Dammit!!!!!!

Fuck this shit!

Why?!

All of that and for nothing?!

Yeah I’m pissed.

Right now my floor was littered with round and crumpled sheets of paper! And it’s already night for fuck sake!

This is cringy as fuck!

I mean who the fucks designs clothes like this? T-This looks awkward and impractical! Dammit!

Nothing has ever frustrated me so. This sucks! Why can’t I design an outfit that doesn't incite this disgust within me? Dammit, creativity be damned.

I have been thinking and trying to draw since daytime — mostly spent thinking — but I have not accomplished anything decent. I just want to look good, elegant, badass, something charming while also good to wear in operations. But nooooooo, my dumbass can’t create anything good!

Grrrrrrrrr!

And I began working early for this, and I missed my training!

I threw a crumpled sheet again in the fit of irritation.

Fatigued, my head slammed on the desk — but of course not too strong since that would be unnecessary.

“Haaaaaaaah….”

I always have this trouble… when trying to be creative in the forms of art. I’m not really into drawing, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad. And this is why I never tried writing songs — well I tried once, but I didn’t get to finish one line…

Am I only good at killing after all?!

Maybe I should just give u— Uh ah, was that what you expected to hear? Well, no way!

This is n-nothing. Yeah. Yeah. I can come up with something. This was a small hurdle compared to music practice…

I had to stop for dinner, so I did while showing almost a blank face, holding in the swirling emotions within me. My eldest brother tried talking to me, but when I was put in a spot, I made my response brief. I’m also not being completely rude to him because, after all, he would be paying for my expenses tomorrow.

But I tried my best to avoid anything that has to do with Lucious, making my responses vague and somewhat. He’s the least of priority.

Skipping, and next daylight came. Odd that I said ‘next daylight’, yes? Well, that’s because I barely slept at all!

I was woken up by the knockings from the door, but my eyelids felt so heavy. Dammit, even agents need decent sleeping time… Well, this was my doing, but still… I want to sleep more.

Then knockings again.

But mom! I don’t want to go to school!

No, wait… it’s not Mother.

Anyway! It would be unbecoming of me to let my sleepiness do me in... Buuut, there’s nothing urgent going on. The tailor won’t come until later anyway. Since Lucious was not kind enough to tell me what exact time he would arrive, I had to ask my eldest brother when there was no one around, at the time he tried talking to me.

I tried getting up, only to deliberately fall back on the soft bed and pillow. Oh no, I’m getting lax.

I rubbed my cheek on the pillow for about a minute before opening the door. My three servants’ faces turned to shock when they saw me.

“M-Milady, did something happen?”

For your information, I have already disposed of the trash before I went to sleep, like how I did last time. So the shock they had now was not because of a messy room. It’s because of yours truly.

You see, I am so perfect that one can easily notice what’s off with me. Needless to say, it was my lack of proper sleep.

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just didn’t sleep well.”

I adorably smiled at the concerned Mera, but that didn’t seem to put her at ease. In fact, everyone else still appeared worried, perhaps confused as to why I couldn’t get a decent sleep. Eh, it doesn't matter, I’ll look better after a fresh bath.

I ignored them and went ahead for a bath. Then after that, breakfast.

When that was done, my eldest brother spoke to me privately that the tailor had already arrived — wow how early, way ahead of schedule. I was to meet with the tailor first and Eleden would follow later since he had something to finish first. He assured me that he would not take long.

Well, he has nothing else to do when the tailor’s measuring me and so on anyway. So before going to meet with the tailor, I returned to my room and sneaked a sheet of paper into the sleeve of my clothes.

When I arrived at the reception room, there were two people there, one was a young woman, and the other was a peculiar man, but familiar. The woman was someone I have never seen before, and she was young, so she must be new. She got the looks, average-length black hair, and a pair of amber eyes. Her civilian dress looked good on her, and quite fancy, working with a renowned designer seems to have its perks.

Then who would catch everyone’s eyes the most was the tall fancy looking man. His neck-length blonde hair combed sideways. His beautiful face wore a wide smile and a pair of green eyes. Then fair skin that suggested he worked mostly inside.

He looked quite eccentric due to his extravagant outfit, colored in fairly bright colors. His boots hid the edges of his trousers, and a long coat with a short cape on his right shoulder. His slender figure was further expressed through his straight posture.

He snapped his finger the moment he laid eyes on me.

“Aaaaaah — O gorgeous princess, it is a great pleasure to finally meet you again.”

He genuflected in a theatrical manner and lowered his head. His companion on the other hand was normal.

“It’s been a while, Mervizo.”

Mervizo Deyaren, the number one clothes designer and the finest tailor favored by every aristocrat all across the country.

“Yes, it is, your highness. The moment I received your summons, I couldn’t hold back my excitement.”

He genuinely looked excited. Now that I think about it, based on memory, he always looked excited when measuring me… Guess I’m just so beautiful, hehe. This reminded me of my girl cousin who always makes me wear a variety of dresses.

“I see… Um, may I ask who your companion is?”

He nodded his head. “She’s my recently hired employee, an aspiring designer, Kali Eryliez.”

When she raised her head to look at me after her introduction, her eyes widened as we made eye contact. She seemed to freeze, like seriously, she gazed intently at me. My crimson eyes and her amber eyes stared at each other.

I felt like she was in awe, but the intensity, and the silence, made me think there was another emotion within her…

Maybe she fell in love already?

I’m kidding, but that could be it, or it could be something else.

“Kali.”

Mervizo’s mention of her name appeared to have brought her back, and she frantically lowered her head.

“I-It is a great pleasure to meet you, your highness.”

“... The pleasure is all mine…”

“Kali pleaded with me to let her come with me today to meet you, and so, as an aspiring designer, why not let her meet the best model there is in the world.”

Hey, I’m not your doll… But not that I mind, just don’t get too annoying.

When I heard his flattering words, a blush came to my cheeks.

“Why did you want to meet me, Kali…?” I asked her.

“E-Eh, u-um…” she stammered. “... I, I heard about you in the shop, how pretty you were and how wonderful the clothes they designed for you… And, they always said that you look great in everything… so I became curious.”

Is that so?

“I see… and the stories… aren’t they exaggerated?”

“....Um…” she didn’t seem to know how to respond.

Well, she had never seen me personally dress up, so she couldn’t say anything for certain.

“I vouch for the stories, your highness. Hehehe, I don’t believe they are an exaggeration at all.”

Such flattery, don’t spoil me so much.

“Oh…um… I understand… Then can we proceed with our business?”

“Of course!”

He walked towards his small case and took out a tape measure, with Kali by his side seemingly unsure of what she should do. She should have nothing else to do since Mervizo was always the one to measure me — except for the rare occasion he’s with someone. Before this, he had brought a companion for only twice, but I think those two were the same person. My memory’s hazy to recall. I didn’t particularly pay attention to faces.

“So, princess, what kind of dresses do you want? And for what purpose?”

He then proceeded to measure my body.

“You have gotten taller…” he commented.

“Um, I want dresses for the upcoming Festival.”

“Ah, yes… You didn’t make such a request last time.”

“Yes, but I need a few now.”

“I see. Hm, Kali, how about you take her highness’s measurements.”

“ — M-Me?!”

“Relax, come one. Keep your composure. How are you going to work with nobles otherwise?”

She rubbed her hands together, seemingly nervous about it. Understandable.

“Come now, this will be a good experience. Here.”

He put the tape in her hands without any intention of hearing her refusal. Pushed to a corner, she had no other choice but to walk towards me. I extended both my hands and she positioned herself behind me.

Her hands trembled a little.

She’s that nervous?

I could hear her shaking breath from behind me.

“What purposes will the dresses have for the festival?” Mervizo asked.

“Ah, yes. I want formal dresses for formal events. Then maybe a pair of casual clothes.”

“Casual?”

“Like for a casual walk around the festival.”

“I see.”

Kali was pretty gentle and careful as she took my measurements and then wrote the numbers on a sheet of paper.

Woah wait, is that? A pencil?

A shabby-looking pencil, but I knew it was a pencil — graphite okay? Graphite pencil! Dammit why don’t we have that? Hmmm, I can’t remember it being used in the past by the tailors, memory too hazy… I didn’t pay too much attention to small details! Why do we only have quills in this place anyway? Was it because we’re too luxurious for mere graphite?

“S-Should I put a few extra values on the measurements?” She asked Mervizo.

“Just a couple of centimeters I believe will do. I trust your physique won’t change drastically these few months, princess?”

Like getting fat? Belly getting loose? As if I’ll allow that, I work out often you know.

“Of course.”

He nodded his head, satisfied by my answer.

It took a while for the measurements to be completely finished. The moment it finished, I turned to Vernon.

“Vernon, brother’s taking a while. Would you be so kind as to call him?”

“Certainly.”

With that, he left. Finally…

“Mervizo.”

“Princess?”

I approached him and presented a folded paper, it was my design. I pulled it from my sleeve without anyone noticing, doing it while I was talking to Vernon, a trivial misdirection.

In another scenario, I might have to forcible speak privately with Mervizo and give him this.

“This is…?”

When he unfolded the paper, his eyes widened.

“I would like you to make this outfit.”

Honestly, that took me a vast amount of time. Since I was having a hard time coming up with a cool and pretty design, I opted to have it a bit simple, but I think I’ll still look good. The important thing was functionality really.

“You designed this?”

“Why? Is it terrible?”

He glanced at me then back to my drawing.

“Not exactly, not that extravagant, but this is mostly what one would expect for this kind of outfit.”

“If you find it lacking, you’re free to give it improvements design-wise.”

“Of course… But, you drew this yourself?”

He glanced at the two servants remaining. Mera and Rogan also looked surprised, too bad they won’t be seeing it.

“And the detail of this illustration, and you even drew your face. Amazing!”

Kali took a peek from behind him, and she also looked amazed by it. Well, they didn’t expect me to make something like this.

“I never would have expected you to have a talent for designing and drawing, princess. Training would bring vast improvements to your skills.”

Mervizo said to me with a wide smile.

“That’s not important right now. Please finish them with the ones to be brought to this festival. And is there any stretchable fabric?”

“... Yes there is.”

“Splendid! Then use it for that.”

“As you wish…”

“Then lastly, keep it a secret from anyone.” I looked at everyone in the room. From Mervizo, Kali, to Rogan and Mera. “Please.”

I smiled at Mervizo and Kali.

“If that is your request, we will do so.”

He must have realized the bit of sternness in my voice, so he bowed his head, and Kali followed after him.

“Needless to say, my family, including my brother, has no need to learn of this.”

Mervizo chuckled.

“I believe they won’t ask for any specifics anyway. So I suppose we have no need to worry.”

My parents didn’t know about this anyway. Color me impressed that Eleden managed to keep this a secret within the palace — maybe also because my parents were busy, and Estevan was focused on his knightly duties. But I imagine they’ll discover this sooner or later, and mother’s gonna be bugging me how I didn’t invite her or something.

“Thank you, Mervizo.”

“Anytime, princess.”

Well, not like they can defy my request slash order. It may sound like a request, but when spoken to a commoner, you might as well consider it as an order. Famous and wealthy Mervizo was, in the end, he was still a commoner. He couldn’t just defy the “request” from the princess of the kingdom.

“But if I may ask, princess. For what purpose is this outfit?”

“Hm? I just want to try something new, and that type of outfit is interesting to try out.”

“Is that so? In that case, next time I come back, I can offer a few dresses and outfits for you to try.”

“N-No need, isn’t that too much trouble for you?”

He held out his finger and swayed it side to side.

“Nope. They’re actually dresses I made in my spare time, and it just so happened that a few can fit you. If they look good, I’ll even give them to you as gifts!”

“R-Really?”

“Yes, your highness. Consider it as my thanks for years of patronage.”

“... If you say so… Thank you.”

Of course, I’m not against it. Why? I can have exquisite dresses that can make anyone fall in love, for free at that! I’m already perfect, but I can still further that perfection.

A short while later, Vernon had returned with my brother, and another one with him, namely Lucious.

When he made eye contact with me, I averted my eyes away with a little blush. But as pale as I was, it was too blatant — aaaah, the drawbacks of my peerless beauty.

I stole a glance at Lucious for a second and oh boy, he looked pitiful — let’s leave it at that.

“So, Estelia, is everything done?” Eleden asked.

I meekly nodded at him.

“Hm… then…”

The tailor then discussed the down payment with my brother — well not that amount mattered that much. We have the people’s tax money hehehe. Thankfully the tailor didn’t mention my special request. It was a gamble, but there was no other way — I can’t sew my own clothes after all.

So, as they discussed, all I could do was behave by a corner. Need to mention that Lucious was looking so frequently at me as though he wanted to approach me. I have been thinking about his offer though, but I still have no definite answer — it might complicate things for me…

Things finished when my brother gave the tailor a pouch that I imagine filled with gold coins.

“Then I shall take my leave, thank you for the time, prince, and princess.”

Mervizo bowed extravagantly followed by a formal one from Kali.

“I look forward to your return.”

I said sweetly to them. After that, they made their way outside. But right at the door, Kali looked back for a second, looking at me, before continuing onward.

You know, some people were just weird.

“So, is there anything else you need, my sister?”

“No, that will be all. I’m sorry for the trouble, and thank you.”

“No problem.” He smiled. “Ah yes, I have something to talk to you about. Can we have everyone leave the room for a moment?”

The others looked at each other before leaving the room, my servants were reluctant at first, but in the end followed my brother’s request.

“Brother?”

“Let us sit down.”

We sat down on the couches facing each other.

“Will you openly talk to me, my sister?”

Ah I see, let me guess, this will be about Lucious. And now that I had my request fulfilled, he believed that I would be considerate enough to be open in this discussion. Well, I suppose that’s alright.

“... Alright.”

He smiled softly.

“Bear with me, okay?” After seeing me nod, he continued. “What do you think about Lucious?”

See? They really were endorsing him to me.

“What do you mean…?”

I looked down and pulled strands of hair to the back of my ear with a finger.

“I have been asking you why you are avoiding Lucious, but you never gave me a proper response.”

“...”

“Do you not like him?”

“ — It’s not like t-that.”

Come on, that question can go both ways!

“Is that so? In that case, back to my first question, what do you think about him?”

Annoying, noisy, bothersome, always disturbing my quiet times with his shenanigans. Though that was when we were younger.

“I… I think he’s… a good person…”

“What else?”

Dammit, this feels like a therapy session. I hate this kind of thing. Back in the organization, they often send us this fucking therapists, I’m not crazy! What uses were they? If they wanna settle our mental health, leaving me alone for some alone time would have been the best.

And they were too nosy, even asking questions about my private times, meaning my hobbies, my thoughts about things bla bla bla… Though I have noticed they always go to evaluate me deeper than my teammates. I’m sure the Professor requested that… How annoying.

“.... Um… I don’t know what else…”

“I see… But I’m curious, why are you avoiding him? Please answer this, my sister.”

I understand where this was going, he’s trying to figure out if there would be any chance.

I rubbed my hands together.

“... It’s… It’s because…” I squinted my eyes as I lowered my gaze. “He s-said some weird things… About going out to the festival and such and…. And…”

My blush intensified.

“Are you embarrassed?”

“...”

For some reason, seeing I was unable to respond, he smiled.

“Why do you think Lucious said those to you?”

“...”

“It’s alright, no need to force yourself to answer… That aside, do you like someone, my sister?”

“!”

My eyes widened at his daring question. Me? The princess of the kingdom, liking someone? Impossible. But, if that were the case, that man must be so lucky.

“... I like everyone.”

“I meant, like, as in liking someone very much, so much. So much more.”

I like myself very much.

“... N-No.”

“What about Rogan?”

“What does Sir Rogan have to do with this?”

“He was assigned as your knight, so, I suspect you recommended him.”

“That’s… Not exactly…”

He raised an eyebrow.

“Not exactly? Can you elaborate?”

Long story, so no way. Not that I have any intention of explaining that circumstance. I assume it was supposed to be a secret between me and my father, nor did I have any intention of sharing the story.

“I can’t…”

“Why?”

Damn Eleden, why you pushing me this much? This was pretty surprising, to be honest. Have mercy on your sister.

“Can’t say.”

“... Okay, I understand. So… you don’t like anyone in a special way…?”

His voice trailed off at the end there, he sounded almost hesitant to ask that.

“Why are you asking me such a question, brother? I like everyone in their own special way.”

I meekly said.

“Very well. I’m sorry I asked you these questions.”

He stood up and patted me on the head.

“Lucious has been so troubled lately. Please try talking to him, okay?”

I gave no answer, hesitation evident on my face.

I would have enjoyed letting him agonize for a bit more — but I guess that’s enough.

Of course my brother didn’t press me for a reply whether I would really do it or not. But he had expectations, so in exchange for his kindness, I’ll do what he asked.

When we made it outside the room, I instantly hid behind Eleden and grabbed the back of his shirt with my fingers. Behind his shoulder, I raised my head to look at Lucious.

“L-Lucious… I…”

I stammered around and failed to make a sentence, but before I could continue, my brother moved aside.

“Estelia, don’t hide behind me when talking, okay?” he kindly smiled as I was left exposed.

My eyes begged at him but to no avail. How shrewd, brother!

I gripped my skirt after my last form of comfort forsaken me.

“Hello, Estelia…”

He smiled wryly, looking to be shy.

“Hi… Um, I apologize for… suddenly leaving you last… time.”

“That’s alright… That was understandable.”

“...”

There was an awkward silence.

Dammit, this should be held in private, and not in the eyes where others were.

I’m not talking no more. As I said last time, I won’t be helping this guy anymore.

But enough, I have other things to do, so I’m leaving. I have fulfilled my end of the bargain — brother didn’t say to make a conversation anyway. Just talk, he said.

“T-Then, you two must be busy, so I’ll be leaving… Excuse me.”

I walked past him, then behind me, I heard my brother sigh.

“You’re an idiot.”

I heard him, he must have said that to Lucious.

Yeah, he’s an idiot…