Mars weighed the two swords in his hands. The blades of both swords were as heavy and strong as their almost two meters in length would suggest. Such absurd weapons would have been totally impossible for normal men to handle, but finer weapons could not withstand the struggle against the imposing bodies of monsters and demons.
The two blades lit up with a silvery light when Mars enhanced their enchantment with his own magic, and when the two monsters came screaming close, Mars sent the two weapons using his telekinesis.
Under the effect of his telekinetic magic and guided by his mind, the tip of the sword penetrated the eye of the first monster so quickly that it almost nailed it in place, while the other weapon separated the body horizontally from the other monster along its entire length.
The nearest threat had been eliminated, but the titan of flesh approached at full speed.
He took a short moment to calm his dying spirit and concentrate, focusing his will to a degree that would consume the titan's spirit when he unleashed his psychic fury upon it. He could feel on the surface of his mind the blind hunger as much as the vicious intentions of the grotesque assembly of humanoid meat. The obscene and vicious smile on the titan's grotesque face evoked a macabre parody of humanity.
Creaking under tension, he directed his attention to the immense creature that was now dangerously close to his position. Its fat and deformed body waddled with every step, and the thousands of human faces on the surface of its body screamed and groaned in a horrifying cacophony.
Once ready, guided by the weight of his will, Mars unleashed all the fury of his psychic powers on the spirit of the titan of flesh. Under the effect of the attack the stupid spirit of the titan was blown out like the flame of a candle under the effect of a storm, and the silhouette of the artificial creature, born of black rituals, collapsed the next instant like a meat puppet whose threads were cut.
The abominable existence, created with the fused bodies of children, men and women still alive and kept intact by unspeakable sorcery, began to die slowly, and then when the magic dissipated from its body, the cries of pain, tears and supplications disappeared. The nightmare of the unfortunate people who had prayed daily for death finally came to an end.
Mars fell from exhaustion, his knees touched the ground, followed by the rest of his body. The mental strain of the psychic attack had been almost fatal to his already exhausted mind from the many battles, and even with the powerful blessings of the Gods and the support of the arts of the soul, his ruined body threatened to break at any moment.
Mars concentrated to observe the telepathic network, but detected no presence on it. Was everyone dead?
Observing the many corpses around him, he desperately searched for other warriors still alive to join his efforts with theirs, but he found no one. Yet just when he thought it was all over, he picked up a psychic call filled with distress mixed with despair resonating from inside the city. His fears had not yet been fully realized.
Detecting the direction from which the psychic signal was coming, Mars realized that the great enchanted stone gates that protected the entrance to the city were open. Using his magic, he flew through the labyrinths of corridors at almost supersonic speed, before arriving at the source of the signal.
He then arrived in front of the entrance to the ritual chamber at the top and in the heart of the fortress. Scattered flesh and pieces of bone were scattered left and right in the dark corridor. Puddles of blood that had accumulated on the stone floor flooded his armored boots. There were human, monster and demon corpses, and the Durazon-made golems that usually guarded the entrance had been turned into melted and burned metal pieces. When he entered the room he perceived no life forms, only corpses and an incredible concentration of magical energy that came from a magical matrix in the center of the room.
"Huh? I was sure the call was coming from here, but there's no one there."
What happened here? Distrustful, Mars quickly activated the enchantments in his eyes, making them shine with multi-colored lights, but just as his eyes pierced the magical and psychic camouflage field to see a squad of ten Demons in scarlet armor, a Master of Pain directed a scarlet beam of destructive and devouring energy that struck Mars head-on.
The devastating energies of the spell shook and crackled the powerful protective fields around his heavy, enchanted armor. Reacting immediately, Mars tried to create a magical barrier to contain the spell's energies so she could counterattack, but the next moment a second beam of energy combined with the first and pierced the protective force fields, penetrating through his armor at his left shoulder.
A burning, excruciating pain swept through Mars as the metal melted and the flesh of his arm turned into flames. He cried out in pain in a high-pitched scream so loud that he did not think his voice could produce such a sound.
Mars fought with all his might against the pain and his desire to faint and pushed away from the terror that was numbing his mind to react to his situation.
In desperation he managed to create a magical barrier to finally divert the destructive energies, and then he began to concentrate the surrounding magical energies in his right hand to counterattack.
One of the Demons, aware of the situation, shouted orders in such a peculiar language that every word it said to him tore out his eardrums, the other demons of the squad abandoned their arrogant posture and rushed to Mars in an instant.
But it was too late.
The next moment he reached out his hand and scolded a word of power. Releasing a spell in their direction, red and purple lightning bolts flashed from his hand and struck the bodies of his enemies so hard that their skin burned and their armor melted as the liquid metal mingled with their quivering flesh. The master of pain did what he could to contain and deflect the energies of the spell of Mars, but unable to compete, he was overwhelmed by the lightning that greedily devoured their flesh and bones.
The Demons died in a concert of torment and screaming.
The place finally freed of all threat, he ignored the peaks of pain that threatened to overwhelm him and instead concentrated on searching for survivors, even though it was difficult to see anything through his vision fogged by his eyes filled with tears, but he saw nothing but piles of corpses.
Was it too late?
He was walking over the smoking corpses of the demons, advancing on the treacherous and slimy ground when he heard a cry. As he looked down he saw a red silhouette on the ground that he was crushing under his steel boot. At first it was hard for him to recognize it, but when he did, he realized the atrocious truth.
What he had thought was a gaunt corpse was in fact Aleria, the last heiress of the order of Elentir. The witch hadn't been seen for days, but given the amount of completely absurd magic in the air, she must have been busy performing a secret ritual for all that time, while maintaining the magical barriers to protect them.
There was something incredible and deeply unreal about the fact that even someone with such overwhelming powers as Aleria could end up in such a state.
Her appearance seemed to come straight out of a nightmare, her emerald eyes had been ripped out, her flesh was swollen, deformed and her broken bones protruded in places.
He knelt down and took off his armored helmet before gently laying his head next to Aleria's head. She whispered something, but it was incomprehensible, and then she seemed to notice the presence of Mars, so she connected herself intimately to his spirit, as she had done so many times before.
The contact was immediately painful, and Mars drew on his mental strength to drive away from the persistent pain and terror that reigned in her witch's mind. Unfortunately, even so, he was unable to properly understand the ideas and feelings that Aleria was trying to convey to him.
He understood only one sentence that sounded something like "help...". return... save... home... please" but honestly, it didn't make any sense at all. The Elf kingdoms had been totally ravaged and she was the last survivor of their race.
The unfortunate witch must have lost her mind under torture. For a moment he thought she was begging for help, but at that point he could only do one thing for her. Mars didn't know if she could hear him, but he whispered a few deaths to her.
"Rest now, it's over."
He sang a few inaudible words, gathering in silence, before driving a blade directly into the woman's heart. Despite her unrecognizable face, Mars perceived surprise mixed with horror and despair as Aleria tried to fight, unable to understand Mars' act, whispering and begging to stop before she breathed her last.
Life had finally left her face, replaced by calm and cold tranquility. Thus ended forever the existence of the race of Elves.
But her soul, burning and radiant with power like a small sun, was now free of all ties, and above all vulnerable to any predator. It was better to make it disappear, rather than let it be caught by their enemies and suffer unspeakable torment. He had not been able to do anything for those of others before, but he did not want her soul to suffer the same fate.
"I am truly sorry."
He forced the soul under the yoke of his will and drew it to him to force part of the soul to merge with him as he absorbed it residual power. The memories and feelings that had belonged to the woman's soul poured over him and briefly mingled with his own like a storm, too quickly for him to perceive or understand what she had tried to do here. The memories almost overwhelmed him, but Mars managed to maintain the integrity of his own spirit, while the power and energies that the soul had contained poured into every part of his mind and soul. Then everything suddenly disappeared.
Looking silently at the corpse, Mars felt as if something had been broken inside him and a tear caressed the deep scars on his face that he had been trying to keep indifferent and inexpressive for so many years. He ran his trembling hand over the woman's once delicate face. Mars' eyes crackled with magic and were animated by multicolored gleams, while the mutilated body of the woman was enveloped in a colored flame that devoured her to the bone. Reflexively he made a quick gesture of prayer to the Gods with his hand even though he knew they had disappeared.
Now that there was nothing left around him, he recited an invocation, then a small golden flame appeared in the hollow of his palm open to the sky, which he carried on his left shoulder. Mars made a grimace and a slight groan of pain as the quivering open flesh was cauterized by the sacred flame.
After using his magic, he gazed into the distance at the desolate landscape of the stained glass windows on the wall of the ritual hall. Leaving his vision enhanced by the dozens of magical enchantments intertwined in his eyes, he simultaneously crossed both the immediate and the distant environment.
The clamor of the battlefield, the fury of combat, the incessant shouting and the sounds of chewing had now completely disappeared. The plain, once rich in life and its fertile soil, was now only a corrupt and sickly land on which unhealthy and morbid influences reigned.
In the distance, even the high peaks of the surrounding mountains had been swallowed up by the cursed mist, which turned everything it touched into distorted and starving things. The slopes of the mountains were covered with fir trees, and torrents were rushing at high speed to feed the rivers at the foot of the mountains. Rain mixed with snow cooled the atmosphere, almost as if nature was mourning the fate of the men and women who had once defended this world.
All the warriors had fought to the end to defend the fortress, but all were now dead. Even the city, once home to thousands of civilians, mostly women and children, was now a place inhabited by death.
The inhabitants had had time to distribute the soul-killing poisons and give them to the children. How had they felt as they had been forced to watch their children die before their eyes, to make sure that the poison had taken effect, before committing suicide to join them on the last journey with no return? He did not want to imagine the scene.
And he was now the last human still alive.
I hope you had a nice break.
Though, to be honest, I think that the first two chapters is less effective than the last iteration. I’m probably just biased and you can feel free to ignore me. My problem is that we don’t have a solid emotional connection to anyone even Mars. The first chapter makes the audience feel disconnected from the battle. In harsh terms, it’s emotionless noise. To make it more constructively, what is the purpose of introducing us to this battle? Does anything change if it doesn’t? Is the only purpose is to bury Mars under rubble for an albeit short time jump to when the city is breached? Why can’t he start there? There wasn’t anything that the readers needed to know in that scene.
I also have a problem with Mars. Besides the scene with the elven witch that was calling for help, Mars doesn’t make choices, it doesn’t build character. We don’t even get to be in his head most of the time while other random, nondescript, probably unimportant to the story characters are slaughtered. My gripe here is that he knows these people, so why doesn’t his emotions reflect that. The audience experiences the world through the character.
The only reason I’m even writing this is that the first iteration hooked me much more effectively and made me read the 24 chapters that were up.
What he had thought was a gaunt corpse was in fact Aleria, the last heiress of the order of Elentir. The witch hadn't been seen for days, but given the amount of completely absurd magic in the air, she must have been busy performing a secret ritual for all that time, while maintaining the magical barriers to protect them.
There was something incredible and deeply unreal about the fact that even someone with such overwhelming powers as Aleria could end up in such a state.
Well no, not really. I don’t care who this person is.
The paragraphs after this are fine.
Um, honestly your comment hurts my heart. But your comments are worth thinking about, because they seem justified in several ways, since maybe 2/3 of the chapter could be cut without disturbing the rest of the story.
Hell, I need to analyze this in a rested way.
Thank you for your comment.
@Dimensiontravels *crush* is the sound of my heart when it was broken!
@TheDoomMaster I always had a place for some despair but otherwise this is a timeloop, from my understanding. I’ll be here for the long haul and after reading Mother of Learning on royalroad, I’d rather get this off my chest now than 5 deaths in. It hooked me the first time around, so you can do it great. Have confidence.
Fair point not gonna lie , but let’s be real
The first chapters are usually nothing but introduction and it’s almost imposible to feel attached to a character right from the start unless he/she does something epic right of the bat ( which does not usually happen , even in masterpieces like Reverend Insanity or Lord of the Mysteries)
I also like it when the the thoughts and emotions of the MC are laid bare for me to see but we are so early into the story that i doubt anybody would really care about Mars, an unknown character at this point
The easiest way to judge a character is to look at their actions and chapter 3 is just that, a final struggle of a man who has nothing to lose, a cool choice in my opinion because there aren’t many who are content to die just to be able to do more damage to the enemy
In the end , i think that it’s a little early to want an emotional conection after 2 chaps (actually 1 on Royal Road)
@Viforus The problem I have is that it’s very obvious none of the characters beside maybe Aleria is very important to his second life. It feels like wasted space for more aspirational characters.
In an old post, the Author got inspired by Reincarnator. Eres, Kangtae, and Keldian didn’t have room for character development in the second half (no emotional connection), but even though they were absent from the first half, the mere thoughts of them through the MC influenced everything drastically. Obviously, the loop wasn’t known beforehand, and this novel doesn’t have to be another Reincarnator. What I’m saying is, instead of wasted space we get interesting plot points that can foreshadow dangers ahead in a subtle way.
It’s why I really like the amalgamation of human souls. A big endgame boss, threatening and dangerous. It might not even be in the story at all, but it COULD (I was sad dragons weren’t important in the second half of Reincarnator). A witch blowing herself up and her knight friends up is boring, but if she gave something to Mars that could be useful after death, at the very least we would have something to remember her by. It doesn’t have to be an emotional connection, but if that’s the case, don’t write it like the audience cares. Mars should care. If they are important, the audience needs to remember them through something important.
@Dimensiontravels ,you are right about the filler characters and since they are almost omnipresent it’s really hard for me to care about them . From the way Mars seems to describe his first life I feel like he is mostly numb to deaths and really depressed (remember how sad he was when his drugs stopped working) . I know what you are talking about and I think that the important characters will rear their heads in future chapters.
You seem to be a fellow man of culture well versed in time loop and time travel novels so I think you know how shitty it is to have too many characters beeing thrown into the story without a solid background and then doing almost nothing for the rest of the story.
I dont think this will happen here, so do not worry.
@Viforus I think the reason I reacted so strongly was that those little hints of strangeness made me reminisce of me reading an entire arc in one of those random trashy power fantasies were an entire civilization was thrown to the wayside. It was enough for me to throw the towel 1000 chapters in. It was late at night and I probably was taking my anger out on this novel.
I apologize MrDoomMaster for any hurtful comments I have said. You have every right to write how you want to.
El Psy Congroo