Richard Biggs: We would like to take this time to show what Inari's been getting up to before her title defence.
(Written by Sweet-Gem and Syruscoy. Revised by myself.)
Arson had left the stadium with his head hanging low. He didn't care his team still won.
He slumped into a cafeteria where he ordered some canned beverages. Arson sat at the table, opened up one of the eleven cans of soda. He wished he could dream to hope things be different in the next fight... But right now he was drinking. The soda not only melted teeth, but also melted his mind off the image-
"Arson!"
Inari appeared and ran up to him, hopping on the bench. "Are you okay?"
Arson stared down at the despair green can. "I'm fine... Just drowning my sorrows in fizzy water." He chugged his can, and grabbed a new beverage.
One of Inari's tails grabbed the soda can from his paw, and another tail forced Arson to turn his face, make him look straight into her eyes. "Arson... I think I want to ask you out on our first date. Let's go, right now?"
Arson felt his face warming as he stared into Inari's eyes. He blinked, and averted his attention. He almost asked about his performance earlier, if she wasn't mad about that...
I still think you are a cutie~" Inari then booped Arson's nose with her own. She then turned around and walked away, only to then shake her butt at Arson. His face burned more. "You still think I am cute, right?~"
Inari giggled as she leaped away, beckoning Arson to follow.
"Oh...uh.... Uh huh." Arson stared at modern art masterpiece the soda cans made, before looking at the - what he thought was a masterpiece of heaven - and made his decision.
***
Inari led Arson to the woods. His heart raced thinking of what her intentions could be, only for them to reach a clearing and see a self-made gym setup.
"Welcome, to the Inari 5-Star Workout Station!~ I'll be your best girl coach, and we are going to train for success! No more losing now! By the time we are done no one is going to stand a chance against you!~"
Arson said, "Uuuh," as he stared at the equipment. He waited for her to say it was a joke. Inari blew a whistle around her neck, making a Fweep! sound. Arson jumped, his hairs on end.
"Honing ones skill is the only reasonable pastime for any true warrior! Come on! This will be fun!" Inari leaped towards the contraptions.
Arson didn't know how long this lady planned this, but he hoped this wouldn't take all day. He was really looking forward to spending some relaxing quality time with her.
"Let's see... Ah ha! Found it!" Inari announced, breaking Arson's thoughts. She pulled a harness from a strange basket. "This is exactly what we need to get started! Here, put this on."
Arson blinked then walked up to her. He wasn't exactly used to dressing himself, but it didn't seem too hard to put on. Though he did need to ask where his head went through. He looked the harness over after putting it on. "I...guess this doesn't seem too bad."
"It's cursed!" Inari beamed.
"Wha- Oof!" The harness became heavier. "It gets heavier over time. I made it that way, cause if you wear something heavy while you train, you become super strong afterwards! Trust me, I have seen ALL the animes, it's a proven fact~" Inari remarked with complete confidence.
"Let's start with something easy... ok, first challenge!! Catch one of my tails!!" Inari then booped Arson's nose before running over to the other side of the area.
"Is this...really necessary?" He asked as he tried to move towards her. This was never a part of his training when he was with his mechanical master, and the armor he used to wear was surprisingly light.
"Absolutely! If you are going to be King of the Beasts, you got to train like a beast!" Inari said as she pranced ahead of Arson. She kept flicking one of her tails to beacon Arson to catch it. "So tell me more about yourself Arson, how did you manage to get on his island? What do you want to do if you win the crown?"
Arson puffed out a breath of air. He honestly didn't know what else this lady planned to do, but he hoped it wouldn't be too ridiculous. Of course he kept his opinion in his mind. "W-Well...I came here with a clan of Mech people. Some colony from very...far away." Arson stopped to take a few breaths, before continuing his walk again. "And...I never really thought about it. I'm just brought to opponents to battle. Prove my might, and the might of the people who gave me the armor. I was able to help them conquer other worlds in their solar system, but instilling fear into those who opposed the leader."
"Armor? What armor?" Inari looked confused. "Oh and this is a very important question; what are your favorite foods?" Inari gave a sly smile. "But keep going, tell me more! Mech people? The Leader? I want to know everything about you~"
Arson breathing became shallow. "I was given armor to wear from the mech people...that took me from my home. I was opposed to the idea at first, but soon came to trust them. The armor was powered by energy crystals, that enhanced me to the point where I could handle beating other opponents that were more powerful than my average self."
As Arson continued to walk, he tried to think about what meats he liked. Though he couldn't quite say what he was fed when he went to the world of the Mech people. After all, he didn't exactly know where that type of food came from. "What I like to eat?...Um...I like pork, v-venison, maybe a little fish. I haven't had that much luck with hare, so I can't say anything about that." There was no way Arson was going to tell her how those hunting sessions. "Man this armor's heavy. How long have I been walking?" He thought to himself. It was a good thing he didn't say this aloud, otherwise it would've made him embarrassed.
Inari kept on staying ahead of Arson, flicking her tails to keep his attention. "Have you ever tried Turkey? It is a big bird that lots of mammals like to feast on! But I love venison too, it is one of my favorites! Fish and bacon are also goodies~" Inari said. "Where is this armor you mention? I have never seen you wear it. Is it important?"
"So many questions." Arson managed to breathe past the pain. "No...can't say I have. I don't think I'd know one if I saw one to be honest. That's great you like some of the same things I do. The armor is back on the planet of the Mech people. It...It used to be a symbol of my pride as a champion. But now I'm not worthy of wearing it now." He paused. He failed at that too.
"But that's okay though. I've...I've already found access to some power from the gems in the armor. I have you to thank for that." Arson smiled up at Inari, in spite of his workout.
"That's what I like to see! Happy smiles!" Inari beamed, and kissed Arson. "You don't need any old armor to show you are a champ... You have me now." Inari whispered in his ear.
Arson then noticed one of Inari's tails in reach, and he grabbed it with his paw.
"Oh, you got me! I guess Inari's first training workout is complete!" Inari stuck out her tongue. "Good thing too, we have been hiking for over an hour now! You are a real Champ at this! NOW~ It is time for your Rest and Relaxation reward~" Inari helped undress Arson.
He plopped on the ground in a couple of seconds. "Oh thank the gods!" He thought as he caught his breath.
A bunch of scents assaulted him, and he stared a mountain of food. Roasted birds as big as him covered in venison cuts and bacon strips, along with ten cans of Soda. Before Arson could try to get up, Inari curled around him, and one of her tails grabbed a bacon piece to hand-feed Arson. "Sooo... are you hungry?~"
This had to be a dream. "Praise sweet mother nature cause I think I'm in heaven." He smelled the bacon piece offered to him. "Don't mind if I do." Not long after he was given the piece was when he closed his eyes to savor the flavor. He imagined himself running in an open field towards a tall piece of hopping bacon. Once they were close enough, Arson hugged it and rolled down a small hill with the meat in his grasp. He bit off the top piece of it, and his daydream ended. Though he was purring through most of his imaginary world, and still was even after his dream was over. "Oh that's good."
Inari kissed Arson's head as she encouraged him to feast. "Anything I can do to make you happier, just tell me, and it's yours." She whispered into his ear.
"Wow, and I always thought that good things had to be earned." He looked back up at her. "It seems you've proved me wrong." He drowned meats with soda. Arson wasn't sure about how much he'd be able to fit in, but for now he was hungry.
"A well fed cat, is a happy cat~" Inari remarked as she continued to kiss his head.
Arson sighed with content and began to nuzzle Inari under her chin. "Now that was the best meal I've ever had. Many thanks." He gave a small burp, and covered his mouth with widened eyes. With a blush he apologized to Inari for that.
"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself!" Inari cheered. "Everyday we can train hard, then have a great post-workout meal! As much as you want, whatever you want, as a reward for your hard work!" Inari gave Arson's belly a kiss before giggling, then got up and pranced around Arson for a bit. "I'm really glad we got together. Is there anything else you would like?"
"You've... really made my day." Arson came over to purr and rub up against her front legs.
It wasn't that he lost at War, he had failed to protect her. And yet she still made him feel like a king. "Um, I'd like it if you'd stay?" He looked away. "I don't exactly have any friends here, and you make amazing company. So, uh, well, what do you say?"
A blush came to Inari's cheeks along with a sly smile. "I say... this officially makes me your Girlfriend~" She then pounced on Arson, claiming him as her own, and smothered him in kisses from his neck down to his belly.
"MlemMlemMlemMlemMlemMlem!~" she said playfully.
"The match!" Arson stood to his paws and looked at Inari. "There's another fight I have to take part in, so I better run. We could hang out here again tomorrow though. And I'd love it if you came as my number one cheerleader."
"I wouldn't miss it for anything else!!" Inari happily replied. Following Arson, together they headed out for the next match.
***
MEW3 ranted as he walked up and down the lime encrusted walls of base. Leroy preoccupied himself with video games, going back for some retro gaming. Berand soon joined, despite neither having appendages appropriate.
"We shouldn't have lost at War," came a noise in the background. Leroy didn't bother staring at it while he blew up Berand's ship, enticing a roar. "But Berand and Leroy, you two can bring glory back to SOS."
Leroy kept rushing in at Berand's ships, and since he had quicker ships, that made him win. That, and he understood the meta well. Berand kept trying to do what looked cool, while Leroy knew the cool stuff was almost never the best. "Yeah, I'm not doing anything for you anymore." He didn't even stare at MEW3.
"Excuse? You forgot, you're still serving under me, Leroy."
Leroy said, "No, I'm serving under myself, and I have a new best friend. You're just a failure." Berand's life bar was going to near zero...
"Do I need to beat some sense back into you?"
"Yeah, sure." Leroy gestured him away. The hell was his problem? Berand prepared a laser, and it would be instant kill, but Leroy stuck still and... "BOOM!"
Berand, who was paid in honey to care about MEW3's problems, stared back.
"Just ignore him," Leroy said. "Besides, I have more rounds with you."
"I only have one life left."
"You'll understand in an hour."
***
Richard Biggs: Time for the next beast game, and we have MEW3 already out ready for the fight, and now for Leroy-
"5
4
3
2
1"
MEW3's eyes widened as he knew who Leroy's "friend" was.
"Ask not for whom the bells toll
They toll for you!"
A rampaging Rexcelsis ran in. MEW3 tried to figure out what direction he should run in. Bell rang, and Rexcelsis did a leg drop on MEW3. Ring shattered.
"One, two, three!" Richard Short said, and Rexcelsis won in the record time of six seconds.
As he walked off, MEW3 tried to do deep breathing exercises to prove he still had lungs left.
"I am the one!"
Rexcelsis stopped on the stage, as a new tiger walked down, with a mask. MEW3's eyes widened as he knew who it was. He struggled to his feet as he went down the rampway.
MEW3 held his arms out in embrace as Rex prepared to death beam ONE. But ONE ran, somersaulted...
And kneed MEW3 in the face.
Richard Littles: Oh no, he just hit MEW3. What's he doing?"
Rex walked past them, as ONE kept beating down on MEW3, raining fists down. After a brief pause, he grabbed a microphone and said, "The SOS is about the revolution. Well, it was. But I was in hell, and I didn't come out for several months, until someone said something."
He walked back up, and said, "And now I am more than just ONE. I am number one." He threw a card in the air, the arcana card, Number one. The Magician.
Richard Littles: Why is he showing an arcana?
Richard Biggs: I don't know, don't want to know. Anyway, since it's Halloween coming up, please make sure to look at our special new Paper View, "Slash's Halloween Bash".
***
Written by Syruscoy and Kgy121 with myself doing editing and revising.
Short: Your main event of the evening, introducing first, weighing in at 120 pounds, standing in at 5 feet, and hailing from Somewhere Unrecorded. Your hero, the current holder of the Artesian Belt, Inari.
Inari began to cat walk her way to the ring, only to then shake her butt at the audience at her left and right, then using her powers she fan out her tails to give a small fireworks show. With a cheerful smile, she pranced into the ring.
Short: And her foe, weighing in at 444 pounds and standing in at 6 feet tall, he is from the woods, that obese fatass, Berand!
Berand lumbered in on all fours, raising his head toward the audience to roar. He grabbed the ring by the ropes and climbed over.
"Hey there Chubby! I remember you! How are ya?~"
The bear leaned against the ropes, bending them under his weight. "Always hungry foxy, but bears can eat anything." He leaned harder, and the poles of the arena bended outward to accommodate the stretching.
"Wow!! Your bulk is amazing, even for a Bear!! I bet you would do amazing in an eating competition!!~"
The Barbearian turned toward the audience, letting the ropes fall back in place, to show up how much mass he's managed to build up.
Inari moved towards the bear. "So cool!! Are you an Alpha of your kind? Just how strong are you?~"
Turning back around, the bear boasted. "I am a completely regular bear, except smarter! The smartness lets me know about things like leverage and training, and anger." Beating against his stomach, he stated proudly, "I can push over Rexcelsis!"
"WOAH!!" Inari exclaimed. "Super smart and super strong!! You are the best Bear I have ever met!!" Inari was now in front of Berand.
"Yes!" he said, "and now we fight for the glory of... whatever we're fighting for this time!" The bear raised both arms in the air and flexed his muscles. "You're a great opponent! I'll allow the first hit. Magnamity!" he shouted, butchering the word.
"AWWW, you are so very kind! Here Big Kuma! ..." Inari then waved one of her tails, and a giant roasted Turkey appeared. "Can't start a fight without having a nice snack!!~"
"Good point," the chonker allowed, dropping back down to all fours. "There's always time for food." His jaws snapped shut on the giant meat-ball, crunching straight through bones and meat to leave a bear-sized hole in the otherwise untouched meat.
"OH. MY~" Inari was both horrified and in complete wonder. "I NEED YOU." Inari blurred out without thinking. "J-Just how much food can you devour?!"
"I am the greatest of beasts, bear!" Berand claimed, "It is the prerogative of bear to be the greatest at taking what they want, and what a bear wants is food!" Going even further beyond, the bears jaws grow to rival Rexcelsis', and he devours the entire remaining turkey with an enormous bite.
Inari was stunned. She couldn't think or express herself. "I-I-I... Impossible..." she said as her cheeks began to blush very hard. She quickly shook her head to snap out of it, and became completely exhilarated. "BIG KUMA!!" Inari yelled in confidence. "HEAR ME. I am Inari Okami, Goddess of many things, including FOOD!!" Her body transformed into flames, and pillars of fire shot forth and circled around the ring and than the audience. "I present to you my ULIMATE SUMO CHALLANGE. If you can eat all the FOOD I summon, you shall have your Belt... and anything you wish for the rest of your lifetime."
"Behold, my ultimate transformation!", the Bear Warrior roared, crouching down and flexing his chest in the traditional power-up pose.
An aura of magical energy swirled around and he tapped into the raw power of nature.
Through the raw power of his connection to the natural world, Berand the bear assumed the form of the most powerful monster he could imagine:
A bear.
"I shall eat EVERYTHING."
"THEN LET US BEGIN!!" Inari stomped her paws on the ground, and four banquet tables stretched across the sides of the ring. With a slight popping sound, giant roasted turkeys started to appear on the tables, and 50 were summoned on each for a total of 200 Turkeys. "We shall start with something light..." Inari slyly remarked, but her heart cheered on for the Bear.
"That's a few bites worth," the barbearian stated, focusing on his stomach. To slam on the ground with a shockwave, one needed a sizable gut, and the bear could imitate the natural monsters who did so. It also let him hold more food, which was the important part. Stomach the size of a horse, mouth the size of a tyrannosaurus, and rest of him the size of a bear, the challenger was misshapen in a way that nature never envisioned, but would be perfect for this bounty of meat.
With a roar of hunger, the bear pounced upon the first table, biting through the entire structure.
Inari began to slightly panic, but collected herself. No matter how impressive those jaws were, she just needed to fill up his stomach. And if he ate bits of table, that is on him being reckless! She quickly began to brainstorm what kind of food she could make for this incredible but unusual bear.
Deciding to step it up a notch, Berand used his connection to the world one more step further, entering a feral trance. One with the universe, he could sense better, move faster... BITE TWICE AS MUCH. With his full attention, he finished the rest of the table, then moves on to the turkies.
"Y-You are eating the tables!! You don't have to eat those!!" Inari said in confusion. She powered down, her flame body returning to normal, and she stared on in bewilderment. She had to think of something but she just couldn't stop watching either.
"YOU SAID ALL OF IT!" the bear roared, tearing through the meat at a much faster pace than the table.
A spark of inspiration came to the fox. If the bear considers anything to be food... then she can feed anything to the bear. But she wouldn't try to use any loophole, not yet anyway. Inari focused her mind, and started thinking of the next food item...
This was still too slow. The Warshaper had the jaws of a tyrannosaurus, but he couldn't yet eat an entire pile at once. That could not stand. With a moment of focus, he expanded another square cube. His jaws large enough to cover the arena, the bear bit down on the entire ring.
Audience began yelling: "Kirby's awesome! Kirby's awesome! Kirby's awesome!"
"KYAAAA!!" Inari screamed as she jumped out of the ring. If she didn't start thinking big, then he might just end up chomping down on her! It was no real use trying to create quantity, but quality... for the first time since entering the Beast Games, she took a moment to gather the will power and energy to create something big. The audience was now beginning to sense danger as a giant 35' feet tall piece of Cake was summoned above Berand's head. And it slowly descended on top of him. "Special Rush Order, for one Big Kuma!!" Inari tried to cheer out, but she took a moment to catch her breath.
Unable to actually see the confectionery dropping down from above him, the massively deformed bear could nonetheless smell the sugar descending upon his head. Bears had evolved to eat berries and honey, natural sweets, and this delectable was clearly within the preponderance of 'things a bear was meant to eat'. A quick estimation put his jaws as being large enough; the entirety of his focus would need to be on expanding his stomach to match. "GIGA BEAR BITE," Bearand roared out, opening wide for the ambrosia to takes its natural course down into his being.
"CHONKY KUMA!!" Inari pointed and stared on as she saw the cake absorbed into the rapidly expanding 'Bear'. She just couldn't believe her eyes or what was happening.
"Can... Can you move, Berand??" Inari called out. "Are you alright?!"
"Glom," the cake-shaped ball of fur said.
The ring shuddered under the impact.
"Are you STILL hungry?? I mean, I just... you ARE ok, right??" Inari said, trying to buy herself some time.
Spending a few seconds to swallow the icing, the bear licked around his oversized jowls. "THIS ISN'T EVEN MY FINAL FORM," he announced.
"Alright then... get ready for round two!" Inari once again gathered energy to create the 2nd 35 foot tall piece of giant cake. It did not spawn and materialize as fast as the first one, but it once again appeared over Berand and descended upon him. Inari watched on to see what would happen, but she was now starting to feel weak.
Sensing his time was running low on his ultimate power, Berand gathered all his strength, and took flight, launching his massive girth upward to meet the cake before it fell. Blasting almost ten feet straight up, the bear chomped down on the confection.
"No way... He can still jump...?" Inari watched on as he rose up.
Jamming the entire cake down the cavernous hole that could generously be called a gullet, the bear fell down into the ring. The combined mass of a bear, 201 turkies, a table, and two cakes big enough to hide an entire dance troupe of strippers apiece all strikes the stage with the force of a double-ladder powerbomb.
And the stadium roof fell in all around, caving in on the audience.
Biggs: And this keeps happening to our good people, at least once an Artesian Championship match.
Climbing out of the rubble, Inari looked towards the giant fluff ball. "You still good, Big Kuma?"
"Got any more?" The question came from the immobilized mass, held in place by the ropes.
"Your supernatural gut is most impressive. But I think this next one is going to be your final meal. Are you ready?" Inari said as she leaped towards the giant fluff.
"As if any bear would turn down food, at any point!" the blob boasted, unable to do anything at all to back up that claim.
Inari leaped and latched on to Berand's massive tummy. She hiked her way up to the top and reached somewhere around Berand's chin. She plunked herself down, stretched, and then created a very small Anchovy. She placed it somewhere to be lost in his fur. "Sorry big guy, but its over. This is technically a pin, right?" she tried to call out to anyone who was still left around.
Biggs: Didn't you say it was ultimate sumo?
Struggling to reach the food, the bear stretched his tongue as far as he could. Unfortunately, it would take far more than three seconds to lick that far.
"He can't eat his next meal; by my own rules I still win." Inari sighed. She then unconsciously stroked under Berand's chin... not that she could tell anymore.
Filled with the determination of raw bear, Berand grows out his tongue beyond anything anyone would consider reasonable. "Finally, a worthy opponent!" he shouted, sniffing for the salty treat.
Inari burst out laughing and rolls on her back. After a minute or two Inari then shouted out; "This Ultimate Sumo is over! Inari wins!!" but then she rolled around and begin to start grooming the giant. "But Berand remains the bestest Bear. And I am going to stay here to make sure he doesn't explode."
The bear relaxed, and released his various power-ups. Being groomed would certainly help with the fatigue. Alternately, it might just be all the food, and the grooming was a nice bonus.
Either way, he wasn't complaining.
Richard Biggs: Well that's all for this edition-
A bell chimed.
"Ask not for whom the bells toll
They toll for you..."
"Oh whoops." Quoth the Barbearian.
"Eh?!" Inari said.
JAC came out into the ring, but Rexcelsis knocked him back with his tail. Leroy glared at Inari since she killed him at War.
"Now." Leroy walked away as Rexcelsis swiped his tail at Berand.
The giant ball, unable to do absolutely anything against this unexpected attack, rolled over the rope off of the ring.
Inari quickly ran to stay on top of the giant as he rolled over. "What are you doing?! He was just in a match, you can't fight him right now!!"
A pink dragon grabbed Inari, and flew up. Lifted Inari high enough that Inari's head was over, and then went down. Piledriver into rock.
Jesus and Citrus Snow got out of the rubble, with Citrus leaning on Jesus because of her broken leg from Leroy. Until Leroy diamondcuttered both of them into the ground.
And then Leroy took out a pumpkin that showed Berand. One that showed Inari, and one that showed Snow or the three foes of the reptile pack as they stood over the fallen.
All three lit up.
"Happy Halloween," Leroy said, and blew.
