Ch 7–

 

I awoke in the sunlight. An unfamiliar bed. Clean smelling, in a slightly sterile way, like an unopened book. 

 

I refused to open my eyes. 

 

I felt physically whole. In fact, as I became more conscious, I started hating the vibrant wellness that seemed to suffuse my every pore. Each muscle pulsed with exuberance and strength. I was clean, healthy, and strong. 

 

I wanted to be broken. 

 

Only my heart felt right. 

 

Shredded. Ragged. Drumming futilely in the void. 

 

By sheer force of will, I slept again, smothering myself in unconsciousness. 

 

I awoke later, unclear how long had passed, and not caring. 

 

I felt Lucy, through our bond. I felt her reaching out to me, sending soothing warmth, and solid companionship. Presence that didn’t shy away from my grief, or seek to fix it, or change it. Just a steady flow of… love? 

 

The first ember of something other than the void stirred in my heart. Gratitude. 

 

Lucy had been amazing. 

 

She’d bought more time than I could’ve asked for. She’d fought so hard. And though she hadn’t risked life in the way that I understood it, looking back, I realized that I had felt her pain and fear. And her blazing bravery in the face of it. 

 

On my word alone, she had hurled herself into enemies that she knew with total certainty would tear her to shreds. 

 

I tried to blow my little glowing coal of gratitude to her into a flame. Sending the tiny spark of warmth I had along our bond to her. 

 

I thought she felt it. Wherever she was, off in the astral, rebuilding her vessel. She was still unavailable to me. I could feel it instinctively. But she was working fast, eager to return to my side. 

 

I sensed her concern and impatience, though she tried to only let steady solidarity trickle through the bond. 

 

I tried to impress upon her to take her time. That she had done enough. Far, far more than I could’ve asked. 

 

But it was too complex an idea to send through the bond. 

 

Wally was dead. 

 

Probably many of the people I’d ever known were dead. 

 

Maybe some of the people who’d escaped the chapel were alive. I hoped so. 

 

But Emberdome, the only home I could remember, was done. Too much had burned. Too much blood had cursed the streets. 

 

Even if it was rebuilt, it wouldn’t be the same place. 

 

Never again. 

 

You usually don’t know, when you leave a place, that you’ll never go there again. 

 

But I knew I couldn’t. 

 

Wally would have a grave there. Probably. 

 

He’d always intended to be buried in that little cemetery. 

 

But that wasn’t where he was. 

 

The stone. The grave. The empty box. None of that was him. He was gone. And he wouldn’t’ve wanted me to…. 

 

I didn’t know. 

 

“You will always have a place here. Always.” His words from before I went to receive my class echoed in my mind. 

 

I hadn’t realized how much I had been counting on that fact. 

 

A door opened nearby and a pair of footsteps approached my bed. 

 

I didn’t move. 

 

I felt a gentle field of vibrant, soothing energy wash over me, like a warm breeze. 

 

Healing magic of some kind, probably. 

 

It gradually faded.

 

Somehow, I felt even better than I had when I woke up. 

 

I scowled. 

 

Someone hmmmm-ed and the footsteps departed, closing the door behind them. 

 

Moments later, the door reopened and a pair of heels clicked in crisply. 

 

A chair creaked and smacked down sharply and I opened my eyes involuntarily to see Grace Valant take a seat by my bed. 

 

She was in a black suit today, with a black tie. Her grey hair in a crisp, professional bun. 

 

She sat in silence gazing out the room’s singular window. 

 

I closed my eyes again. 

 

Minutes passed. 

 

“You should know,” said Grace. As if we’d merely been pausing a conversation. Her voice was quite deep, for a woman, a tiny hint of a rasp. “That you saved twenty eight people last night. Sixteen of whom were children. They were found in the Eirie mountains early this morning, and credited you with providing the diversion that allowed them to escape. They have all expressed a desire to thank you. Particularly now that they have a clearer idea of what you saved them from.” 

 

Grace’s words washed over me like a wave.

 

“Good.” I said, mechanically. Knowing I should say something. I should feel happy about what she’d said. But I instead experience a nauseating wave of bitterness. 

 

“The cultists who attacked your town have been defeated.” Grace continued debriefing me. “Several are in custody for interrogation. Most are dead.” 

 

“You killed them?” I asked. 

 

Grace nodded. 

 

“Max?” I asked. 

 

Grace turned to me. “Who’s Max.” She stated the question. 

 

“The whip guy. The leader.” 

 

“Ah. The blood smith.” She nodded, returning to the window. “He died under my questioning. He will no longer pose a threat to the world at large. You may rest easy on that count.” 

 

“Did he suffer?” I asked, unable to stop myself. 

 

Grace looked out the window, thoughtfully. 

 

“Do you want him to have suffered?” She asked. 

 

“Yes.” I whispered. 

 

Hot tears started streaming down my face and I shut my eyes tight. Willing the flood of images behind my eyelids to stop. 

 

“You lost someone.” Grace stated another question. 

 

I let it hang in the air. 

 

“A parent.” She said. 

 

“My parents have been dead a long time.” I said, resentment growing in my breast, thorny and unreasonable. I wanted to be left alone. 

 

Lucy sent a little extra surge of what I could no longer deny was love.

 

It doused my anger into a simmering coal, but didn’t quench it. 

 

“Ah. A guardian.” Grace concluded. 

 

A silence stretched between us for another minute. 

 

“It is natural to wish suffering on those who have made you suffer.” Said Grace, at last. “I have felt that many times in my life.” 

 

I scowled, burying my face in the downy soft blankets. I couldn’t stop the angry sobs from bursting out of me like water through a cracked dam. 

 

“If I may offer you advice?” she asked, after a few minutes.

 

She waited, evidently actually asking permission to give her thought. 

 

I poked my sodden face out of the covers enough to meet her eyes. 

 

She took it as consent.

 

“Do not let the pain of loss mar the memory of those you loved.” She said. 

 

A tear trickled down each of her cheeks, following a deep scar like a river carving a canyon. She looked out the window.

 

“Those who have done this harm can do no more.” She went on. “And you were even able to prevent some of the evil they intended. Let that be enough, and turn your energy to honor those you lost.” 

 

She sighed. 

 

“I know that this does not change how you feel.” She said, an apology in her eyes. “It’s just something I wish had been told to me.” 

 

She stood. 

 

“Your possessions have been lost, due to the destruction of your dimensional storage device.” She said, abruptly crisp and business-like again. 

 

I gaped at her. So, nearly everything I owned was gone too. 

 

“Given its destruction occurred in your residence with no signs of violence or other damage, I have concluded that you did it intentionally, in an effort to summon aid. Which it did. Given that this action likely saved every life that was not taken in Emberdome from a fate worse than death, I have submitted your case anonymously to our alumni association. In addition to your medical care here, you can expect your tuition, and basic needs to be covered for as long as you are a student at Bayloft, assuming you still wish to attend?” 

 

My mouth hung open in disbelief. Tuition alone was an astonishing amount of money that I had been setting my entire inheritance aside for, for as long as I could remember. 

 

She’d casually offered me, if not a fortune, as least financial security for the foreseeable future. 

 

“You don’t have to decide right now.” Grace misinterpreted my expression. “But soon would be best. Classes start in two days. Take the time. If you show up to campus, you shall have a place there. If not, your acceptance will be deferred until such time as you accept or formally decline it.” 

 

“Thank you.” I managed. My voice was scratchy.

 

She raised a brow. “It is not me, but the school and the Alumni that offer you these things.”

 

“No, I mean,” I shook my head, and sat up. “Thank you for saving everyone. For saving me. I don’t remember much after you showed up. But I know what it means that everyone was safe again when I woke up.” 

 

She gave me a thoughtful look. “Such is the purpose of power.” She shrugged. 

 

“Ok, well. Thank you anyways.” I said. 

 

She moved to the door, poised to leave. She gave me one look back. It was bizarre thinking of the might contained in this quiet woman. Her crisp suit, and messy hair belied the violence that she must have wrought.

 

“On a personal note,” Grace said. “I hope you will attend. You have the makings of a fine Wayfinder.” 

 

She exited without another word, closing the door nearly soundlessly behind her. 

 

I sat in stunned silence for a long time. 

 

I felt a little nudge of encouragement from Lucy, in my… soul? I didn’t know what else to call the deep intimate place she was connected to me. 

 

I nodded. 

 

Purpose. That’s what I needed. Some way to make my days have meaning. To keep myself from sinking into the foul mud in the hole in my heart. 

 

Another big dose of love and then she retreated. The connection was still there. An unbreakable thread, like the glowing filament of a lightbulb. But her attention elsewhere, to give me some privacy. 

 

The next two days were spent in a whirlwind of preparation. 

 

I’d been portaled by Grace, or professor Valant as I needed to start thinking of her, to the nearest town with medical facilities. Which is where I’d woken up. 

 

True to her word, my expenses had been covered. Not that much treatment had been needed after whatever potion she’d poured into me when she found me. I shuddered, considering what a potion that could heal such injuries must cost. 

 

Clothes had to be acquired. Toiletries. Hair ties. Shoes. A study bag. 

 

It seemed every hour or so I would remember something I needed. 

 

Some things in my apartment were still there, having been left to begin with. But they were the things I didn’t need. I ended up just cancelling my lease. 

 

The owner visited me, and had been extremely accommodating, even offering to have everything still there put into storage for me until I returned. 

 

I accepted, unsure if I ever would return. But I appreciated his kindness. It meant I wouldn’t have to face a trip back to Emberdome again, yet.

 

One perk of losing almost everything was that I was able to purchase Lucy the bare bones of a wardrobe of her own. She was still remaking her corporeal form in the astral, so she wasn’t available to help. But in truth, I enjoyed the opportunity to buy her gifts. Even if they were all of a practical variety. She'd at least have some underwear that fit. As much as I enjoyed how she spilled out of mine.

 

Upon notifying her of my intention to attend Bayloft, Professor Valant had sent me some discretionary funds to buy necessities. 

 

The funds that had landed in my account were more than I’d ever seen in it, having always kept my modest inheritance in a separate savings account, so as not to be tempted to chip away at it. Now, I supposed it would be available to me. 

 

In the end, I decided to donate the majority of it to the rebuilding of Emberdome. I didn’t know exactly why I couldn't part with all of it. But it somehow felt like a betrayal of my parents. So I kept a token amount and gave the rest away, anonymously. 

 

I was receiving a shower of generosity from the school. So it only made sense to do the same, while my own needs and Lucy’s were met.

 

Wally would’ve had some choice words for me regarding my decision to nearly empty my savings on an impulse. 

 

But really, I knew he’d have been proud. 

 

The thought cut like salted ice. 

 

What I regarded as two people’s worth of clothes still fit into a single large suitcase, which I had also acquired in the city. It was nicer than any bag I’d ever owned, but still the cheapest thing I’d found that would fit everything. 

 

The final evening before my departure for Bayloft, Lucy was finally ready to be resummoned. 

 

I called her the moment she was available, without a single hesitation. 

 

She streaked into my chest with a soft whump the moment she’d arrived. 

 

I rested my head on the girl’s shoulders and wept. 

 

She held me the whole time I was able to maintain her summon, only just over an hour and a half given my limited mana pool. At some point I realized that I must have leveled up while I’d been unconscious, for Lucy not to have disappeared yet. 

 

I disregarded it for the time, and instead let Lucy simply hold and rock me gently. 

 

The torrent of emotions that had been stuck in the mud pit in my heart came gurgling out in racking sobs and screams and whimpers. 

 

Lucy was right with me through it all. Just holding me. No questions. No advice. Just solid, determined love and grace. 

 

I had never felt more grateful. 

 

We barely spoke the whole time. In the end, near midnight I ran out of mana and she vanished, leaving me a kiss on the cheek before she evaporated into green sparks.