Chapter. 9 |Dragon Dragon Dragon
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The "She simply blabbered" should be removed and replaced with a comma.
"Eri, your body is really hot..." I awkwardly said as I opened the door to her room. She simply blabbered. "Well, you did like to bury yourself in blankets..." I simply put her in her little blanket shelter she had made and gave her a kiss before leaving.
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"Eri, your body is really hot..." I awkwardly said as I opened the door to her room, "Well, you did like to bury yourself in blankets..." I simply put her in her little blanket shelter she had made and gave her a kiss before leaving.
If you have the blabbered part, it changes the pov from 1st person to 3rd person, then back to 1st person, in the same sentence. It doesn't flow well
Also adding an exclamation of suprise like "Ahh!!!" or something at the end before that last sentence also helps for flow EX. "Ahh!!!" In the end... I had forgotten to get her candy.
Also thanks for the chapter!!!
"Eri, your body is really hot..." I awkwardly said as I opened the door to her room. "Well, you did like to bury yourself in blankets..." I simply put her in her little blanket shelter she had made and gave her a kiss before leaving. Although I got no reply back, seeing she was sound asleep.
Ended up changing it to this since a lot of people pointed out it was kind of weird. Hope it goes better. Also the Ahh!!! would kinda ruin the tone I am going for.
@Drunk2nLink
Thanks for the chapter.
So, even the proud dragon thinks herself to be a lizard.
In the end... I had forgotten to get her candy.
unforgivable
Awesome chapter. I'm very interested in how the villains in this story are like, and/or if there are more people like her that got changed into their game character's design.
Thank you for the chapters!
Thank you for the chapter!
Thank you for the story!
first person or third person doesn't matter to me much, but I prefer it to be consistently one or the other within the period of time that they're the main focal point. Some people will gripe about 1st person, but I happen to prefer 1st person.
As far as quotes, it's up to you. This is your canvas to paint. I suppose you'll have to experiment and see what you like best.
Thanks for the chapter!~
You need to stop loosing things! A chapter title isn't as bad as half of a chapter but be careful!
Thank you for the chapter.