Black inky darkness, That is all Trevor has seen ever since he got blinded by shrapnel when he was in the military by some drunk fucktard with a tank when he was just 22. You see Trevor Maktov is 24 years old, about 6 ft 3 in, skinny, blue eyes which are now milky white, dirty blonde hair, and a average looking joe, has a voice of a viking, is German, an orphan, and most importantly transgender.
So ever since i had to quite the military due to my newfound blindness i got a shit tone of money from the military so that i wouldn't sue them. Nowadays i just lives in my apartment in New York city with a few other war veterans and my cute guide fox.
Yes you heard right not guide dog but guide fox, not only does i like foxes better than dogs but dogs are kind of are overrated, that and i'm allergic to them so yeah.Besides i find them badass, cute, fluffy and that is reason enough to have a guide fox. Now lets get to my story before i go on a rant about how foxes are better than dogs in every way.It's not because i'm a fox girl my self, no not at all.
Today was Friday and like every Friday i wakes up at around 5:00 Am, get up and go to the shower (I've had 2 whole years to memorize every square inch of the place) eat breakfast, fed Vixie (the name of her fluffiness herself) put on her collar and get my old walking cane to take her on a walk.
When i finally get out of my room i head towards the elevator , when i get down to the ground floor i walks by Mike Oven who is the apartment landlord. Mike then says to me with a amused voice "Hi Trevor how have you been? Doing good i see". Then both Mike and i start snickering at the bad pun.
I see Mike is as cheerful as ever.
"Nothing really just about to take Vixie and walk around the block like how i always do".
"Oh you means this little Vixen right here" says Mike in a mocking manner to the fox in question. Vixie then grows at Mike in a menacing tone.
"Alright alright ill quite while i'm ahead" sighing Mike then says to Trevor "It was fun talking to you but i got to go, nice to see ya dude". I inwardly wince when i hear the term dude.
Even though it is a unisex term it dosen't make the pain in my heart any less. "Yeah nice to see you to" i replay walking out the apartment door with Vixie by my side cane and collar in hand. When the door almost shuts i could hear Mike roaring with laughter at my unintended pun
Huuggghhh........... i inwardly sigh while silently thanking fate for Mike being there to help me while i'm feeling down. I then turns to the right and start walking down the street with cars driving by, horns honking, angry people yelling,and exhaust fumes in the air.
While continue walking down the block i think to myself, well one good thing comes from being blind is that i don't have to look at myself anymore, With that thought i perk up and start to happily hum with Vixie panting by my side.
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When i start to walk home i hear yelling in the distance. Well that's nothing new this is New York city after all, i thought. When i'm about halfway back to my apartment i hear the yelling in the distance and it's getting closer.
What the hell is going on, Was there a car crash? I then start to walk in the direction of the yelling curios about what is happening. When i get about three quarters there i start to hear screaming and people yelling in pain. Shit....just what in the fuck is going on here?
While i'm wandering what is going on and how i could help i hear someone run right bye me away from the screaming and noises. I call out to him hoping to get a answer for what is going on. "Hey what the fuck is going on, was there a car crash? Is someone hurt?". The man just ignores me and continues to run like his life depends on it. Well that's just plain rude.
Another guy runs past me but then stops and says to me. "You need to get the fuck out of here".
"Why, what is going on?What are you so afraid of? " i say to him wondering if he is ok.
"Afraid...Afraid, OF COURSE I'M AFRAID WHEN THERE IS A FUCKING MONSTER KILLING EVERYONE!!!!". The guy then proceeds to run of like a crazy lunatic.
"Ahhhhh......Ok is there a gas leak somewhere or was there a car filled with drugs that crashed and now the drug is in the air?.......probably the former", i muttered to myself. Then all of a sudden i feel and hear a rumbling in the air and a quake in the earth."Shit, is there a earthquake going on?, But New York has almost never had a earthquake so why now?". I could feel the rumbling getting closer to me and that's when i realized, "STAMPEDE!!!".
So naturally i did the only thing i could do in a situation like this, i picked up Vixie and tried to run away. Unfortunately for myself i was blind so instead of running away i ran towards the stampede of people. By the time i realized that it was already to late. Next thing i know people are running by me screaming and yelling about some metal monster, i then get pushed over with Vixie in hand.
I try to get back up but fail when i get kicked in the temple and after that all i could see for a good few seconds was stars . So being the good person i am i do the only thing a sane animal lover will do. I huddle over Vixie trying to protect her. I gets stomped on, kicked, and other things of similar importance, and while all of this is happening the only thing i could hear is my ragged breath and the sound of growling coming from Vixie.
I then get kicked in the back of the head with the ongoing panic of the people. Am i really going to die here getting trampled to death....huhhhhhh...i didn't even give Vixie her daily snuggles yet! I think to myself with the taste of iron and salt in my bloodied mouth. Just when i think i'm about to pass out from the pain all of a sudden i hear the loud boom of a lighting strike and the crackle of thunder.
I then feels an unimaginable pain all over my body, i could feel the electricity in my blood vessels boiling my blood and the feel of thousands of needles getting stuck into my skin, then as if it where a dream the pain all disappears. I than feel myself slowly slipping into unconscious and the last thing i remembers is that Vixie is no longer in my arms.
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Good Votes: 32 56.1%
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Ok Votes: 10 17.5%
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Needs work Votes: 13 22.8%
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What abomination is this??!!!!(Not really a choice) Votes: 2 3.5%
I will be very sad if Vixie is gone for good. I get that the lightning is probably the cause of our protagonist being fused with and turned into a foxkin girl, but we need a way for Vixie to return. Maybe her soul sticks with the protagonist and she can eventually use her superpower to summon her? Or perhaps she becomes a system for the protagonist and will have a body once again if she works hard? Oh, I know, was Vixie a fox goddess by chance?
Where is the next chapter please I think I will die if Vixie isn't okay
Well, there really isn't enough here yet to see where you're going with this, so I can't judge the story concept beyond "Lesbian Foxgirls? Yes please." That said, the spelling is good overall, but the grammar needs some work.
Tips:
Every speaker gets their own paragraph. For example:
"Hey," said Bob. "Yo," Fred replied.
That's wrong.
"Hey," said Bob.
"Yo," Fred replied.
That's correct.
Breaking the fourth wall and saying things to the reader as the author mid-text (such as your apologies for the puns) is generally considered to be in poor taste, and can break the reader's immersion. If such a thing is an integral part of your storytelling style, you might want to consider writing in the first person, and integrating such behavior into the narrating character's personality. First person storytelling can be quite entertaining to write, although it adds extra difficulty in divorcing your own personality from that of the narrating character's.
Ultimately, the best tip I can give is to keep reading, and keep writing! Practice and exposure to works better than your own are the best way to improve.
thanks, im not exactly sure where i want to go with this story so thats why i posted chapter like how it already is so that people could tell me what i did wrong and what i could do to make it better so that i could improve
@Dragonnerd Oof, I know that feeling all too well.
"Oh damn this is an AWESOME idea for a story! Let's start writing!"
Three chapters later
"Shit, I have no idea where to go from here..."
And then it falls into writer's block hell forever.
That's basically how everything I've ever written has gone... it bites. Here's hoping you don't suffer the same fate, eh?
@MaskedCritic i got the plot down it's just the character interaction stuff i've got trouble with
@Dragonnerd It might help you to work up a list of character traits, likes, dislikes, that sort of thing, for each character? Then you can extrapolate interactions from there...
Say character A loves onions, and character B hates them. From there you could easily have an interaction at, say, a fast food place, where A orders onion rings and B reacts to that with pure disgust. That could lead to them having a random discussion starting from there, or A could start provoking B with their onion rings until they get into a pointless fight, or B could fake vomit while A is eating and ruin their meal... all sorts of things can happen between them just from one event combined with their individual traits.
Or you could come up with long backstories for the characters, and compare new events to similar events in their backstory to figure out how they should react.
I'm just spitballing here, though. There's all sorts of methods to figure out this sort of thing, so you should find one that fits you best!