* ROAR!!! *
A roar from ancient times pierced through every vast realm, reaching into the depths of the void.
Finally, the shadow in the sky formed and a gigantic figure appeared.
It was the figure of a Dragon!
A Golden Dragon!
Radiating majesty and pride!
Ling Tian was stunned for a moment before regaining his composure and attacking the formation.
Yun Mengxin felt joy from the depths of her soul, feeling the waves of emotions and longing within.
The others were dumbfounded to see all this development before their eyes.
Even the inhabitants of Star City knelt before the heavens, feeling fear, awe, excitement, adoration, respect and more as they saw the mighty image of the Dragon swimming among the clouds as if it were a Divine being.
"What is that?!"
Mo Ling screamed in terror when he saw the gigantic form of the Dragon fill the skies. His power essence accumulated and began to flow wildly along with his brother's.
Both brothers felt extreme terror as they felt the Dragon's golden eyes fall upon them. These eyes radiated an indifference and majesty at the sight of them. It was as if they were only ants or insects that were not worth the trouble. A total feeling of contempt and disdain at the sight of them!
The feeling of being watched by a Divine figure, something more powerful than a Supreme, a being that could destroy the heavens with its breath alone, reached the soul of both brothers and filled them with anguish and terror, feeling so small and weak before this figure...
It was as if the world was as small as a pebble in front of the huge Dragon that crossed the entire universe!
Even its eye seemed 10 times bigger than the whole world, somehow demonstrating the greatness and strength this figure once had.
"I-It must be a spiritual attack! This isn't real!"
Mo Ling cried out desperately, telling himself that what they felt was only illusory and that Ling Tian wanted to scare them. Mo Leng was the same way and quickly seized the opportunity to sacrifice the others in the formation.
"Lord!"
"Senior!"
"Why?"
The five immortal cultivators gasped before exploding in a shower of blood and dying under the formation they had set up. All their energies and blood combined in the formation, raising another layer of defense.
Only Mo Leng and Mo Ling were left inside the formation, being guarded by the water barrier and the giant cauldron.
* Lightning! *
Some almost imperceptible lightning flashed across the sky, but it didn't attract anyone's attention, only Ling Tian's.
Ling Tian knew he was running out of time. The Heavenly punishment would come soon.
Urging all the mighty strength in his body and soul, Ling Tian pounded against the formation, cracking it as the True Heavenly Sword began to penetrate and shatter everything.
The countless cracks formed all over the world, both in the sky and on earth, mainly in the sky, where the flying Dragon figure resided. Signs that the world was beginning to destroy itself were visible to the naked eye, as if at any moment a force would explode and the world would disappear.
This clearly was as if it could not bear the presence of the Golden Dragon flying in the sky.
"Ling Tian! If you destroy this formation, we will explode and destroy this entire world!"
Both brothers yelled with all their might, wanting to immolate themselves along with the formation and destroy this entire world.
They already knew that they had lost, so they would try to take Ling Tian and everyone with them.
However, Ling Tian only lifted the corner of his lips, showing a smirk as he watched these two brothers who participated in the conspiracy against him.
"It's a pity that you don't get the chance." Ling Tian raised his hand and clenched his fist, as if grasping the sky itself.
Then, as if by magic, the cracks around the world stilled and closed. The world calmed down and the force of destruction that a few seconds ago invaded every corner suddenly disappeared.
Ling Tian's figure in the sky looked majestic and imposing, glaring with contempt and and indifference at both brothers while maintaining his power and prestige.
"Don't worry, I'll send your Master with you next time I find him."
* ROAR!!! *
The Golden Dragon figure roared, spreading its wings and piercing the sky, swimming into the void before shrinking and heading towards the formation.
* Crack! *
* BOOM! *
The Golden Dragon and the True Heavenly Sword integrated into one as the golden light burst forth and the formation shattered, destroying every inch of the space they were in.
The water barrier split in half and splashed everywhere. The huge Cauldron broke in half as well and the shield was easily destroyed. The formation disappeared.
Mo Leng and Mo Ling exploded the next moment, unable to withstand the explosion and perishing both in life and soul, with that area of space shattering into pieces until it turned to dust.
A massive black hole formed, consuming everything in its path where the formation was located. The terrifying force of the void consumed all of that space, letting everyone see how everything was torn to pieces.
Ling Tian waved his hand and the cracks in the void closed, calming that space so that there were no more dangerous forces threatening the world.
The Golden Dragon figure disappeared along with the True Heavenly Sword.
Only Ling Tian was left on the battlefield, floating in the sky as he calmed the agitation of the world.
Is it over?
Everyone unconsciously wondered, unable to truly believe everything they had witnessed.
That power Ling Tian demonstrated was not something they could have imagined. As if it was all just an illusion, an attack on the soul...
"Can he really control Heaven itself?" Ying Chen muttered incredulously as they watched Ling Tian's awe-inspiring figure in the sky, as if they could not believe that such a person who barely let out tiny traces of energy could perform such a scene. Even his right arm barely and had traces of flesh, with the bones being able to be seen as well as his back and more.
"Master won!" Lan Yin called out happily at once. Qing Sha smiled brightly as she wanted to go to Ling Tian since she missed him so much.
"Wait!" Tang Wanying, who had Shan Qingwu supporting her after she was healed and out of danger, stopped both girls.
* Lightning! *
When they wondered why Tang Wanying stopped them, lightning flashed across the sky. The sky was still cloudy, as if someone was about to break.
Even Hao Zhentian and the others didn't really understand what was happening.
"He has to face heaven's punishment."
Yun Mengxin's worried voice soon answered them.
When they focused their gazes on Ling Tian, they could see that indeed, the clouds above him piled up as the lightning arcs seemed to pile up, at any moment about to fall.
Ling Tian looked indifferently at heaven, as if he could see further this time, unlike before. As if a new impulse and knowledge had learned, piercing through and unveiling the secrets of the heavens themselves.
* Lightning! *
Finally, a single bolt of lightning flashed down and headed towards Ling Tian.
However, everyone was terrified at the sight of this!
This lightning was so big and huge!
Hao Zhentian couldn't help but feel chills upon seeing this. This was not a divine condemnation, rather, it was a punishment from heaven that wanted to kill Ling Tian!
Not even 10 divine damnations together from Great Ascension experts could create such arcs of lightning. What kind of punishment was this?
But when they wondered how Ling Tian could survive, they saw that he only threw a punch in the direction of the lightning again.
* Bang! *
The clash between the lightning and Ling Tian's fist created a powerful impact that shook the surrounding space again.
The thunder dispersed and Ling Tian was pushed down until he hit the ground, impacting heavily.
Ling Tian could no longer feel his body. His body refining cultivation method frantically executed as he absorbed the impact of the lightning, taking advantage of this punishment as well.
It seemed like he was about to advance to the next state.
The heaven seemed to be enraged when it saw that the first lightning bolt had done nothing to Ling Tian.
Chains of energy that could be seen with the naked eye made of Heaven and Earth enclosed Ling Tian, sticking to his body, beginning to seal his strength and energy again.
On one hand, Ling Tian finally sighed when he felt that the terrifying Primordial Chaos Force was actually being suppressed as the Heavenly Shackles covered his body.
It also took away Ling Tian's worry of slowing down the advancement of his body refinement. The first time he had this Heavenly Seal it had reduced the strength of his flesh and body and, although he had not reached the true immortal body, he could still be the strongest below the immortal threshold. But the shackles seemed to remove that refinement from his body and made him weak.
But now it seemed that the heavens did not aim for his bodily refinement, as if they didn't care...
* Lightning! *
And this was clearly seen when a lightning bolt 10 times bigger than the first one struck again, making everyone who saw this divine punishment turn pale.
However, this time, Ling Tian did nothing and let the lightning strike him easily. A mouthful of blood spat out and every trace of skin on his body cracked, with pieces of flesh and blood flying everywhere.
The refinement method charged wildly, trying to heal Ling Tian's body.
* LIGHTNING! *
Finally, the third and final arc lightning smashed down towards Ling Tian.
This lightning bolt looked like it was going to destroy the world, radiating a destructive and fierce force that from afar could be felt. Goose bumps rose as they watched Ling Tian helplessly.
No one could get close to help. If even the force of the impact from afar already hurt them and prevented them from approaching, they would not be able to survive that if they faced it directly.
This time, Ling Tian coldly snorted and his eyes once again lit up with a golden glow. A jade bottle appeared in his hand and he uncapped it, and Ling Tian swallowed the drops of the Kun Peng's blood.
"Never expect me to surrender to you." Ling Tian stepped on the ground and created a crater before propelling himself and heading towards the lightning.
The mighty roar of the Dragon was heard once again as Ling Tian's momentum reached its current peak and slammed into the lightning. His own energy formed a strange void in his hand before colliding, as if a tiny universe began to be created...
* BOOM! *
The world lit up when a powerful impact force swept everything in its path...
You are very good, just some minor issues and suggestions:
- Too many s*x scenes. s*x scenes should be few and far between. Also they should never be free: the MC should earn each one with many chapters of struggles, until the beauty is finally convinced/conquered or willing to reward her man.
- Too little ecchi ("accidental flashing and involuntary skinship, causing embarassment). Ecchi can be used in each chapter, it never bothers the reader. It spices up every scene.
- It is not heavenly "damnation" but heavenly "tribulation". Damnation is something definitive, you are permanently banned by the Dao and you can only cultivate using evil and forbidden cultivation techniques.
- Laughter rules: Ah, Ah = good charaters; Eh, Eh = evil characters; Hi, Hi = perverse characters; Oh, Oh, Oh = old and wise characters.
- The best way to make fight scenes easier to visualize for the reader is to describe every action by multiple point of view, letting each character making a comment loaded with both informations and emotions (i.e. "He is trying to get behind us!"; "If that brat thinks that he can be faster than this immortal, he is deluding himself!"; "He realized that long range attacks are useless against our divine sense and he is trying to switch to a close range fight... stop him!").
- You are also lacking in tension in many chapters, but keeping constant tension is not an easy thing to accomplish. You can say that Tension is the holy grail of writing, and very few authors even at the top find it very very difficult. Just remember this rule: if in a scene there is no tension, you can scrap that scene because it would be boring. Tension is best defined as the feeling that the MC has two (or more) opposite and mutually exclusive goals (or problems to solve) at the same time. (i.e. he must cultivate but he should also avoid being detected/discovered doing so).
- A story should also project the daily MC life events on a bigger backdrop, like an impending doom, a prophecy or a conspiracy. Those should be always discussed in separated scenes by more wise or powerful characters, illustrating the dramatic consequences of what it is unraveling behind the scenes. To dramatize those backdrops, one or more of those powerful characters should be depicted sacrificing themselves in attempts to stop it. The impending doom in the world you described is too vague and undrammatic, because there are no characters on the backdrop fighting and loosing against it, no characters doomed or in despair for it.
- Your antagonists are weak and uninteresting. True antagonists (not minor antagonistic characters) are the key to make any story interesting. They should always inspire fear and respect, even admiration. Trying to outsmart them should be difficult for the MC, and they should be as deep as the MC when it came to inner conflicts and drammatic background. Their story should no less interesting than the MC's.
- Your female characters for the harem are good, very unique and each one with their own speaking and fighting style, but they lack a personal goal and an unresolved tension, something to strive for in the future. As you are correctly doing, they should never be in background as a passive baggage of the MC, they should be active in pursuing their own agenda in their unique, cute or cool, way.
- The depth of a scene derives from the depth of the characters background story and inner conflicts. This is why in anime/shounen manga fights always start with flashbacks of the combatants, because those give weight to the following battle. McKee said that no scene can be complete if at least one character has not changed an opinion or a conviction of his at the end. Even face-slapping can be interesting if the characters are loaded with their own issues and dramas.
- You don't need always big dramas. Small dramas are often more emotionally moving than big dramas. The drama of a single mother losing her job can be felt much more deeply by the reader than a monster stampede or an spatial-laws collapse. One death is a tragedy, 1 million deaths are a statistic.
- You should expand your cultivation system with other 9-14 realms on top of Supreme. With an overpowered MC already at the higher realm it would be difficult to continue getting the readers interest. To guarantee long term interest of readers even after 1000 chapters, you should follow the three-feelings-rule of xianxia. I've described those rules here: https://forum.scribblehub.com/threads/the-perfect-formula-for-xianxia-novels.5141/
Keep up the good work! ?
Thank you very much for your advice, opinions, views and criticism.
As I mentioned, I don't consider myself a great writer or anything like that, but simply a guy who started this work for pleasure and encouragement in wanting to develop his own novel.
But also because I will have many ups and downs in the novel, moments that may even lead to excitement or even boredom for the readers.
I have a lot to learn and as the story progresses, I think you might notice my progress, either for better or for worse.
With the girls, I think it was a bit rushed at the beginning, but it was because I was just starting and I didn't have that measuring guideline to know how to progress. But as time goes by, I will obviously give each of the wives their personality, their goals or objectives, so that they not only depend on the MC but also have their strength and pride and can stand with dignity and strength in front of everything.
The other points I have also been looking at and realizing how I could develop it.
I'm sure on the one hand the antagonists really lack depth and the story itself lacks a real goal, but that's because I wanted to develop it over time, that the MC knows his own goal and how far he has to go, what he wants to be strong for or what he wants to do.
As well as the main antagonist or main antagonists or the evil force in the one that gives the spice to the novel and the real essence of why it's all this at the end.
But well I didn't want to squeeze all this into a few chapters, but I'm also failing at dragging it out too long, almost 500 chapters already. But well, it's mainly because I didn't want to fill up with information and try to get everything into a few chapters.
The Cultivation realms I would obviously add a few more, it would already depend if it would be a few but where the strength gap is almost hard to reach, or stages where the MC can jump over the ranks and still be OP, obviously without overdoing it and give it that unique touch in his strength.
But anyway, I really appreciate what you have written, as I can see from another perspective what I lack, what I have left over, what is right or wrong or even grasp that little improvement I needed.
That guide you left me also looks very interesting and I think I could find many references and senses to make my story more interesting and much better.
Comments like yours really encourage me to keep going!
Hello hello thank you for chappies once again and I have nothing to repport regarding the grammar, found nothing while light reading... but there could always be errors that I missed, believe it or not english is not my first language maybe it was the friends we made along the way that was the true errors idk??? While this story is not the best written one I have ever seen I still enjoy it all the same and am eagerly awaiting more... For a bit of constructive critisism that I think was highlighted this arc is that your writing sometimes feel repetitive or drawn out like with everyone spitting blood left and right (by that I mean it feels so usual that it becomes hard to tell what is just a fleshwound that could be healed with just a pill and what is ”genuine” lifethreatening damage)... Maybe you could be more expressive with close combat??? Many fights that you have written feels a bit like dragon ball with everyone spamming lazer beams or other types of long range spam attacks (nothing wrong with that in itself a blanket of arrows has been a genuine strategy in past wars that happened in real life) but idk it’s your story you do you and I hope you have a good day
Hehe, I know. The truth is that I am very novice in describing fights.
In my head I imagine everything epic and exciting, but it's difficult for me to transfer it to words, because sometimes I don't know how to describe such an action or it may lose meaning in such a movement. You know what I mean just by reading all these chapters, haha.
Yes, the truth is now I realize that I dragged a lot of these chapters, but it was mainly because I wanted to give spotlight to the wives as well and not just have them there as background decoration.
But as I always mention, I'm developing myself in this field of writing, so comments, criticisms, points of view from all of you help me a lot, broaden my horizons and so I can add a better flavor to the story, making it more entertaining and enjoyable for you.
But well, thanks for still being here! I hope you will continue with me as the novel develops and continue to support me!
All your points of view, whether good or bad, are welcome as they develop my knowledge.
If you don't want the wives to lose prominence and become trophies, the stop separating them by random chance like all other cultivation writers do. Because i bet that after this ordeal with the wrold collapsing finishes they are going to be separated again.
Great story! Keep it up @Riixhiie
I enjoyed the early chapters when the MC and the female leads had frequent interactions. Characters and situations flowed smoothly then.
I know you’re worried about the death of characterization. But nothing does that more than devoting ~1/6 of a 500 chapter story to a single battle.
This story’s strength was the characters. Not a shonen power-leveling journey. But somewhere along the way we lost sight of that.
for 18+ scenes and having female(s) lead's own interest and story; best one is Pure Love x Insult Complex. Its not a top novel considering everything but if its just for 18+ content it is one of the best if not the best. Characters talk a lot though as if they got to explain every little detail which imo is just a japanese novel trope.
For fighting references maybe mainstream one against the gods and for a lesser known novel monarch of evernight lots more but imo these two are at the top
Thx a lot for your recommendations!