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Everything That Bothers Me In 10 Pages by GoodPuppiWaffles
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  • Our old friend Max - He ran away as soon as the World turned upside down.
  • I referred to my friend in the present tense - He’s history.
  • “Can I ask you a question?” - “You already did, but feel free to ask another one.”
  • Orange Man (2) - He came to me on Sunday night and complimented my tuxedo. I complimented his grammatical improvements. His smile looked painful.
  • Scruff your feet - Squeek! Squeek, squeek! Sir, I’m afraid there are mice living in your shoes.
  • Not covering your mouth when you cough - ‘Tis basic etiquette. Do you want to spread a virus?
  • Sarah - She thinks she can come into my house and take away my world. I heard her call about money on the way out. It’s just a fact.
  • The facts - Women are awarded child custody in about 90% of cases.
  • Backhanded compliments - Yes, I get that you don’t like me. But maybe try harder to conceal it? 
  • Misspelling my name - I get if you could not spell something difficult, but I think Mike is the easiest English name to spell.
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