Content Warning: This chapter contains mild descriptions of sex acts
Chapter 15 - Fallen God From Another Realm
Journal of Lilac Quinn
My name is Lilac Quinn of House Freedwell, Thaumaturgic Reverie 1st class, Senior Scholar at the Kafora Institute Of The Arcane, Principality of Roskil.
It is the 13th Heloni of Indri, Apollonia 2234 of the Vespiraian Calendar of Arilia
This is my journal of events that have altered the course of my life, and indeed, possibly that of Arilia.
Three days ago, I met her. Lilith Everhart, an existence like none I nor the world have ever laid eyes upon. I dare say not even Rosina Hallewell, 4th Empress of the Raneian Dynasty of the Tesheuwana Empire, “World’s Savior”, “Blessed by the Gods”, the “Immortal Queen” of Arilia, would be an equal to Lilith’s potential. I do not speak lightly.
As a Thaumaturgic Reverie in constant pursuit of greater knowledge, I cannot help but feel blessed to have stumbled upon this discovery. What follows is the recounting of my chance encounter with Lilith, followed by my continuing record of events as I abandon all pursuits to follow and study this amazing specimen, Lilith Everhart.
On what I had thought was the worst night of my life, I had stumbled upon the men of that wretch Roulant Goodmond, attempting to nail my cousin, Roulf Freedwell’s body up onto the door of his restaurant. I had stopped by to visit and possibly take some unsold food home with me, as he often spoiled me with my favorites.
I attacked without hesitation, however, I was unaware of being flanked by a third man who knocked me out. When I regained consciousness I was being carried through the slum district of Ember Street, toward the ruined Thunderwood Merchant Tower. Despite my attempts to struggle the two men held me securely, it was then that I realized a Magitech Suppression collar was around my neck, rendering me unable to use any magic.
They took me into the building, and down into a chamber sealed off behind a reinforced door with an 11 stage multi-lock. I was still weak from my injuries and my strength was fading as my heart gave in to despair while I stared at the dungeon walls and a large door of iron bars, with what appeared to be cells behind it.
What followed was arguably worse than simply being locked away, possibly even worse than random thugs forcing themselves upon me as I had feared initially. I watched as one of the men opened the door, left for a time, only to return with a Serenity Potion, which he then forced me to drink entirely. My mind becomes foggy at this point for a while, and I cannot say with accuracy if what I recall is the entirety of events or even fully true.
I stake my life though, on the fact that something extraordinary changed the course of this night and hereafter will change the course of my life. That something was actually, someone, and her name is Lilith Everhart. I was tied to a chair as that wretch Roulant tried to seduce me into joining him. I want no part in noble family politics, and that despicable half-brother of mine, Humphery Freedwell, is no better.
Once, the three of us were childhood friends, but the sins of the fathers fell to the sons and soon they hated each other simply because of that abhorrent practice known as politics. I was torn between the two like a toy they both fought over until I escaped to the freedom of academic study at Kafora Institute. Returning to Rimewallow only to visit my mother, and now deceased cousin.
I was in some sort of large room, with some sort of party going on, the air was filled with the sweet smoke of Twilight Leaf, as the guests smoked it from Sixize sticks, which lined serving trays in the middle of every table I could see. The Serenity potion left the world in a dream-like state to me as I struggled to maintain mental coherency.
Roulant was sulking after his seduction failed with my attempt to spit on him as he held my chin telling me he loved me. I would rather kiss a Deathnettle, honestly. It was shortly afterward, as the guests at his table prattled on about an auction planned for later that night, that I saw it. A fuzzy reddish-brown spider with subtly glowing red eyes. In my entire life, I had never seen nor heard of a fuzzy spider, much less one with glowing eyes of any color.
What happened soon after was astonishing, the spider seemed to be watching people, even looking back and forth between guests at the table as they spoke to each other. The astonishment came when the spider began to use magic, yes, magic. I am completely serious.
A lesser Reverie might not have noticed, and certainly, a nonacademic person, only familiar with mundane or combat magic would have little chance. However, I did notice. Not only did the spider use magic, but I also watched it practice spell creation before my eyes. Using wind magic, the spider began to maneuver itself toward me. I might have felt frightened if not for the spectacle I alone was bearing witness to.
The magic the spider was using was of an intricacy that rivaled that of a second-year Thaumatouitekt. Initially, only one large air current existed, propelling it closer to me as it hung from its thread attached to the ceiling. However, as it approached and lowered itself, an air current for each of its eight legs began to flow, maneuvering itself very precisely toward the back of my neck.
Fear was starting to grip my mind at this point, but the sheer spectacle of it all kept me stunned in awe. Likely the Serenity potion allowed me to stay calmer than I otherwise might have. I expected the spider to bite me or do something else equally unpleasant, however, it only latched itself to the back of my head, hiding within my hair. Somehow I felt the faint sense of an apology from it.
The spider began to ingest as much of its thread as it could until it was nearly lifting away from my head, it was then I felt it grip itself very tightly on the base of my skull, the thread was severed and I watched it swing away from my body and float about in the air above the table. The spider was now entirely motionless. I was still frightened but also captivated. So much so I had nearly forgotten about my current circumstances.
Over the next half hour, nothing else unusual happened and I began to recover from my forced overdose of Serenity potion. That was when Lilith arrived, the atmosphere began to change immediately, she had an aura of some type of magic energy I’ve never encountered, the intoxicating Twilight Leaf smoke floating within the top half of the room began to stir, with the same type of air movement spell I witnessed from the spider.
She entered the room with a commanding presence, she had the appearance of a beautiful, tall woman with a slim athletic but alluring figure, hair a brighter shade of scarlet, her greenish eyes were glowing noticeably, her outfit matched her eyes with the same greenish color, with bluish-green accents, she wore a moderately revealing shoulderless dress with thin straps, a greenish beaded necklace, striped bracelets and stockings with the same two shades as her dress, and a pair of heeled brown boots halfways up her lower legs.
She walked into the room with a confident stride as if she owned the place, the entire room fell silent, the atmosphere felt heavy, somehow oppressive, and yet, calming, her presence dominated the room with an attractive force I find hard to describe. The moment I saw her I knew I must follow her, both from academic curiosity, and an emotional allure I cannot deny, I feel this woman will change the world just as the “Immortal Queen” once had. I felt as if my entire academic career was merely a precursor to my encounter with this astounding existence before me.
Roulant immediately forgot about my existence entirely as he practically leaped up from the table and approached her immediately, kneeling before her and kissing her hand, as he asked for her name. Her answer only furthered her astonishing nature, not because of what she said, but how she said it. Again I feel as if no other person was able to discern that anything unusual was happening, but I noticed immediately, she did not speak, but yet I heard her voice, it was as if my senses were lying to me, if not for my magical expertise I doubt I would have noticed either.
Roulant had asked for her name, and her reply came after several moments that seemed to stretch on for eternity within this atmosphere, “Everhart, Lilith Everhart.” was her reply. After several moments of Roulant continuing to grovel over her, she reached down and grabbed his hand and commanded him in a tone fit for a royal, “Take me to your table.” Roulant obeyed like the dog he is, if he had a tail I imagine it would be wagging furiously.
The next few moments only furthered my amazement, Lilith chose to sit beside me, and as she walked past, she put her arm on my shoulder, and demanded of Roulant, “Release this woman, give her to me,” as she spoke her fingers wandered to the spider at the base of my skull, and a moment later, I felt it move. I looked at her in shock and she merely smiled at me, as I watched the spider climb up her arm and perch itself upon her shoulder, a thread linking it to her finger of the hand still upon my shoulder.
After Roulant severed the ropes that bound me, Lilith removed her hand from my shoulder, sat down beside me, and demanded that I be given food and drink. Grateful, I smiled back to her and gave my thanks, my voice was still weak but she understood regardless. Somehow any fear I had melted away as she spoke to me, “Do not worry, you are safe now. Please forgive me but I wish to indulge myself here for a while. I would be pleased if you would wait here for me, I wish for you to accompany me once I take my leave.”
I simply nodded my head and replied with a weak, “Yeah,” as my heart and mind were screaming with joy within me. I do not yet understand these feelings, even now, some days later. Something about this woman, calls to my very spirit in a way I cannot easily describe nor understand. I fear my objectivity is compromised within her presence, yet I find myself with a carefree attitude concerning it, nothing else seems to matter to me when faced with the existence of this woman.
Lilith spent some time asking various questions to Roulant and the other guests at the table, none of them seemed to notice, but her questions were basic things, name of this city, the country, and things that even a child should know, she asked about monsters, she seemed unaware of Infected, and knew nothing about the ‘Divine Blessings of Magic’. She called it the ‘System’ and asked if we could see ‘Status Screens’ among other terms I have never heard before.
I began to wonder if Lilith was some sort of fallen god from another realm, perhaps she angered the other gods and they forsook her on our world. Despite my feelings, or possibly because of them, I am not entirely sure, my desire to study her was immense. I tell myself that the desire is academic, but that is a half-truth. What unfolded after she finished her questioning, awoke physical and emotional desires I did not know I had.
There is no way to discuss the next events without being somewhat uncouth for an academic account, so please bear with me, I feel these details are an aspect of this woman and her powers, and therefore documenting them carries importance.
Lilith’s eyes began to glow a reddish-pink hue, as she shifted from a proud royal tone to an alluring seductive one, the entire atmosphere began to fill with feelings of lust and desire. I could feel the magical air currents circulating the smoke become imbued with these feelings in some way I cannot explain. She proceeded to stand up, grab Roulant by the collar, and kiss him passionately for several moments, as his body grew noticeably weaker.
Again I feel blessed due to my academic pursuits, as I was able to witness, as much as one could, the mana and essence of him flow into her. The limits of my knowledge and experimental experience were tested as I struggled to perceive any detail beyond a vague sense of what I was witnessing. As she released him from her lips, she slowly lowered him back to his chair, he was still alive, but noticeably less energetic.
Next, she walked toward a woman at the table with Roulant, who was dressed in white, the woman wore a fancy hat, I watched as the hat angled upward as she met Lilith’s gaze. Extending her arm, Lilith wrapped her hand around the woman’s chin and caressed it gently as she leaned into the woman who leaned in kind, as their lips met a moan filled with the sound of ecstasy erupted from the woman in white.
As they parted lips, Lilith’s teeth held onto the other woman’s bottom lip briefly as she pulled back. The woman in white stood up as Lilith continued to hold her chin, stepping closer as she turned her head sideways she began to passionately kiss the other woman in earnest. Removing her hand from the other woman’s chin Lilith began to caress her body, the other woman responded in kind, as they began to passionately make out in the open.
I diverted my gaze for a moment to survey the surroundings, as I continued to feel the pressure in the atmosphere intensify. To my sheer amazement, the entire room was quickly becoming an orgy, as men and women across the room were making out, undressing, and pleasuring one another. Moans began to fill the air, replacing the music that had long since ceased.
I realize I continue to express elevated amazement, but it is not without cause, as the next events were truly remarkable from an academic sense, as well as stimulating in ways I had not experienced before, I feel ashamed but I am hoping to personally experience it before long. My curiosity in both an academic and personal sense is beyond insatiable at this point.
As Lilith began to undress the woman in white, while they passionately kissed, she reached down underneath the other woman’s skirt and pulled down her underwear, and after a few minutes of caressing her, Lilith’s arm lost its shape entirely and became a tentacle, with a thin bumpy end which she proceeded to insert into the woman, as she let out moans of pleasure in between their long kisses.
I continue to say this, but once again, Lilith surprised me, as she did not undress by removing her clothes, they simply melded with her body, as if melting into her. I also now noticed the spider she had retrieved from me had vanished at some point as well. She stopped making out with the other woman for a moment to beckon one of the two men who had been in pinstripe suits, who were now half naked and masturbating. The man walked over toward Lilith and the woman in white who is now only wearing her hat.
Lilith directed the woman onto the table, where she continues to make out with her and use her tentacle arm to pleasure her, as she leans forward and beckons the man to her, where he begins to have sex with her from behind while she focuses on the other woman. Despite my misgivings, I can’t help but feel envious of her, as she moans in ecstasy at Lilith’s penetration with the tentacle, which now has two ends with one caressing the outside while the other is within her.
This scene of an orgy continued on for well over an hour before practically the entire room was subdued with people strewn about in chairs and on tables basking in the afterglow of their pleasure. Lilith was finishing with Roulant, she seemed to have saved him for last for some reason. While I was disgusted by the thought of having anything to do with him, much less seeing him have the pleasure of sex with her, I could not stop myself from watching. It felt as though every kiss she sipped a little more of him away.
I can’t claim that I feel sorry for him, even if his life is sucked away from him he will die with more pleasure than he deserves. After some time, Lilith finishes with him, leaving him with some life force. As she stands up and dismounts from him, leaving him mostly limp in his chair, she reverses her earlier trick, as her clothes spring forth from her body, first the colors, then the patterns, and eventually parts such as the skirt of her dress separate from her skin and meld into the appropriate shapes. Such a magnificent display, the magic behind it remains incomprehensible to me thus far.
Looking at Roulant she asks somewhat coldly, “Now that I have sated your desires, tell me, what is up for auction tonight,” again she speaks without speaking as my senses betray me.
Roulant answers weakly, “Three items, the Queens’ Staff of Asogalla, the Heroic Sword of Mylla the Blue, and the rarest piece, a rare forbidden Miscreation child of an improperly sterilized Miscreated Fang-Rabbit Mother and a Human Father, raised to adulthood and trained to be an excellent slave maid by Headmaster Ives Maycaster, of the Belleview Servant Academy.”
As he finished speaking, the atmosphere changed, the former intoxicating aura of calm and pleasure permeating the air became a void as Lilith’s eyes became red and began to glow, the anger was evident as she ‘spoke’ to Roulant, “Have them brought out immediately, and release the girl to me.”
For several excruciating long moments nothing happened and the scene persisted as if frozen in time, finally Lilith gave an audible growl that could be confused for a monster, as her eyes shifted to an orange hue as a yellow sheen mixed with the existing red, the atmosphere in the room immediately became oppressive and heavy, she commanded, to the entire room, one word, “NOW!”
Running in the distance could be heard as at least two pairs of footsteps quickly left the room. The room became entirely silent for what felt like ages, as she simply glared angrily toward the door. Eventually, she turned to look at me again and her scowl turned into a soft smile briefly before shifting into a worried expression as she leaned in closer to me.
I was unable to prevent myself from recoiling in horror in this oppressive atmosphere, which only seemed to worsen the concern on her face as she quickly pulled back her hand that she had begun to reach closer toward my face. Her angry growling voice was gone as she ‘spoke’ soft and sweetly, “I’m sorry, I do not intend to hurt you. Does this collar hurt?”
She meekly pointed her finger toward my collar, in a manner unlike any she had displayed thus far, I even noticed her hand was shaking slightly. I replied as calmly as I could under the oppressive aura, “No, but it prevents my use of magic. I would prefer it removed.”
She snapped her fingers sharply and looked toward Roulant as she commanded him to remove it, however, he was in a condition worse than I had been when I was placed in this chair. He was nearly falling out of his own, still naked, slumped down with drool leaking from his mouth as his head hung limply. He was still breathing.
With an angry growl she looked around at the others on the table as they cowered away from her gaze, as she looked around the room, some people hid under their tables, a couple retreated to the corners of the room, one man ran out into the hallway still entirely naked. Another frustrated growl erupted from her before she snapped back to look at me, her expression softening.
As she began to reach for my neck she said in a tone reminiscent of a caring mother, “Hold still, I’ll do my best.”
I tried to remain as still and calm as I could manage, as her fingers began to caress my neck as she explored it and the collar that surrounded it. After several moments of examining it, she spun it around so the locking mechanism was facing her, as she leaned in and her arm brushed against my chin I felt aroused for reasons I cannot explain, but also shivered in fear equally.
A facial expression of concentration overtook her, as she shifted her jaw slightly and her tongue poked out of one side of her lips ever so slightly, I could feel her working with the collar intently before she eventually seemed to just grab it with fingers from both hands, she grunted in a manner I could only describe as cute, in juxtaposition to the aura around us, as the collar broke with a loud snap that reverberated around the entire room, breaking the otherwise deafening silence of the room.
Free of the oppressive collar, I began to immediately gather mana to replenish myself, casting Minor Heal Wounds on myself to heal the injuries on my face. Lilith watched me with great interest, mimicking that of a child, it felt as though she was picking apart my spell as I could extremely faintly sense some sort of magic interacting with my own mana, it felt almost like a gentle tickle.
It was with great surprise I nearly screamed in fear as Lilith quickly turned away from me and toward Roulant, claws erupting from her hand as she extended her arm toward him and scraped them across his chest, blood flowing from the wounds.
Immediately afterward the claws melted away and she held her palm in front of his chest before some magic that was similar to my healing spell, but also somehow like nothing I had ever seen, erupted from her palm and healed his wounds entirely. She then ran her finger across his chest, through the blood still upon it, before holding it up to her mouth and tasting it.
If not for my academic study and years of experience, I doubt another could have witnessed all the detail within her spell that I just had. On the surface, it looked like any other healing spell, but something was different about the flow of mana, as well as how it applied the spell.
Normally mana comes from oneself, and with enough training can be pulled from that which the ‘Divine Blessings of Magic’ permeates the world with, but Lilith, it felt as if her Mana came from everywhere at once, as if she simply willed it into existence as it seeped out of the world itself.
I do not even begin to understand it, nor how to properly describe it in an academic sense. If I am lucky perhaps I can coerce her into allowing me to run some experiments on her with the equipment at Kafora Institute. This could be the discovery that propels humanity nearer to the realm of the gods!
As Lilith examined the effects of her spell on Roulant, the previous clatter of running footsteps could be heard again, more numerous and heavier and slower. The two men who captured me as well as another two and a young adult Miscreated woman of the Fang-Rabbit class entered the room hurriedly.
The Miscreated woman was dressed in a modest maid-like outfit, with long white sleeves, and covered bust with a big black bow, her white rabbit ears drooped to the sides, contrasting her solid black hair. Her complexion was pale and she looked frightened and one of the men was forcibly pushing her into the room.
The two men who had brought me here were each carrying a long skinny weapon case, presumably with the two items, the staff, and sword mentioned before. Both were important relics of a bygone era, two of many floating about the world, most containing power only matched by creations of the most powerful nations today.
The two men approached us and sat the cases down on the floor, opening them both to reveal the two relics. It was in the following moments that Lilith once again destroyed my expectations, as the man who wore a tan cloak, donned in light armor, noticed his boss’s condition, the dried blood from earlier still on his chest.
He screamed at Lilith something about being a murderer, grabbed the sword relic, and charged her with a swiftness befitting a highly trained military officer, my heart sank as I feared for her safety as I had not seen her fight yet, I had some hope, however, though it was shattered as he sliced off her arm as her blood stained the carpet and area around us, as she fell to her knees and screamed and even worse growl than the previous.
My despair turned to astonishment, however, as the man also fell to his knees, coughing up blood. As I took in the scene, I realized Lilith’s remaining arm had become a tentacle, adorned at the end with a blade, like that of a sword, that was now piercing through the man and protruding out of his back, as his blood dripped from the blade now coated with it.
Lilith simply sat there on her knees, breathing heavily, the sword retracted from the man’s back but her tentacle remained within him. Her head hung somewhat limply and I finally shook myself into action, as I stood up and began to gather mana to cast the most powerful healing spell I could manage in my weakened state, I knew I had to stop her bleeding.
However Lilith had other plans and shattered my expectations once again, she withdrew her tentacle prompting the man to fall limp to the ground, looked up at me, and ‘said’ with a shaky, almost scared sounding tone completely unlike anything thus far, “D— don’t worry about me, I’m… I’ll be fine, I think.”
She proceeded to reach with her remaining arm, now transformed back to normal, down to the ground and picked up her severed arm, held it up to her shoulder as they melted into each other and her flesh healed completely after several moments. She continued to sit on the ground on her knees breathing deeply and heavily, in a slow steady manner.
The heavy, oppressive aura had begun to fade as had the glow in her eyes, and accordingly, people began to grab their clothes and start sneaking out, Lilith didn’t seem to care at first, but when the Miscreated woman broke free of her escort, as he had begun to back away as well, Lilith halted her escape as the heavy aura returned stronger than before as Lilith's eyes began to glow brighter until they felt like small suns, the red hue gave way to yellow as the orange became more yellowish.
Lilith stood up and her voice boomed within my head, and I assumed everyone else’s, as the feeling of being pushed to the floor became nearly irresistible to me, somehow I managed to stay standing, but the rest of the room did not.
“Stop! No one may leave,” she commanded the room, as everyone fell to their knees or entirely to the floor.
Standing up, Lilith proceeded to walk calmly, almost timidly, toward the Miscreated woman who was now on her hands and knees, sobbing softly. As Lilith stopped beside her the woman began begging for her life, but Lilith kneeled down to face her and commanded her to stop. Becoming silent the Miscreated woman could only shiver in fear as she faced Lilith’s blinding eyes directly.
Lilith held out her hand to the woman, taking one of hers, and stood up pulling her up to a standing position as well, seemingly ‘saying’ something to the woman, Lilith was met with a reply as the woman's rabbit ears seemed to perk up slightly, “I… I… I will g— go with you.”
Lilith then walked back towards me while holding the woman’s hand as she followed timidly. Grabbing my hand with a smile she grasped it tightly as her heavy aura seemed to become even stronger, yet I and the Miscreated woman were unaffected.
I could ‘hear’ Lilith’s voice booming again within my head as she held up my and the other woman’s hands and proclaimed, “Everyone here will forget everything that happened tonight and none of you will remember these two women. This was a fun party until one of the guards got drunk and attacked—“
Lilith paused for a moment looking confused, she glanced back at Roulant, then looked around the room, then at me, she leaned in as if to whisper, and I heard a soft faint voice in my head ask me what his name was, as she looked back toward him again.
“Roulant Goodmond,” I whispered back to her.
She then looked back at the crowd and the booming ‘voice’ began to speak again in my head, “-until one of the guards got drunk and attacked Roulant Goodmond. A mage was able to heal him, but he is very weak and maybe in a coma— Er, I meant, he may not wake up for a long time. Got it? Party, Fun, Guard, Drunk, Attacked, Roulant, Injured, Not waking up.”
Her— Speech? Command? I’m unsure what to really call it, either way, it was very unconventional sounding, and she spoke very unlike how she had been previously, there was a twinge of nervousness permeating everything now. This gave me hope that perhaps I would be able to get within her good favor that much easier.
She released our hands as the intense aura faded, the rest of the room remaining still and silent, she picked up the bloody sword that had previously severed her arm, grabbed Roulant’s shirt, and used it to wipe the blade clean before placing it back in the case, closing both of them, she turned to look at me and the Miscreated woman, before freezing in place a moment, then stepping closer to her.
“Does this hurt?” she ‘asked’ of the Miscreated woman, pointing towards her Magitech Suppression collar, as her ‘voice’ echoed in, presumably, both our heads.
The Miscreated woman nodded her head up and down nervously, as Lilith’s hand neared her. Taking her answer, Lilith, walked up to face her, holding her forefingers and thumbs up to the woman’s neck, she rotated the collar till she found the locking mechanism, and within a moment shattered it with only her fingers.
She smiled at the Miscreated woman and reached out her hand and patted her on the head gently as the woman winced then recoiled before relaxing. Lilith quickly retracted her hand and apologized in a nervous sounding tone. Afterward, she turned around and walked toward the two cases, spinning around to face us, she asked politely, “Would you mind each carrying one of these? Also, I’d like to speak to you both once we leave this room.”
The Miscreated woman nodded with the obedience of her training showing through, curtly walked over and picked up one of the cases, and stood beside Lilith. I walked up to the other one, picking it up and looked at her, and asked, “What do you plan to do with these?”
“Mmmm… I’m not sure, we can decide later, for now, I want to talk more away from this room, please,” she replied, presumably to us both within our heads, as usual. I say that but it’s really highly unusual, as in, she is the only being to ever do something like this within my knowledge, and I do not understand the means at all.
Lilith walked up to one of Roulant’s men, the one with the long black coat, and fished around for a time before pulling out a set of keys, before walking toward the entrance hallway, beckoning for us to follow along, which we did.
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Yes Votes: 63 87.5%
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Not Sure Votes: 6 8.3%
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No (Comments on why would be helpful, thank you!) Votes: 3 4.2%
I feel like this would have worked much better if it came after Lilith's version of events for two reasons;
1) It disrupts the flow of the story a bit and there's no statement about Lilac's current circumstances, she's just writing the journal without nothing before or after it other than the date. This is assuming we'll get Lilith's PoV next without further continuation in Lilac's PoV.
2) The events are somewhat confusing since it's so drastically different from the Lilith we know. I understand it's partially because Lilac pays attention to different things, but it would have probably worked better if we knew Lilith's version of the events first.
Lilith is seemingly acting quite differently from her usual self and her powers seem way stronger than we've seen before. When did she learn to use this oppressive "aura" of hers when she's never done it before for a large group as far as I remember? She's only controlled or commanded a couple of people at a time so far and even then she was uncertain how well it all would work.
I'm willing to blame the seemingly out of nowhere orgy onto Lilith's succubus nature and maybe the Twilight Leaf, instead of getting straight into business or using more violent or diplomatic way as I expected. As for why the entire room became like that, I just assume it was unintended, due to succubus aura or something similar.
Good chapter either way, just throwing in some of my thoughts
I appreciate the comments.
Maybe I can try to shift things around a bit. I'll need to write all of both Lilith's and Lilac's parts though. The site has some kind of anti-cheat thing for re-arranging chapters that I don't understand well, that was my main concern with trying to re-order stuff.
Part of it is Lilac just for sure. The Serenity Potion, Twilight Leaf, combined with Lilith's uhm.. "influence" kind of warped her perception a bit.
Lilith's version is drastically different, but, the same basic events happen? Ugh, I guess I will try and fix this after all. Despite my worries about the anti-cheat thing.
It might take longer, but if I write all of Lilith's and all of Lilac's, maybe I can do it without too much shuffling.
For some more insight about what's going on:
Basically the whole time Lilith is hanging on by a thread, flying by the seat of her pants, going oh f*ck oh f*ck oh f*ck with some moments of, hey I'm actually doing things, and oh let's play pretend James bond spy something weeee
And, she doesn't really know how she influenced so many people at once, her stirring up the Twilight Leaf smoke, had something to do with it. The hold she had on people was not as strong as Lilac thought, evidenced by the guy who attacked her.
Also, the Yellow color is significant here, I imagine it could be guessed, but each color corresponds to one of her abilities, Red Glow, Pink Glow, and a Yellow Glow
Thank you for the feedback though, seriously. I guess I was just really excited about what all is happening next and though it'd be fun to see things from someone else's perspective. I will see what I can figure out.
@Freesia.Cutepearl No sweat! There was nothing wrong to an extent that would require major overhauls or anything like that, content or order wise. Just maybe something to consider for the future when using other PoV's. I hope my comments don't come off as too nitpicky or as complaints, it really is just extensive feedback as reference for future chapters for a story I'm invested in.
I pretty much deduced most things as you described them I suppose. Nothing wrong with using multiple PoV's, I actually personally love it when people do that, it gives so much more depth to the characters and events. The thing here was just that there was seemingly such a discrepancy between Lilith's actions to what we are used to, thrown in at a bit of an inappropriate moment in the event.
@Synalra Ah, yeah! I hope I didn't come off wrong, I figured it was more, how to word it? Like, critique from one author to another?
I feel like it's really easy to lose perspective when you have all of this in your head so disruptive things are harder to notice. I was honestly SUPER excited about Lilac, so I ended up writing her bit first. I also wanted to explore how other people might perceive Lilith, outside of limited encounters as Elicia and Kharius had with her.
I also added the "Unreliable Narrator" tag a while ago, because I realized, as I went along, adding more personality to Lilith's narration, that she is seeing herself one way, and also lacks confidence and all these other things, so her telling is skewed just like Lilac's.
It's my hope that by having three character's perspectives in the near future, I can sort of explore all this.
Still, if I can re-arrange things without too much disruption, I might as well try it now. I made a post n the forums asking how it all works and what could be the least disruptive way to do this. My main fear is the anti-cheat system will hide my updates, and I don't want someone to hop in reading mid-shuffle and get confused.
Maybe I'm thinking about things weirdly, but we're writing online not in a book, so why not take advantage of it to fix and improve things where we can? Despite my initial worries, the more I think about it, the more I want it to be the best it can be, if that makes sense?
On another note,
there was seemingly such a discrepancy between Lilith's actions to what we are used to, thrown in
I tried to show her facade collapsing as events went along, not sure how well I did at that. After her arm was sliced off she was pretty much hyperventilating for a moment, then trying to just calm herself down. I also attempted to convey inconsistency with Lilith's dialog because she was not acting consistently herself.
I'm curious how well all that came across?
@Freesia.Cutepearl When editing things on the fly like that, I think it might be impossible to take absolutely everyone into account. Your fears should be fixed as long as you just mention the changes you made in an author's note in the next chapter or something similar, I suppose? That's probably the best you can do.
Yes, it was pretty obvious the façade started coming down the moment she was accused of murder and got sliced. It came across pretty well, and she obviously couldn't really recover properly after that anymore.
But the thing that felt off about it was how fast it all came down, it was just like flipping a switch, while she was doing perfectly until that moment. It felt a bit unnatural. Though I guess it can just be considered the moment the figurative camel's back broke and Lilith's courage finally gave in when her arm got sliced and hit with pain. It's perfectly understandable, just felt somewhat unnatural for me, like going from 100% to 0% in one slash
@Synalra Lilac did skip over a lot of detail(honestly, Lilith's version might need 2 chapters just for the party), so I guess I can see how the slow descent I imagined in my head didn't come off quite as well. Her intense reaction to hearing about the maid girl was actually meant to be part of it, though, it really does need the context of Lilith's version I suppose. SEE this is what I mean, it's all in my head but you guys don't know it yet >.>
Definitely think they need to be reversed now.
@Freesia.Cutepearl ah, I did take note of her reaction, but without more context just blamed it on your typical isekai protagonist's overreaction to things like slavery and racism, as people who are accustomed to our world's standards.
@Synalra I swapped chapters around. I hope things flow a bit better now. Also Lilith's reasoning for her reaction over the Maid Girl has been laid out, I wonder if it's close to the over-reaction you were thinking of? That's not even getting to, how is the Girl in question going to react? Lilith sort of reacted on a whim, you know?
I also hope I did an OK job at conveying the stark difference between what was going on in Lilith's head to what she looked like to Lilac, who herself had(has?) her own things affecting her perception.