I was a spirit for what seemed a lot longer, filled with pain and struggling to regain control of my breathing even when dead. This had been a stupid idea. I don't know what had gone through my mind to make me agree, I had been warned more than once not to go through with it and I did anyway thinking I could handle it. This wasn't simply an in game death but as if I had died again for real and was feeling all the effects as a ghost. It was the most brutal thing I had experienced. Even my real death had some release from it this one lingered. I was pulled back to my body and my head was spinning as I sat up. Sarah slowly helped me to my feet only concern on her face. As I finally managed to stand up I bent down and vomited. I felt worse than ever. Sammie willing went through this constantly. Maybe I had done it to simply try and understand what I could but all I know is anyone who willing went through this was insane. It was beyond torture. Nelson handed me a water skin and I rinsed my mouth out, spitting it out then drank a bit. I went back to sitting down, I couldn't see Sammie either she was out of sight or more likely gone to another fight. I felt like was going to vomit again any moment and knew this is what Sarah meant when she said I would regret it. I was likely not the first to try this against Sammie and likely not the last. No one rushed me, no one forced me to do anything, they didn't even say anything just letting me take my time.

I felt like even if I stayed there for days I wouldn't feel any better. In this world pain was all mental but since mental was everything here it could last for a very long time. Even Matt who I could tell wanted to grab some boar meat was staying around to support me. I wondered if he had gone through this before. I honestly didn't want to know. I tried shaking the thought of it from my head but it was like trying to forget a nightmare, you just keep remembering it and making it worse. Sammie approached me and tossed something at me.

“Eat that, it will make you feel better,” she stated. I lifted it up and it seemed to be boar meat on a stick. I tried a bite and while the first few mouthfuls made me feel sick I kept at it till I was able to enjoy it. The pain and other after effects slowly faded but they didn't vanish. I got up making the motion I was fine and tried breathing in a controlled fashion as if to bring a panic attack back to normal.

“We can take it from here Matt, go get yourself some food,” Nelson told Matt. He hesitated before finally turning away and running towards the fire. I took a few steps shaking on each one. Nelson decided against that picking me up I tried to object but he wasn't having any of it so I just let him carry me towards the fire while the others followed. After being placed on a stump to use as a seat by the fire I tried to shake the last feelings. A few people had followed after they had saw or heard the fight and gave some encouragement or compliments but Nelson and Sarah made sure I had space around me. At times from Nelson's expression I thought he was going to attack Sammie but while he looked angry, maybe even guilty he never made a move against her. Sammie sat beside me and put an arm over me.

“The first times the worse,” she stated, “but you have my respect for trying still, more than most can say,”

“Why?” I asked simply and I could see she understood what I meant. She made a hand gesture for the others to leave. Nelson gave me a look asking if he wanted him to stay but I let them go. When there was no one nearby Sammie finally talked.

“Do you know what it is like to be denied everything?” she asked, “never allowed to feel pain or anything good or bad,” I simply shook my head, “Imagine that you were almost always confined to a bed, any cut could lead to your death, any cough from another could be your end. Soon you can't do anything due to the fear of those around you never wanting you to suffer but in this they create a cage. Never knowing joy. Later you started to go against them. A simple illness could have been my death and yet I had had enough of my current life. I might as well be dead I thought. I started to do things, I got to run for the first time maybe ever. I played sports, climbed trees and did as much as I could. Many times I was stopped but each time I tried more to do these things I started to love. Naturally I started to get ill. It was painful but I never felt so alive. If you feel pain you can truly feel alive and while I don't enjoy pain it can comfort me knowing I am still alive. I never want to hide away from it again. Even if my body is broken a million times I will not give up the thing that makes me feel most alive. I will reach out and do everything I can with my own body. I won't use armour or weapons, I won't do anything that restricts my living because here I can truly live where in the real world I couldn't. My parents hated what I had become in the real world because they knew everything I was doing was shortening my life by many many years but at the end they saw my smiling face I think they were happy to know that while my time ended I had truly been happy at the end. My mother whispered simple words at the end, I'm sorry,” She thought for a moment on those words, “She finally understood that I had lived happily at the end and she was sorry for preventing it. She struggled with the guilt for awhile or so I am told, she didn't wish to enter this world, she was very religious like that. When she died I hope she died happily, I didn't hold it against her. She just wanted me to be safe but I wanted to be free. So here I am, free and happy even if no one quite gets it. When I first found Matt he didn't judge me, he didn't get me but he liked to be around me. Through that I came to join this group and here I am enjoying life with friends like I never got to before.”

With that she got up, showed me a smile and got some food. I had a lot to think about after that. She had laid her very being out to me. I was unsure what to think of it all. Maybe it was just all too much to take in. I tried to think about it but thought understanding would come with time and left that spot to go get some food and join my friends. It wasn't long before we were all smiling and laughing as we feasted on boar and other strange food. Eat, drink and be merry, that was what the feast was for and I had already started to love it even though I might have had one of my worst experiences in it, I think I would look back on it fondly in the future. When the eating was done Nelson said I could decide if we should stay since he and Sarah only said no so I could see my family again so we stayed till the moon rose. As the fire died down we found a spot to rest, laid out our animal hide rugs and slept under the stars. It was peaceful that night, even with all the loud cheers, singing and dancing, fighting and feasting, when it got late everyone simply slept under the stars without a care in the world. I think I would vote in favour of going to these feasts a lot if the chance came up. They were a great way to strengthen bonds and make new ones.

When the sun was fairly high in the sky I woke up. It wasn't as crowded as it had been with many drifting off earlier but it still had many sleeping. Matt was the only one still sleeping after me, I am surprised his snoring didn't wake me. Most of the others were packing up getting ready to leave and as I was about to join them I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around trying to recall the face but my memory failed.

“It's Victor.” He finally stated with no hard feelings showing, “Don't worry Jessica many people forget after the first feast, I don't hold it against them, I try extremely hard to remember all the people who attend. What did you think of your first time anyway?”

“It was amazing, chaotic but amazing,” I replied.

“I am glad, these moments are some of the best we have, we work hard and use a lot of our funds to make these events but we never regret it, my goal in life has always been to make as many happy memories as possible for as many as I can,” he stared into the sky as he spoke as if thinking of some memories, “Anyway I hope we will see you again. There was a bit of talk about you, a lot of positive, looks like you will have an interesting future if you keep at it. I hope I will be able to see it unfold.” With that he got up to leave.

“Wait, can I ask you a question?” I asked.

“I would rather you just ask the question than make a question to ask another but I will permit you a single question before I take my leave,” he smiled friendly and waited for me to think of what was the most important I could come up with and in the end it was a very simple one.

“Where did you get the boar from?” I asked, his face lit up at such an innocent question.

“We have some sister guilds, one of them helps prepare for the feasts they tend to gather the main events and help keep it under control, you likely came across some since most of them hang out in the contest areas,” and with that, he turned around to leave, gave a wave over his shoulder and walked away to who knows where.

Soon Matt was up and Nelson helped us pack up the last few things before we would set off again back the Hub. It was much more relaxed taking our time and our rucksacks were more than a little lighter. Talk was light, we exchanged tales from the feast, talked about old memories from past feasts and many other things. We passed a fair few other groups who walked with us a way sharing tales. A few days ago we were working hard with no breaks but by the end of it I felt more relaxed that ever. Hard work followed by an amazing feast and partying, it felt like the days of work hadn't even happened with how it ended. With that we simply walked at our own pace, taking breaks when we felt like it and generally enjoying the day...