Major_Rebecca: Hop to it, men! This is your Major with another live interview! Today, I have with me P3sky and Beanz, a small-town comedic duo popular all over human-populated regions in R&C!

Beanz: I wouldn’t call us small-town. More like up-and-comin’, you know? And, not to toot my own horn or anythin’, but we might already be there with the latest video. Right, P3sky?

P3sky: ¡Sí! El último clip nos dio una veintena de nuevos seguidores.

Major_Rebecca: Um, it’s alright if you speak English on here, you know. I don’t think anyone will care if you drop the act.

Beanz: Oh, no, he don’t speak a lick o’ English.

Major_Rebecca: Really?

Beanz: Yep.

P3sky: Comprendo el ingles muy bien, pero sus palabras son loco.

Major_Rebecca: I-I see.

Beanz: You fluent?

Major_Rebecca: Not at all…Um, moving on: Can you explain what happened to you? I’m sure most of our viewers saw your video but I think we’d all appreciate just a look inside your head when everything went down.

Beanz: Well, I suppose I should start by sayin’ finding the town totally threw us off track. We had a whole thing planned out with those sunsprout petals, ya see; it was gonna be huge-

P3sky: ¡Oye, oye! ¡No lo estropees!

Beanz: Sorry.

P3sky: Lo que quiso decir es que el descubrimiento realmente nos desbarató los planes para ese video. Hubiéramos informado a cualquier moderador en línea inmediatamente, pero…

Beanz: I wasn’t gonna wait for some lazy admin to get on and boot us out of the area!

Major_Rebecca: Um…

Beanz: Oh, sorry, Rebecca - can I call you Rebecca?

Major_Rebecca: Major’s fine.

Beanz: Right, right. Anyway, Major, I just knew that if somebody higher up caught wind of the incident, they’d wipe the town off the map right away.

Major_Rebecca: You thought there was something worthwhile?

Beanz: O’course. I thought the CSPs was finally takin’ over Ablein and, me bein’ a part of the NRF, I couldn’t let that stand. So I went over an’ had a little looksie at the [Guards], jus’ to see if I could take ‘em.

Major_Rebecca: Levels aren’t everything, you know. Even if it’s an NPC.

P3sky: Beanz sabe muy bien que no debe ser arrogante, ¿no?

Beanz: Yes but, ya see, I had me a skill, Analyse Target that I got from reachin’ level 15 in [Half-Knight].

Major_Rebecca: Interesting! What does the skill do?

P3sky: ¡Engana! ¡De ninguna manera una habilidad de análisis debería ser tan invasiva!

Major_Rebecca: Um…

Beanz: Ignore him. He’s just jealous that my skill is better than anything he could ever get.

Major_Rebecca: What does it do?

Beanz: Lists the attributes, highest skills, and equipment of the target and compares them to mine.

Major_Rebecca: That’s insane!

Beanz: My class likes to compensate, ya know?

P3sky: Todo acerca de su clase, sus habilidades, incluso sus estadísticas necesita nerfing.

Major_Rebecca: So, what does [Half Knight] do again?

Beanz: Makes me as strong as a knight but sacrifices the defense for speed and charisma. I’m not all that tanky but I am good with the ladies.

Major_Rebecca: I...see.

P3sky: No tienes nada de que preocuparte. Es tan malo para coquetear en el juego como en la vida real.

Major_Rebecca: Thanks. So, moving on, you saw the [Guards] were weaker than you and not outright hostile to your presence. That’s strange for CSPs, isn’t it?

Beanz: Very. They give the stink-eye to just about everybody, ‘specially us NRFs. Nothin’ I can do ‘bout that, seein’ as I’d be givin’ it right back, ya know? They just said - what was it, P3sky?

P3sky: ‘Halt! Trade, refuge, or special business?’ Extrañas palabras para un PNJ.

Major_Rebecca: I thought-I...nevermind. You, of course, chose the trade option, correct?

Beanz: Yep. I thought something was funky with the NPCs so we went with the safest option. Good thinkin’, too, cuz the place was teeming with a whole buncha NPCs. A giant Myconid coming out of nowhere nearly trampled P3sky as we stepped inside the gates!

Major_Rebecca: I saw that! That part put the video at the very top of my favorites.

P3sky: Me alegro de que mi casi ataque de pánico te haya entretenido.

Beanz: It was kind of funny when you screamed, though, buddy.

Major_Rebecca: Heh...Ahem, let’s move on with the interview, shall we? Now, we know from the video that most of the NPCs were fairly indifferent, sometimes even friendly, to your presence in the town. How did you, in turn, feel about them?

Beanz: I’ll be honest with ya; cool and collected as I was while on camera-

P3sky: ¿Te refieres a lloriquear como un idiota?

Beanz: -I was tickled pink on the inside! I can’t tell you how weird and crazy insane it is to see a cute lil’ Wood Elf bartering with a UI Human for one of ‘er spell sticks! Never seen a UI lose his cool before. That was hilarious!

P3sky: Sí. ¡Su cara estaba toda hinchada y roja como una frambuesa! La cosa más graciosa que he visto nunca…

Major_Rebecca: Wood Elves are known for being hard to make a decent deal with, aren’t they?

Beanz: I’ll say. They’d swindle their own mothers if they could!

Major_Rebecca: True enough. So, you found the town, saw the people, you liked it, yes?

Beanz: Was a good enough place.

P3sky: ¡Nunca he visto nada igual! Quería hacerme cargo pero entonces llegó ese tipo.

Major_Rebecca: Er, right. Everything was going well for you until the, ah, what was his name? Oren?

Beanz: Everybody calls ‘im Flake. And yeah, he made a right mess o’ everythin’.

Major_Rebecca: I know, from the video, you didn’t do anything intentionally to antagonize him so, what do you think was his problem?

Beanz: Whatever messed with the rest of ‘em didn’t work on him, I guess. Still as snooty as ever, ‘specially when he saw we was from NRF.

Major_Rebecca: Still a mystery, then. So, tell me, how’d you beat him? CSP is known for their spear mastery skills and ‘Flake’ was especially talented. I’m not much of a fighter in the game but I know the fight was spectacular!

Beanz: Aw, shucks, it was nothing. P3sky did most of the work; I just kept ‘im busy with my shield ‘n everythin’.

Major_Rebecca: That’s right! P3sky, you were amazing! I’ve never seen someone move so well in the game! May I ask what’s your level?

P3sky: Diez y ocho.

Beanz: That’s-

Major_Rebecca: Level 18, I know. That’s amazing. You’re an [Archer] correct?

P3sky: Sí. Prefiero cortar a la gente por la espalda que acercarme a ella personalmente, ¿sabes?

Major_Rebecca: Right, right. You both used some pretty flashy skills during the battle, especially that Headshot you used, P3sky. Although, I thought that was a skill [Archers] received at level 20? Same with your Ignore Armor buff, Beanz; that’s a level 25 [Half Knight] skill, is it not?

Beanz: ‘N here I thought you didn’t know nothin’ ‘bout fightin’.

Major_Rebecca: I do like to do a bit of research before an interview. So, tell me; how’d you learn skills above your class level?

Beanz: I’m afraid I can’t tell ya that. Jus’ a special somethin’ we got from a secret benefactor; s’all hush-hush, you know?

Major_Rebecca: Alright, alright. Keep your secrets. They served you well against Flake, at least.

Beanz: ‘E put up a good fight, yunno. Might’ve gotten me if ‘e had a better spear. O’course, I wouldn’t ‘ave stayed down fer long, but ‘e had some skill.

Major_Rebecca: How humble…

P3sky: Normalmente se jacta mucho más. Esto es lo más manso que va a conseguir.

Beanz: Oh, don’t be like that, buddy, ol’ pal o’ mine! You know I-

Major_Rebecca: Ahem!

Beanz: Oh! Carry on.

Major_Rebecca: Thank you. Now, while NPCs have pretty good dialogue for a video game, I couldn’t help but think of how oddly realistic some of them were - besides Flake’s cartoonishly antagonistic act toward the both of you. P3sky, you remember Henry, the [Archer] who kept asking you to teach him Headshot.

P3sky: Sí. ¡Era tan molesto! Quería explorar más la ciudad pero no me dejaba en paz.

Beanz: Er, he said that the guy was annoying, that he wanted to explore but the NPC wouldn’t let him alone.

Major_Rebecca: Right, right but don’t you think it’s odd that the NPC asked you to teach him a skill and not the other way around?

P3sky: Ohhh. ¡Tienes razón! Nunca lo había pensado así…

Major_Rebecca: Another strange case of NPCs not acting as they should, then.

Beanz: Ya think somebody might be messin’ with their code or somethin’?

Major_Rebecca: Considering the recent attack on Tinina23’s base, that might not be too much of a stretch. But we shouldn’t jump to conclusions just yet.

Beanz: I suppose…

Major_Rebecca: Oh, goodness! Look at the time! (Jacobi, why didn’t you warn me?) I’m afraid we’re going to have to end this interview here! It was lovely having you on, gentlemen.

P3sky: El gusto es mío.

Beanz: Nice talkin’ to you, too, Major!

Major_Rebecca: This has been Major Interviews with your host, Major_Rebecca! We’re signing off!

Schwab

To any native or decently fluent Spanish speakers, I apologize for the horrendous machine translations. To those of you who don't know Spanish, these are the translations:

Spoiler

Yes! The last clip gave us about twenty new followers.

I understand English very well, but the pronunciation is crazy.

Hey, hey! Don't spoil it!

What he meant was that the discovery really thwarted our plans for that video. We would have informed any online moderator immediately, but...

Beanz knows very well that he should not be arrogant, right?

It cheats! No way an analytical skill should be so invasive!

Everything about your class, your skills, even your statistics needs to be nerfed.

You have nothing to worry about. He's just as bad for flirting in the game as in real life.

Strange words for an NPC.

I'm glad my near panic attack entertained you.

You mean whine like an idiot?

Yes, his face was all swollen and red as a raspberry! The funniest thing I've ever seen...

I have never seen anything like it! I wanted to take over but then this guy came along.

Eighteen.

Yeah. I'd rather cut people in the back than approach them personally, you know?

He usually boasts much more. This is as tame as he's going to get.

Yes, he was so annoying! I wanted to explore the city more but he wouldn't leave me alone.

Ohhh. You're right! I never thought of it like that...

The pleasure is mine.

[collapse]

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