Dad had left about an hour ago, after wishing me good luck with the whole college thing. I lay there on my new bed, staring at my phone. I had just messaged Kate, “Should i go to this welcome event thing later? I bet it’s gonna be lame.”

    I felt my phone vibrate as she responded, “U should go, u could use some friends that aren’t thousands of miles away.” I messaged back, “Fine, guess ill go,” while grimacing slightly (not that she could see it). 

    I sighed and got up, going over to look at myself in the mirror by the dresser. My hair was kind of a mess (it always got that way after long car trips, I don’t know why) so I brushed it out a little. I looked kinda tired too, but oh well. I was feeling pretty tired, even though all I really did today was sit in a car and move a few bags.

I decided now would be as good a time as any to unpack my girl clothes. Kate had convinced me to go to the mall with her a few times, even though I kinda hate it, so I had a couple more outfits now. I unzipped my backpack and pulled out a long black skirt, holding it against myself as I looked in the mirror. It looked ok, I guess. Kinda shapeless.

    I slowly started re-folding and putting the rest of the clothes away, thinking about if I was brave enough to wear a skirt tonight. There were probably gonna be a lot of people at the event, and who knew what some rando might think. For all I knew, that waitress earlier was half-blind, and maybe I did just look like some awkward guy. Probably all the other freshmen would think I was some weirdo.

I closed my eyes and just stood there for a few moments, just trying to breathe deeply. I decided I was just gonna wear the ol’ hoodie and jeans combo. It was boring, and kinda shapeless, but it was safe. At least there was like no way someone would get mad at me for wearing this kinda stuff.

After getting fully dressed, I headed over to the bathroom. Tragically it was a shared bathroom, but on the upside it was big and gender-neutral (something the university had been trying out on mixed-gender dorm floors). The stalls had floor-to-ceiling walls too, so that was kinda nice. I went into a stall and closed the door, and just sat on the toilet trying to calm down for a little bit. I didn’t like to stand anyway when peeing, it just made me feel weird about stuff.

After a bit, I exited the stall and washed my hands. I splashed some water on my face while trying to not really look in the mirror. I felt kinda sick to my stomach. I dried off my hand while staring at the paper towel dispenser.

I steeled myself and walked over to the elevators, pressing the button to go down. I stood there and watched the little electronic display update as the elevator moved closer to me, floor by floor.

---

    I stood there in the corner, pretending to be very busy staring at my phone. I had been at the welcome event for almost half an hour and I still hadn’t talked to anyone. I just kept going back and forth between the corner and the table with mediocre free pizza on it.

    A lot of the other students had already formed into little conversational circles. I felt like I couldn’t just walk over and barge into their conversation. I’m sure I wouldn’t have anything interesting to say anyway. Why did I even come to this stupid thing?

    I stood there stewing for a few more minutes. I didn’t know if I was mad at myself for choosing to come, or mad at myself for being totally unable to talk to other human beings. My thoughts were rudely interrupted by Kevin saying, “Hi!” right next to me. Bleh.

    I turned to face him. There he was, wearing a Smash Bros t-shirt and a cheery smile. Why was this guy so determined to talk to me?

    He said, “I’ve made so many friends already! I’m excited for classes to start too. How’s your day been going?” God, he really knew exactly the wrong thing to say. So far, I had made approximately zero friends.

    I stared at the floor and said, “Fine. It was fine. Look, uh, I don’t want to talk to anyone right now, ok? I’m busy,” and walked away towards the bathroom.

    Why the fuck did I think I would be able to have social interactions like a normal person? I was basically the most pathetic human being in existence. I glared at the ground as I briskly walked away.

    I guess I shouldn’t have been looking down so much, because a few seconds later I bumped right into someone, like the idiot I was. I felt the root beer I had been holding jostle and start to run down the front of my hoodie.

I looked up and stopped dead in my tracks, just staring. The girl I had just bumped into was incredibly hot. After a moment, I gathered a little composure and started stammering out an apology. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t look where I was going, I wasn’t paying attention, I’m really really sorry.”

It didn’t look like anything had spilled onto her toned arms. Or her black tank top. Or her shorts. Or her short black hair. Or her gorgeous face. It didn’t matter how she looked though, not that I had any chance with her after running into her like some dumbass.

She said, “It’s ok, it’s ok. I’m totally fine.” Well thank god for that at least.

She continued, “Are you ok? It looked like whatever that guy said to you upset you. Was he being a jerk? Do you want me to go yell at him?”

I said, “No, it’s ok. I’m just sad I guess. He was just bragging about how many friends he had and I was thinking about how I haven’t made any yet.”

She said, “We should also try to get some of that root beer cleaned up. And then maybe do you wanna talk about it? Talking usually makes me feel better.”