Consultation 80.

Does it count when I quietly mumble like that? That was my first thought after I made that weak proposal.

“Eh? Is that you God? What did you say just now? I couldn’t quite hear you. I suddenly found myself here before I realized it. Did you summon me for something? Could it be you had a change of heart regarding my request to give birth to you?”

That bitch! She really got the fetus chick.

“No, I didn’t have a change of heart.”

“What~ why not? If you didn't, why did you bring me here?”

 “Look, it’s really complicated. I brought you here to ask you to say ‘I refuse.’”

“I refuse? Why do you want me to say that?”

The green light changed to red as an expired basketball shot clock buzzer resounded through the room immediately followed by the word, “REEEEEJECTEEEEEED!” 

“Eh? God, what was that abou- AHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” 

Splash.

Eh? Splash? What do you mean splash?

A monitor morphed out from the divider in the room. It turned on and I could see an image from the other side. A pitfall had opened up in the ground and I could see the fetus lady covered from head to toe in slime. Her clothes were completely soaked.

When I saw it I really had to admit, it was very Japanese-like. Opening a trap door and dunking them into a slime trap. Yes, the art of fan service. I understood it all too well.

“It looks like God Waifus has been rejected already. Was that a record? Can we get a replay of that in slow motion?”

A replay of her descent into the slime started to play on the monitor. It showed the fetus lady on the other side as the trap door opened up below her feet. As she fell she flailed her arms about mid-flight as she screamed.

Covered in slime from head to toe, her clothes were a disorderly mess. I averted my innocent eyes to the side. I had to admit though, somehow it felt a bit satisfying to see one of my clients dunked in slime.

The image on the monitor suddenly turned black and I heard that annoying Goddess again, “Well then, after a crushing rejection from his first marriage candidate, let us move on to the next one.”

After she said that, the light changed from red to green signaling for me to propose for the second time. This was seriously the worst.

No, I need to think about this positively. On the bright side, the worst one was already gone. I would rather marry anyone but that fetus chick. Though my preference would naturally be to never marry. Marriage is a trap. A debt trap. As a man, the moment you get divorced, you’re screwed and will almost always get the short end of the stick.

Wait a minute, if I get all the first ones who show up to reject me, I should be able to avoid the worst cases. This is surely set up to match me with the worst ones thinking I’d get a match early on. But if I play the long game, they may be forced to get some normal ones. Great. That’s the game plan I should go with.

How can I ensure that they reject me though? Oh, that’s right, I can just add an insult along with the proposal.

“Please marry me, you old hag.” Heh. I felt pretty smug when I made that proposal.

“Can I have chocolate if I marry you?”

I stood up from my seat in horror and slammed my hands against my desk. That voice... it was the 24-year-old lolichoco girl who wanted to fuck the government for taking away her chocolate-covered dicks. I started sweating profusely. I’m not a damn lolicon! I also don’t have any sort of chocolate-related fetishes.

Shit. I really never considered she would be selected. 

“God, that’s you, right? 

“No, this is not God.”

“It’s not? But you sound like God. Why are you lying to me, God?”

“I’m not lying. I’m not God, I swear. You’ve got the wrong person.”

“If I marry God, can I have chocolate?”

“I’m not God.”

“Fine, if you were God and I married you, can I have chocolate?”

My eyes lit up as I finally noticed the grapevine that had been lowered before me.

“No. If I was God, you would never be able to have chocolate again if you married me.”

“Eh~ Then I have no interest in marrying you.”

For the second time, the green light changed to red and the shot clock buzzer sounded out. “REEEEEJECTEEEEEED!” 

“Hya- Eh? Is that chooooocolate?” Splash.

The monitor turned on and displayed the image of a red-haired loli covered in melted white chocolate. She was swimming around in it and swallowing as much as she could with a content look on her face.

I felt like a criminal just from watching.

“What a shame. Two for two rejections. Will our pitiful contestant God Waifus ever succeed and find the love of his life.”

I took a deep breath and did my best to not blow a fuse. 

“Hahaha. What’s wrong? Nothing to say? Oh well, shall we move onto the next one?”

The monitor turned off again and the light switched from red to green.

There was no way I’d give her the satisfaction of getting under my skin.

“But before we get to the next one, first, a quick message from our sponsors.”

My hand balled tightly into a fist and a vein on my forehead nearly burst. A stiff, ticked-off, crooked smile formed on my face.

I took in a deep breath and did my utmost to hold myself back. Play it cool. Just play it cool, me. Don’t let it get to you. Good things come to those who wait, surely. Just bear with it for a bit longer and this will be over before I know it. Then I can get back to my job as per the usual.

To be continued...