It had been a long journey. Kushina had given up trying to measure it. Time? Distance? The only thing she had to go by were the waves of energy pressing against her. It was a struggle at first. Old habits die hard, and not with a small amount of confidence. Still, they could not save her impression of the leaf or it’s history. As memories and thoughts blended together, she began to accept her own impression.
Twenty waves. Give or take. She was growing accustomed to them now. More and more as of late, as she felt the echoes of the chakra network shifting and settling between waves. A more exhaustive effort about them.
Between those and the fox, her suspicions began to hold water. That the sealing had been successful. She had mixed feelings about it. For one, she did not invite the idea that she was a shadow of her former self. Worse still. With the knowledge that this entity was her own blood, responsibility and a sense of powerlessness warred.
She wanted to be there. To be shaping the person he’d become, and ensure that everything would be alright. For all that she had built, it just wasn’t in her power. Furthermore, she could believe that he was already training. That this new depth to her consciousness was tied to developing his chakra. Not all of the changes were pleasant. Some were detrimental, and others were completely alien to her.
Rather than struggle with things she could not control, Kushina focused instead on defining herself. Growing her capabilities and mastering the waves as they came.
Sentiments aside, an air of change had her worried. Like a reef below a sinking tide, There was something building beneath the surface. Massive and unyielding, it put pressure on the areas where her attention roamed. Aching. Draining. Like wind cresting a mountain, Chakra swelled wildly before it and left the area beyond devoid of activity.
She could feel it tugging at the corners of her mind. A phantom pain too close for comfort. Whether or not her center was secured, or would reach the threshold, she could only wait and see.
“It’s none of your business.” “What does the dead last know?” “Don’t let it bother you, Naruto.” I’m trying, “You can’t do anything right!” “What's a clanless loser like you supposed to do?” “They didn’t mean anything by it.”
I tightened my fist. You saw it too though, Iruka. Why do you have to lie about it? I turned my head, shooting the grass with a withering glare.
I need to get my chakra under control, but I’ve done the exercises and that wall keeps popping up every day. The more I study, the less progress that I make, yet there is so much that I am missing.
I stand up and start pacing. Picking up speed and stretching, I practice the forms that Iruka taught us. It helps get my mind off of things. Clear my head, and even hone the chakra exercises that sensei taught us.
But it doesn’t fix my problem. As soon as I turn my mind back to the technique, a slew of noise and pent up frustrations come with it. My momentum clashes and grinds to a halt. As I reign myself in and try to check my chakra, it’s like a little chibi forms to taunt me. Being anything but helpful.
I just want to get this hurdle over with and move on. Of all things it just has to be the bunshin. An uncomfortable seething builds in my gut. The knot is sensitive, and between a litany of other issues, I’m limited to tug and jostle.
My mind drifts to the finer things as I sift through the web of emotions. The memories that loom largest are far from pleasant, and out of reach. They do not resonate with me, and the pain of loneliness echoes through my frame. They don’t want me yet.
But I still care, and my strength runs deeper than that. I delve deeper. Drawing on the bonds that ring true even months later. Some awaken stronger than others. Iruka’s promotion. Sakura’s talent. Bittersweet and precious, yet they extend further still.
I focus on the pain. My failures. The poor grades, and the layers of classmates above me. Those I respect, and their own faults. From Iruka, I draw self loathing. I drive it further and further into the depths. Pinning and tearing through it everything I could summon about it.
I carried through until the last fiber was driven back. Unraveling in a trail behind me that led to the surface. Shaken, I took a deep breath, and tried to imagine another path. Another route out of this place. The current began to pick up, and I was startled from that place by a familiar voice.
“Iruka means well, you know? He’s strict with you because you're similar. Because there’s something important inside you just waiting to come out, and he knows it’ll make all the difference in the world when it does.”
“Mizuki sensei?”
The tool shed was far removed from the village. A supply drop for training fields that had since fallen into disrepair. Naruto hadn’t been beyond the walls before. It felt… strange. The platform before the checkpoint is like a final repose. The road felt cold and heavy. The shadows were deep but calm. Out here, no one was watching him. No one was waiting to see what he would do, or expecting anything from him.
It was a weight he wasn’t sure how he felt about leaving behind, but it made way for a sense of purpose. A resolve to do right by his sensei, and make something of himself.
Still, there was something nagging at him. A scar that hadn’t healed properly. A pressure that caused his skin to crawl, even with the weight of a massive scroll pressed against it.
It’s hard to explain what I went through.
The scroll is heavier than anything I’d ever held before. It is as large as I am, and heavier to boot. I seriously considered going straight to Mizuki with a piece of my mind, but I managed to get the scroll to the door.
It had felt like a sleeve sliding loose. Like the weight was just leaking from the scroll and pouring through me. I felt my senses sharpen. Lessened slightly, but specific sounds, atmospheres and details stood out to me like never before.
As I neared the gate, and lights began to thin, I felt my pace quicken. Beneath the gate, I felt a wave pass through me. A slick between the scroll, the ground, the gate, the guard and the sight lines.
I remember the gatehouse inside and out. I never even saw the road. It was smooth sailing for awhile, but my senses continued to come alive. At one point, It didn’t feel like I was myself. Patches of terrain, flashes of memory, and of places I’d never been before.
I felt like I might be reliving the whole journey. With blocks and blocks of information converging on either side. Branches and roots systems. No way I knew ground types that well.
I poured a lot of focus into the outline of myself, and pooled my intentions until the forest reflected black and blue.
Finally, I reached my destination. Set the scroll down with a thump, and eased myself against the wall. The high erupted inside of me. I felt exhausted, but at the same time, I felt my strength more than double. I glanced at the scroll - my primary suspect - and felt myself settle into this place.
My excitement reached a boiling point. Branching out rather than breaking out in nervousness. I wasn’t doing this to impress Iruka. I’m here to prove something to myself. I reviewed a series of seals in my mind as I examined the scroll. It opened up to reveal a series of skills that I couldn’t make heads or tails of. But there was one title that was dreadfully familiar.
I gripped my brow and huffed in dismay, “Aw come on, my worst technique?” I gazed into the middle distance and saw a reflection of myself. Everything down to the way my clothes settled, and the fibers wore. Every facet to my face. I’d put so much effort into it, these same features were strained in the process.
I waived the thought. I can fuss about that later. Iruka’s counting on me.
Naruto… Don’t let it bother you. Like you’re supposed to… meaning behind it…
“Naruto, you should pay more attention? Isn’t this the stuff you care about?”
“Wh-whahahaat?”
Iruka folded his arms, “Do I bore you now? When it comes to the hokage, to the strongest ninja in the world, I thought this one would reach out to you.”
“Wh- well, yeah but- Iruka sensei, you told me we’d go over this together. That you had to focus on teaching everyone, and that- that I-” I shivered, “I’m doing the best that I can. I’m sorry I haven’t been participating so much, but it’s confusing. The way you talk with everybody else, it isn’t like you. Everyone has questions, and when I ask, I always feel worse about it. I… I feel silly about what the others say.”
Iruke sighed and turned his head in thought, “Everybody makes mistakes Naruto. They need the chance to figure things out on their own, and find better answers of their own. If you won’t learn things for yourself, how will you solve problems for the other kids?”
My hand traced down the scroll, finding a reference to the second Hokage, and something similar in the sections above. I really had everything I needed in front of me, to piece this technique together.
The harsh language of my peers began to wash out. Caught in the wake of my desperation. They want proof as much as I do, and I’m not alone in hurting.
I’m not alone. I’m not-
“Naruto!”
“Iruka sensei?” I looked up to find him perched in a tree. He came, or rather, he’d been coming that whole time. He had an air of authority around him. The one he uses in confrontation rather than clearing the air.
His attention favored me…
…But there’s another closing in.
“Iruka, look out behind you!”
He froze, taking in my tone and performing a slow sweep around him. He looked back toward me and furrowed his brow, “What’s going on here?”
I wasn’t sure how I knew. I couldn’t see that far, yet I could feel that he was there. Alive apprehensive as the way he left me.
I need to move! I shifted to the side. Scanning my surroundings, my eyes found the bulk of the scroll and I had a second thought.
Like hell! Even if I could get to that thing, It’s too slow to move! I felt something spike in the distance and four steel diamonds appeared from Iruka’s shadow. He launched himself at their path, clearing the spot for iruka.
He- He was really gonna put a knife in Iruka right then and there.
I skidded toward the shed. My focus too spread to account for the adult backing into me. I gaped in horror as the air about Iruka shivered.
He just took multiple knives for me. Prying air from my lungs, I grunt, “Iruka…”
“Naruto! Take the scroll and run! The ninja corps is distracted, and I can’t guarantee your safety. Iruka’s trying to take the scroll for himself.”
He’s a really good actor. I’m torn even as I see him replacing the knife. Likely a sibling to the ones sent my way, now embedded in Iruka’s arms and legs, “Naruto. He put you up to this?”
It was barely a question, but he wasn’t directly accusing Mizuki.
Can you trust me right now?
“Sorry Iruka, but I can’t let you hurt him.” Drawing a massive shuriken from his back, Mizuki shouted, “Go, Naruto!”
The shuriken swept across the clearing, “Find help!”
His words fell on deaf ears. I was juiced by adrenaline. Every adjustment he made sent waves of pressure into the trees. I saw his eyes shifting to the space between myself and Iruka. Mostly fixed on Iruka, But the direction he corrected spoke volumes.
The shuriken arced out toward me.
Iruka moved. My eyes widened as he shouted at me, throwing himself in the path of the blades. His side, level with the ground.
I need your trust right now Iruka.
The grass beneath my sandals. It seemed brighter. My vision darkened as my chakra flailed in all directions. To Mizuki, who I saw as a clever if reserved mentor. The students who admired him. The compassion he shared. The deception it hid.
I saw all the times we had together. Iruka knew me better than anyone. He knew some of the things the academy put me through were hurting my chances and looked the other way. Saving compassion for those who hurt me. I hated him for it.
I also needed him, desperately. Of all the people in the world, Iruka was one of the few who understood and accepted me. He lent me strength and the full extent of his wisdom. He guided me toward opportunities to improve, and gave me the confidence to use them.
I will not lose him to a mask!
