= SARAH POV =

I walked over and flopped onto the bed beside Chris.

“Every time I left a dorm room, it was a walk of shame, and seriously the shame was deeply felt” I continued, despite Chris’ outburst.

 “ I know that sex does not equate to some kind of laboratory session. I have tried to view this from different angles and using you as a control group…. I mean as an example “ I said, glancing up at Chris who was now sitting cross-legged facing me, with her hand propping up her head as she listened to me “ I have tried with so many guys, and the result is always the same; I don’t know what to do with their junk, and even after they stick it in, it’s just…kind of blah” I said with a shrug.

 “Worst of all, I’ve never climaxed before. I have managed to reach a fulfilling orgasm with my own fingers; however, with guys… it just doesn’t hit the same. So that is why, I would like to try, the alternative form of sex, with someone who won’t get attached, someone I trust, and someone who is experienced” I explained brightly, so glad that I could finally come clean with my intentions. 

Chris sat up a little straighter, a worried look crossing her face. She definitely wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Wow…” She said, crossing her arms and leaning against a headrest.

For a moment she said nothing, just staring at me, her eyes far away for a moment. 

Then she locked back in to my eyes.

“How would you know that ALL the girls I’ve been with were satisfied with my…skill set?” Chris asked, a curious lit to her voice.

“I interviewed them! I often met them at the canteen, and we would chat, and every single one of them said you were amazing,” I said, beaming up at her, proud that I had not only done my research, but verified my sources.

“Every. One. Of them? EVERYONE OF THEM. You talked to every one of them…about having sex…with me?” Chris asked, leaning forward to hold the side table next to the bed as if her world had just tilted sideways.

I nodded “Yup! And they all loved it,” I replied.” They told me that you were the best, and there were quite a few who had partners before you, so they had people to compare you against,” I added.

 “I was really proud of your abilities as my best friend at the time”

Chris tilted her head to the side. I couldn’t tell if she was angry, or just deep in thought as her brow furrowed and she was pinching the bridge of her nose. 

 “So you’ve been thinking about having sex with me…the entire time…we were living together…in uni..”

I nodded. “Yeah, but you know, we’re friends, so it would have been awkward to ask you for some tips; that’s why I asked all the girls you slept with. However…now that we are older and there are less well, restrictions to our time tables…we can be like, friends with benefits, emphasis on the friends part” I said proudly, raising an eyebrow “Care to literally fuck around and find out?”

I wasn’t aware Chris’ eyes could go that wide. She stared at me like I had grown a second no third head, and granted this was quite a tall ask from someone who only viewed me as a friend, but I figured she was always so handsy anyway…surely taking it a step further couldn’t hurt. 

 “Am I to believe that you don’t have feelings for me?” Chris asked pointedly.

I smiled and leaned back. “Of course not! Why would I? I’m not going to force those kinds of expectations on my best friend; I know you too well for that; you’re like a free bird, bound to fly off into someone else’s arms, and I would never aspire to put you in a cage,” I beamed, hoping to reassure her that I wasn’t going to pigeonhole her like that.

Chris suddenly got up and walked across the room and leaned against her desk. Despite my attempts to be reassuring, her mood seemed to be plummeting with every answer I gave her.

I sighed and leaned forward “Look, I wouldn’t have done all this if I wasn’t this desperate. When I say I’ve tried everything, I mean it. Even the sex therapist says I’m a lost cause”

Chris pushed herself off the table and wiped her face with her hand. She looked off into the distance for a moment before turning to look at me, her eyes twinkling with curiosity.

“Sex…therapist?” Chris asked, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, as if she couldn’t believe the extent I had gone to. Crossing her arms, she moved to sit beside me on the bed next to me.

“Yeah, I booked a few sessions,” I explained, backing up and bringing up my leg to make room for Chris as well as so I could sit facing her. 

“I really couldn’t understand the whole point of touching someone who I had just met. My brain kept thinking of assignments, and then I just lost interest, and after the third session, he canceled on me. He even brought in his wife during the second session to try to get me in the headspace, by showing me different positions, but it just didn’t click for me, you know?” I explained.

“Could it be…that you have never…fallen in love, with any of the people you have dated?” Chris asked thoughtfully, “Or maybe you’re not even bisexual…maybe you’re into girls only”

I perked up immediately “Exactly! I just might be, but I’ve no idea, so will you help me?” I asked, my eyes sparkling as I gazed over at Chris, who looked like she was having a really hard time processing everything.

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