old men talk? We are not that old, right?” He scratched his nape.

“Why do I feel like I am becoming an old fart…” Oh God, if you ever watched after me, return me my youth!

“Don’t worry, you are too cute to be an old fart. You are just a badmouth baby.” And here comes the Jester.

“Dima, come with me. We need to eat breakfast. Captain, please wait here, I’ll send him to bring you something to chew. Oh, right! Do you need a blanket? You might catch cold if you remain like that.” (O)

“Can you tell me, Old man, do you want to die by being rolled over or shot through?” Never remind me of what I became.

“We are going, sweetheart~! Do you need some sugar in your tea~?” I already started reaching out for Makarov when Jester ran behind a corner.

The weather is nice so I decided to take a sunbath. I rolled the sleeves of the damned dress and then decided to roll up the skirt. I put the pistol under a basket (the part on the back of the turret where the crew’s possessions are stored) and lied down on the metal grid of engine cover. I expect it to soon turn into an actual grille so when it begins I will just go somewhere else.

Jester’s POV

When I returned to give this ungrateful brat her bread and meat I saw a very lewd sight of a sleeping girl with her underwear shown to everyone. I guess she just lied here to take a sunbath and soon fell asleep.

“Wake up, your food is ready to be warmed by the sun. Do you want to be used as a frying pan instead of the grid?”

A. Belov’s POV

When I opened my eyes I saw Jester right above me.

“What? You are back?”

“White. I don’t see a wet spot there but when it appears I will tell you.” What is this idiot talking about?

He put a plate with meat and bread on my belly and sat close to me.

“Okay, if I do this, will you be angry?” He stretched out his hand and touched my crotch.

BANG

“WHAT THE F*?!” He almost fell down from shock.

He took off his hat and looked through a hole.

“ARE YOU F* CRAZY?! YOU F* SHOT ME!” (J)

“Do it one more time, and I will really shoot you. Not in the hat.” I was so freaked out by his action that I really wanted to kill him on the spot. It is so gross… to be touched by another man is really f* gross. Is this f* idiot gay? Is he f* crazy? Is he f* crazy?!

“Jester, I know you are an idiot. I even got used to it. Yet, I never thought you are gay. So gross…”

“Lo… never mind. I am sorry, captain. Please, forgive me, I will never do this again!” What was he trying to say?

“Je-ste-r~. DID YOU TRY SAYING THE ‘G’ WORD?” His head is in the sights.

“Erhm… sorry to interrupt you but we need your help.” The elder showed up in the wrong time.

“Come on, I’ll help you get down.” Jester tried grabbing me but I poked the gun into his forehead.

“GET YOUR F* HANDS AWAY. NEVER COME CLOSE TO ME, I AM STRAIGHT. GO AND F* WITH OTHER FAGOTS. Thank you.” I started going down and walked to the wheelchair, conveniently placed close to the tank.

I wheeled after the elder to discuss the issue they have now.

Jester’s POV

She f* shot me… I know she is crazy but I never thought she will be ready to f* murder me. I know I am wrong that I tried touching her ‘there’ but to try f* killing me for this… With every passing day she becomes more and more f* up. This is not fine to just try killing somebody just for touching. If she would scold me I would be more than ready to beg her forgiveness because I KNOW I AM WRONG! BUT IT IS NOT THE SAME AS KILLING ME.

“What’s up? Did she really?” Old man patted my back.

“I’m so scared of her. She really did. I… can we do something about it? She is just too crazy. Can we really trust her? She’s just a crazy b* who doesn’t even care about us. She just showed up one day and now she is bossing us around like her slaves. And like her f* slaves she is fine with f* killing us the moment she wants to. YES I AM PERFECTLY F* FINE.”

He didn’t answer anything, just looked in the direction she went.