The gates of the capital’s wall opened, and enemy sortied. The allied infantry immediately formed up and moved to intercept.

A wall of shields, and a retinue of archers prepared to encounter the enemy's deblocking attack.

I, the allied officer, and the enemy guy, all watched in amazement how a vehicle drove through the gates, and fired at the allies.

Bang

Bang Bang Bang

My and the officer’s faces were stiffened by the shock of what we saw, while the enemy was gloating.

“Look at this, you ignorant fools! Look at this!” The ex-negotiator was pointing at the frontline.

The allied infantry was mowed down by gunfire, and the wall of shields was crumbling as the infantry’s morale was falling. The archers shot a volley, and one more, but all of the arrows bounced off the armor of the vehicle.

Bang Bang

“Our armored carriage will get rid of you all!” At the gloating of the enemy, I felt my hand shaking. I forced my hand to stay still.

It did not last long, as my concentration on subduing my shaking arm was interrupted by the clanging of the tracks approaching.

‘WRRRRRR’

The T-90 stopped by our side, making both men petrified.

Bang

The gunner’s hatch opened, and Jester cautiously peeked out.

“Hey, Commander… Is that what I think it is…?” (J)

“Yeah…” Since I no longer controlled my hand…

‘Slap’

A burning from pain of the facepalm I did helped me recover.

“Just what the f* is this…?”

I had no words to tell about that thing I was seeing 400 meters ahead…

It was…

“Wow. To think they’d make a ‘tank’? Why?” (J)

“As if I would f* know?”

Meanwhile, the enemy guy was staring wide-eyed at the true tank.

In comparison with a circular thing with guns sticking from below a cupola, the T-90 was looking like the best tank in the universe.

“Hey.” The enemy guy twitched.

“What the f* hell is that piece of s*?” I pointed at the weird contraption that was still successfully repelling the scared infantry.

“I-it is armored wa-wa-wagon…” The ex-negotiator was sweating buckets, as he cautiously peeked at the tank.

“Come on, Boss, I like how it looks.” (J)

“Shut your mitten.”

“Seriously, they even had the brains to pin some sheets of metal on it. Look, those flame arrows are bouncing off! He-he-he!” I found it hard to enjoy this sight, so I reminded the good-for-nothing idiots about why we are here.

“How about you kill them already? Or do you want even more allies to be taken down?”

“Ah… Right…” Jester dived back, and the gun moved.

“Load HE.”

“That’s affirmative.” Then, a thought crossed my mind.

“Wait! Let’s pretend it is a tank.

Kumulyativniy! Zaryazhay!” [Load HEAT!]

“Tak tochno!” [That's affirmative!] (J)

When the gun returned to the firing position, I turned back to the shocked men.

“Close your ears and open your mouths.”

“A-as if-f I w-would listen t-to e-enemy’s-s c-c-mand!” I heard a bleating, which I stopped immediately.

“Not my problem. Get deaf all you want.” The enemy guy immediately followed my command.

“FIRE!” I shouted as loud as I could, so the deaf imbecile inside would hear.

BOOM

Together with a ring of smoke and fire, a shell flew out of the gun.

It flew towards the parody of a tank we were seeing ahead, and exploded.

Bang

When the dust and ashes settled, everyone saw that the weird contraption’s armor was dented, but not destroyed.

The enemy guy faintly smiled, hoping that the ‘tank’ survived.

He was about to proclaim their victory…

…but that thing didn’t move anymore.

“So… Who will get rid of whom, again?”

Afterwards we had to let the crazed guy return, according to the ‘noble customs of war and diplomacy’ of this world. His crazy laugh and words that this is just a dream were hearable all the way until he passed by the disable vehicle.

The allied forces were already approaching. The enemy was forced back into the fortress.

And now, it was the time to execute the first stage of my own plan of cracking open this nut.