Even if Joan’s mom never wanted her, it didn’t mean she didn’t have family now.
And it was oddly mood boosting to hear them fighting over her.
“How was I supposed to know?” Korgron asked, her arms crossed and glaring at Bauteut.
“You could have asked? Not just thrown the woman at Joan without giving her some warning?” Bauteut asked before rolling her eyes. “Maybe tried thinking about what might happen first?”
“Why wouldn’t she have been happy?” Korgron asked. “Look at Joan, she’s precious!”
“Not everyone is going to feel the same way you do,” Bauteut said.
“Well, they should!” Korgron said, stomping a foot in annoyance. “I’m amazing.”
Joan couldn’t help snickering at that, a hand quickly covering her mouth. Alas, it was too late and now she earned a glare from the demon.
“What?” Korgron asked.
“Don’t yell at her!” Bauteut yelled.
“I wasn’t, you are!” Korgron yelled right back.
Joan burst into a full flurry of giggles at that point, unable to suppress it anymore. This earned her a glare from both of them, but she shook her head. “I-I’m fine, really. It’s okay. It was just a bit of a shock, you know? I mean, I think I kind of always knew.”
“Joan,” Bauteut said softly. “That’s not… you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just—”
“She didn’t want m-- the Hero,” Joan said. “She didn’t want a kid. It… sucks. Kind of hurts, but you know what? I have people who do want me. I’m not unwanted now, so that’s, I… errr…” Her cheeks went bright red when she saw that Bauteut’s cheeks were starting to go red. “I-I didn’t mean like that! I just meant--”
“Oh yeah,” Korgron said. “Its been about a month now, hasn’t it? Eh, close enough. Bucket, Joan--”
“She knows,” Joan said before giving a soft sigh. “I uhhh… told her. After almost dying. And I kind of accidentally told Searle, too. And, well, it… uhhh…”
“Korgron knows?” Bauteut asked, giving a light squeak.
“I know a lot of things,” Korgron said. “What about Qakog?”
“I’ll tell him when I see him next!” Joan said quickly, her cheeks managing to grow even hotter. She didn’t know if she appreciated it or wanted to stab the demon right now, if she was entirely honest with herself. Couldn’t she be given a few minutes to just deal with one issue at a time before being flung into the next? “So let me, okay? It’s not really… important now, is it?”
“Eh,” Korgron said with a shrug. “Not like you’ve got anything else to focus on.”
“I mean, there is probably a lot I could be--”
“I told you before, not letting you waste your time fretting over this,” Korgron said before glancing towards Bauteut. “Well, if she told you, then what are you going to do about it?”
“W-what?” Bauteut asked, turning to face the demon. “M-me? What am I? Why do I have to do something? What?”
“You’re one of her possible suitors now,” Korgron said. “If you think I’m going to let you just have her without putting some effort in, you’ve got another thing coming. Hardwin, shouldn’t you be… huh? Where’d he go?”
“He retreated around the time Bauteut threw a candelabra at your head,” Joan said.
“Coward,” Korgron said with a shake of her head. “Your aim is getting better, Bucket. So?”
“S-so? I-I’m not, I don’t, I wasn’t intending to do, I just, what?” Bauteut asked, for once looking as frazzled as Joan.
“Oh, don’t think I don’t know how you’re feeling too,” Korgron said. “I’ve been watching you ever since I found out. You can’t tell me you’re not interested at all.”
Bauteut just gave a low groan before glaring at Joan. “Why did you tell her? You had to know she’d get involved.”
“It seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn’t like I could ask you and there’s not a lot of female role models for me,” Joan said sheepishly, though she couldn’t help noticing the way Korgron preened at being called a role model. “S-sorry. You don’t need to… I mean, I… Korgron. Right. Bauteut and Searle are kind of, well. They’re, uhhh… together. So, umm--”
“So?” Korgron asked.
“Oh by the stars,” Bauteut said, shaking her head. “Why?”
“Uhhhh…” Joan said softly. “I mean, I can’t—”
“Who cares?” Korgron asked. “You’re all still young, nothing wrong with figuring out what you like. Besides, as humans go Bauteut is almost passable. Almost. If she makes you happy.”
“Can we not have this talk, please?” Bauteut asked softly. “Wait, why are you encouraging this?”
“Because I’m amazing and I want her to be happy,” Korgron said. “Even if I don’t approve of… all of her choices, doesn’t mean I won’t encourage them. That’s what good big sisters do.”
“Is that what Isla did?” Bauteut asked, then shuddered. “That explains so much. Does she even understand the destruction she’s wrought?”
Joan groaned and wished the ground would swallow her right up. She didn’t know what she wanted. How could she? Bauteut and Searle were kind of together now, right? It wasn’t like she could have all three at once. They were… well…
“Why is this scarier than trying to save the world?” Joan asked.
“Because you’re a lot more experienced at that,” Bauteut said before giving a sigh. “Joan, don’t listen to her. It’s, uhhh… we’re not all… I mean… err…”
“Is this how all humans do this?” Korgron asked.
Joan gave a soft whine before pulling her knees up and hugging them to her chest. “I don’t even know what I want! I mean, I just, Bauteut, you’re with Searle, right? So that’s not like, I mean, it’s not like… I mean, I guess a Chosen with two, err, but I’m not--”
“By the Phoenix,” Korgron said shaking her head. “This right here is why I need to get involved. Bauteut, do you like Joan?”
“I don’t think-- wait, did you just call me my name?” Bauteut asked.
“Answer the question,” Korgron said.
“I-I mean, I guess, but, I, I’m not--”
“Joan likes you,” Korgron said. “I know Qakog does. Searle, well…” She trailed off for a moment.
Joan stared at the demon, wondering what in the world she was doing. It wasn’t like she could ask Searle now.
Wait. No. She could. Joan’s eyes went wide. “W-wait, don’t--”
“Searle does,” Korgron said.
Joan gave a soft whine. Oh, she felt so much remorse for the Chosen of the Shield now. How confused was he at this moment?
Bauteut cleared her throat before speaking up. “I-I don’t think this is--”
“Very hard? It’s not,” Korgron said. “You’re all making it harder than it has to be.”
“I forgot she can get like this sometimes,” Joan said with a light groan. “Why?”
“Because I’m tired of seeing you working yourself into a tizzy over small things,” Korgron said with a shrug. “We’ve crushed this Inferno God and saved the world. Now you should take some time and just enjoy yourself. Relax.”
“Just so long as you don’t try to drag any more ‘moms’ of mine here,” Joan said with a roll of her eyes.
“Well, unless I find a human who looks just like an older you, I’ll try to avoid that,” Korgron said with a chuckle.
Joan rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. I probably don’t look anything like her. She--” Then she stopped. She blinked a few times.
“Joan?” Korgron asked.
“I’m an idiot,” Joan said softly.
“Sometimes, why?” Korgron asked.
“My parents! If they’re still alive, I know how to find them!” Joan yelled, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice.
“What? How?” Korgron asked.
“Gerard!” Joan yelled.
Korgron and Bauteut just looked at each other in confusion. Finally, Bauteut gave a soft sigh and spoke up. “Who?”
“Gerard,” Joan said again. “When I was with Andreas, he, oh! Andreas! Andreas helped capture them! Oh, how did I miss this? He was this guy who was one of the captives as well. He escaped, though. But what’s important is he thought he KNEW me! He might have! He was from Skystead! He might have recognized me because of my mother! Or dad, I don’t know! But if I can find him then--”
“Wait wait WAIT!” Korgron said, lifting her hands up. “Captured? What? When?”
“Oh, right, before we found you,” Joan said. “When we saved Isla. Ohhhh, it’s so OBVIOUS now! How did I miss it?”
“I have no idea what’s even going on,” Korgron said with a low growl. “When were-- oh. OH! No. Oh no. NO.”
“Huh?” Joan asked. “No what?”
“I know what you’re thinking,” Korgron said.
“What? If I can find Gerard then--”
“You’re not going near the front lines,” Korgron said.
“Why not? The war will be over soon and--”
“The war is NOT over yet,” Korgron said fiercely. “If anything, it’s more fierce than its ever been. You’re not going near there! Kazora is still a mess after that weird dehorned demon of the Demon Lord’s escaped and tensions are high enough without a human appearing nearby. Not yet.”
Joan stared at her, cocking her head to the side. “But… but… if my parents are there? If I can find Gerard, then I might… I don’t know…” A new thought struck her. What if her parents were there? What if they wanted nothing to do with her? The Hero’s mother hadn’t wanted him, what if her parents didn’t want her?
Where were they? What happened to them? Did they die? The fate hadn’t been very clear on that. It might have meant they were still alive. But it might have been a nudge towards something else, who knew? What if her parents were alive but didn’t want anything to do with her?
What if they didn’t want her at all? Slowly she tightened her grip on her legs, squeezing them to her chest. “I’m sorry.”
“Joan,” Bauteut said softly, before glaring to Korgron. “Don’t you think you’re being a little much right now?”
“Not particularly,” Korgron said.
“Of course not,” Bauteut said before shaking her head. “First trying to… whatever… that was. Now this. Joan, it’s okay. If your parents are out there, we’ll try to find them. Really.”
“It’s fine,” Joan said before shaking her head. “Really. I don’t even know if they’re alive. I just…” She slowly let her feet sink to the floor before standing up. “I… I just need to go think, okay? I need to be alone for a little bit. Please.”
The smirk fell off Korgron’s face and she started to speak, but was cut off by Bauteut. “That’s fine. Take as long as you need.”
Joan nodded before quickly making her way out of the room. Once she was in the hall, she gave a small, gentle sigh.
Today was certainly a day. The Hero’s mother. A possible lead on her parents. Korgron trying to set her up with Qakog, Searle and Bauteut all at once. She didn’t know what she wanted. She didn’t even know if she could really want anything.
The world was saved, the Inferno God was no more. Sure, there were other dangers, other world ending disasters, but they didn’t entirely involve her anymore. The Hero’s duty was done. She’d saved the world. Now she could just be Joan.
Now she could just be Joan.
Joan stopped and reached out to rest her hand on the wall.
She was Joan. She didn’t have to be the Hero anymore. Her job, her duty, her task. It was done. Arta was saved, even if he was mad at her for it. The Hungry One was gone. This world might, finally, begin to recover.
She could be Joan.
So what did Joan want? Who did she want to be? Who would she be?
She didn’t know.
But as scary as it was? Even though it filled her with dread?
She really, really couldn’t wait to find out. Besides, the Hero had saved the world like, a thousand times, even if he’d failed in the end.
So maybe it was okay if, this time, she got to just live her life and help save the world a little bit. When she felt like it. Even if she wasn’t a Hero anymore.
Besides, it was like Korgron and Myrin said. She was still young. She had so much time ahead of her. Who knew who or even if she’d really fall in love? Who knew if she’d find her parents? Who knew what she’d do? Heck, for all she knew one day she’d marry a fairy, or a dragon, or a demon or who knew?
Her life, her world, now lay before her and she didn’t know where it would go. Where Joan would go.
But at least she knew she wouldn’t go alone.
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Thank you very much for the story
My final thoughts are: Joan as a narrator is as erratic as her character, maybe a more omnipresent narrator would have benefited the story when Joan's erraticness made it hard to understand. Just wanted to get that out of my system.
Next I got soo teased by the demon ritual, I thought it would've played a bigger role across the sorry.
Next the begining of the story before the middle point we're the parts I enjoyed the most, the slow pace, and getting to know the characters in a words full of implications and politics, idk was pretty neat.
Now I just hope things go right for you, they sure ain't for me and that's part of the reason I read this story, it made my Tuesdays and Thursdays.q.
Yeah, she was incredibly erratic. Sadly, I don't think I could have gotten as invested in the story if not for her. Telling it from her really helped keep things just going.
And yeah, I thought the demon ritual might play a bigger role... it might in the second main series, but not in this one.
I honestly don't know how slow Joan's story can ever really be... because of Joan. But she might get slower in future things. Less... constant world ending.
As for things going right, well... Here's... hoping. I got some books out, though. So hopefully that helps.
The not sailed ship of Joan x Searle (and maybe Xtra will forever haunt me) but nonetheless excellent story. It's hard to believe it's over. Thank you for sharing
Was fun to write. <3 If I end up doing the second story, it'll likely hint at more ships. Because Joan is... well. Joan. And a disaster.
Aw, still not quite resolved with the romantic tension! But this a sweet and satisfying ending regardless.
To be fair, I think Joan could be married with like. Eight people and have 20 kids and there would STILL be romantic tension in her life. Probably. She's Joan, she's not happy unless things are somewhat tense. Hopefully good tense.
I really appreciate this story. It's so rare to see a time loop where the protagonist is... wrong? And has to realize their errors through pain and hardship. Thank you so much.
Yup. Time loops tend to give someone a pretty big edge, so it's a lot harder to be wrong. But amazingly, some people are talented enough they can still manage.
I just binged all of this in 3 days from Wednesday night to now. This is really good and I'll probably buy it sometime and go at a more sedate pace.
It's a little irritating that there wasn't any resolution to Joan's love problems; this chapter didn't solidify any of their relationships and felt like they were all yet again postponing a real decision. But otherwise I absolutely loved this ending! Joan is an amazing protagonist and there's palpable catharsis now that her goals are accomplished.
Now all us humble readers get to experience Joan's hollowness - the ennui of Post-Book Depression.
Isn't that the truth... even as the author I feel sad at the idea of not writing any more Joan. Which is why I am writing more Joan when I feel like it. XD
@MelodyAvant
OH is that why the story isn't marked as Complete on SH? We might get an epilogue in the far, faaaar future?
Cruel author giving us hope lmao
@Modality Did mark it as complete now... I think. XD Trust me, if I was able to JUST write more and more Joan... there would be more and more. :P But I need to focus on trying to get some income coming in before things go sour. But Joan really is so much fun to write that I can't wait to get more and more of her out there.
@MelodyAvant will we get any more joan? And book 2?