1. Rock Bottom
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Content warning: depression, incidental suicidal ideation

I must have lay in that snowbank for fifteen minutes as I contemplated the absolute hopelessness that was my life. I began to wonder what would be the most pathetic way for the whole thing to end.

Would I freeze to death there in the snowbank, only to be discovered next March or April in the spring thaw? Maybe I wouldn't even have to wait for the cold to do me in, maybe a car would hit that same patch of ice I found with my crutches and slide into me. Or a snow-plow could come by and finish me off, burying me even deeper.

Or maybe none of those things would happen. Maybe the most pathetic outcome of all would be someone coming along and saving me. Maybe the loser who broke his leg on the first full day of his vacation, on his second run down the slopes, would be rescued again for the second time in a row.

For the hundredth time in the past two days I thought about what a huge mistake this whole trip turned out to be.

Why in the world did I think I'd make any friends here? How deluded was I to believe pushing myself out of my comfort zone was a good idea? I had visions of forcing myself to be outgoing, of getting invited to aprés-ski parties, of being friendly, getting to know people, being 'one of the guys'.

What a joke that was. I was never 'one of the guys' and for the most part I never wanted to be. I always knew that competitive macho masculinity wasn't me. But I figured that's what I needed to do to fit in and make friends.

Instead, I spent most of yesterday in the nearby town getting my right leg set and sealed in a low-profile cast. Then I got the crutches and the bottle of painkillers. Then the ride-share back to the resort.

I'd spent most of today at the bar, alone of course. I drank, and I watched other people enjoy the slopes. When the skiing stopped and the bar started to fill up, I couldn't stand the crowd. Between the sound of everyone else having fun with their friends, and the looks of pity or amusement that were cast my way, I'd quickly had enough.

I paid my tab then set out on the short walk from the main resort building to the lodge which held my small hotel room. Then I hit that patch of ice and down I went, crutches cast and all. And now here I was, at the end of my second full day, contemplating the futility of my existence as I lay in a snowbank.

Eventually I realized there'd be no car or snowplow to finish me off. And waiting for the cold to do the job was a little too unreliable. Someone might show up and rescue me first, and I couldn't handle any more pity. So I figured I may as well get up.

I struggled to get myself turned over and into a sitting position. One of my crutches was within reach to my right, the other was too far away on my left. I grabbed the close one, and jammed it into the snow where it was deep enough that I knew it wasn't going anywhere. Then with one hand on that and the other on a sturdy-feeling part of the snowbank, I started pulling myself upright.

I made it about halfway before the snow under my left hand suddenly gave way. I scrambled to keep my balance but it was too late, and down I went.

"FUCK!" I shouted as I wound up in the snowbank again. It actually hurt that time. I was probably due for another painkiller, if I ever made it back to my room.

Now I was out of reach of both crutches. As I was dragging myself back to the one I'd stuck in the snow, I felt something slip under my hand.

My fingers were half numb but I recognized there was something hidden under the snow. I grabbed it, and pulled up a cheap dark-green plastic shopping bag, with something large but lightweight inside. Some trash or whatever, lost in the snow. I was about to fling it as far as I could, but for whatever reason I decided to see what it was first.

I found myself looking at a nine-by-twelve inch padded manilla envelope. It was one of those mailers you used for sending catalogues or comics or novels or whatever. It was sealed, and there was obviously something bulky inside it by the way it bulged in the middle.

I don't know why I kept it. Curiosity maybe? A potential souvenir of my misadventures? No idea. The envelope looked relatively dry despite being buried in a snowbank, it must have been protected by the cheap shopping bag around it. I held onto it as I made another attempt to get back on my feet.

This time I was successful. I retrieved my upright crutch, and with that I hobbled over to the other one. My last risky manoeuvre was using one crutch to lift the other so I could grab it, and against all odds I did it. I was positive I was going to wind up on my ass again at that point.

With a deep sigh of frustration, I resumed my trek back to the lodge where I was staying.

I had two more close encounters with slippery patches on the road, but no more trips to the ground. When I got to my door I fished out the key-card in my pocket. It was another minor miracle I hadn't managed to lose that yet, and I let myself into my room.

First thing I did was crank up the heat. Then I struggled to get out of my wet clothes, which was an adventure in itself thanks to the damn cast. I popped a pain killer, put on the TV, and finally slumped onto the bed to examine the contents of the mystery envelope.

When I dumped it out of the bag, a business card dropped out with it. The envelope had no markings on it. There was something illegible smudged in one corner, but there was no address, no label, nothing to indicate or hint what it was, where it was from, or where it was going.

I looked at the business card, and immediately laughed.

"Magic of the Moon - Occult, Pagan, New Age Boutique - Madame Selene, proprietor"

There was an address at the bottom, and a phone number and website. The shop was on Main Street in the same little town as the hospital I'd been at yesterday.

I figured someone was doing the tourist thing, visited the town and wound up buying some crap at the new age boutique. No idea why it was in an envelope though, unless they meant to mail it.

With no names or addresses or other identifying information on the envelope, I figured it was fair game. It was pretty light, whatever was inside couldn't have been worth much.

I tore the envelope open and dumped out the contents on the bed next to me. I found a small white candle, a cheap plastic candle-holder, a big ziplock baggie full of what looked like weed, a small ziplock baggie with a bit of grey powder in it, and a funky-looking calligraphy pen with a shiny metal nib. There was also a small square of heavy parchment and a half dozen pages of instructions, typed two sides and stapled together.

Seeing the two ziplocks I wondered if this was some kind of drug deal, like maybe the pagan shop was a front or something. That didn't make much sense though, since weed was legalized last year.

The instructions got another laugh out of me. Apparently this was a 'spell kit'. The spell was called "Verum Viam", which the notes translated as 'true path' or 'perfect life'. Apparently if you cast this spell at midnight during a full moon, it would magically fix everything wrong with your life and set you on your true path.

I looked at my busted leg and the crutches leaning against the wall next to the bed, and sighed to myself. "Fuck, I wish this was real because I could sure use it."

I kept reading since I had nothing better to do. The white candle apparently contained 'powdered unicorn horn' and the funky pen was a 'platinum-nib stylus'. The contents of the ziplock bags weren't identified, just referred to as the 'large bag' and the 'small bag'.

The whole thing seemed like a massive joke, but I had a closer look at the pen. I was a little surprised to realize the nib might actually have been platinum. It had that sort of precious-metal-shine to it, and it wasn't silver. That kind of freaked me out a little, because if it really was platinum then the pen alone would be worth some serious money.

By now the painkiller was doing its job. Maybe a little too well actually, or maybe I shouldn't have taken it after all those drinks at the bar. Either way I was starting to feel pretty relaxed.

On a whim I grabbed my phone and searched to see when the next full moon was. To my surprise it was literally tonight. Like just after midnight.

I stared at my phone, then looked at the spell stuff on the bed next to me, then stared at my busted leg.

A smile formed on my face as I said to myself, "Fuck it, it's not like things can get any worse right?"

Between the drinks and the painkiller I was worried I'd doze off before midnight, so I got myself out of bed and used the little one-cup coffee maker next to the TV.

The instructions said I'd need a bowl or something for the incense, so I grabbed one of the empty glasses from the washroom. Lighting the candle could have been a problem, but I checked the side-pockets of my backpack and sure enough I still had a lighter in there from my disastrous attempt at camping back in July. And it even worked, which was another bonus.

With everything ready, I found something to watch on the TV that would last me till midnight, and settled into a chair by the table.

I wound up making another coffee while I waited, then had to hobble over to the bathroom once or twice thanks to the coffees and the beers I'd drank earlier.

When the show finally ended I turned off the TV and got to work.

The instructions were really simple. It was part of what made me laugh about the whole thing, the idea that some kind of real magic spell would come with instructions so simple anyone could do it.

I lit the candle and it absolutely reeked. It was like burning skunk ass or something. I stuffed the incense into the empty glass and lit it with the candle, and some thick grey smoke came up off that. It wasn't weed after all, but it had a nice smell that kind of drowned out the toxic fumes coming off the candle.

I probably should have been worried about the room's smoke detector, but to be honest I wasn't thinking so clearly after all the alcohol and painkillers.

Next I waved the platinum pen through the candle flame then the incense smoke. To get 'ink' I was supposed to poke the thing into one of my fingers. I jabbed it into my thumb, and was surprised to discover it didn't even hurt. It was just more of a pinch than anything else.

The weird thing was it looked for all the world like the damn pen was actually sucking blood out of me. I chalked it up to being half-loaded from the beers, the painkiller, and whatever was in that incense. I could have sworn though it looked like blood was running upwards along the nib.

After that I had to write out nine words in a square on the heavy parchment. They went in a specific order, but I did it how the instructions said. Even half-loaded it wasn't that hard to follow.

When that was done, I opened the little baggie and dumped that on the incense. There was a flash of purple flame which was really kind of pretty, followed by another little plume of smoke.

I passed the parchment over the candle flame then through the incense smoke. The last step was for me to read the words off the parchment, in a particular order.

The instructions were very clear on this point, that the words had to be read in the correct order and once I started I couldn't stop and couldn't say anything else. Just those nine words. It also said when the last word was spoken the spell would be triggered.

The last two pages were a bunch of cautions and warnings but I didn't waste time with that. It was all bullshit anyways, I was just doing this for a laugh.

I paused there and drank the last of my second cup of coffee, then looked back at the parchment. Seeing those words written out in blood suddenly freaked me out. I wondered for a moment what the hell I was doing. Like, I didn't even stop to think if that pen was clean before I stabbed it into my thumb.

A little shudder went through me, but I suppressed it. I figured I'd done this much, I may as well finish the damn thing. I picked up the square of parchment, cleared my throat, and started reading.

The words were in some kind of weird 'magic' language of course, and a couple of them were tongue-twisters to figure out how to say them. I muddled through though, and got to the end.

As soon as that last word left my lips there was a flash of light and the parchment was gone. I stared at my empty hands in shock. Before I could react, there was another flash and the pen vanished from the table. Then the candle, followed by the incense, along with the glass that held it. The empty ziplock bags went next, then even the pages of instructions.

For a second I sat there staring at the now-empty table, wondering if I was hallucinating.

I gulped, "What the f-"

There was one more really bright flash, and everything went black.

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