Vol. 3 Chapter 9: Longing
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Allie, from the far corner of the prison cell, now moved to the metal bars, leaning to her side. The metal bars were rusty and rough, the tiny pieces of rust stuck to her fingers, but she didn’t mind. What little stain would change how dirty… how disgusting she was now.

But yes, something did change, for the whole time she had been staying at the far corner, she was now closer to the one obstacle that prevented her freedom. The cause of that change, even so little, was a little glimmer of hope.

But it was far too little to change her heart completely. Even so, she could not take it off her mind… or rather, her… Seeing that light made her recall her past life, one that was basking in a bright day, a colorful life.

One where she always did what she loved, living a dream.

She let out a trembling cold breath as she gripped the bar in her hand tighter. The thought of how better her life was before pained her heart. She had dreams, and yet she gave them away for others. She knew it as she decided it.

Sacrifice her dreams for her friends.

What was the point of it all to begin with? What was the goal, the dream her friends had that she had to sacrifice her own? One where she had to suffer to this extent.

She doubted, but at first started only for a little bit. For deep in her heart she had hope. Hope that she would be saved. She believed in her friends, they would save her from her torment. And yet, hours became days, days became weeks, and weeks became months.

Doubt grew in her heart as time passed.

Eventually, she reached a certain point, the point of hopelessness. They would never come to get her. There was no sign of them, no warning from the guards, no commotion, just nothing.

She was abandoned.

She felt betrayed.

With those feelings came regret. Indeed she felt regret at what she had done, even though it ended in failure. In the end, she attempted to take someone’s life. The life of the person that had treated her so kindly. But she buried that regret as she could no longer endure all the terrible emotions wreaking havoc inside her.

However, that regret returned to the surface at the princess’s touch. Despite having attempted to poison her, she still treated her kindly. She gave her water, wiped her face, and fed her. How could someone be so kind? She should have not done something so atrocious to that person. That compassionate girl.

As she leaned to the prison bars, she felt confused. She didn’t know what to do, nor what she was doing right now. What brought her to this part of the cell? She could not understand herself.

She had doubts on all sides. One that had abandoned her, and one side that made her suffer. Her friends, and the crown where the princess belongs.

Allie stayed there by the metal bars all night, even as she fell asleep. Her sleep was a little better than before, perhaps because she had a proper meal for once in this one day. It may be only once, but it was enough.

Morning came.

Footsteps resounded in the corridor, so familiar. The guards change every day, but Allie now recognizes the knights that always guard the dungeon at every shift, ones that bring her food — could anyone even call it that…

The footsteps stopped right before the cell bars. Gentle footsteps stopped beside her, Allie slowly looked up. Her eyes slightly widened.

It was the princess.

Why had she returned? Allie could not understand. This dungeon was no place for a princess.

The princess looked at her with compassion, so saintly. But when Allie’s gaze shifted to the one behind the princess, her breath suddenly got stuck to her throat and her eyes widened with terror.

How could she not recognize that face, that face that was there in her suffering and despair. She felt all the pain again as she remembered each moment as if she was relieving it all again. The torture, that she could never forget. Despite coming out strong at that time, it still haunted her.

“Eeeh!” she squealed and whimpered in reflex.

Allie dragged herself backward in panic, crawling away on that dirty floor while trembling. But then she hit the wall, she could no longer get away. Tears flowed out of her eyes, and then she folded herself as though for protection.

Allie could not bear to look at him, at that old man. She didn’t even want to be near his presence.

A soft voice spoke. “... Vernon, leave the dungeon.”

“But princess…”

“Go.”

Allie heard footsteps echoing away and gradually fading. She had heard what the princess ordered to that person, but Allie couldn’t feel at ease.

Gentle footsteps entered her cell after the door opened, and stopped in front of her.

“I’m sorry, I should have been more aware…”

Her voice spoke, that sweet and soothing voice that made Allie’s ears flutter. Suddenly, she felt warmth slowly enveloping her. Allie paused as she comprehended what was going on.

The princess was embracing her.

Allie’s mind went blank, she never expected such a thing. And it caused cracks to form in her heart, and tears burst out from her eyes even more so.

The princess gently rubbed Allie’s back.

“It’s alright, everything’s going to be alright.”

The princess whispered into her ear, and it brought comfort. Gradually, Allie regained her calm, and she slowly looked up at the princess’s eyes.

Then, the princess asked. “Are you feeling a little better…?”

Allie moved back and looked at the princess from top to bottom, her dress had already become dirty at that just simple physical contact with her, but the princess paid it no heed. Failing to comprehend everything, Allie asked a question in her mind — how could she be this kind?

“...I-I’m… I’m s-sorry.”

“Hm?”

Allie immediately lowered her head. Was that an apology for smearing her beautiful dress? Or was it for something else? Even she herself could not find the answer.

“... Alright then, the important thing is you’re feeling a little better. I have brought you food. I’m sorry I couldn’t visit you always.”

Just like yesterday, the princess made her drink water before feeding her. Once that was done, she left once again. It was then Allie’s feeling of longing grew and made even clearer. She longed for the peace and comfort the princess brought.

Several minutes after the princess had disappeared, Allie rubbed off the tears on her cheeks. She was weeping. Guilt and regret, as well as confusion. All those things swirled inside her heart.

She didn’t want to feel this way, it was terrible. She dreaded it, but she couldn’t do anything to mitigate them, for she deserved it. She deserved to wallow in despair after what she had done.

Was what she did truly a mistake?

Was doing it for her friends a mistake? The friends that had abandoned her?

She had no definite answer.

And as hours passed, she kept dwelling on that thought.

***

Another day came since the princess’s last visit. Allie once again leaned on the metal bars. She was waiting.

She felt a longing, and it grew ever stronger than before. And thus, she waited and waited. She had felt a bit more energetic than before, only for a little. She remembered the rough time the princess would come from referencing her arrival on the first and second day, despite having no sun to see. Furthermore, she could roughly tell how much time had passed with the help of when the guards came to reignite some torches.

Add to it counting in her mind. Not specifically counting each number, but roughly with feeling.

However, time had passed since the rough schedule when the princess would come. Was she wrong about the time? She could be. And thus she patiently waited.

Waited. And waited.

Perhaps an hour had passed now, but the princess hadn’t arrived yet. The corridor was still silent.

Another hour passed. There was nothing.

She waited another hour. Then another, and another.

And yet, she did not come.

“...W-Why…?” for the first time on this day, she muttered in confusion, shaken.

She raised her eyes as she looked at the corridor, she perked her ears as well. There was nothing but the same dark and dreadful walls, and piercing silence. Her lips trembled with what could perhaps be fear. Fear rooted from losing something, or something casually breaking into pieces.

She waited and waited.

No change.

But half an hour later, footsteps sounded. Allie jerked her head, as the light shone a little in her eyes. However, it dimmed immediately when he saw a knight she was familiar with, carrying a steel plate.

“What a surprise, you moved closer. Makes my job easier then. Here. Eat.”

He slipped the steel plate in and walked away without showing any interest. Allie gazed at the food, the same stale food she was always given… before the princess. Her body weakened, and the longing grew.

But she ate nonetheless. Suffering returned.

When she was done with the food, she returned to the far corner of the cell. The hope in her heart was crumbling.

Once again, she wallowed in despair.

Another day came. While she was at a corner curling, footsteps echoed again. It was a familiar time and came with familiar footsteps. She looked up, and her eyes widened. It was the princess.

She has returned.

Allie’s eyes glistened with hope.

Once the door has opened, the princess approached Allie and gave her water. Allie was once again filled with life.

The princess gave her food. Then she patted her head.

Allie almost smiled in joy, in comfort.

But once the princess left again, she felt longing once more. She wanted the princess to be with her.

Another day went by.

She waited for the time. But, the princess didn’t come. Even as hours passed, no one came. A knight later entered and gave her the usual stale and nasty food.

She ate, and tears welled up in her eyes.

Once she was done, she remained by the metal bars.

In this torment, she had come to realize it…

The princess…

Princess Estelia is peace.

That sentence echoed in her mind for hours and hours until another day came. Then another.

Afterward, the princess arrived once more, and Allie looked up at her. Hope shone in her heart at the glimpse of the princess’s face. But when she shifted her gaze to the side, her heart jumped as her trauma resurfaced at the face of an old man, the princess’s servant.

“Egh—”

She was about to recoil and move away, but a hand grabbed her wrist. Confused, she looked towards the hand while trembling, only to trace it back to the princess.

It was the princess’s hand.

“It’s alright, he won’t do anything, I’m here.”

Allie frantically shifted her eyes between the princess and the old man.

“Allie, breathe, no one will harm you here.”

She listened to the princess’s words. The princess held Allie’s hand with both hands.

“Come closer.”

The princess had a faint smile as if to calm Allie down.

Allie moved closer while looking at the people with the princess. The old man, the maid, and the young man. The knights that were on guard were not around. Just the princess and her servants, and no one else.

“I want to talk, Allie… I am in trouble, my life is under threat. But of course, you know about it, don’t you?”

Allie’s heart throbbed as she was made to recall what she had done. She was fully aware that the princess’s life was in danger, she herself was one of those dangers.

Allie weakly nodded her head.

“I am frightened, Allie. Not a day goes by that I am not haunted by the fear and nightmare of the danger.”

“...” Allie gazed at the princess's eyes. Fear was indeed evident in her eyes, and Allie sympathized.

“I don’t want to suffer this anymore, Allie…”

“...”

“Your friends, you are close with them, yes?”

Allie hesitated for a moment but then nodded.

“Were they truly kind to you?”

Allie nodded.

“Do you think they truly cared about you?”

Allie failed to nod, for she was confused about what was the truth.

“I see… But, is there someone that you cared the most among them, one that cared about you as well?”

Looking away, Allie tried to recall her moments with her friends. And there was one that stood out from the rest, one that was the softest and the kindest to her. The one with dog ears above his head.

While recalling his face, she meekly nodded.

“... Allie, will you help me?”

She returned her gaze to the princess.

“Help me, Allie. Help me catch them.”

Allie averted his gaze, her eyes restless as her mind swirled. She didn’t know what to do.

“Allie, if you help me, you will be freed from this place.”

Allie instantly gazed back at the princess.

“You can return to the kitchen. Cook again, return to your dreams.”

Allie inhaled sharply. But she couldn’t just betray her friends. What would the kingdom do to them?

“Allie, help me, and I swear… no, we swear…” the princess turned her gaze to her servants, and Allie followed her gaze. “We swear we won’t kill them.” After the princess said that, her servants nodded their heads.

Allie returned her gaze to the princess, which the latter gazed back with her beautiful crimson eyes.

“Please Allie, I need you.”

Need me…?

Need.

The princess needed her. That stuck with her the most. Her light, her hope, her peace, needed her.

“... I…”

With her dry throat, she forced her answer out.

“... I w-will help…”

The princess’s smile widened, so precious of a smile.

“Thank you, Allie,” after saying so with a sweet and gentle tone, she stood up and looked at the old man. “Call the guards, and tell them to open this cell, Allie will be removed from this place.”

With that, he left. A moment later, the old man returned with a pair of guards in tow. Confusion was all over the faces of the latter two.

“Princess, is it true?” one knight asked. “You want this… her to leave this dungeon?”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t it dangerous? What would you do with her?”

“She will be under my care.”

“But she’s too dangerous to be close to you.”

“She won’t do anything to harm me, right Allie?”

Their eyes met and Allie subsequently nodded her head. Of course, that was certain, she wouldn’t do anything bad to the princess. She regretted what she had done, there was no way she would do such a thing ever again.

“See?”

“But princess…”

“I appreciate your concern, but it will be alright. Open it.”

The two knights looked at each other with hesitation, but in the end, had no choice but to follow her orders. Once the cell doors were opened, the princess entered with no hesitation and approached Allie with a smile.

She presented her hand towards her.

“Let’s go?”

Allie slowly raised her hand and accepted the princess’s hand, and the latter helped her stand up.

“It is settled.”

The princess walked out of the cell and waited for Allie to come out.

Allie looked at the boundary between her prison and the corridor to the outside. She took a deep breath and stepped forward. Upon taking that single step, she was overwhelmed with relief that she had to hold back her tears once she was out of her cell, that dreadful prison cell.

“First, you must be cleaned up. Then afterward, we’ll eat together.”

“...”

“Mera,” the princess called. “Once we return to the palace, call for your other fellow maids to help you. Clean up Allie.”

The maid, Mera, reacted a bit severely as if she didn’t want to do it, her lips pursed. But of course, as it was ordered by her superior, she had no choice.

“...Yes, milady.” she bowed her head, in an attempt to hide her disdainful gaze at Allie.

Vernon stepped close to the princess. “You need to at least have a guard to keep her on watch.”

“In that case, Sir Rogan. You are one of my trusted aides, watch over Allie for me.”

“Sure, princess.”

“Alright, let’s go out into the sun.”

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