Joan froze when she stepped into the hallway, her eyes wide. Well, there was no denying this, no matter how much she wanted to. Oh, and she definitely wanted to. She didn’t blame Hardwin for running from it. SHE wanted to run from it.

Vivian and Myrin were definitely kissing. The two holding hands, hidden away by one of the tapestries, between a few doors, almost hard to see. If Joan had been walking a little louder she was certain they would have stopped. Instead, they were just happily pressing their lips together and it created a whole slew of new emotions in Joan’s mind.

Joan wasn’t really a jealous kind of person, at least she hadn’t thought she was. But she was definitely jealous right now. Vivian was like a grandmother to her, even if she really wasn’t and this was the first time she’d ever met her. Myrin, though? Myrin had been her Neia for a long, long time. She’d been someone who the Hero had been incredibly close to on a number of occasions. Her death had quite often shattered him. Then again, the deaths of any of the Chosen had often shattered all of them. But she had distinct memories of kissing her like that and--

And it wasn’t like it had meant anything, did it? The Hero hadn’t even known who Myrin WAS. He’d thought she was Neia. No matter how close they got, they were never close enough to really know each other. There was another flair of jealousy. Were Vivian and Myrin that close now? Did Myrin trust her with all of her secrets?

Neia had once told the Hero that she rarely noticed humans, yet alone ones as young as him. But he had been special. Was this more to her tastes? She didn’t have any right to be jealous, did she? It wasn’t like she was hoping to do anything like that now. She wasn’t interested in any of the Chosen like that. There was too much pain, too much death, too many horrible memories in that path.

“Joan!” Vivian said suddenly. Myrin yelped and quickly pulled away, her cheeks burning bright red. “I was just, err, we were—”

“I know what you two were doing,” Joan said with a roll of her eyes and, barely, managing to keep her voice far more confident than she felt. “You should be thankful I’m not Hardwin, he’d have been furious if he saw this.”

“Sorry, we--” Vivian started again, but Joan cut her off.

“I already knew,” Joan said. “Kind of. I’m happy for you.” She even managed to force a smile she didn’t really feel. She’d always been so good at that.

“Joan,” Vivian said softly. “You’re making that smile again.”

Or, at least, she thought she’d been good at it. Her cheeks turned red. “It’s just kind of awkward, okay? It’s fine, though. As long as you’re both happy, that’s all I want. Also, ummm, not to walk in on that. Should I try walking louder or…?”

“Sorry,” Myrin finally managed to say, quickly turning to look at the tapestry. “It’s my fault, I was, I mean, I--”

“It’s fine,” Joan said quickly. “Please, please do not elaborate. I know. Way more than I should.” Oh, that was a terrible choice of words, she realized it the moment they were out of her mouth. She saw the look the pair shared and then the way they both went scarlet. “All I want is for you to be happy, Nei-- Myrin. So ummm, just keep doing that. But please do it in a room or something, okay? I’m going to go harass Hardwin.”

“Of course,” Vivian said. “He should be in his study. Err, your shoulder. You have a--”

“I know,” Joan said before quickly almost running past the pair.

“What was that?” Zapper asked. She was about to say it was pretty obvious, but then paused when she realized he probably couldn’t understand anything said by anyone but her.

“It was just a very awkward thing,” Joan finally said. How could she even begin to explain all of those ideas to a spider? “Don’t worry about it.” Heck, the more she thought about the two of them kissing, the more--

Nope nope nope. She did NOT want to devote any more thought to this than she had to. Myrin was happy, Vivian was happy, this was a good thing. A very good thing. She did not need to have any more thoughts about that. About the times the Hero had snuck off with her and the pair of them had kissed where nobody could see, the way they’d laughed it off when they were caught. The times the Hero had done it with other Chosen.

Unfortunately, this brought a whole string of new thoughts to her mind. This was a new life, like it or not. There was a new Joan here, no Hero. This whole plan hinged on her trying to lure out Chase by having a grand event where Hardwin was considering her betrothal. She was about that age where most started to consider such things.

But most didn’t have the fate of the world resting on their shoulders. Or have entire lifetimes of past relationships to consider. Or find themselves suddenly the little sister, pretend daughter or new friend of the people they had so many past flings with. Or possibly only have a few months to live if they failed to find the last Chosen. Nope. She doubted anyone else in the world had THAT particular stress weighing down on them. She didn’t have time to consider such things. Besides, if she was going to sneak off and start kissing someone, who would she even--

That thought was shattered when Joan walked by a window and heard a grinding, high pitched shriek of metal on metal. She quickly dashed over to it and forced the slabs open enough to peer down into the courtyard.

Qakog and Searle were training again, it seemed. She had to give the demon credit, he was adapting incredibly quickly. He was probably stronger than her, now. Granted, he’d probably always been. But he was still sooooo predictable. He charged in with the same reckless gusto that he always had. That, grudgingly, she had to admit she often had. But she was faster and smarter than him, so it was okay when SHE did it.

Qakog’s rapier crashed repeatedly against Searle’s shield, the Chosen not moving from his position despite the sparks flying from the metal striking metal. The demon’s flurry, so rapid even she almost struggled to predict where the next strike would come, didn’t make the shield falter for even a second.

She caught sight of Bauteut, the healer sitting a little away from them. Likely keeping an eye on the pair so they didn’t do anything too reckless. Well. Qakog. Searle was dependable, trust worthy. A rock they could all lean on and trust to make the right choices. When he could make the choices. If only he had more confidence. If anyone was going to get hurt, it’d be Qakog. And it would likely be his fault, he was impulsive and reckless, no matter how hard Searle tried to keep him safe while fighting, he’d still do something the Chosen couldn’t predict and then likely end up getting himself hurt.

So it was good that Bauteut was there. Someone mature enough, confident enough, dependable enough, sometimes reckless, sometimes silly, sometimes everything they needed.

It was so strange, watching them. Searle a huge part of her past lives, but now something entirely different to her. Bauteut someone who, as far as she knew, had never been there and now so close to her. Qakog, someone who had been at best a rival and worst an enemy, now fighting for her of all people. Despite her earlier trepidation at the idea of being betrothed to anyone, she wasn’t sure that she’d mind if she had a little bit of hand holding or something with any of them. Heck, a part of her wanted to with all three of--

Joan squeaked and quickly shut the slabs. Right. Once more her mind was going to places she really, really didn’t need it to go. Save the world first. She did NOT have time to consider romance with anyone. Least of all those three. She’d caused Bauteut enough trouble as it was, Searle deserved far better than her and Qakog was, well, Qakog. If he even suspected she had the slightest interest in him he’d probably never let it go. He’d managed to win over Korgron in a lot of their lives, what chance did she have?

Joan shook her head and started walking as quickly as she could away. She was going to go harass Hardwin and hopefully distract herself from these thoughts before her heart exploded.

Besides, it wasn’t like these feelings really mattered or meant anything. She was sure they were all just from her growing up and having been alone for who knows how long. Compared to hanging out with a spider lich by herself for ages, they were all amazing company. On top of that, she’d gone through this stage of her life many, many times as the Hero. He’d made soooooo many poor decisions then. Actually, he made a lot of poor decisions all the time. All three of them deserved better than some flurry of weird emotions brought on by accidentally walking in on Vivian and Neia. On Vivian and Myrin.

Joan wished she could run from these thoughts as well as she ran from everything else, but they, unfortunately, kept trying to snake their way into her mind now, more than ever. Maybe this whole party thing was a mistake.

MelodyAvant

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