Malonymous

Friendly reminder to note the Satire tag and not take this too seriously; I tend to find comedy in the absurd ;) Have fun!

In the beginning, there was light. Then there was me.

“I really did arrive as a cute girl, just like I described! And I sound like a cute girl, too! Maybe John wasn’t a total failure after all.”

I stared at my reflection in the side of a shiny, gleaming arch that stretched up all the way from the ground at my feet and curved high above me, touching down a stone’s throw away. This must have been the gateway I passed through to get here. And ‘here’ looked to be the middle of a wide-open circular plaza that was paved with all kinds of cobblestones and lined with a ring of tall, medieval-style buildings.

I couldn’t help taking a minute to check myself out like I was admiring a newly created avatar in a game, making different facial expressions and running my fingers through my hair that was many times longer than I was ever used to having. My starting gear appeared to be some kind of a simple dark tunic. Or was this a nightgown?! I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I spun around to get a better look and that’s when I felt it.

That fullness in my chest, that unfamiliar weight that tugged at me, bouncing and swaying with every step and turn I took. How could I forget—the rite of passage granted to every guy who gets magically turned into a girl! That once in a lifetime, first opportunity to reach my hands up to my bust and grab my own two soft, supple, juicy—

“Oh, great. We got another pervert in town.”

I froze. The voice came from a young man with shaggy auburn hair wearing what must have been some kind of guard armor. He was giving me a sidelong glance from underneath his helmet a short distance away.

“Wh-What are you looking at?” I stammered.

“See all these people?” He motioned for me to look around. “We’re in the middle of the city square in the capital. You’re going to cause a lot of problems if you start groping yourself out here in public.”

To my dismay, a quick glance revealed that there were a lot of people milling about: merchants peddling their wares, burly men in cloth work outfits, a couple of women in extravagant dresses, a small family carrying baskets of produce, and even a girl my age wearing cute robes that looked suspiciously witchlike. Some of them had even stopped in their tracks and stood observing us.

“But I’ll tell you what,” the guard continued. “I’ll pay for your own inn room if you let me watch.”

He pulled out a coin from his pocket and flipped it toward me. I caught it and gave it a once-over. Was this a silver piece? Free coins are one thing, but it’s not like I’d ever go along with an insane ‘offer’ like that.

“No thanks, sleazeball,” I shot back.

He scowled and started walking toward me. “Hey now, you already accepted. You’re not going to make an enemy of the city guards on your first day, are you?” He patted the hilt of a short sword at his hip.

I took a step back, then another. A small gathering of city folk had now formed around us. This could be bad. Very bad. And this was way too sudden; I’d barely even gotten a chance to acclimate myself to this new body. I might be able to slip through the crowd and escape, but I’ve got to have some kind of starter spell.

I thrust my right hand out and shouted, “Hyah!” Nothing happened. Actually, the guard stopped moving closer to me, but I doubt that was because of any magic I casted.

“Look, lady. Why don’t you just come with me for a minute?” His scowl had turned into a half-amused smirk.

There was no other choice now. I had to hope for the best and make a break for it into the—

“Quick, come with me!”

I felt someone grab my hand from behind and take off running. I turned around and saw it was that girl in witch’s robes I had noticed in the crowd. The next thing I knew, I was running right behind her, the guard looking just as flabbergasted as me.

“Hey, wait!” he shouted after us.

The edge of the crowd we were heading toward swiftly stepped aside to let us pass, and we hurried past them and down the nearest street.

“I’m Alice!” the girl said back to me with a smile. Now that I got a better look, she had chest-length raven-colored hair, cheerful indigo eyes, and a rucksack strapped to her back that rattled as she ran.

“Beryl,” I replied. “Thanks for the assist!”

Alice and I hurried down the street, eliciting startled gasps and strange looks from passersby. We may have been two girls trying to outrun a guy, but one glance behind me revealed that the guard was worse off; apparently he was not used to sprinting in all his armor.

We didn’t get very far before I noticed that running in this world hurt a lot for two reasons. Firstly, my starting gear didn’t include any goddamn shoes, and with every step my bare feet landed hard on a bunch of goddamn cobblestones. The other reason was because the crappy tunic I did start with was clearly not designed to wear for strenuous physical activity, and every step also painfully tore at my chest as my breasts thrashed about with hardly any support. I was starting to realize that whatever ‘seventy percent’ equaled on the breast slider in this world might have been more than I bargained for. Not that I was used to running around in any cup size, for that matter. Next time, I would go with… no, now’s not the time to optimize!

After we had taken a few turns down different side streets, Alice checked behind us again. The guard was nowhere in sight, and she motioned for us to head into a nearby alley.

“I think we lost him,” she said while panting for air.

I was equally out of breath. My lungs burned and my bare feet were horribly sore and aching, among other parts of my body. To my embarrassment, I realized I was still holding her hand, and I quickly pulled back.

“You really saved me,” I said after I finally caught my breath. “I was in a bad spot back there.”

She shook her head and smiled again. “Don’t mention it. You aren’t from Gadea, are you?”

I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to hearing that. “Is it really that obvious?” I asked sheepishly.

“I’d heard about people coming through the Gate from another world before, but I never knew what it looked like until I saw a giant beam of light shoot down from the sky. And then when it disappeared, there was a person standing at the bottom!”

Oh. How many more details did John leave out? I might have been a bit more cautious had I known I would be making such a dramatic entrance into the world.

“So, what was it like?” she continued, leaning forward with eyes lit up by curiosity. “I’ve never met an Outworlder before. How did you cast magic in your world? What kind of potions could you brew? I want to know everything!”

We had just finished recovering from our run and I was already starting to get exhausted all over again. And I wasn't sure how I felt about getting called ‘Outworlder’ either. “Uh, it wasn’t that exciting. There was no magic, unless you count magic mushrooms, I guess?”

“So you did have experience with alchemy!”

“Yeah, ‘alchemy.’ Let’s go with that.”

Alice was only getting more and more excited which only made my head spin. I shifted on my feet with unease as I felt my palms getting sweaty, and that’s when I remembered I was still holding onto the silver coin from that sleazy guard. I went to place it into my pocket when I made a startling discovery.

“I don’t have any freaking pockets!” I might have blurted that out too loud since Alice looked startled as well. “Er, I mean this tunic is the only thing I arrived here with. I don’t have any spells, I don’t know where to go next, and I don’t even have anywhere to store this.”

I held out the coin. Alice looked me up and down as if searching for something, then clapped her hands together with a curious grin.

“Why don’t you try here?” she suggested, slightly pulling down on the neckline of her robe and pointing in between her breasts. She actually had a modestly small bust, but I got the message loud and clear.

I didn’t get a good chance to check all over myself after my rite of passage was so rudely interrupted earlier, but after staring down into my tunic it looked like I had plenty of cleavage to hold something. I turned over the coin in my hand and felt it had warmed up in all the time I had been holding it. Even though there were still so many unfamiliar sensations right now, at least it would not be cold to the touch going in. I took a deep breath to steel my nerves, then slowly pressed the silver coin down between my breasts until it was barely visible.

“Oh my God, you actually did it!”

Alice was absolutely beside herself with laughter, doubling over in a fit of giggles. There was nothing I could do to stop my cheeks from reddening with embarrassment. Was this really her idea of a silly practical joke? She was more of a weirdo than I thought.

“You’re pretty funny, Beryl,” she continued after calming down and wiping a tear from her eye. “Say, weren’t you trying to cast a spell earlier? I recently came here from my hometown to start learning magic. Why don’t we apply to the Magic Academy together? We could even be roommates!”

“Wait, slow down. Don’t you think you’re taking things a little too fast?”

She pensively scratched her chin. “You’re right, it’s really expensive and we have to pass the entrance exam. We should probably start by signing up at an adventurer’s guild for beginners and work our way up from there.”

“That’s not what I meant…” Misunderstandings aside, apparently she had in mind the exact kind of newbie progression grind I was trying to avoid with my reincarnation strategy. “Is magic really that hard to learn in this world?”

She nodded, frowning. “Magic isn’t taught outside the capital anymore. It’s very difficult without studying or proper training, much more so than something like swordcraft or archery. Usually only the nobility have access to spells, and the rare talented commoner who gets accepted into the Academy.”

No starter weapons, no starter spells, and I ended up with the most difficult combat path in this world gated by some corrupt social class-based system?! Not to mention that school was one thing I’d already had far too much of in my previous life! I was about to mentally lambast John again when I remembered the reason I came here and the one thing he did get right.

“Okay,” I said with renewed vigor, “then all we need to do is get a noble to ‘sponsor’ us!”

“No, that’s… not a good idea. Nobles and non-nobles don’t mix very well.”

This girl must have been around my current biological age, and it seemed like she still hadn’t figured out the shortcut to the top. It was like an unwritten law of the universe: all it took to separate a desperately horny bastard from his gold pouch were a few honeyed words from a sexy avatar. Not even a level gap or social class divide could change that. Why waste time with the low-level grind, running around on crappy starter quests for hardly any reward, if you could skip your way to the top? It wasn’t even about greed at this point; there was a dastardly Demon King plaguing this world that simply must be slain!

On second thought… even if Alice wasn’t on board with the plan, she definitely knew a lot more about this world than me. She did ask me to do something pretty weird, and yet she did also help me out in a way. If I wasn’t careful around her mischievous antics, she might take me ‘down the rabbit hole’ to madness. But even still, she was kind of cute…

I stepped toward her and gently took her hand in mine.

“Hey Alice, you’ve been really helpful so far, but I could use someone to show me around.”

Her whole face lit up with a heartwarming smile.

“Yes, I’d love to!”

She gripped my hand a little tighter. “Don’t worry, I’ll take us to the guild right away!”

The… The guild?

Wait, no! Not the newbie guild!

Malonymous

Commentary: 

Spoiler

1. I’d like to throw in some text boxes every now and then mostly for fun rather than representing an in-world LitRPG system. (RPG elements will usually be narrative. And possibly Weird.)

2. I had some fun in the planning phase trying to come up with chapter titles that were some kind of relevant reference that people wouldn’t have to ‘get’ in order for the title to still make sense in context. Let’s see how that goes :)

3. This is the last chapter I had pre-written before going public. Your support is greatly appreciated <3

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