Family Afternoon

The house was quite bustling today, everyone was present in the house today, the reason was simple, it was summer vacation and we wanted to make the most of it, I especially wanted a real day off but I was not the only one, so my mother simply decided not to open the cafeteria today and give everyone the day off. Today we would just spend it at the house and that was it, no road chases, another shootout with the police, or explosions. Just lying in the corridor of the yard looking at the sky.

Oh, that's what I would like to say, but right now I was watching how Lisa was biting Levia's arm while my mother was trying to separate them, Kasumi was confusedly and angrily using a calculator trying to argue with Maria's airhead and Tifa was throwing a glass angrily against Tamamo. I was just standing in the back watching the world burn, I didn't really care. Although maybe the neighbors end up calling the police to report domestic violence. And to know that all this started with a simple card game and a surprising +4 joker that quickly escalates the situation in a spiral of special cards, betrayals, insults, scares, and almost violence. Damn, it seems that it was not an idea to buy that and I would have better play monopoly and implement loans. The situation escalated so much that I had to use a real order for everyone to stop.

"How about we drop this and do something else?"
"How about a sack race?"  I said trying to de-escalate the situation..

"Darling, why give that harpy a chance?"
"Or use that reverse before that snake's turn!"

"Because the first is my mother and the second is your daughter Tamamo!"

"But why did you do it? Don't you love me anymore!?"
"Look, plus 35 cards! I have half the deck!" 

"It's just a card game!"

"Damn demon!"
"I know you're working together with the stupid angel to see my cards!"
"Damn thief! Give me back my victory!" Levia was also angry.

"Error, 3rr0r, Error"
"Not enough memory to process, Error, Error, Error"
"█████ Error, ɹoɹɹƎ"
System Malfunction, Error, (ﾟ◥益◤ﾟ) Ë̼̠͓̪̑ͦ͋͒ȑ͉ͧr͓̹͓͈ͤͮ̽͆͌ͅo͓r̻̝͕̰̤ (ʘ言ʘ╬)"
"E̻͊̈ͪ̌ṝ͍̪̦̼ͥr̫͕̪̪͔o̮r̯, Error, ቿዪዪዐዪ"
"Please contact technical service for repair of this unit"
"⒠⒭⒭⒪⒭, (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡 ɹoɹɹƎ, Reror."
"Proceeding to emergency shutdown"
"........."
"........."

The android fell lifeless to the ground, right next to her sister who had met the same fate trying to reason with Maria.

"Kasumi! Hang in there!"

"No, don't turn off yet you stupid computer!"
"I still don't understand how I lost!"
"Explain it to me better!"

My sister still didn't understand that to win she only needed to have no remaining cards.

"Everybody cheats me!"
"How does everyone know which cards I have!"
"It's not fair!"

"Momo, behind you there is a mirror"
"At least sit somewhere else!"

After learning my lesson about what not to do with these ex-convicts who call themselves people, I decided to try something simpler. A sack race is a simple activity for kids. Surely there's no way to mess something like that up, is there? The idea is simple, you put yourself inside a bag and start running jumping to the finish line. Since not everyone can participate because legs are needed or at least be taller than the sack, I try to combine it with the traffic light game. Levia has her eyes closed and will sing when she finishes counting she will look at the race and no one has to move, otherwise, she will be disqualified, Tifa will help her to see who moves. And Lisa is completely ordered to lie down on the floor and not to move until the activity is finished. There is a certain Korean series that she loves to watch and she wanted to implement an idea from there.

The simple idea turned into tragedy when my sister tripped and threw a pot of dirt into the living room. I'm sure if she had been paid to do that incredible stunt she would never have gotten away with it. The thunder that was heard in the sky afterward was the roar of the Chancla collecting a soul. The sack race did turn out to be a deadly game in the end.

At this point I'd rather play Jumanji, if there's going to be violence at least I'd like to see animals in the middle of it too.

Good thing I had planned several things in case things like this kept happening. The next game on the list was Twister, it was simple and easy, but at this point, I was just morbid to see how it would end and to see if the police would come at the end. Put a blanket on the floor and spin a roulette to see what part of the body you should put in a colored circle. Tifa would be the one in charge of spinning and Levia because this time she would only watch for some reason. My mother was the first to leave when she mixed up the color, but I'm sure she just didn't want to play too. The next one was Maria when she fell down when Lisa tickled her with her tail, and she followed her when she sneezed because of my tail. In the end, it just ended up in a duel between me and the androids, I'm really surprised to see that we did manage to almost finish a game.

"All right next turn!"
"Left hand on red!"  Said the fairy excitedly.

"That's easy"

"It is not possible for us to lose"
"We are able to perfectly manage our body balance"
"Better give up, Dad"

"You're really underestimating me, you know"
"I'm just trying to make sure you guys have a fair game"
"If I wanted to, I could win in the next two turns"

"That is impossible"

"Now right leg in green!"

"It's the end for you, Dad"
"You are incapable of getting there"
"You are not that tall, even in all our calculations you could not"

"That's nothing baby"
"Watch this and learn"

"AAAHHHH!!!"
"What are you doing!?
"You're going to break your back!"

"Wow, can the human body really bend like that?"

"Elise, please stop"
"No, no, no, no, no"
"It hurts me just to see you"

"Is that legal?"

"See, done, right leg on green"

"Okay, it's acceptable"
"But is it really necessary that you have to bend your feet backward over your head?"

"It's not that big of a deal"
"If I wanted I could still bend more"
"Do you want me to bend  more all the way to the red one with the same leg?"

"I don't want to see it"
"I also don't want to have to explain to the doctors why your spine looks like a spring"

"Unexpected, impossible to imagine that Elise would be an extreme contortionist."
"But next turn it says left hand in blue"

"Ok done"

"Oh, the sisters are in trouble"
"They're in such an uncomfortable position that none of them are able to reach the color"
"Will she really win in just two moves?"

"If a dad could do it with that body, we can do it better!"

"No, stop, don't try it"
"Your body is not the same as a human's!"
"I can do it because I practice to give more than 100 percent from time to time in an emergency"
"You can't do more than your joints should or could just...."
"break...."

"They can't use their good hand to take their loose arm to get to the right color"
"Darling is the winner of the game"

"You see, that was what I told you"
"That's why you should listen to your father's first"
"Does it hurt you Charlotte?"
"Momo you can repair this right?"

"Well, I don't have the spare part on hand"
"But I do have the 3D printer that we used to repair them before"
"I can make the joint that broke but it will take me about two hours to do it"

Lisa heard her and walked to the room looking for the machine and bringing it back.

"See, you heard your mother"
"2 hours of punishment for destroying your shoulder"
"Normally a human would be in an ambulance on the way to the hospital"

"Sorry dad"
"It will not happen again"

"It's okay, as long as you learn your lesson"
"I don't like to see you damaged either"
"Please take better care of yourself"

"Yes" both girls answered at the same time.

Due to the damage done by a simple family game, we were forced to look for something quieter, another board game, the last new one I had left. This one, unlike the others, was relatively more complicated. Each player had a civilization and they all live on the same continent, the idea of the game is to make your people the greatest power at the end of the game, either by war, diplomacy, or trade. Needless to say that the poor Demon Kingdom didn't stand a chance with Lisa as their ruler, and neither did the Candy Kingdom with Maria keeping track of the finances. On the other hand, true superpowers emerged with the robotic Hive Mind, with the twin queens Kasumi and Charlotte, who had great ambitions to conquer all under one banner. But their biggest rival, the Union of Republics was able to contain the threat effectively, with my mother as their leader, the Union was not only preparing a counter-offensive during the winter but at this point was also preparing to conquer another continent entirely. Finally, there were the small kingdoms that tried to live the best they could, The Kingdom of the fox, under the care of the Goddess Tamamo, The Kingdom of the Mermaids, which had Tifa as its queen, Wonderland with Levia and finally Atlantis with me as emperor. All of us formed the Confederation, an alliance to coordinate defense in cases of common enemies, in this case, the two superpowers.  

"And for the external debt, I will pay with 2 wood units in the next turns"

"Maria, you owe me gold not wood!"
"Pay the damn money! I need the money too"
"My capital will not be able to complete the seaport before winter because of you!"

"Lisa, your kingdom is in an active volcano!
"What do you want ships for? Where will they sail?"

"Maria, if you do not pay half of your debt before next year I am afraid I will have to sanction your kingdom"

"Mom!"
"You can't do this to me!"
"I'm almost done planting my candy trees!"
"Do you know how much I've spent on research and development?"
"What will my inhabitants eat?!"
"I demand a referendum with all the other kingdoms!"

"The Kingdom of the Fox is in favor of  sanctions"

"Atlantis is in favor of   sanctions"

"Wonderland is in favor of  tougher sanctions"

"The Mermaid Kingdom is in favor of tougher sanctions"

"The Hive Mind is in favor of tougher sanctions"

"The Demon kingdom  is in favor of tougher sanctions"

"Traitors!"
"Your citizens eat sugar thanks to me!"

"That's  good and all"
"But the help in public infrastructure that Union offers is much more appreciated"

"If this continues your kingdom will soon have to declare bankruptcy."
"As the principal mortgage your land will be mine"

"Damn it, the Union has no mercy whatsoever"

"Hey, I'll trade you the forest of rare apparitions in exchange for letting my infantry units pass through your kingdom to the border of the Candy Kingdom"

"See, that's how you negotiate things"

"And why do you let their little army walk on your territory!"
"It is a threat to the security and sovereignty of your kingdom!"

"Because your kingdom is a major threat to the global economy"
"You alone will finish us before Hive Mind does"

The game, unfortunately, did not last long after that, as the candy kingdom decided to nuke their own territory, twice, before handing over a single gold coin to anyone. The casualties suffered by Union were high, and the radiation released weakened their population. Making them susceptible to an assault that the Hive Mind did not hesitate to take advantage of. The world soon fell into the clutches of the robots and they became the undisputed winners, all because of an insane queen and her love of sweets.