“So why can’t I just squash it?” Korgron asked. Her hand was wrapped in magic, stopping Zapper from teleporting away and she was holding the spider by his body, his legs frantically flailing about.

“Please don’t squash him,” Joan said sheepishly.

“Don’t crush me!” Zapper said, though it wasn’t like Korgron could understand him without the bracer.

“I warned you not to try,” Joan said. “Please don’t squash him though. He’s Zorn’s.”

“Yeah, so why is it bothering you?” Korgron asked. “Last time I remember you screaming about it.”

“He startled me then,” Joan said. “He’s just a spider, though. Harmless, for the most part. I think.”

“I won’t hurt you, put me down,” Zapper said, his little legs still flailing.

“Please put him down,” Joan said. “He’s really scared.”

“Fine, fine,” Korgron said before lightly dropping him onto her bed. Zapper quickly scurried off the side of the bed, disappearing under it a moment later. “It’s not going to stay there, is it?”

“No,” Joan said. “So, uhhh, what are you up to?”

“Mostly just resting,” Korgron said. “Sending Thalgren and Andreas off was a lot more exhausting than I thought it would be.”

“Wait, they’re already gone? We’re not leaving today,” Joan said.

“Eh,” Korgron said with a shrug. “They wanna be with the people they’re closer to while we have this little break between you trying to get yourself killed. Can you blame them?”

Joan frowned but couldn’t really come up with a proper comeback to that, so instead she just sat down on the bed and sighed. “I guess not. Feels weird, though. Andreas is with someone, which he never was. Thalgren actually being married. They seem happy though, right? So they’re happy? And if they’re happy it means it’s a good thing. Right? So shouldn’t I be really happy about it?”

Korgron gave a small shrug. “I don’t know. Probably? Are you upset by it?”

“Of course not,” Joan said quickly. “I’m happy that they’re happier. But I guess I thought I’d be happier about it. It’s kind of cool, I guess. I’m happy it’s better. But shouldn’t I be giddy about it? Not jealous at all, right?”

“I think you’re overthinking things,” Korgron said.

“Probably,” Joan said with a small shrug. “Speaking of overthinking things, what do you think of this?” She held out her small doll. “Emeline gave it to me.”

Korgron nodded before taking it from her. Her hand glowed for a moment and then she shrugged. “No magic on it. Soft enough. If you wanted something like this you should have told me, I’d have gotten you one.”

“Do you have things like this back home?” Joan asked.

“No, but we have demon dolls,” Korgron said. “They can be just as soft. Not the easiest thing to make I hear, but there’s a few who can work their magic for them. It’s safe enough, so you worrying about it less?”

“I wasn’t worrying that it was unsafe,” Joan said softly. “At least, I wasn’t until now. I was just thinking… well…”

“Welllll?” Korgron asked.

“Is it really okay for me to have toys?” Joan asked.

Korgron just stared at her for a few moments before suddenly reaching out and giving her a tight hug. “Oh by the Phoenix. What did they do to you?”

“Ack! Not what I meant!” Joan said, her cheeks burning. “I didn’t mean like, anything weird! I just meant, it’s kind of a waste, right? I’m too old for that kind of stuff!”

Korgron paused and then pulled back, her eyes narrowed on her suspiciously. “Wait. Is this a ‘I never had toys before because I’d much rather spend my time running into the jaws of demons’ thing or a ‘I’m too old for these and I’m scared people will think less of me for having them’ thing?”

“Both? I think?” Joan said sheepishly. “But I mean, I just never really thought about it. Like, when I was the Hero--”

“You say that a lot,” Korgron said. “You’re not the Hero now, though. I want to know, what does JOAN want? Does Joan want a doll? Is she afraid people will think less of her? Is Joan anxious and talking to the most amazing woman she knows because she knows some advice?”

“Well, Bauteut was busy, so I figured you were a good second try,” Joan said with a playful smile, only to be rewarded with a firm pinch. “Ow! It was a joke!”

“I know,” Korgron said. “I still didn’t like it.”

“Sorry,” Joan said sheepishly. “You pinch hard.”

“That I do,” Korgron said. “Now then. About what you were worried about. Do you know what I thought when I first met you?”

“Huh? What does that have to do with the doll?” Joan asked.

“It does, just trust me,” Korgron said. “Do you know what I thought?”

“That I was an idiot?” Joan asked.

“Exactly,” Korgron said. “When I first met you I was so certain that you were just some trap of the Demon Lord’s. That you tackled Gil, err, Penthe as a ploy. That it had been some kind of mistake and she had to save you. Then I watched you get swaddled and I was certain you were just this pathetic little mouse that shouldn’t have been spying at all and that the Demon Lord had lost his mind trusting you.”

“Gee, thanks,” Joan said flatly before trying to pull away from the hug, but the demon didn’t let her.

“But then I dragged you into the Dream,” Korgron said. “And I got to see the real you. Joan. An arrogant, cocky little brat. Someone who had the knowledge to put all of us to shame and the training ten times over. All in this tiny, itty bitty frame.”

“So bad idea to keep it, then?” Joan asked.

“I’m still talking,” Korgron said. “Then I got to watch you fall to pieces, begging for forgiveness for something that I imagine wasn’t your fault.”

“It—”

“Pleading for us to not go and leave you alone,” Korgron said, cutting her objections off. “Desperate to protect all of us, despite the fact we each wield more power in a single finger than your entire body. Since then I’ve watched you, again and again, beg, plead and fight for every opportunity to do what you think will save the world, no matter how much it hurts.”

“This is starting to sound like a ‘take care of yourself,’ talk,” Joan said softly.

“It kind of is,” Korgron said. “My point is you are incredibly self destructive and prone to punching yourself in the face. If you want the toy? Keep it. Hell, if you want more I’ll have a whole army of them dropped on your lap within a few months. It’s okay to want things, it’s okay to enjoy things. If anyone, I don’t care who they think they are, tries to give you the smallest bit of grief over liking a silly doll, I’ll turn them into a duck.”

Joan’s cheeks turned red and she was finally allowed to escape the hug. She then stared up at the demon. “Are you sure? You won’t--”

“I’m not going to think any less of you if you want to play with dolls,” Korgron said with a light laugh before dropping it on her lap. “It’s probably safer than most the things you want to play with and if it gets you to stop running off towards danger I’ll play with a few of them with you.”

“How would that even work?” Joan asked.

“I don’t know,” Korgron said with a shrug. “I’ve never been much of a doll player myself. I always preferred to play with fire.”

Joan gave a light sigh. “How much damage did you do like that?”

“Sooooooo much,” Korgron said with a light giggle. “This is why Isla rules Kazora and I get to run off and do fun stuff like fight gods.”

Joan snickered before reaching down and turning the doll so it looked up at her. She didn’t even know how this was supposed to work. Was she supposed to name it? What did you name a doll? Dolly? Toyrella? She’d need to consider that. “Okay, I’ll keep it.”

“The Hero must have been a mess, huh?” Korgron asked.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Joan said with a shrug. “I’m amazed he was able to function most days.”

“Joan, are you happy?” Korgron asked.

“What?” Joan asked, turning to look up at her. “What do you mean?”

“Are you happy?” Korgron asked.

“I mean, enough,” Joan said. “There’s still a lot for us to fix, but I think we’re making good progress. Once we find Chase, it won’t be much longer.”

“Not happy with our progress,” Korgron said. “With who you are? Being Joan?”

Joan blinked a few times before shrugging. “I don’t know. Probably? A bit? If you’re curious if I’m happier than the Hero was? Yes. A lot. I don’t hate myself as much.”

“He hated himself?” Korgron asked.

“Of course, how could he not?” Joan asked. “He couldn’t do everything and, unlike me, he didn’t have the excuse of not being some kind of amazingly unstoppable demigod. I am at least aware that there are just things I can’t fix. Who knows how many things have already cost so many lives and I’ve failed to respond to in time or notice? But I can at least go ‘I’m only human’. He couldn’t. He hated himself for it.”

Korgron gave a small nod. “Fair enough. I probably would have hated myself too if I wasn’t as amazing as I am. After all, he was only human. Demons are far superior.”

“Exactly,” Joan said. “And like, I think I’m getting better at crying. Which I didn’t think was a skill I had to develop, but apparently it is. Sometimes I just start bawling and I’m able to get it all out with a big tantrum or screaming fit, then I move on once I’m too tired to be upset anymore. He just bottled it all up and never dealt with it, just kicked himself for daring to be upset at all. I think he needed this. I think I needed this. All of you. Not just the Chosen, either. I think I needed Bauteut, Isla, maybe even Qakog a bit. I think I needed the whole team. Everyone. From all over. But he was so busy, pushing himself so hard, all he considered was the Chosen and shoved everything else aside. Just forced himself to keep smiling so nobody would be scared.”

“You do that sometimes now,” Korgron said.

“I’ve gotten better,” Joan said quickly. “It’s a work in progress, okay? Don’t I get some credit for improving as much as I have?”

“I guess,” Korgron said. “Though my biggest worry is the better you get at handling these things, the more elaborate your feats of self destruction will be.”

“I’m not that bad,” Joan said in a flat, annoyed tone.

“We made you a belt that summons an elemental to protect you,” Korgron said. “And you responded by literally using time to hurt yourself.”

“I used time to SAVE myself,” Joan said. “I probably would have died otherwise.”

“My point stands that the harder we work to keep you safe, the more dangerous the threats you seem to become enveloped in,” Korgron said.

“I mean, it’s a cycle,” Joan said with a small shrug. “It all ramps up to the Inferno God. You know, it could be worse. At least you guys get some warning.”

Korgron sighed and dropped down onto the bed with a grunt. “Ah, yes. So tell me, any wild worries we need to panic over? I’m surprised you aren’t trying to send us all off on quests.”

“Well, that’s mostly thanks to you,” Joan said. “See, the biggest issue was always like… something would happen, then we’d have to run and deal with it, then we’d arrive and have to try and fix everything. Only for something new to appear. A lot of it was travel time and trying to comfort people. Then each time we did that, there were people who wanted to throw us parties, who wanted to harass us for attention, then trying to find out things about the cult, so on and so forth. A good chunk of what I need to do is so much faster because, well… I know what the causes are and what the end goal is, so no need to make all those deals. On top of that, when we need to go somewhere far away we can just teleport, thanks to you. Rather than spending weeks or even months traveling. We actually have a pretty good amount of time right now, I think.”

“You think?” Korgron asked.

“I mean, I don’t think anything pressing is going to happen,” Joan said sheepishly. “Like, there are magic artifacts we could be getting, deals with other realm entities, deals with the divine, all of that. But… well…”

“Well what?” Korgron asked.

“I think what we really need to do is relax,” Joan said softly. “Get ready for what’s coming. Train, take the information we have and figure out how to use it. Because, honestly? With what’s coming? It doesn’t matter what deals we make or mythical weapons we get. They don’t help. Our only real chance is to stop all this at the source. The other stuff can wait, for now? We just need to be ready for what we know is coming.”

Korgron gave a small nod. “So basically, rest, relax and prepare? Maybe you really are learning how to properly pace yourself. You really must have been in that weird realm for a few years.”

Joan rolled her eyes. “I mean, I did the whole ‘trying to force’ it thing. It always bites me in the butt. Now that I kind of know I CAN know what’s going on, I just want to make sure we deal with it before I make any snap judgments. Is that so wrong?”

Korgron shook her head before reaching out and patting her on the head. “No, it’s not. I wasn’t lying, you know. I really am proud of you.”

Joan blinked a few times and felt her cheeks going a little red. “Oh. You are?”

“Mmm hm,” Korgron said. “There’s not many humans I’d accept as a little sister, after all. Of course I’m proud of you.”

Joan grinned despite herself, hugging the little doll to her chest.

“However,” Korgron said. “Don’t be afraid to give us a few tasks while we’re in Hearth. Better to get these out of the way while we can, right?”

“Hm,” Joan said. “I’ll see what I can remember.”

They still had a long way to go, she knew. All of it riding on Chase. But she really did feel like they were well on their way to finally achieving what she set out to do. Figuring it all out, finally saving the world like the Hero was supposed to. Understanding the full nature of who the Hero was. Who knew?

Once the world was saved, maybe she could dedicate some of that energy to better finding out the nature of who she was and, possibly, who each of the Chosen were.

Assuming they did find Chase. Assuming she lived long enough. Assuming--

Joan shoved those thoughts aside. Nope. No. She was NOT going to let herself panic over that. That was the last thing she needed. They would find Chase. Somehow.

MelodyAvant

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