Yosh!

I stepped boldly into the virtual forest.

As is typical of a MMORPG, the tree types repeated after a while - there are limited resources on computers.

But in this game, “Lost Pyramid of Balza D’Uhm”, the programmers had done a few clever tricks to make it less obvious that there were maybe only 7 trees actually.

On one side, they had used different textures, and on the other they made use of scaling and rotation, so some of the bushes were actually just really small trees.

Finally, they had kept the leaves and the trunks separate, so really they could make 7x7 combinations -> so 49 different trees in all!

I walked not even a minute along an obvious path - eh?

SNAKES?

Lounging in the branches of a tree a bit in front of me were three snakes. Actually only their heads and part of their bodies were visible - the rest disappeared up into the foliage.

The snakes’ heads were about the size of a cat’s. But that was already big enough to make me stop.

The mini-radar showed 3 red dots - the standard sign for “dangerous enemy” in most games.

Because I was level 1, it seemed only immediately visible enemies showed up on my mini-map. I haven’t yet bothered to check the skill-tree but hopefully there was a way to make the mini-map more useful in the future.

For now...

How to deal with them?

I had a bull-whip with 3 damage and an old colt type revolver, that did 5 damage per shot.

The bull-whip seemed easier to aim, contrary to real life, but had a limited distance.

So lets try aiming with the revolver!

Ah, the game simulated a natural sway of my arm, showcasing my low gunner level - I had to compensate with my mouse.

BANG!

Poot… missed.

But the good news is, the snakes stayed put - they were in the beginner area after all, so I guess if you didn’t just walk under them, you were safe, and could gain some experience points (XP).

BANG! BANG! Grrrr… BANG! BANG! Take that! BANG! Click click click….

I was out of bullets, and had missed each time.

How does one reload? Oh… just click on the gun icon… that is nice.

I had spent 2 gold on ammo, so I had plenty.

After wasting about thirty bullets I finally managed to hit one of the snake fiends…

Instead of being killed, it simply looked at me in what I imagined to be a sad fashion - and pulled itself up into the tree.

+10 XP!

Yosh!

2 snakies left!

Another 25 bullets later and they, too, retreated.

+20 XP!

Now I was 20 XP away from my first level up!

Level 1 to level 2 was just 50 XP.

But of course I suspected each next level to be progressively more expensive…

I’ll wait for the level up before I check out the skill-tree.

I waited for a bit to see if the snakes would reset, but… they didn’t.

Makes sense - otherwise I could just spam the spot and keep earning XP… so...

AVANTI!

After the snake tree, I noticed some flowering bushes tucked on the side of the path.

Ah… looks like I can collect the red flowers - reagents maybe?

2 red flowers - get!

---

And a few minutes later I exited the jungle, and was standing in front of a chasm.

Floating rocks made an uneven path from this side to the other side, where I saw more jungle.

So, your typical platformer puzzle.

If one fell off while jumping across, one could return easily via the steps carved into the cliff on this side.

There were no jagged rocks or fast moving river below, just fluffy sage bushes to break the fall.

So - this was a training setup.

Ok, I’m up for that!

Hop, teeter…. Hop, hop…

WAAAAAAHHHHHH… badump.

Harder than it looks!

I missed that middle floaty rock.

So with no damage other than to my pride, back I went up the rock cut steps.

Hop, hoppity hop…

This time I made it to the middle.

And I saw someone walk in the chasm below me.

They were walking towards the far wall.

Silly billy, you have to hop acro….ss...

And… Nope.

There was a set of steps carved into the far wall, too.

I had missed that small detail.

Apparently if you wanted to skip training, you could just walk down the steps on one side, and then walk up the steps on the other side…

The silly one was me!

Sigh.

Oh well, I did want to get a hang of the hop mechanism - but this situation seems to hint that there are always several ways to solve a puzzle - something that made me a bit excited to think of what I will encounter later in the game!

After a few more plummets to a fluffy-fluffy sage bush at the bottom of the chasm, I finally got the hang of crossing.

Yosh!

Virtual and in real life “Guts pose”!

One arm crooked with hand on hip, the other fist up in the air!

They had implemented some of the poses that other games of the last decade also used.

Posing has become the new norm now, and many players just demanded that as a given.

Me, I liked it, too.

On the other side of the “bridge” there was another fire-pit - and I noticed the logout button was on now. So this was a safe place to leave for the day.

My phone showed 1:17 am… wow I had been in the game for over 8 hours now?

I yawned… yeah, I’ll call it a day….

---

7:33 AM is what the phone stated.

Alright!

Not 6:00 AM!

Today, I successfully beat my decades-long internal clock!

Feeling still slightly guilty about yesterday’s junk breakfast, I decided to go for toast and honey today.

Not super great but still better than sugary cereal, right?

Hm… what to do today?

Oh right I wanted to go couch or sofa shopping… to make the living area a bit less empty.

A NEET I might be, but I can still have some pride in my home, no?

As there were no furniture shops within walking distance, I took the bus - I wasn’t about to womanhandle a sofa home from the Sofa Shop (“... choose your fabric, match your curtains, too…don’t do a thing until you see the Sofa Shop!”).

Driving in this city was not much fun, what with most streets dating back to the middle ages, and being barely wide enough for even one car.

Which meant most roads were one way, and navigation was really really REALLY annoying even with GPS these days.

So - another reason why I chose to live in an area full of food related shops!

Oh, and sadly I was not going to the original “Sofa Shop” - that was in Australia, and had been bought up and renamed anyway.

I spent the morning browsing around several “not the real” Sofa Shops, and finally settled on a microfiber easy to clean stain resistant light blue - breath in and out! - lovely classic looking sofa set.

With carved oak legs and exposed wood arm rests, to boot.

Not cheap, but hey, I’ll probably never buy another sofa set, so whatever?

The sofa did not match the window curtains I currently had hung, though… Am I evil, or what?

---

I exited the bus one stop early.

On the way out to the “sofa district” (yeah, we have such a thing, here) an interesting shop caught my eye that did not seem to be part of a chain such as “9/13” or “Rodney's”.

This one was just called “Bill's Mini-Mart and Feed Store”.

It looked clean, and surprisingly modern. New fridges and freezers lined two full walls of the store.

There was no hot food counter, so... points lost for that.

But the rest looked to be very well stocked.

As I entered, the clerk behind the counter waved at me.

He was a stout fellow of medium height with thin greying hair, and from my typical bad guess... nearing sixty, maybe?

“Ho there young lady! If you are interested we have a sale on newly delivered chocolate!”

“Oh, sure… where is…”

“Next isle! It is Swiss and German - my supplier made a mistake ordering and delivered too much! So instead of having it age on me, I decided to have a sale - I’m rudely slitting my own throat with this, but better than to have it spoil!”

Ah, indeed, 2 of his favourite brands were here, in various configurations. “He” had been a chocolate nut, but like with most things, he only went for the “good stuff”. And always in moderation. Again - makes me wonder - was he even human?

Hmm Hmm… I’ll have this marzipan one… and this praline one… and oh my oh yes..

THIS! The real reason for wars! Chocolate with mint inside!

Yes - I’m one of those “weird” people who like mint in their chocolate…. Sue me!

“So if you are selling it at a discount, are you still making a profit?”

My financial brain kicked in without giving me a chance to veto.

“Eh? Well, not really, but I figured I could use it as a loss leader? Use it as a hook… I tried to get a rebate from the supplier, but they recently got acquired and all the regular people I used to deal with were early retired or quit. The new reps just seem to be … robots…”

I moved to the counter, my arms filled with delicious loot - I probably should have grabbed a basket, d’Oh....

“Ah, they are running off a set script - yeah I know the type. Look, I’m used to supply chain negotiations and call centre ladders - want to let me give it a try? Who’s the supplier?”

“Well Missy, I don’t have anything to lose, so… sure. One moment…”

The owner disappeared into the back area, and then returned with a binder.

“Here, this is the last invoice on the chocolate delivery… and that is the supplier contact… and here the store phone... “

“Un, perfect…”

I rang up the supplier’s number, and after a bit of back and forth worked my way up the call centre “ladder”, finally getting to the sales department.

The owner watched me with widening eyes as I navigated the new company's attempt to stonewall any refunds on their own mistakes.

“Ah hi? Am I talking to the sales manager now? Ok… so here is the deal. You sent us an incorrect shipment. We agreed to accept it. Now as the fault of the triple delivery lies squarely on your side, I think you can give us a bit of a discount… oh, not in your policy? So in that case you won’t mind if I give a warning about your new business practices to my colleagues in the business who I happen to know also use you as their supplier? Oh you do mind… yes I can hold….”

And after a few more transfers I wrote down a figure on a scrap paper and showed it to the owner.

His mouth made a chewing movement as if he just got a hold of something delicious, and he wiped his forehead.

I nodded at him, and when the rep got back on the phone...

“Yes, thank you - that amount is acceptable. And please can you send me the official correction notice while I am still on the call with you? Yes, I’ll wait…”

I turned to the owner - “Can you check your email? You should be getting… “

“Yes, just got it… and the amount is the same as what you wrote.”

After clarifying a few minor details I finally hung up.

And I realized I had been standing for over 40 min while on the phone with the naughty supplier.

“Miss, do you want a job? Oh what am I saying, I couldn’t afford anyone of your calibre!”

“Don’t worry about it… I really just want to be a NEET and enjoy my gaming and eat wonderful chocolate!”

“Oh! Well… Right - please accept the chocolate you already chose - on the house - and if you want more, just take! It is the least I can do!”

“You won’t make any money if you just give it away! I’m paying for what I take - I didn’t just waste 40 min for you to make a loss, you know! Anyway, I had fun, I haven’t had to do this sort of battle for a while now - so from my side, we are even.”

“Well, I don’t know how I’ll repay you then, you really got me back a lot of money! I didn’t even dream one could climb the call centre ‘ladder’ that way.”

“If you insist, I’ll mark this as a favour to return, and I’ll let you decide at the time if you want to or not - how about that?”

Remember, I'm dirty rich... I can afford to be gracious like this!

“Oh, that is very fair! Well, thank you so much again, and I hope you come back to buy more chocolate another day! I’ll be leaving the sale on until the current stock runs out, after all - and now it doesn’t even hurt!”

I waved at the owner and walked back to my apartment.

The new sofa set (sadly not from the real Australian “Sofa Shop”) will be delivered tomorrow, so I need to make sure I know where I want them to put it…

Ah poot…

I forgot to ask the owner why his shop was called “... and Feed Store.”

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