Prince Dion came to see me the morning after I told my uncle my decision. It wasn’t unusual for him to come to my palace every once in a while. He would come to see me and have tea with me or a leisurely walk to ‘get to know’ me better. And it’s not like I could stop him from coming here because he would still do whatever he pleases be it by meeting me through a coincidence or just him being there plainly because he was lost.
It was the usual tea time agenda for the both of us where he asks random questions about myself and I answer. But this time, I could sense that there was something bothering him. At times, the prince would look at me with sadness and then gaze longingly somewhere faraway. It was painfully obvious to the point where I just had to ask. And when I thought everything was normal, it turned out that the envoy had overstayed their visit.
Of course.
They weren’t supposed to be here for this extended time. Although it was a political and arranged marriage between the Eveothus Kingdom and Ostulia Empire, it still felt like I was being sold to another country for a very low sum. And because the Prince was the heir to the throne of the Eveothus Kingdom, he was supposed to be back to his land after a short visit for a proposal. The crown prince shouldn’t be away from his kingdom for long but because of the recent events that happened within the Empire, the envoy’s stay was extended.
It seemed to me that Prince Dion was someone who felt quite regretful that he had to go back to his Kingdom so far away from the Empire. It was a shame, I do admit. But that was just it for me. The Prince was just someone who I regarded as a mere acquaintance during the times he came by for tea and I hold no affection for him whatsoever. At least I think I do. But whatever the outcome of this arrangement was, the Prince was still a person who would go back to Eveothus in the end.
We were not married yet so I would still have to remain here in Ostulia, like I’ve always intended to. At least it would be a little bit more peaceful without Prince Dion here to bother me like he always does. I would then have more of my time and attention focused on the fact that I have to fight against Cedrin for the throne.
I didn’t want to have to fight against him because I genuinely supported Cedrin becoming the High King of the Empire. But seeing how he was so lenient over our father’s shameless act and Ranlrein’s slow inflating ego, I can no longer trust him to do well as the monarch of the Empire. To me, this place was a battlefield. My mother, a warrior, who stepped into this very battlefield, died because she fell in love with the enemy. It was because she wasn’t strong enough to reject the feelings and forget about them. She wanted to protect her position as the High Queen but strangely, the power she had so painstakingly acquired during her reign as High Queen wasn’t enough to prevent her unfair execution.
Now that she was gone, the seat of High Queen was vacant. I know my father like the back of my hand and his intentions are painfully clear. He wished, no—longed—to put Ranlrein on the seat many women of the empire coveted.
But his dear lover was a man.
Even though he mistakenly showed his affections for his lover during the luncheon with the Eveothus’ nobles, it doesn’t change the fact that sodomy was prohibited and scorned in the Empire. Not even the Emperor himself could change the belief of the people. He could force out a law approving sodomy, but it wouldn’t look good on him. And my father was a man who found reputation especially important. If he were to pass out a law approving of sodomy, the Holy Temple will definitely have something to say about that.
Before there was an emperor there was a goddess. And people in Ostulia are overly religious. So much so that my father feels threatened by the influence of the Holy Temple. If his sodomy was to be leaked, the Holy Temple will have a reason to wage war on not only my father, but the entire Imperial Family.
I do not want to die. Especially not alongside my father.
The Prince and his envoy bid their farewells as they made their way to their ride. The farewell was even grander than their arrival; trumpets and music played as they walked out of the palace, rose petals slowly descending from the sky, and twelve very expensive and luxurious carriages specially made for the Prince and his party. It was very flashy.
My father had me stand next to him, donned in a beautiful silk dress he says is too expensive to be wasted on me. But because he needed to continue weaving the story of ‘the imperial family is perfect’ I had to look the part as well. Prince Dion was accepting my father’s goodbyes and Cedrin’s half-hearted smile before he turned to me.
The Prince looked awfully majestic as usual and his eyes drew me in like they always do. His eyes caught mine as he gazed at me, a somewhat regretful smile played on his lips as he continued to stare. It was uncomfortable for me. There were a lot of people present, my father, my brother, the knights…everyone who was ever involved in the event was there. So many people were here to see them off, but this foolish prince had his eyes locked onto mine.
For a moment I felt my breath shorten as he drew closer to me. His eyes held a lot of emotion, and by emotion, I meant sadness. But why?
“I will miss you, Princess Cecilia,” he whispered in my ear. My ears tickled as he slowly stepped back, his low voice still ringing.
I eyed him. “I’ll see you soon, Prince Dion.”
“Aren’t you being a little too cold to your fiance?” He chuckled, reaching out to hold my gloved hands. I flinched at his touch, it was warm and familiar. But it was strangely unfamiliar as well.
“I don’t think we are that close to joke around like this, your majesty.”
A pout was visible on his face as he looked at me longingly. What was wrong with this man? He was indeed a strange one. Especially from the moment he sent a proposal letter to a woman whose engagements were broken off repeatedly, one after the other. He was already strange. But, how come? Despite his eccentricity, he still managed to stir my heart a little bit.
I don’t know him that well. And yet my heart was being swayed by a man such as him? Impossible.
“You don’t have to put such a distance between us, Princess Cecilia. I know you might feel sad about my sudden departure…” he trailed off, drawing circles on the back of my hand. It was truly a romantic gesture, but instead of making my heart waver, it only bothered me. It was a gesture that my mother used to do for me, a precious memory I almost forgot.
“I will send you letters,” he said with a smile. “Please, if you would respond to me, that would make me very happy.”
I sighed. Even though I would try to decline him, he would do it anyway. That’s just how Prince Dion was. At least that’s how I perceive him to be.
“I’ll send you my replies.” I answered.
“Your majesty, Prince Dion, it’s almost time to head back.” His personal knight called out with a stoic face.
The Prince turned his attention back to me after dismissing his knight away with a flick of a finger. He leaned in, wrapped his arms around me as a hug and whispered, “Promise me, you’ll come to me if you need help. I will come running to you.”
What?
“I want you to escape your current situation,” he continued. “So if you ever need somewhere to retreat to, Eveothus will be your shield.”
“What do you—”
“I have to go now,” he said, stepping away from me. The warmth that I felt once when he hugged me disappeared as soon as he moved back.
Prince Dion raised the back of my left hand onto his lips and kissed it. He looked up at me with his smile and his eyes. “I’ll be coming back to collect you, Princess Cecilia.” And those were the last words he said to me before bowing his head to my father and brother, and walking toward his carriage, disappearing into the crowd of people watching his departure.
What did he mean by that? Could it be that he knows of the rocky situation between me, my father, and my brother? Is that why he’s doing this to me? But why? As far as I know, we are only engaged for political purposes. I am confident that whatever sweet nothings the prince whispers in my ear, none of them are real. So why does he look at me with such an expression? As if he were parting with someone he’s loved all his life.
Get it together Cecilia.
I am not in the position to be thinking about love or romance now. Especially when I have decided to fight against my own brother for the succession of the throne. Of course, none of these people here know that I would be challenging the throne until the banquet, where my uncle would announce he would give me his utmost support.
It’ll be a rocky path and there will be nobles who are against my succession, but Cedrin cannot inherit the throne. I will make it so that he wouldn’t be able to touch even the gold on my father’s disgusting crown. I will be the one to stop my father’s reign, not Cedrin. I will be the one to cut his head and I will bathe in his blood when the time comes.
My mother’s name and honor will be cleared. I swear on my life.
*
The garden in my temporary palace was quiet. Not a sound of an animal nor breathing human can be heard anywhere. I was alone. My maids left me to go on a tryst somewhere. Perhaps it was because they found it tiring and a waste of time to tend to an unloved princess such as I. But this quietness and solitude was something I needed the most. Sometimes being dubbed a failure is an advantage. That way, nobody would pay attention to me because they think I am not worth their time. Because of that, I can carefully plan out my actions without anybody noticing.
Prince Dion had long left the Empire of Ostulia and the once bustling palaces occupied by their nobles were silent. I gazed upon the sunset, tinges of orange and pink and red stain the sky, as the bright sun blind my eyes. Its rays kiss the roses of the garden, dyeing it in a very beautiful hue of sunset red. It was peaceful, something I quite enjoy. My thoughts engulfed me once again, negativity clouding my brain as I thought about the succession. I am nowhere near as perfect as my younger brother. I haven’t had any formal training as heir to the throne because of my status and my father’s disdain.
I still fail to understand why my uncle decided to gamble his life on me, but one thing’s for sure, I will not go down without a fight. Sure it would take some time to build up my connections especially when Cedrin’s influence is growing everyday. But no matter how hard it is, I will stand my ground and find a way to gather my own allies. Having my uncle’s recognition isn’t enough to sway the other nobles to switch to me or to support me. But having his backing makes things easier for me to start from the beginning. I only have to show my abilities.
But can I really do it? Do I even have the potential to become High Queen of Ostulia?
“You have such a beautiful sunset here in your garden, your highness.”
It was a voice I didn’t want to hear. The voice I knew all too well. I turned around and gazed upon my father’s lover standing right before me, a small, lopsided smile, plastered on his lips. His muddy eyes looked at me like I was a creature to be ogled at. It felt disgusting.
“This is disrespectful, Ranlrein.” I simply responded, my head held high as I covered my mouth with the fan Jane prepared for me earlier this morning during Prince Dion’s send off. She worried I might cry. But I didn’t. Why would I?
Ranlrein’s smile widened as he lowered his head and leaned forward for a bow. It was extremely disrespectful for someone who was at the bottom of the hierarchy to greet someone from the imperial family first without being acknowledged. And Ranlrein, despite being part of the bottom ranks, just did exactly that. Although I might’ve been a discarded princess, I am not uneducated. My mother made sure that I was receiving etiquette lessons, and not just from anybody, but from her personally.
“I apologise to her highness, the princess. I was disrespectful.”
I hummed and closed my fan before turning away. I just wanted to escape the place. I didn’t want to be involved with Ranlrein at all. We’ve seen each other quite often, especially when my father calls me into his office. He was always there, sitting on my father’s lap like a dog, giving him looks of adoration. It was truly a horrifying sight to behold. They were all over each other like two leeches, latching onto one another and never letting go.
It was just disturbing.
The man who took away my father’s love from my mother. He was the reason why she met her slow demise. And the reason why my mother’s health slowly deteriorated. Two cheaters basking in their false feelings called love. Ha! How laughable.
“I am truly sorry for the indecent display the other time during the luncheon with the nobles from Eveothus,” he said.
Does this man have tact? To say that to the daughter of his lover’s late wife. It seemed to me that he wasn’t sorry at all about that indecent display.
Keep it together Cecilia. You’ll lose if you show the slightest bit of emotion.
I did not turn around, but I can certainly tell that he had a smile on his face based on the tone of his voice. Did he think this was funny? What will he get for provoking me like this? Is it fun for him?
“I know that nobody should be able to sit down on the High Queen’s seat unless they are in that position…” he trailed off. “But it was the High King’s orders. I am nothing but a worm in his presence. So I had no choice but to obey.”
I clenched my fists in front of me, where Ranlrein couldn't see and took a deep breath. “Obey…” I muttered. “Before the High King there is the tradition that has been followed by not only the Imperial Family, but all of the people in Ostulia, for generations. Not following the tradition is disobeying and disrespecting our ancestors and our rich culture,” I closed my eyes.
“You have done just that.”
“Ha...!”
Did he just…laugh?
“I feel pity for you, your highness.”
My blood boiled after hearing what he had just said. A pang of anger and frustration flooded my heart. Oh, how I wished to take this man’s life right here.
“You are hurting like this because you lost your mother, and I feel for you. Because I lost mine too when I was very young. So I feel like we are one and the same.”
“We are not,” I cut him off.
“But if things continue on like this, I will have to take care of you like you were my own daughter. It pains me to see you suffer.”
“I do not need your fake pity.”
I spit my words out like venom before hastily leaving the garden, not looking back. That was dangerous. I felt my sanity snap for a moment and if I had acted on my feelings, It would’ve been hard to keep myself in check. It would’ve been a great opportunity to kill him there, but I must be patient if I want them to have the most painful and humiliating end. For now, I will lay low and stomach the things they say about me or my mother. Because their satisfaction will not last for long.
I will make sure of it.
“Oh dear, your majesty, you look pale. Are you alright?” Bennet asked as he walked up to me with a face clouded with worry. I shook my head and told him it was nothing. The people under me shouldn’t know about what transpired in that temporary palace my father lent me.
“Princess!” Alice’s voice was high pitched with shock. She ran towards me with wide eyes and a look full of confusion. “Shouldn’t you be in the temporary palace?” she asked, and she had every right to.
“It was about time I left. I do not want to let my mother wait for me. I’ve been away long enough.”
Alice stared at me, her expression unreadable as she continued to scrutinise me under her gaze. “I thought you were finally getting the treatment you always deserved.”
I laughed. That would be far off in the future. “No, Alice. You know how my father thinks of me.”
She rolled her eyes and grit her teeth. I could feel the seething anger she was hiding underneath her worry-stricken face. And I was happy that I was being cherished by these people who knew of my cursed birth. There were only a select few, but they were the ones who still stayed by my side despite knowing I might bring them misfortune.
“Is it true?” Jane came running from the kitchen, her hands shaking as she held a tray full of treats to the corridor. I looked at her in confusion. What news could’ve made her act like this?
“Is it true that the High King unclothed the High Queen’s seat for his aide?”
The unpleasant memory rushed through my mind again; the laughter, Ranlrein’s smile, Prince Dion, Cedrin, my Father…I shuddered and shook my head, not wanting to remember that unfortunate day.
“What do you mean?” Bennet asked, looking at Jane as though she said something absurd. Well, it was indeed absurd. Except it wasn’t just a rumour because it indeed happened. Unfortunately.
“I heard from the help in the main palace, they whisper it among themselves. And they said, the High King unclothed her majesty’s seat and offered it to his aide… It hasn’t even been long since her execution…” she trailed off, eyes warily landing on me and her thumb fidgeted the handle of the tray.
“That is absurd!” Alice stomped her feet and shook her head. “There’s no way the High King who abides by tradition would do that! No matter how tyrannical he is!”
“Princess?” Bennet looked to me, which gained the attention of Jane and Alice.
They waited for an answer.
“It is true, what they said.”
“No way!” Alice exclaimed. Her eyebrows knitted together as she gazed at me, cheeks red with anger. Jane was the same, her hands wrapped tightly around the handle of the tray as she looked at me with disbelief.
“To her majesty—!!”
“Are you not angry, princess?” Bennet asked warily.
I bit my lip and my breathing became heavier. Angry was an understatement about how I felt. I wasn’t simply angry. I was furious. I still very much am furious about the absurdity my great father displayed in front of important guests. But what could a powerless princess like me do?
That’s right. Nothing. All I could do was watch as he let Ranlrein sit on my mother’s chair.
“What will you do now, princess?”
I sighed. “What can I do?” I asked them back and made my way to my room. “I am nothing but a powerless, unloved princess. There’s nothing I can do.”
“But you still are the princess! You can punish that aide—!”
I laughed. A bitter chuckle as I raised my head and closed my eyes. “My father cherishes his aide. I, who has no real power in the Imperial Palace, cannot touch my father’s people. That would be akin to me asking for a death wish. If I did that, I would only follow my mother’s footsteps and end up six feet buried in the ground.”
“But…!!”
“We wait.”
They all looked at me. Clearly they don’t know about my and uncle’s plans. But they will soon enough, during the banquet. They will know. Everyone will know.
“We just wait for the right time. In the meantime, let them enjoy their peace,” I trailed off as I turned my head and gazed at the beautiful peach tree outside my window. “That peace won’t last long after all…”
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