Three days have passed since that night. I haven’t heard from Uncle Assel at all after his first visit. I thought about whether I’d send him a letter but that would only put some unwanted attention on me; something I do not want to receive at all. Even though I wasn’t told, the fact that my mother’s brother contacted me should remain a secret. Nobody, not even my most trusted people should know about that truth.
The days that followed after my uncle’s visit were uneventful despite the commotion about the High Queen’s death and the position’s vacancy. And I haven’t heard from Cedrin or Prince Dion after that, not that I mind. On the contrary, even though it was only for a little bit, my days have gotten peaceful without them in the picture. But it would be an overstatement to say that I’ve gotten past my mother’s death.
Her headless figure still haunts me in the evening. She stands right in the darkest corner of my room, staring at me, head on hand. She does nothing and says nothing. But she remains rooted there as though she was an ornament that belonged in my room. I do not know what she wants from me or why she still lingers in this world. Perhaps she was only in my mind's imagination; a personification of my fear.
I do not want to die.
That in itself is a fact. I do not want to end up dead like my pathetic mother who loved a single man who embraced somebody else. She is precious to me and I am angry about her unjust death. She should never have died disgracefully the way she did. It did not suit a woman as refined as her. But her end was quick and painless. And it was for a humiliating reason.
The memories of that night lingered in my consciousness. Only ever bubbling up when I am alone in my darkest thoughts.
It is something I must not forget: my father’s satisfied expression as he watched my mother’s head getting lopped off and my mother’s serenity as if she’d been waiting for this moment for a long time. And there was Cedrin who was wandering around the palace grounds at the right time and at the right moment, as if he knew something was going to happen. Was he perhaps part of mother’s execution? It cannot be.
“Your Highness, Prince Dion is here to see you.”
What did he want now?
I heaved out a sigh and stood up without a sound. My steps were heavy as I made my way through the winding halls of the temporary palace to the reception room where the maids lead him to. It was one of the biggest and most luxurious rooms to ever exist in the palace where I’m staying. A ploy my father so intricately weaved to make it appear that I was loved and cherished by him.
Hah! That was a fantasy tailored to the dreamers. But I am no dreamer.
I’ve stopped dreaming the moment he took away my precious family from me at the tender age of fourteen. He took away my whole world; the only world I knew of and replaced it with discrimination and isolation. And I had to live with it for the rest of my life growing up.
I pushed the doors open and there he was, sitting dignifiedly on the chesterfield. His wavy black hair fell on his face, framing the perfection that was him. He turned his head and his expression brightened up the moment our eyes locked. Again, I felt a tingling sensation in my stomach. It was completely different from that uncomfortable pit I felt the night of my mother’s execution.
“Princess Cecilia,” he said, his voice soft and hopeful. Why was he even here?
I gave him a small curtsy and made my way to the chesterfield opposite his. I had my eyes on him and he looked like a small dog trying to take the attention of its master. What was this man’s deal anyway? It wasn’t like we had a very pleasant relationship like some couples do. We have exchanged words here and there, but I do not feel close to him after all.
“What brings you here, Prince Dion? I did not expect your sudden visit.”
His hands find their way to his nape and he scratches it. “I apologise,” he lowered his head. Now I feel guilty. Was I being too cold to him? “I know you seem to dislike it when someone comes to visit without letting you know first.”
“There is nothing for you to apologise about, Prince Dion.” His eyes locked on mine as he fumbled with his fingers. “I was just simply taken aback. Although I would appreciate it more if you’d send me a notice that you plan on visiting.”
“I will make sure to do that the next time I plan on seeing you, Princess Cecilia.”
I looked at him and nodded my head. “I do not like beating around the bush, so if you would be so kind as to tell me what brought you here, Prince Dion?
“I was wondering if you wanted to go on a stroll together,” he said meekly. “I haven’t really seen you outside, since…” he trailed off after realising where the direction of his sentence was going. “Isn’t it rather depressing to keep staying indoors?”
He looked at me and flashed me a smile. The same smile he showed me on our first meeting. The very smile that took my breath away. My heart throbbed in my chest and my stomach was doing somersaults as he kept his eyes on me. His gaze was tender and his voice was careful, almost like a whisper.
He cleared his throat when I didn’t answer. I was far too preoccupied with my thoughts that answering him completely slipped my mind.
“Why do you try this hard?”
He blinked and stared at me with a befuddled expression. “Well…” he trailed off, eyes straying away from mine and locked onto something within the room. “I just wanted to get to know you better.” An awkward laugh escaped his mouth as he darted his gaze from me to something right behind me.
“Get to know me?” I mistakenly let the question slip out of my mouth.
Prince Dion chuckled and I could see his dimples show. “Yes, your highness, Cecilia.” He had his eyes on me and this time, the awkwardness that I’d created earlier on was replaced by something else.
“I was thinking that it would be great if we get to know each other since we are going to get married…” he trailed off. “It can’t be…” he looked at me with wide eyes. “Do you perhaps not like me?”
I quickly raised both my arms and shook my head. “It is nothing like that, your majesty.” I said carefully, looking away from him, ashamed. Did I really act too indifferent towards him?
Prince Dion heaved out a sigh of relief and flashed me another one of his smiles. “I’m glad to hear that you do not dislike me,” he said. “I was worried that you might not want to get married to me.”
“Does that really matter?” I answered. “My opinion?”
“What do you mean?”
“I am only a princess, your highness.” I looked at the table in front of me and kept my eyes on the littlest visible crack on the left corner. “I do not have the power to refuse my marriage as it is something my father decided for me.”
“But you are cherished, are you not?” I laughed at the thought inwardly. Cherished. Such a lovely word does not fit someone of my stature.
I smirked and looked away. “I suppose you could say that.”
The room goes silent. Perhaps I ruined the mood he tried so hard to build. Now I feel bad because I could see how genuinely hard the Prince was trying to keep a conversation going with me. But all I could do was kill it, like I always do.
“Are you refusing my invitation to a stroll?”
I laughed. It was a question that emerged out of the blue. And genuine curiosity on the Prince’s face was enough to pull me up from my disconsolate mood. He was taken aback by my sudden burst of laughter, but a smile immediately replaced the shock that was momentarily there.
“I would rather stay indoors than go outside.” I offered. “If you wouldn’t mind having tea with me, then I guess we could use that time to get to know each other?”
His face immediately brightened up the moment I asked him to stay for tea. He was like a ball of sunshine; always full of childlike manners and tender gazes. Such a person like him could’ve only been raised with nothing but love and tenderness. For someone to be so caring and kind like him.
Each and every interaction and every single moment I spent with Prince Dion felt like I was wrapped up in a warm cocoon and engulfed into a dream. But when I woke up, everything was still the same. The prince was real and his affections were real.
However, I couldn’t trust him fully.
Just like all our other interactions, he was sweet and cordial over tea. He had so many stories to share and so many memories to relive. And when I spoke, he listened attentively with sparkling eyes. As if he were so genuinely curious about my boring life. Of course I could only tell him about the past, since that is where most of my happy memories lie.
He talked about his life at Eveothus and how people were so lively and caring and kind. He spoke about the King and the Queen and the deeds they did to create what Eveothus has become now. And I was in awe. Every single time he mentioned his kingdom’s culture and his family’s relationship—I was curious and envious of it.
I was curious about their way of living and I was envious of it. How free they were to do whatever they liked in the kingdom so long as it’s nothing illegal. I was envious about his relationship with his family. Unlike the broken family picture I have right now, his was harmonious; full of bright light and loving song.
“Did you know,” he said as he looked fondly at the teacup he was holding. “When I had the pleasure to speak to you during our first dance, I thought you were someone who would keep people at an arm’s length.” I looked at him, his eyes were distant as if he were looking at something so far away.
“What about now?”
He landed his gaze on me and chuckled. “You still are. You keep people at the same distance,” he said. “I can feel it even now as we are talking. You do not really open up much, your highness.”
I played with my skirt and looked away from his intense gaze. It was the only thing I knew how to do. As a child who was abandoned by her own birth father, I had to learn how not to trust people easily. It was the only way to survive in the Imperial Palace. It was the only way I could survive.
“What are you hiding for you to be so closed off like this, your majesty?”
I did not answer. I wasn’t in a comfortable situation nor did I even reach the level of trusting Prince Dion about pretty much everything about me.
“Isn’t it time for you to go, your majesty?” I brushed it off, pretending I did not hear his question.
Prince Dion looked around and noticed that time had passed way too quickly. His expression quickly fell as he realized that it was time for him to go back to the palace that was temporarily given to him by my father.
“Oh,” he said under his breath. “It has gotten this dark already?”
I nodded.
He flashed me a regretful smile and slowly stood up. I mimicked his action and lowered my head as he walked toward me. I felt a gloved hand on my shoulder and I raised my head. And when I did, I locked eyes with the Prince as he flashed me a small smile.
“It was a very pleasant experience to be able to have tea with you, your majesty.” He took my hand from my side and brought it to his lips. The back of my hand felt tingly as soon as his lips parted from my skin. “Can I be bold to assume that you are going to invite me to tea again next time?”
I felt a small tug on the corner of my lips as I looked at him who was acting so sweetly.
“I will consider inviting you next time.”
*
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