Chapter 1 – What the fork?
Fork This Life! by jinxs2011
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I feel cold. I can’t see a thing. Is this death? The last thing I remember is… the wall in front of me disintegrating in a flash of light. If something like that didn’t kill me, that’d be weird.

But, then again, if I have thought, can this be called death? What they call life is simply something that is born, grows, and dies. I suppose; therefore, the prerequisite is birth? Am I about to be born? Do souls lose memories after they are born into a new body? Am I a soul?

I can’t see anything… I can only feel coldness… It is silent, I taste nothing, smell nothing. Am I alive if the only thing that exists for me is thought and cold? A feeling of pressure interrupts my musings, turning me to a panicked mess. Am I being born? Am I dying? Is something wrong? What is happening… I would cry, but, I don’t have control over my body, if I have one at all.

A short time later, the pressure disappears. This doesn’t feel like birth... not that I remember my last one. Yet again, a feeling of pressure comes upon me. Then… a feeling of wetness seeping into me, like my entire being is drenched in liquid, followed by an intense pressure bordering upon pain.

…Or is it? I can’t feel even a twinge. After a moment the pressure is relieved, but instead I have this revolting feeling as the liquid drenches me and the weight on me is pulled, sucked off and out of me. This definitely isn’t birth.

What, then, is it? A long time later, a lot of erratic pressure, moisture, pulling, pushing, sucking, with nothing more presenting itself, I am despairing for my future. Why? What did I ever do to deserve this? Is it what I didn’t do? Should I have donated to charities? Gone to church? Help-

My musings are broken as, instead of darkness, a large grey rectangle resides within my awareness.

Help

General information

Available commands

Well. That was unexpected. To think that through all that, a simple thought of ‘help’ – another rectangle layers over the first, saying the same thing. I could see this getting annoying real fast, so I try thinking ‘general information’, which seems to work.

Help

General information*

This function is designed to assist the user familiarise themself/selves/itself/existential equivalent with the system.

Menu categories can be expanded with a thought, although system sensitivity can be changed in the ‘Options’ menu.

Windows can be closed with a thought, although system sensitivity can be changed in the ‘Options’ menu.

For a list of commands available to the user, view the ‘Available commands’ category below. For further information on a command, simply speak, think, or your existential equivalent the words ‘Help command’, exchanging the word ‘command’ with the name of the command you wish to find more information on. This can also be done with unknown terms, although only a very basic explanation will be given.

This concludes the general information available to the user at this point in time/space/existential equivalent, although this may change as the user experiences/existential equivalent more things.

Available commands

That’s a disturbing quantity of ‘existential equivalent’s. Okay, first, let’s close all windows. The grey rectangles disappear, leaving my awareness a perfect nothing again. That worked, now - options.

Options

Life

Death

What the heck? That’s strangely deep. Well, I suppose the only answer to that is life, isn’t it?

Status updated

Well that’s ominous. Suppose I should check that out soon. But first! Close all windows! Help! Wait a minute… I wonder if- Help help. On top of the help window that had already appeared, another appeared.

Help – Help

This window is considered redundant, as it requires you to have used this command prior to knowing how to view this window. If you have accidentally triggered this window, go to the ‘help’ window.

Huh. Close window. Available commands. The help help window disappears, revealing the help window below.

Help

General information

Available commands*

Help – triggers the help window.

Options – triggers the options window, which contains various options relating to system functions.

Status – triggers the status window, which contains information about the user.

Not much there, huh? Well, status it is then.

Status

Name: None

Race: Living Fork

Level: 0

Experience: 3/100

Gender: None

Age: 8 days (local time)

Allegiance: None

Fame: None

Strength: 0.0

Intelligence: 10.3

Dexterity: 0.0

Wisdom: 6.7

Charisma: 0.3

Luck: 5.1

Hardness: 13.8

Durability: 4.6/4.8

Titles

Traits

Skills

I’m a fork. That’s it! I demand a redo! I’m picking death, where’s the options!

Options

General

Options

Status

Command sensitivity

Window colour (can only choose known colours)

Window style

Window border

Window transparency

Language (can only choose known languages)

Text font

Text size

Text colour

…………..Looks like I’m a fork then. Wait, there are options for the options menu? Huh. Close window.

Options

General

Options*

Status

Change command for options

Change order of tabs

Nothing useful here then, back to general, command sensitivity.

Options

General*

Options

Status

Command sensitivity*

Command activated by saying/thinking/existential equivalent the command word or a word with similar meaning to the command word. (racial default, current)

Command activated by saying/thinking/existential equivalent the command word.

Command activated by saying/thinking/existential equivalent the command word with intent to use said command.

Command activated by saying command with intent to use said command.

Window colour (can only choose known colours)

Window style

Window border

Window transparency

Language (can only choose known languages)

Text font

Text size

Text colour

Wow. It’s a bigger coincidence that I didn’t open a window earlier, then. Let’s change it to speaking/thinking with intent. And colour… kinda want it to be blue, but grey is fine, really. Hey, if I’m a fork, does that mean all those weird feelings earlier were someone holding me and using me to eat? Ugh. I hope I was washed. Think about something else. Status.

Status

Name: None

Race: Living Fork

Level: 0

Experience: 3/100

Gender: None

Age: 8 days (local time)

Allegiance: None

Fame: None

Strength: 0.0

Intelligence: 10.3

Dexterity: 0.0

Wisdom: 6.7

Charisma: 0.3

Luck: 5.1

Hardness: 13.8

Durability: 4.6/4.8

Titles

Traits

Skills

Hm. No name? Suppose I can pick one then? I’ll do that later. No gender? Well, I am a fork, I suppose. Age … does that mean 1 week since I was reincarnated as a fork, or 1 week since the creation of this fork body? No STR or DEX, obviously. Dunno whether to feel insulted that my wisdom is so low compared to my intelligence or happy that my intelligence is so high. Charisma… I’m an ugly fork. Or is it that forks don’t look good in the first place, so they don’t have high CHA? Luck… can’t tell if that’s high or low… I’ve taken a bit of damage, but not much.

Now, let’s see these titles!

Status

Name: None

Race: Living Fork

Level: 0

Experience: 3/100

Gender: None

Age: 8 days (local time)

Allegiance: None

Fame: None

Strength: 0.0

Intelligence: 10.3

Dexterity: 0.0

Wisdom: 6.7

Charisma: 0.3

Luck: 5.1

Hardness: 13.8

Durability: 4.6/4.8

Titles*

Living – You are a living being, and as such, the energies of life heal you and the energies of death damage you.

-Trait: Average life energy absorption -Trait: Average death energy weakness

-Trait: minute life affinity -Trait: negative minute death affinity

Progenitor – The first of your species, and its forefather. Your reputation affects the reputation of your entire race.

-Trait: Minor fame gain enhancement -Trait: 50% of your fame is added to the fame of your race

Household object: Being an everyday, household object makes other beings less likely to notice you and mention you to others.

-Trait: Small fame gain reduction -Trait: Small presence reduction

Assumed inanimacy – Despite being a living entity and continually in the presence of other living entities, none have noticed your existence, assuming you to be an inanimate object. People are slightly less likely to notice you and less likely to notice your life energy.

-Trait: Minor presence reduction -Trait: Moderate life presence reduction

Fork – You are a fork. As such, you are designed to pierce, scoop and carry food.

-Trait: Minute taste enhancement -Trait: Minute piercing enhancement (restricted to food)

-Trait: Minute carry capacity increase (Restricted to food)

Second life – You have lived, and died, once before. While you died young, the experience nonetheless is an advantage over others. -Stats: Wisdom + 1, Intelligence + 2

Traits

Skills

Well. I don’t know what I expected, but this is not it. This is just depressing. Even the system is saying my existence is bland. Think positive. Gotta stay positive. I can’t collapse. If people are less likely to notice me, that’s better, right? And I got a couple stat boosts from that title, right? But as I am now, I’ll be doomed to live as a kitchen utensil… no, I can’t give up yet. There’s still hope in skills, right? Huh. It kinda feels weird now the window isn’t changing every time I say a wrong word. Titles, Skills.

Status

Name: None

Race: Living Fork

Level: 0

Experience: 3/100

Gender: None

Age: 8 days (local time)

Allegiance: None

Fame: None

Strength: 0.0

Intelligence: 10.3

Dexterity: 0.0

Wisdom: 6.7

Charisma: 0.3

Luck: 5.1

Hardness: 13.8

Durability: 4.6/4.8

Titles

Traits

Skills*

Absorb (Basic) (Racial, High Rare) – As a living being, The Living Fork requires energy to live. However, as it has no organs of any kind, it has developed a way to absorb energy, or substances through the surface of its body. Rate of absorption can be controlled. Although this ability is magical in nature, as it is a form of mana control, and mana is also absorbed, mana cost is 0. Currently the only form of energy able to be absorbed is mana. Absorbing substances has a minor chance of giving traits, abilities and skills relating to the substance.

 Finally, an OP skill! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! Wait, that means I can’t do anything unless I happen to get some food from something with useful skills. Dang.

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