“I admit that I had some hesitations about you.” E45 said as they finished their work with another one of the synths in Recovery, “Especially when you did not show up for your training yesterday.”
TO heard them speak, and it took a moment for them to realize that E45 was speaking directly to them. For the most part they had stayed in that odd state where they lingered deep in the back of their mind, and when they were addressed directly it took TO moment to orient themself. Even then, there was an odd barrier between them and the rest of the world; like reality was just something they were watching, not participating in.
“I see.” was all TO managed to say. They didn’t want to talk. They wanted their mind to go blank again but they were starting to think too much now. They were starting to see GiDi going with C12 down the hallway. They were seeing the empty hallway when they looked to see DH behind them-
-I don’t want to talk to you-
-They were seeing DH’s face as they fired their multigun over and over. They could hear sirens in their ears.
-The smell of disinfectant. A scalpel through skin. The feel of flesh yielding under their own claws. I don’t want to see you. I don't want to speak to you. I don’t want to spend time with you.-
“TO!”
TO didn’t realize how deep into their own thoughts they had gotten. E45’s snapping tone had pulled them out of their head and away from their thoughts.
“A-Apologies.” TO said, “I was deep in thought.”
“It matters not.” E45 said. They tapped on the desk they had been working on and files came up on the floating screen before them, “I have to go deal with an urgent matter. Unfortunately, one that you cannot assist with. Having said that, the next few cases to go over are simple enough. I will leave it to you to deal with it. Understood?”
“Understood.” TO said.
E45 stared at TO for a long moment, “I wouldn’t have allowed you to do this on your own a few days ago.” they admitted, “Your reaction to that older synth being reprocessed was somewhat concerning and I even thought that you were avoiding your training yesterday. However, you seem to have your emotions under control today. As such, given your performance, relative intelligence, and competence, I feel as though I can leave you to work on your own for a short time.” They tilted their head, “That is a big responsibility and a big honor for a synth in training.”
“I will do my best to prove myself worthy of the honor.” TO recited. The things that they knew that they should say, the set responses which seemed ingrained in their head, were proving so useful today. They couldn’t think to say anything of their own so they could rely on these reflexive responses to get them through the day.
E45 nodded, and left.
TO sat down where E45 had been sitting, and took a long deep breath. They leaned forward, put their face in their hands. They just needed a minute to pull themself together. They needed a moment where they could just be sad without needing to watch who was around them.
GiDi was gone.
C12 was gone.
DH didn’t want anything to do with them.
TO didn’t even know what they were doing, or why they were doing it. They went to their vocational training, but what was the point? They passed their examination, but what was the point? Well, to not be corrected of course...
But why did that matter now? Anything they wanted was gone now. They had wanted to retire with DH and GiDi. They wanted to make sure their friends were safe. They had failed and now they had nothing. They didn’t even know if GiDi was safe because C12 had been reprocessed.
It was at that moment that they looked at what was open before them. It wasn’t just the files for specific synths, like E45 had sent TO before, no; This was E45’s main file. It was the file which contained Information on every synth in the training center.
And TO had access to it
TO froze for a moment as they looked at the file before them, hesitating only for a moment as they considered the results of their curiosity through their training.
It didn’t matter anymore.
They quickly wiped away their tears and ran a search for GiDi. They put 45G70 into the search engine and waited for their file to come up.
=Synth not found=
TO frowned and checked again, making sure they had put their friend’s number in the system properly.
=Synth not found=
It took TO a moment to realize what was happening. Just before they were taken away, GiDi would have been reassigned as N, and their old call number would have been put back in circulation for another synth to use in the future. On a whim, TO searched for ‘N’. a list of different Ns was brought up, detailing along with timestamps what had happened to them.
N has been reprocessed.
N has been reassigned.
N has been reprocessed.
N has been corrected.
N has been reassigned.
There were several groups of “corrected” and “reassigned” synths, but they weren’t linked in any obvious way and TO didn’t know for certain if any of those had been GiDi. When they scrolled down further they came to one that was simply listed as “Pending.” there had been no other Pending Ns, so maybe that was GiDi? They had to hope that it was. They had to hope that GiDi hadn’t been corrected, and that wherever they were they were safe.
Not that TO would ever know.
They were about to go back to their work, but stopped, hesitating for just a moment before searching for C12. C12 hadn’t been just any synth; they had been a Retiree. Retiree’s didn’t lose their call number, the call number was retired when the retiree was repurposed-
-died-
-so maybe that would provide TO with a hint as to what happened.
C12’s file came up. TO only glanced through the earlier logs as somehow reading the logs of C12’s earlier days felt like an invasion of privacy. They got to the bottom of the file, and read the last entry.
=C12; Repurposed due to natural corporeal failure; Sudden heart attack.=
That doesn’t seem right.
Somehow it was like GiDi was at their side, reading along and interjecting. That doesn’t seem right. That seems too convenient. Everything that happened yesterday, and then C12 just had a heart attack?
They were right. It seemed too convenient.
TO closed the file, unsure if this information was a good sign, or a bad sign.
======
How did it seem like the day passed without notice? TO wasn’t sure. Time seemed to drag on, but when meal time came it seemed like everything had passed in a flash. TO assumed that it was because they were in their own head with their time taken up by the cycling thoughts that ran around and around like insects, borrowing into their mind.
GiDi is gone.
C12 is gone.
DH doesn’t want to be near me.
All the mundane aspects of their day were more or less automatic. The synths they reviewed for E45 had been simple enough– all cases of equipment management– and they didn’t need to think too hard at the task. They finished their training, headed to the cafeteria, and got their food. They were halfway to the flight training room when they stopped, looking down at the meal in their hands.
They weren’t hungry, and the idea of going to the flight training room alone made their eyes and throat burn. They stood in the hallway, confused and dazed as they tried to decide where to go and what they’d do with their food when someone grabbed them by the arm and started pulling them away. They turned, hoping it would be DH.
It wasn't, it was Avery. Avery was a pleasant sight to see regardless.
“Come on” Avery hissed as they pulled TO away, “Do you know how long you were just standing there?”
“I...No... Sorry.”
Avery grunted, but kept pulling TO along with them.It wasn’t until they were at the door to the observation bay when TO finally realized where Avery was taking them. It took a few minutes for Avery to pull the panel from the wall, and once they did they stepped back and gestured to it
“I never memorized the code.” They admitted, “I never thought I’d head here on my own.”
TO stood silently for a moment before they stepped forward and put in the code that GiDi had taught them. Once the door was opened Avery pulled them inside and led them to the couch that was still in the center of the room.
The couch where they and DH had sat and ate The couch where they spent so many pleasant evenings with their friends listening to music, watching shows, or just talking.
All gone now.
GiDi was gone.
DH wanted nothing to do with them.
TO dropped their plate of food, put their face in their hands, and started to sob. Their body shook and they felt dizzy because it was so hard to breath. They felt tentative hands on their shoulders, so unlike the warm, confidant embrace that DH would offer. Still, TO leaned into it: it was some comfort among all the pain. After a few minutes, Avery guided them to the couch and put their arms around TO to let them cry into their chest.
All TO could think of was how DH would have wrapped their wings around them. DH would have gently scratched behind their neck. It wasn't fair to compare Avery to DH, but they couldn't help it.
It took a long time for TO to calm down enough that they could push themself up and away from Avery. They wiped at their eyes, muttering an apology.
“Don’t you dare.” Avery chided, “You did the exact same thing for me. I’m just… Well I’m just sorry that I’m not as good at providing comfort.”
TO sniffled, but didn’t respond. They once more felt wrung out; like they had felt too much and had fallen into numbness once more. They wondered if this was just how their life would be now; cycles of sorrow and nothingness.
“...It was that bad?” Avery asked, “The examination, I mean.”
“Yeah.” TO managed to croak out.
“... and GiDi?”
“They...they didn’t pass.” TO managed to whisper, “I don't know where they are.”
“I… I tried to ask DH. I saw them first.” Avery said, “But they wouldn’t talk to me. I thought maybe I had made them angry but then I noticed that you weren’t with them either.”
If TO had any tears left in them, then they would have started to cry again. Instead all they managed was to whisper, “DH doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”
“What?!”
“DH. They don’t want anything to do with me anymore.” TO leaned forward and rested their head in their hands, “I don’t blame them.”
Avery rested their hand on TO’s back, tentative but comforting. In that moment TO was at least able to appreciate what Avery was doing. Avery wasn’t as prone to touching as DH was. Avery preferred to be alone. Avery was so hesitant and careful, but they were trying to be as comforting as possible.
GIDi was gone. DH didn’t want anything to do with them. C12 was gone. Still, Avery seemed to care about them and that made TO feel a little less awful; a little less dead inside.
“What happened.” Avery said softly, “Tell me everything.”
TO didn't want to go over everything again, but reciting the events would be easier than trying to think and come up with a reason not to tell Avery what happened.
Without moving from their position, TO started with their conversation with GiDi the morning of their examination, and went through the entire examination, and the aftermath.
