Consultation 96.
“God, I have concerns about what my child is being taught in school. I believe they are trying to brainwash him with nonsense about freedom and justice. I need to make sure they are properly turning my child into a true communist like me. They refer me to the curriculum, but I don’t buy it. They’re definitely hiding something. How can I get an inside view of the classroom without them being aware I’m observing everything in secret?”
“Well, that’s pretty easy. What is something pretty common that most kids these days have that you probably didn’t have when you were in school?”
“Uh… capitalism?”
I facepalmed as I shook my head from side to side and responded, “No, you idiot. Smartphones. That’s the obvious answer, isn’t it?”
“So, what exactly is so great about smartphones?”
“It’s something that he’s sure to keep on all the time and with him even in class. Kids also tend to pull it out during lessons in secret to text their friends so it’s perfect for what you want to do. Even if your kid keeps it in their pocket you should still be able to pick up a bit of audio in the class anyway.”
“Do you expect me to make a call to him and have the call on all the time?”
I felt like I was dealing with one of Goddess Grandparent’s clients. “No... you can just remotely gain access to the mic and camera on your kid’s mobile phone as long as he’s on data or connected to WiFi. Just hire a hacker who knows what they’re doing to set it up for you or you could just search for an app online that allows you to do it. Using this method it’s pretty unlikely that your kid will ever find out you’re snooping and violating their privacy.”
“The only way they might figure out something is off is if they check how much data they have used. Just set things up in a way that they don’t have access or any means to view that information and you should be golden. However, most snotty brats don’t care about things like how much data they are using and just go wild without a care in the world when they have unlimited data.”
“I had no idea such things were even possible.”
“Well, it is. It’s also not difficult either. Anyone with a bit of know-how can pull it off.”
“What if this fails though?”
“Well, if it doesn’t work out, there are other options available, albeit a bit riskier. Alternatively, unbeknownst to your kid, you could mount a wireless baby monitor inside their bag if they carry it around with them in school. You can poke a small hole in the bag so you can get a view of the outside with the camera. This method comes with the risk of your kid catching on though. If you don’t care about that, this option may work for you.”
“Though with this method, you’d still need to be within about 200-300 meters of his class unless you get one that can connect to WiFi. If it is one that can connect to WiFi, you’d just need to configure it so it automatically connects to the school’s WiFi network when inside the school. If that isn’t an option, you could set your kid’s phone to a personal hotspot so it could connect to that as a WiFi network instead. You can set it up in a way that only you can turn off the personal hotspot.”
“These ideas are pretty great, God.”
“There are still many other methods you can utilize.”
“There are?”
“Of course. Most parents are just unable to keep up with the rapidly advancing technological boom which is why they’re stumped on how they can see what’s really going on inside the classroom. There is an endless supply of miniature spy cameras available on the market these days. If you want, you can hide one of these small bugs inside the lining of your kid’s clothes. This way you are guaranteed to catch everything going on inside the class. There are some small enough that they very likely wouldn’t even notice it being there.”
“What! Such wonderful technology exists?”
“Yes, but this one, like the baby monitor still has the threat of being discovered. It also has a higher chance of being broken if your kid falls down and lands on it. In the end, the smartphone route is still the safest and most cost-effective as you don’t need to buy anything new and the threat of being caught in the act of spying is minimal. The only way it would be interrupted is if the teacher confiscates your kid’s phone in the middle of class and turns it off. But even then, your spying still wouldn’t be discovered.”
“However, not being discovered through this way is all under the assumption the version of the phone’s OS installed on your kid’s phone does not give an indicator on the GUI when the camera and mic are in use by an app. If it does give an indicator, you may need to jailbreak the device and perform a rollback on the OS version or edit the current version such that it doesn’t have that indicator.”
“I see. I see. Hehehe. This has been very educational and eye-opening, God. I will be sure to make good use of all the modern spying techniques you have imparted upon me to out all those disgusting capitalist pigs. I’ll be sure to expose every one of those bastard teachers in school who are trying to secretly teach blasphemous theories like freedom and justice to my kid.”
“I will make them rue the day they tried to turn my kid into a rebellious brat. Kids should be eternal slaves and be forever indebted to their parents. When they grow up they should work themselves ragged and give all their hard-earned money to support us so we can slack off and do nothing. Muahahahaha! Muahahahahahahaha-”
While taking out a paper bag from the bottom drawer in my desk on one side, I disinterestedly responded, “Yeah, yeah. Do whatever makes you happy. You’re free to laugh all you want like a maniacal villain, but can you please at the very least do it after you leave? I’d like to eat my lunch in peace before my next client gets here. Our meeting ended up cutting into my lunch break without me realizing it.”
“Oh, ehem, sorry about that. I get a bit excited whenever I think about crushing capitalist pigs.”
“The door is over there. Please feel free to continue your maniacal laughter after you step outside and close it.”
“Alright. Thank you for your understanding.”
After her bout of laughter was abruptly cut short, she politely left and allowed me to enjoy my lunch in peace in quiet.
There should be one where a jaded fantasy wife asks how to stop her husband from going off to being stupid a hero again or getting more 'waifus' as he calls those loose women she has to kill in secret again. o..o
Meh. Who actually requested this one?
No idea. Just on my list, one far back on it that I figured I'd get done. Had to get to it eventually. Also, plot twist, was another one of the Goddess of Reception's f*ck ups but this time he didn't catch onto it despite getting that feeling. It really was supposed to be one of Goddess Grandparents' clients. It's just the grandparent doesn't acknowledge her daughter in law(she ended up killing her because Goddess Grandparents snapped and gave her some shitty advice during her last consultation with her, hence what led to Goddess of Reception's f*ck up in booking) as her grandkid's mother and treats the kid as her own.