It had been a week since Pete and April started dating. The young vampire and the insomniac man were enjoying every second of it, going out at night and chilling at home during the day (though, April was more than happy to go for long walks during the day, dressed in a long trench coat and sun hat for protection). On one particular night, the two were heading out to the park for a late night picnic, carrying along a basket filled with sandwiches and blood shakes. 

As they were driving, April stared up at the sky, the full moon shining down upon the city. “Isn’t it romantic, Pete,” she said with a blissful smile. “Clear sky, full moon, the perfect night for a picnic.” “It sure is,” Pete said in reply. “Although, if I can ask one question, why exactly are we having this picnic at night instead of during the day?” Glancing over at her boyfriend, April said in reply, “Because I can’t go out into the sun, remember. I mean, I won’t burst into flames like in the movies, but I will sunburn like crazy. It’s kind of like what albino people go through.” “Well I know that,” Pete said. “But doesn’t your trench coat keep the sun off of you? I’m just saying, if we went to the park during the day, it’d feel less like I’m breaking and entering.” Looking sheepish, April answered, “Yyyyeah, I’m not allowed in the park during the day.” “Wait, really? Why?” Pete asked in surprise. Looking uncomfortable, April simply said in reply, “Oh, y’know... reasons.” 

Looking at his girlfriend, Pete asked, “Seriously though, what happened?” “Okay, I just want to point out that this was like a month before I met you, so please don’t judge me,” April said, placing her hands on her lap. “I was walking in the park one day, just minding my own business, wearing my trench coat obviously. All of sudden, this park security girl, this big, brawny bitch, just comes out of nowhere and tells me to leave. Some horse crap about me being a flasher or something.” “She actually did that?” Pete asked in shock. “That’s bull. Why didn’t you just tell her you had a skin condition or something?” Shrugging her shoulders, April explained, “I tried, but she didn’t believe me. Naturally, I got upset and I may have said some... interesting things to her. More specifically, I may have told her somethings she could do to herself... and I may have caught her fist with my face.” “Hold on, she punched you in the face just for that?!” Pete asked, growing more shocked. “Well now we’re definitely going to that park tonight. Screw that security guard. Who does she think she is.” With that, Pete sped up the car, trying to get to the park faster, with April smiling all the while. 

Eventually, the pair arrived at the park, not a soul in sight. The full moon hung heavy in the sky. Looking around and making sure they were alone, Pete turned to April and said, “Alright, I think we’re safe. You got the basket ready?” “Yep,” April said in reply, holding up the picnic basket in response. “Alright, good,” Pete said as he unlocked the car. “Hopefully, we’ll be the only ones here.” With that, the pair got out of the car and made their way towards the park gate. 

As they were walking, April paused for a moment, a worried look on her face. “Something wrong?” Pete asked, noticing the concern on her face. “I... I thought I heard something,” April said in reply, taking a moment to look behind her before turning back to Pete. “Like something running through the bushes. Probably just my imagination. I’m sure it’s... oh shit!” Startled by this, Pete turned around and found himself face to chest with park security. The park ranger was a tall woman, easily a head taller than Pete. Her body was incredibly well toned, her defined arms on display as she placed her hands on her hips. Thick, short, white hair framed her stern face as she stared daggers into the pair. 

Looking up at the woman, Pete glanced back at April and asked her in a hushed voice, “I take it that’s the ranger from your last trip?” April only nodded silently in reply. “Alright, alright,” Pete said in reply. “Let me handle this.” With that, the young man turned towards the park ranger, hoping to smooth things over. “Good evening Officer...” Pete began, eyeing the name tag on the woman’s uniform. “Virgin?” “It’s Virginia,” the park ranger said in an annoyed tone. “There was a typo when they gave me the uniform. It’s been three months and they’re still working it out.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” Pete said apologetically. “Anyway, my girlfriend and I were just coming to the park for a picnic. You see, she has a skin condition that prevents her from going out in sunlight, so we decided to have a picnic tonight. So if you could just give us like thirty minutes to eat our meal, we’ll be out of your hair.” 

Virginia continued to stare the pair down, mainly focusing on April. Finally, after a few minutes, she walked up to April, saying, “I remember you. You’re the flasher I dealt with a month ago. I almost didn’t recognize you without the trench coat, but I recognized your smell.” Cringing a bit, April said, “That’s... a really creepy of putting it.” “That’s hardly the point. You two are trespassing. I caught you both red handed,” Virginia said in reply, her tone clearly unamused. “Now are you going to leave quietly or am I going to have to call the cops?” “Now hold on a second,” Pete interjected. “I know you two have some bad history with each other...” “I believe some of her words included, ‘Up yours with a Roman candle’,” Virginia interrupted. “Well you also punched her in the face, but that’s beside the point,” Pete continued. “All we’re asking for here is to just have a picnic here when my girlfriend can enjoy it. We won’t mess anything up, we’ll just eat our meal, and we’ll leave quietly. Does that sound fair?”  Glaring at the pair, Virginia simply scowled, saying, “If you want a picnic so bad, try having one at the overlook down the road. I suggest you go there now.” Feeling defeated, April and Pete walked back to their car, glaring at the park ranger all the way. 

Once she was certain the pair was gone, Virginia breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank god, I thought they’d never leave,” she said as she relaxed, unbuttoning her shirt. “I mean seriously, who was that girl kidding with that ‘skin condition’ crap. I know a vampire when I smell one. I feel sorry for the guy with her, but by the look of things, he’s already halfway drained.” As she took her shirt off, she took note of the thick hair growing from her armpits. “Man, why does it always start growing there every full moon?” she asked herself as she took of her pants. “I know it’s been like that ever since my first turn at three years old, but can’t it start growing somewhere else for a change.” Neatly folding up her clothes, Virginia hid them in a nearby bush, only to notice her fingernails growing into sharp claws. “And of course, the claws come next this time around,” she said, taking a moment to feel inside her mouth for her growing fangs. “Well, at least it’s better than last time when my tail grew out and ruined my good jeans. That’s a plus I guess. Although, I am happy  this sports underwear is actually holding up. I really need to thank Terry for suggesting that.” At that moment, her keen sense of smell picked up a familiar scent: perfume and nervous sweat. Smiling a toothy grin, Virginia said to herself in mischievous tone, “Speaking of which, I think a certain someone’s come by a little early. Better not keep’em waiting.” With that, she rushed into the park, darting through the bushes as she continued to turn. 

After a few minutes of running, Virginia stopped in a cluster of bushes, mere feet from her target, the scent of perfume and sweat heavy in her nose. She watched the hiker carefully, taking note of their red hoodie and their dainty, blue skirt draped on their feminine figure. “Oh how nice,” Virginia whispered to herself as a smile crept onto her short muzzle. “Terry must’ve known I was working the late shift tonight... and completely forgot tonight is a full moon night.” Staring at Terry for minutes longer, Virginia’s ears perked up as her tail began to wag in anticipation. When she could not stand it any longer, she burst forth from her hiding spot; the great white werewolf’s fur practically glowing and her piercing blues eyes glistened in the moonlight. The mighty huntress snarled as she tackled Terry to the ground... and began gently and lovingly nibbling on her boyfriend’s ear.” 

“Jesus, Virg! Don’t do that!” Terry shouted as he struggled to break free. “I almost thought you were a real wolf for minute.” “Come on Terry, don’t pretend you don’t like it when pounce on you like that,” Virginia said as she released her grip. “Besides, that necklace I made for you should ward off any actual wolves that might be hanging around. You are wearing it, right?” “Yeah, I’m wearing it. I’ve got it right here,” Terry said in reply, pulling out a necklace that was tucked under his shirt. The necklace was made from little bits of bone with runes carved into them, the moonlight glinting off the strange dye coloring the carvings. Examining the necklace, Terry asked, “So how exactly does thing work again? I’m just curious.” “Mostly magic,” Virginia explained as she nuzzled her boyfriend. “But there’s also an intimidation factor. That’s the work of the daughter of the Illinois Pack Chieftain. No one’s gonna mess with someone wearing that.” 

“That’s fair enough, I suppose,” Terry said as he examined the necklace. “Although, I’m getting weird looks from some of the guys at work (well, the guys who don’t know about my ‘hobby’ anyway).” Looking concerned, Virginia asked, “You told them it was from your loving girlfriend, right?” “I did,” Terry answered with a sigh. “They questioned if I actually even have a girlfriend... or a beard.” “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I know you hate it when people think you’re gay because you crossdress in your free time,” Virginia said sympathetically. “You want me to find those guy and ‘show’ them your straight?” Shaking his head no, Terry said, “Nah, Virg, this isn’t like with the bullies back in high school. You try dangling the guys from accounting from a three story drop, you’ll probably be sued.” Pouting at this, Virginia simply replied, “Hmph, you’re no fun.” 

Looking at the werewolf, Terry smiled as he said, “I will say, though, I’m pretty lucky that I had friend like you back in high school.” “Aww, you’re so sweet,” Virginia said, blushing under her fur. “You’re also pretty lucky you’re parents were really open minded about the crossdressing.” Shrugging his shoulders, Terry said, “Yeah, well liberal parents can only do so much. If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have survived high school.” Hearing this, a lustful look crossed Virginia’s face as a smile crept onto her short muzzle. “Well, I think you’re about to get lucky tonight, little red,” she said as she took her boyfriend’s hand. “Wait, really?” Terry asked in surprise. “You want to do that right here? Right now? What if your boss finds us?” “He won’t be here for another few hours,” the werewolf said teasingly. “Don’t worry about it. We have the park all to ourselves tonight.”  

At that moment, the pair heard a loud, sucking sound, like someone drinking from a straw. Looking behind her, Virginia was shocked to see a familiar pair: the porky vampiress and her half dead boyfriend. April was casually watching the werewolf and the crossdresser while drinking a bloodshake. After a few minutes of awkward silence, she finally spoke, saying, “I’m sorry, are we interrupting anything?” Glaring up at the vampiress, Virginia growled, “Are you freaking kidding me? You two came back?” “To be fair, you kind of peaked my curiosity,” April said in reply. “I mean, you said you ‘recognized my scent’. You might as well have worn a shirt that said ‘I’m a werewolf’. Although, I was not expecting the transvestite being here.” “Hey! Leave Terry out of this. He didn’t do anything wrong,” Virginia shouted in an annoyed tone. “Why don’t you pay more attention to your half dead boy toy there. He looks like you took one drink too many.” Looking offended, Pete interjected, “She’s not draining me. I have insomnia. I haven’t slept in weeks.” Glaring at the pair, Virginia snapped, “I don’t care! I told you two to leave this park. Now either you leave or I’ll make you leave.” 

When she heard that, April only smiled a mischievous smile as she reached for her pants pocket. “What do you think you’re doing?” Virginia said, growing suspicious. At that moment, the vampiress reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone. Eyeing the phone, Virginia snapped, “What are you doing with that phone? Don’t you take a picture of me like this! Don’t you fucking dare!” April’s smile only grew wider as she opened up her camera and shouted, “Smile bitch!”, as she took a picture of the furious werewolf. Looking horrified, Pete said, “April! Have you lost it!” “Relax, Pete, everything’s fine,” April said nonchalantly. “I mean, what’s the worst she’s gonna do about...” Before she could finish, though, the vampiress noticed that Virginia was now running towards her on all fours, snarling all the way. “Oh right... that,” April said before running off screaming into the woods with the werewolf hot on her trail. 

After a few minutes of running, April glanced around, noticing that she was back at the park entrance. Noticing that the werewolf was nowhere to be seen, she sighed, feeling relieved to have evaded her. Just as she pulled out her phone, April was immediately tackled by Virginia, now in human form and clad only in her underwear. “Delete that photo or I’m gonna smash that phone, you fat ass!!!” she shouted as she pinned the vampiress to the ground. “Make me, dog breath!” April shouted back. “I am invoking my right to free speech under the First Amendment! It’s literally the only amendment I know!” Looking confused, Virginia retorted, “Why would you even admit that? That’s pathetic.” “Hey, don’t fucking judge me!” April snapped. “You’re the one who tried to have sex with her boyfriend in the park. Me and Pete were just here to have a picnic.” Finally fed up with the vampire, Virginia said, “So help me God, either you delete that photo or I’m going to punch your heart out of your chest!” 

At that moment, the pair heard the husky voice of a man mutter, “What the Sam hell’s going on here?” Startled by this, Virginia looked up from her prey and was met with the disapproving gaze of a middle aged man in a security guard uniform: her boss. “Oh, Mr. Briggs, I... I... you’re out late tonight,” the werewolf said nervously as she got up. “Well, I got  an alert from our security system about a couple of intruders breaking into the park,” Mr. Briggs explained. “What I wasn’t expecting was to see ‘this’.” Looking worried, Virginia said in reply, “Sir, believe me, this is not what it looks like.” “Oh really?” Briggs said skeptically. “Because to me, it looks like you’re assaulting another woman in your underpants.” Virginia only started to stammer at this, sweating bullets. 

Seeing her opportunity, April got off the ground and asked Briggs, “Are you her boss?” “Yes, and you are...?” Briggs asked, eyeing the vampire suspiciously. “My name is April,” April explained. “I was here a few months ago, I was walking in this park when Virginia here harassed me, accused me of being a flasher because I need to wear a trench coat for my skin condition, and then slugged me in the face when I wouldn’t leave. Now, she’s trying to make me and my boyfriend leave when we’re trying to have a late night picnic.” “I see,” Briggs said as he rubbed his chin. “Well I’m sorry about what happened to you back then, but you do realize that going into the park after dark is considered trespassing, right? I understand you have a condition, but next time, just wait until we open up tomorrow, alright. I assure you, you won’t have any problems.” Turning towards Virginia, Briggs grew more serious as he said, “As for you, we’ve been over this before. You can’t just attack people like this. This isn’t the first time you’ve let your temper get out of control, but I’m going to make sure it’s the last.” Looking worried, Virginia asked, “W-what do you mean?” “I mean, starting now, you’re suspended until further notice,” Briggs answered sternly. “Until you take an anger management course and bring me a signed document that says you passed, feel free to find work elsewhere. Have a good night.” With that, Briggs stormed off, leaving the two women alone, in stunned silence. 

As Virginia and April stood in stunned silence, Pete and Terry came up from the trail, looking worried. “What happened?” Pete asked in a concerned tone. “Is everyone alright?” Looking sheepish, April answered, “Um, yeah, we’re fine. Thing is... I may have gotten Virginia fired.” Looking surprised, Pete asked, “You did what?” “Oooohhh no,” Terry interjected nervously. “You guys should probably get going. You’re really not gonna want to be here in a few minutes.” “Hold on, we can’t just leave,” April said, feeling guilty. “We could try talking to that Briggs guy and see if we can...” At that moment, she saw Virginia glaring daggers at her, her eyes burning with hatred. Terrified by this, April simply said, “Well, I guess we’ll be going then. You guys have a good night.” With that, April and Pete ran off to their car, started it up as fast as they could, and got the hell out of dodge. 

As they were driving down the road, an awkward silence hung in the air. Finally, Pete spoke up, saying, “Well, that got out of hand pretty quickly. Just a simple picnic, and things end up like that. Never thought it would end up costing anyone their job.” “Please don’t remind me of that,” April said in an exasperated tone. “Well, to be fair, you really didn’t need to go to that park,” Pete continued. “You knew the werewolf girl had it out for you (I still don’t know why, but she did), we could’ve just gone to that overlook like she suggested, and we she didn’t have to get fired.” “I wasn’t trying to get her fired!” April shouted guiltily. “I was just trying to go over her head and complain to her boss. Oh god, I feel awful.” Placing his hand on the vampiress’ shoulder, Pete said, “I know you didn’t mean to do that. It’ll be fine.” Hearing this, April smiled a small smile. 

“So werewolves exist too, eh?” Pete said, trying to change the subject. “Just so we’re clear, how many mythical creatures are real?” “I’d have to say... all of them,” April answered. “Although, I wasn’t expecting the drag queen being there.” “No, no, I think he’s a transvestite,” Pete said in reply. Looking confused, April asked, “Is there a difference?” “Well, drag queens are gay, and transvestites are just straight men who like to dress as women,” Pete explained. Thinking it over, April said, “That can’t be right, right? I mean, are there really women okay with dating guys that dress up like that?” “Sure there are,” Pete said as they approached their apartment complex. “It’s not that weird. There’s plenty of famous straight transvestites. There’s Eddie Izzard... that guy we saw at the park... there’s also this guy at work who works in accounting, plus there’s a guy who lives one floor above us. I’ve never gotten a good look at his face, but the landlord mentioned it some time ago.” “Okay, first of all, I’m pretty certain Eddie Izzard came out as gender fluid, so I’m not sure if he’s that straight,” April said as they pulled into the parking lot. “Second, I’m not denying that there are straight cross dressers. I’m just surprised that there are women who are into that (especially that crazy werewolf bitch).” 

At that moment, another car pulled up right beside them and parked. Stepping out of the car, to April and Pete’s surprise, it was Terry, placing a hand to his head and his fingers snaked through his blonde bangs. Looking up and seeing the pair, he was just as shocked as they were, knocking on the car window to get their attention. Rolling down the window, Pete called out, “What are you doing here?” “I live here,” Terry said in reply. “Wait, do you  guys live here too?” Looking confused, Pete answered, “Yeah, I live on the fourth floor. What about you?” “I live on the fifth floor,” Terry said when a realization hit him. “Hold on, you’re the insomniac that lives on the floor beneath me? That is so weird. We were just talking about you on the way here.” “Yeah, and you’re the transvestite that lives a floor above us,” Pete said in a chummy manner. “Wait a minute, did you say ‘we’?” 

Suddenly, the group heard a car door slam shut as a familiar voice called out, “Hey Terry, you ready to go up or what?” To April’s horror, it was Virginia casually strolling up to the window. “Well, well, well, what do we have here,” the werewolf said as she leaned in towards April. “Did I hear it right? Do you guys really live on the floor below us?” “Y-yeah,” April said nervously. “Although, I don’t remember Pete mentioning having a werewolf as a neighbor.” “Actually, I used to live in the park, but since I got suspended, I have to move in with Terry,” Virginia explained as she smiled, exposing a mouth full of fangs. “I feel like we’ll be seeing a lot more of each other in the future. Well, see ya around... neighbor.” With that, Virginia made her way up to the apartment, unnerving Pete and Terry and shaking April to her core.