An Original Transformation

Part 9 

I had to give Fleur a careful look before I realized what he meant. Fleur explained, “Oh! No, we’re just looking around. We don’t have a return.”

Dee set his hands on the counter and gave a faint nod before asking, “Any questions? Anything else we can help you with?”

Those words lingered in the air and I contemplated them. Fleur’s question came first, “What’s it like working here?”

I noticed Korri flashed a look over at Dee, who sat there calmly before answering, “Quiet. Here at least.”

Korri chimed in, “It wasn’t always that way. When I started working here it was crazy every day until we got better nanite regulations.”

Dee continued, “Still plenty of troubleshooting but different problems. What system ever works perfectly all the time? We do what we can.”

Fleur chirped, “Are you hiring?” Fleur had a small and unfulfilling job over last summer but it didn’t deter her from searching for another since then, despite how much time she sunk into everything else she did.

“Not right now”, Dee told her with a frown. “But there is occasional part-time work, so keep checking.”

With a swallow, I finally got up the nerve to ask a question of my own, “Have you ever seen...umm…accidental permanent transformations?”

It was a silly question. Such things were only the talk of internet forums. Even the first laboratory nanites had rules of conduct which shut them down if there was even the most basic chance of harm, if they went beyond their operating realm, or even if they didn’t receive instructions.

Dee cocked his head and glanced over at Korri before answering, “We see all sorts of things on any given day and we work hard to make sure nothing happens to a customer they don’t want to have happen.”

I narrowed my eyes slightly. An interesting thing to say. I had another question, “If I may ask…do either of you use transformative stuff that much?’

Korri raised an eyebrow. I almost withdrew my question but Dee accepted it, offering, “Quite a bit, especially since we got married. Recreationally.” Korri fidgeted, but scooted closer to Dee.

We congratulated them even though we’d just met and they’d been married for years. In response to my question, Dee inquired, “So, what about you two? If I may be so bold, I assume it’s someone’s first time. Apologies, if my hunch is incorrect.” His eyes lingered on me.

I unraveled my evening to the two of them. I had to wonder if I was that obvious as a newbie. Korri smiled at points while Dee calmly listened.

At the end, Dee noted, “Quite an attempt, especially for a first time.” Korri added, “I love those cupcakes, even though I’m more of a frogurt...person.”

Despite the gap in our ages, it was easy and pleasant to talk to the two of them. They invited questions I had no easy answers to. We might’ve talked longer but a little blur of fluttering hair in a big red-and-blue jumper scampered across the tile floor, around the counter, and into Korri’s arms while squeaking, “Mommy!”

Korri picked up the little girl, who didn’t look much older than four, and hugged her close, whispering softly as she brushed her hair. Staring at me and Fleur, the kid said, “Girls. All girls.”

Korri chuckled and Dee turned to smile at the two of them. Apparently, she had Katsumi on the brain. Dee offered to answer more questions, but I could tell his mind was on his kid, so we said goodbye.

Leaving the little jog of corridors hidden away from the rest of the store, I reflected on their happiness. I wanted to see Fleur smile like that every day. I took her hand in mine as we went through the sliding door with our purchases. She leaned into me and talked about how cute the little girl was.

Any trace of dusk had fallen into the curtains of night. Even the moon was a faint sliver racing towards the horizon.

Fleur offered, “They were cute, but I think we’re cuter.”

My heart gave a quick little throb as I looked to Fleur’s calm gaze and asked, “You think so?”

“I know it. Come on. Last stop of this adventure is up ahead.”

Along the way, I slipped on the hoodie for warmth but kept the toggle on the zipper switched to “off”. It cut the cold. Fleur clutched the bag for warmth beyond what I could provide her.

Our trek took us down the street, past a long, desolate road where a few auto centers had sprung up. The rest was leftovers of promised construction cleared into organized tiers which had since been overgrown with grasses and shrubs. A hotel loomed in the distance with the ‘someday’ promise of a local convention center.

We arrived at a small park past an even smaller little league baseball field. I remembered the place from when I was younger. It was once the most expensive park in town because of its concrete playgrounds. No one ever used them. It had survived but now with bright, plastic replacements. Rolling mounds suggested that the old playgrounds had been buried, like relics from a lost civilization retaken by the Earth.

We found a nice green knoll and took a break there, far from the dashes of ants we could see. I had trouble getting comfortable with my breasts settling against my chest and had to prop myself up. One of the baseball field lights cast a glow over us which was strong enough to read by.

Fleur flexed her legs and leaned against me. She let out a deep breath and asked, “Did you have fun tonight?”

My immediate answer was ‘yes’. We reflected on everything. I reached for my wig-altered hair and cupped the yin which hovered above my breasts. I stretched my own legs, tired more from the steps we’d taken than the game I’d played. The tattoo felt more like a comfortable bit of skin than a rough attachment. But then all of my skin felt nice.

Fleur’s touch threatened to loosen my grip on that mental faucet. I could imagine sitting there kissing her, really kissing her. No smirk and a touch by the lips. A true lover’s kiss like Korri and Dee probably shared.

But I trembled. As I tried to work through words, Fleur bent over and kissed me on the lips first. Not with the same intensity I dreamed over, but I held onto the kiss until Fleur finally released me. She blushed and dipped her eyes down before meeting mine again as she asked, “Was that fun too?”

I didn’t know how to answer. Fleur leaned back on the grass and continued, “For me, I liked tonight. I wouldn’t change a moment.”

I swallowed and said, even though it seemed rather silly to state aloud, “You kissed me.”

“Yup. Want more?” Her question was so frank that it felt like she was offering me a snack. I gave a little nod and she held me again with another kiss on the lips. This one came with waves that crashed from my mouth and left a tidal influence below.

I breathed as we lingered close enough for the warmth of our breaths to pass between us. I tried to think through signs and words but what pounded against me with each heartbeat was the feeling of Fleur so close to my raw, new body.

She stroked me across the back of the neck and said, “Bet you didn’t expect all that. I didn’t either. Well, sorta.”

Kissing me again, this time with a press that enveloped me, Fleur whispered, “I’ve wanted to do that. I’ve wanted to do this. This evening, everything. I’ve wanted it for as long as I can remember knowing you. I explain it to myself as the "Touch of Katsumi" that I’ve wanted you to be a girl…with me. And I’ve wanted forever with you.”

Everything inside me fluttered. I imagined that inside me. I imagined that perhaps the suspicious twinkle in Dee’s comments meant something more. I imagined that I’d put together just the right combination of non-medical nanites to create incidental, permanent change.

I could see myself waking up in the early morning after a sleepover with Fleur to see my same body, unchanged from sleep. Fleur would be with me and offer support as we talked over what I could do about my parents. I’d begin the process of learning what it was like to be a girl, what it was like to be me as I shared it with Fleur. I imagined moments of tears and moments of joy.

I saw myself rising up against my parents as they spewed all their venom at me and at the makers of the nanites that changed me. It would be the conclusive beginning of the end in that house. I’d spend more time with Fleur, as a friend and something more. The government would investigate me and keep the media quiet. I’d have to jump through a few hoops and be careful in my senior year, but I’d have Fleur.

It would take us several days to find a name for me. The name I wanted eluded me right then, but I knew in such a world that the answer would come as easily as my new skin became my new home, wrapped in Fleur’s embrace.

I smiled back at her as her own smile eroded in the depth of her words. I told her it was okay. I shared a shard of my dreams with her. She offered a kind smile as she asked, “But would you be happy? We’ve been friends all these years and I know you love transformation, Zack. But I feel like you wouldn’t be happy with forever as the girl you are now, same as I would never be happy forever as Max.”

My smile dipped with hers. “But I’m happy. Right here and right now. Really, I am. And I’m thinking about what it would be like to be a girl forever.”

She gave a spasm of a wince as she told me, “That’s not a sacrifice I want you to make, especially for my sake.”

I shivered with the itch of tears welling up inside me and told her, “I’m sorry.”

Fleur rubbed my shoulder and told me, “I’m sorry for saying ‘forever’. Forever doesn’t really exist. Let’s just have tonight…for as long as it lasts.”

I could’ve let it go but every moment of bare skin in the wind was a reminder of my body. I couldn’t get out of my mind how breathtaking the image in the mirror had been and how awed I felt to be laying there.

I told her, “Forever wouldn’t be enough. Remember how I said once that transformation wasn’t really a turn on for me like some people I’ve met? It’s like a spiritual thing. And I feel like I’ve touched the face of something beyond me tonight. Something beautiful and life-changing. And I don’t know what to do next….”

Fleur adjusted her gloves. “You know what I would say about it, so I won’t repeat myself. I don’t understand that feeling, but then I didn’t really get you for a long while…”

I turned. I’d felt inklings of that but figured it was a projection of my own feelings of the ever-enigmatic Fleur. “Really?”

She shrugged as she brushed down a patch of dense grass. “I mean, I guess I get you now. You were denied the dream of transformation so long, kept locked away by your parents and their delusions. You crave the dream. But I have to ask you, does the reality of it match what your dreams envisioned?”

She wasn’t wrong. At the same time, it didn’t feel that simple. It wasn’t just that. “Transformation is beautiful”, I told her. “It’s like a reveal. I’ve told you that even in Max, I still see Fleur. Your transformation brought you closer to yourself.”

Fleur leaned back against the softest part of the bag, which we both shared, as she looked up at the light-washed sky, her voice settling into her nose. “If I’d heard before that my body, my male body, looked like a girl sealed away …I’d be crying my eyes out. I’d claw my skin till it hurt so much that I didn’t feel any other pain. I’d wrap myself up in blankets till I didn’t have to see anything. You idealize it, but I’m just grateful I live in a world where transformation has been advanced by science.”

I should’ve let it go. We’d had these kinds of discussions before. It was like drawing maps in the sand on two separate islands of thought and, no matter how many we made, neither island felt any closer.