A village, huh?
Phew, I don’t know if I could handle another dungeon.
Taking a look behind me, it looks like I was being overly dramatic about the ‘cliff’.
The separation from the kelp forest and the village was a hill.
Albeit a pretty steep hill, but a hill nonetheless. It seems when I was evacuating after my ‘failed’ second experiment, I built up quite a bit of speed. This speed combined with the geography made me fly like I was flung out of a cata- no a slugapult.
How embarrassing…
My physics blunder aside, the village in front of me was truly amazing. I’d seen plenty of remote villages during my special op missions but none like this.
Well, duh. None of those were in a fantasy world submerged under the sea. But that’s besides the point.
This was my first proper look at civilization in this world and I was quite pleased.
It was definitely a sight for sore eyes. The place just sent a warm feeling to the heart.
The houses showed a difference in social class. The ones near by me were obviously for the lower class, as they were on the outskirts of the town. The materials used and the design of the building seemed to get more extravagant as you progressed to the center.
Usually, such social divides would be distasteful, but it didn’t stir up any negative feelings as I looked. The houses close to me were made mainly of what seemed to be driftwood and hardened seafloor.
Regardless of the materials, the houses looked nice and well kept, having shells embedded within the walls. Something told me that the extra décor was brought by other members of the village. I got the prenotion that everyone was content with their lives within the settlement.
This guess of mine was swiftly confirmed true.
When I first arrived in front of the village, the sun was just beginning to rise. As I began to venture into the settlement, the townsfolk began to stir, ready to begin their day.
I saw the children from different parts prance around with their friends, massive grins plastered on their faces. The adults chuckled and conversed among themselves as they tended to their fields or headed into the forest.
What shocked me was the diversity of the village inhabitants. While they were all obviously beastfolk from the ocean, Sea-kin if you will, the amount of different species present was staggering.
There were what looked like shark people, tuna , trouts, and tang people, just to name a few. Snail, there was even a blobfish person. And they all seemed to get along swimmingly, even though several of the species the people seem to be derived from would prey on others, they were doing the exact opposite.
I noticed even couples that were seemingly happy regardless of their species or gender.
Seeing such a great thing, my face scrunched up in disgust as I recalled the people of my old world. Oppressing and condemning others for things like their skin color and their sexual orientation. Even as a trained coldblooded killer, it was frustrating to see.
Yet to think, after dying and being reincarnated, travelling through hell itself, and a forest full of danger would I be able to see such a glorious sight.
Basking in the warm atmosphere, I trudged along towards the center of the town.
At the center was what I assumed to be the village head’s residence. But if someone told me it was a castle of some high ranking aristocrat, I would believed them.
It was large and grand, towering over the houses that surrounded it. But it didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, but rather complemented and enhanced everything surrounding it.
The building itself was made of pastel coral and other minerals. As I mentioned, it totally looked like a castle.
Upon further examination, I could tell that it wasn’t the home of some snobby noble. Now that I think about it, wasn’t Auntie Tia an Archduchess? Maybe seafolk are just better than humans and the nobles aren’t bad either?
Useless thoughts aside, there were no guards, and the villagers seemed to freely enter and exit the building.
In addition to that, there was a section on the smallest wing that seemed to be inhabited.
By that I mean, the rest of the building looked to be used commercially but that one small section had things like chairs and tables set up as well as what looked to be a sign on the entrance.
I couldn’t read it so I’m not absolutely sure, but I assume so.
If the vibe I was reading from this village was correct, I think that the villagers probably built this building for their village head. But the village leader, being the humble and nice person they presumably are, declined the building, saying that it was too grand for them.
Pestered by the citizens, the head probably gave in, but stubbornly took the smallest wing, declaring the rest for the town as a whole.
Sounds pretty plausible to me.
My train of thought suddenly came to a screeching stop as a loud bell began to ring.
I looked around at my surroundings, to see the village in chaos.
Adults sprinting around, scooping up children into their arms. Older children leading younger ones towards houses.
I continued to observe, trying to locate the source of disorder.
Then I saw it, or more accurately, them.
A group of ten fishmen clad in black clothing and armed with daggers approaching the village from the kelp forest. They totally looked like ninjas. Oooh wait.
Finjas! Get it, fin and ninja?
Pretty clever, huh?
Anyways, as the finja slowly stalked up towards the village hall, a thought struck me.
What’s the point in wearing all black and trying to be stealthy if you attack in daylight?
Doesn’t that defeat the point?
I was once again pulled out of my unnecessary thoughts, as one of the finja lashed out at one of the fleeing children.
The woman running with the child acted quickly, covering the kid and taking the dagger in his place.
The weapon scored a deep gash in her back, and the assailant in the moved forward, apparently ready to finish her off.
I felt a flame of anger lit within me, seeing the scene happen before me.
Originally, I planned to not get involved in the issue, as I had no real connection to the village.
But after seeing the finja attack a woman and a child, along with the feeling I felt from observing the inhabitants, I couldn’t sit still.
So I attacked!
I condensed a bit of my recently recharged mana and formed a really small Acid Javelin, one the size of a needle and shot it at the head of the finja.
The newly dubbed Acid Needle flew swiftly through the water, colliding with his forehead. It melted through his skin, then his skull, and finally his brain. He didn’t even have time to react, as his body hit the floor, blood seeping through the hole.
The rest of the group suddenly trained their eyes on me, and then pounced all at once.
I sent out another round of Acid Needles, hitting each one in a different vital point.
One in the heart, another through his gills, in the stomach of another. They all fell simultaneously.
As the fruit of my labor in my past life as an assassin, it seems I have little problems killing humanoids. But these guys seemed complete novices. They just seemed plain dumb.
As I contemplated the lack of skill of my opponents, I looked over the wounded woman. She was laboring in her breathing but it seemed that she would be okay. A big sharkman suddenly walked over and scooped her into a princess carry with one burly arm. He grabbed the hand of the child and walked off, but not before silently bowing to me… a slug.
Shaking away the surprise that I felt, I realized that those ten finja might not be the entire assault.
I began hurrying from my position around the south wing of the hall building towards the west.
I arrived to see another ten of the fishmen in black impaled by some sort of rock structures.
From there, I scurried to the east, only to find ten more of the finja dead, from the looks of it to suffocation.
Finally I sped to the north wing, which was the one that I guessed was home to the village head, to see another group of beastfolk dead, this time twenty. It was a combination of the rock spikes and the choke-outs this time.
However, corpses were not the only ones waiting for me at this location. Standing by the dead men were two beautiful ladies.
One had long orange hair with white stripes dashing through it cascading down her back. Her crimson eyes twinkled as she gazed at me with a wild grin. She was the shorter of the two, but she was obviously a mature lady.
The taller one had a stony face, seemingly expressionless. Her hair was cut into a shoulder length bob that looked like it was made of the same coral as the big building. Her eyes shone with a pretty bronze luster.
Upon my arrival, the two beauties shared a glance. The orange haired one giggled a bit, before being smacked on the head and scolded by the stony one.
The orange haired adjusted her facial expression and they both turned to me.
“Amaih moeia ma oohaji jahrish.” they said as they bowed forward.
…
“...”
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Yes to both. Votes: 39 54.2%
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Yes to 3rd person POV, no to POV changes mid chapter. Votes: 9 12.5%
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Yes to POV changes mid chapter, no to 3rd person POV. Votes: 6 8.3%
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No to both. Votes: 3 4.2%
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I don't care baka, Author-san, it's not like I’m going to read it anyways. Baka! Votes: 15 20.8%
But if someone told me it was a castle of some high ranking aristocrat.
Sentence fragment. I assume you meant for this to be followed up by something, making a sentence like:
"But if someone told me it was a castle of some high ranking aristocrat, I would've believed them."
Upon further expectation
Examination, unless this is supposed to point at an amusing character flaw, where slug-chan uses the wrong words completely seriously, not knowing they are wrong? (That's called a Malapropism, if you want to look it up. Useless fact!) That's usually used to show how the character is stupid, childish, or just ditzy, and I could totally see slug-chan being a bit of a ditz.
I totally had that written out in my document, must’ve gotten lost in translation. Thanks!
And thats totally supposed to be examination, although this Malapropism totally fits slug-chan’s character, totally a ditz. Thanks for that nugget of knowledge, I absolutely love it. Now that I think about it, they kind of already did it when trying to recall the bosses’ names in the dungeon. I think I’ll use it , but this should probably be corrected, thanks a bunch.
Suggestion-do a search for double spaces -“ “ minus the quote marks, and you can do a find and replace to make them single spaces. I’ll probably still list some of the double spaces I notice, but this might be a good habit to have for writing in the future. I know it happens to me all the time and I have to often double check it.
know if I could handle another dungeon. -> remove extra space
villages during my special op missions but none like this. -> ops missions, but (I think it would be “special ops” here since almost every other time I’ve seen that phrase used for the military thing it’s plural)
materials used and the design of the building seemed to get more -> designs
looked like shark people, tuna , trouts, and tang people -> remove space after tuna. (And change “trouts” to “trout”) Also possible remove the “people” after shark to keep things consistent, otherwise it would need to be “tuna people, trout people, and tang people”. So maybe “shark, tuna, trout, and tang people, just to name a few.” ?
residence. But if someone told me it was a castle of some high ranking aristocrat. -> residence, but if….aristocrat I would believe them.
But it didn’t stick out like a sore thumb, but rather complemented -> However, it didn’t
the building looked to be used commercially but that one small -> commercially,
I couldn’t read it so I’m not absolutely sure, but I assume so. -> it, so
took the smallest wing, declaring the rest for the town as a whole. -> rest was for the town
my surroundings, to see the village in chaos. -> remove commas
Oooh wait. -> Oooh,
as the finja slowly stalked up towards the village hall -> finjas
my unnecessary thoughts, as one of the finja lashed -> remove comma and change to “finjas”
it seems I have little problems killing humanoids. -> little difficulty killing
As I contemplated the lack of skill of my opponents -> over my opponents’ lack of skill
She was laboring in her breathing but it seemed that she would be okay. -> breathing,
realized that those ten finja might not be the entire assault. -> finjas…entire assault force.
From there, I scurried to the east, only to find ten more of the finja dead, from the looks of it to suffocation. -> maybe “finjas dead, this time from suffocation.” ?
Finally I sped to the north wing, which was the one that I guessed -> Finally,
big building. Her eyes shone -> remove extra space after period
ma oohaji jahrish.” they said as they bowed forward. -> jahrish,”
*sees 10 comments already and checks time chapter was posted- 1 hr ago*
Wow, 10 comments within an hour of posting? That’s a lot. Neat.
“Sea-kin if you will”
“And they also may have Aiken, Beacon, and Deacon as well.”
“…Between this and the finjas… your puns are getting worse, darling.”
‘“Amaih moeia ma oohaji jahrish.” they said as they bowed forward.’
“…Maua, can I get an English subtitles option enabled please? What do you mean subtitles aren’t a thing that can be imposed on real life?!”
I do love Maua’s existence. We get to have a canonical peanut gallery that can comment on things and make pithy quips!
Poor Sarkin and Meister. Maybe you should take a bit of pity on them and draw them both at the same time? They could be looking sad while Tia pats them on the shoulders, making Tia the main focus again. >=D
Oooh! Maybe have a little drawing/comic of that happening, and Anakis and Kna’Ve looking on from the side, and then they all notice Maua watching them while eating popcorn and run away? All while Slug Chan just stands to the side and looks very confused. “My favorite coconut head can’t be that scary, right?”
As for POV changes-they’re fine, just try to make sure there’s a clear indicator of when the POV changes. It can get really confusing to go from “I wondered what to do next.” to “Failing to decide what to do next, they flipped a coin.” to “Having flipped the coin and having it land on its edge, my buddy decided to just stand there for a bit and wonder what was going on.” with no indication where things change except except abrupt shifts
Thanks for the corrections as always. Especially the double space one, don't know why I never thought about that.
Anyways, not to brag, but you guys are great. I have amazing readers who I can interact with, learn from and share my story with. There's plenty of stories that don't get any love so I feel blessed. Thank you everyone!
Maua is really missing out on all these opportunities. She needs to stop being MIA. What a coconut head. But it truly makes me happy to see that you enjoy her.
Sarkin and Meister have it rough. Maybe it be better if they were girls? It might be time for the Gender-bender gods to work some magic... speaking on Tia....actually I'll let that be a surprise later. And Maua is that scary. That comic idea sounds like fun, I'll see what I can do.
Make the change clear, got it. Understood.
@Lulla The thing with Sarkin and Meister might work as a gag if it's something they've done before and/or is just cosmetic, temporary, or something they truly don't care about (I.e.-I'm a girl this week? Hmm, been a while since that last happened. *shrug* Moving on.), but if it's done against their will, maliciously, or something they don't want to happen then that would be a pretty awful "joke" to pull. I do know there are some fish species in the real world that can change s*x under circumstances, so maybe it isn't something foreign to them. Extra amusement-maybe Sarkin and Meister do a swap with Anakis and Kna'Ve and it's just something they do regularly for their own amusement.
Slug Chan does a good job with the peanut gallery commentary on their own, but Maua always adds to the fun when she chimes in.
And ooh, some juicy gossip about Tia? That'll be fun to find out. I'm sure slug Chan is going to be thrown off so much when they see Tia interact in an "official" capacity with other people after seeing her be so friendly and amicable with them and her minions (staff?).
"Auntie Tia's scary? No way, she's a swell old gal who's as friendly as they come."
"You thought that about Maua and that she's a ditzy coconut head, but you found out she's apparently a terrifying Reaper to everyone else."
I'm down for some different pov even ones mid chapter, please just make sure the transition is clear so there's no confusion. But I'm loving the story so far thank you for the chapter
Okay, thanks for the feedback! Make sure the translation is clear...got it. I'll probably do the (whoever POV) when necessary. Thanks for reading!
@Lulla It's actually better writing if you don't label it, but make it clear in other ways. One such way would be to change the tone of the narration -- your normal tone here is whimsical, silly even. You could contrast with that by making the third person segments be more serious, like a scientist reporting data or even noir-style.
Labels do work, though! Just make sure to have them as proper headings -- bold text, larger font, underlines, any of those work to denote a proper heading; I've seen italics used, too. When it's just a line of text in the same format as the rest of the work, surrounded by parentheses, it can be missed easily... and looks quite amateurish.
@MaskedCritic Ooooh understood. Thank you for the advice I’ll be sure to put it to good use.
cato- no a slugaplut
Catapult, so "cata-" instead of "cato-"
And so it should be "slugapult". You have your U and L transposed.
Ah, thank you. I literally looked it up to make sure this didn’t happen and still ended up doing it.