C/W: Parental abuse, internalized transphobia, some mild transphobia and homophobia, hunting

 

The manor was bustling with activity. More than would be typical quite honestly. A ball was being thrown in the town, one being hosted by the royal family. There hadn’t been an event like this in decades, and no single kitchen or house had enough servants or fireplaces to prepare everything that needed preparing. Food was being cooked, drapery sewn, and the town’s tailor had enough gowns and dance wear that she had to draft the aid of tailors from the next three towns. 

 

No one knew why the ball was being hosted, but the rumor going around was that the king and queen were seeking a suitor for their daughter to marry. And to many, that aspect was particularly tantalizing. To Sid’s step-mother and two step-brothers, Clovus and Bertrand, it seemed particularly tempting. The woman and her two sons had spent the better part of the week micromanaging every person who worked in the household, all in the pursuit of wooing the princess. 

 

This cream isn’t thick enough! 

 

This bread isn’t soft enough. I’d barely feed it to a beggar, it’s so tough. 

 

Those banners should be done with burgundy thread, not maroon. 

 

Seemingly day and night, their three voices hawked orders, often conflicting each other with every other word. It was chaos. Sid just wished he could be away from it all. He hated it there. His step-mother had never been terribly kind towards him, but as soon as his father died, everything became notably worse. His mother began to squander money left and right, and as their budget dwindled, her anger grew. 

 

The woman seemed to take displeasure in Sid’s very existence, and to be very honest, Sid couldn’t blame her. There wasn’t much likeable about the boy, at least in his own eyes. Everything about him felt wrong, off. And it felt as though there was a constant static behind his eyes. 

 

Most recently, however, the boy’s step mother had found a new reason to dislike him. His very gender. As he was a son, he was legally given a portion of his father’s estate once he turned eighteen, and that was only in a few short weeks. And if he got that money, that meant less money for his step-mother to fritter away on some misguided investment. So the woman took it out on him and tried her best to make him look and feel as despicable as possible. 

 

And today was no exception. Sid heard her heavy footfalls as he was trying to eat his morning gruel, and sighed before he even heard her take a breath. 

“Sid! Why are you wasting your time here? The day’s already almost half over.” The rooster had crowed only half an hour before. “There are so many better things you should be doing with your time.” 

 

Sid could see her eyes dance around the room, trying to find anything that she could force on him as miserable busywork. Would it be ironing the curtains today, scrubbing the fireplaces, milking the cows? 

 

Finally, her eyes landed on a rack of dress clothes that sat just through a doorway. “Boy! Go take those tunics and sew the sleeves on correctly.” 

 

“B-but, ma’am, the tailor—” 

 

“The tailor what?!” his step-mother interrupted. “That blithering old hag wouldn’t know a half stitch from a quarter stitch, and hasn’t been able to sew correctly in years. As incompetant and useless as you are, you should at least be able to do that much.” 

 

Sid cast his eyes down, not wanting to incur her wrath in any greater degrees. “Yes, ma’am.”

 

“And make sure to do this in your room. I don’t want you in anyone’s way. They’re doing much more important work than you.” 

 

Nodding meekly, Sid collected the clothes, thread, and needles he’d need, before quickling making an exit to his room. He lived in an attic. It had originally been used for simple storage, but he’d been forcibly moved to this top floor after his step mother had decided she wanted an entire room for her clothes. There was barely room for a cot and the stool he occasionally used. 

 

At least it had a fireplace. But ever since his ration of logs had been confiscated to keep the kitchens cooking for the ball, he’d been left with a piddling fire in the stone hearth. 

 

Sid laid the pile of clothes onto his cot and poked at his fire in a vain effort to coax out any meager warmth it might give. Despite being on the top floor of the house, it was on the opposite side of the kitchens, so he didn’t get any of the warmth from the ovens there. He shivered and rubbed his hands together over the few remaining embers. But that did little to alleviate the chill that seeped through the improperly framed window. 

 

With a heavy sigh, the boy took the garments and draped them over his lap, using them as a blanket while he worked on the stool. He sat like this for the better part of an hour before he heard the tell-tale stomping coming up the stairs to his small abode. In that time, he’d managed to correct about half of the garments. He was still doing what she asked though, so she’d most likely yell and bluster, then leave him alone.

 

His step-mother entered without knocking, simply swinging the door open with such a force that Sid wondered if she had hoped to catch his face in the door knob. Thankfully he was on the opposite side of the stool, so he simply found himself face to face with the tall, prickly woman. There was fire in her eyes and her mouth was pressed into a thin line. 

 

“All this time, and you don’t even have your work done! What have you been doing up here?” Her voice died in her throat as her eyes caught something. Sid followed her gaze to find the sleeve of one of the tunics laying in the ashes of his now-very-thoroughly extinguished fire. She picked the sleeve up with two fingers as though she was disgusted by it, and both were able to see a black smudge on the fur cuff. 

 

“Boy!” Sid flinched. “I am going to have to have this tunic cleaned now, and heavens know I won’t be letting you touch these filthy things again.” 

 

The boy barely managed to form words “I think it looks fine.” His voice  was nothing more than a whisper. 

 

“Fine? Fine? Does this look fine?” The step-mother shoved the sleeve into the boy’s face. “Does this look clean to you? Here, since this is so clean for you, why aren’t you as clean as this sleeve.” With a stiff hand, the woman grabbed a handful of ash and soot and rubbed it across the boy’s face. 

 

He spluttered and coughed at the unexpected assault and tears began to flow down his face. He assumed it was from the dust suddenly getting in his eyes, but he knew better. He was crying at this entire situation. Everything about this was so unfair. Why did his life have to be so miserable. He barely registered his door slamming shut as his step-mother left with the “ruined” clothes in tow. 

 

In fact he could barely see anything through the ash and tears that matted his face. And he almost missed the strange sudden scent of juniper and holly that seemed to be filling his small room. He tried to wipe at his eyes to look around, but only succeeding in smearing the ash further across his face. 

 

What felt like a pebble struck his head, followed by two more. Those small taps gave him enough encouragement to wipe enough soot from his face that he could look around. The first thing he saw were the three pebbles, or hazelnuts as they were actually, that sat lazily in the fireplace where they’d fallen after hitting his head. Finally, he looked up, expecting to see some forgotten, hidden squirrel’s nest. 

 

Instead, what he found was a miniscule pair of legs attached to a miniscule person, who was sitting on the mantle of his fireplace and grinning impishly. They had pale-green skin, not unlike the lichen on the sides of trees, and dark green hair. Their legs seemed too long to be proportional to their body, and their fingers were almost thrice the length of their palms. Beyond that, this strange being had black eyes, almost like two polished stones, in their head. They were dressed in brown and yellow leaves from the forest that had been fashioned into a makeshift robe. 

 

“Those are yours.” Their voice wasn’t natural. Or rather, it was too natural. Instead of being a normal voice, what they said sounded like the calls of dozens of birds and insects that somehow came together to create what sounded like words. Despite this being’s strange appearance and sound, they felt soft, pleasant. 

 

Sid looked at them with deepening suspicion. He’d heard tales of the woodland spirits who wished harm on those who encountered them. But the being smiled again. Their smile was warm, happy, and very affectionate. It spread across their entire cheeks until even their eyes disappeared into the smile. 

 

“You can call me Godep.”

 

The boy nodded, still unsure of this situation.  “Those are for you. In fact… They’re gifts.” 

 

“Gifts?” Sid cautiously picked up one of the hazelnuts and inspected it. For all intents and purposes, it was a very normal hazelnut. 

 

“Yes!” Godep chirped. “Within each is whatever you most desire at that moment.” 

 

The boy stared at the nut. Was there a way to escape his life within here? 

 

“I’ve never liked those. Whenever I try to use one, I just want the nut inside, so I never get anything fun,” the imp unhelpfully added. 

 

“What do you get from me for these?” 

 

Godep, for their credit, looked almost offended at the question. “These are gifts. It does not cost you anything. I’m in the giving spirit.” 

 

“There’s nothing evil about these? Nothing bad will come of this?” Sid had heard of these kinds of bargains. 

 

The being smiled again, but there was a more malicious energy below it. “Not to you young one. I swear on my Name and that of my master that no harm will befall you. Now, you might want to make your first wish.” 

 

With a wink they disappeared, and only a moment later, Sid heard one of his brothers drunkenly calling for him. “Oh, brother of mine!” It was Bertrand, the younger of the two step-brothers. He was the wilder of the two, just as likely to try to “make a man” out of Sid, as he was to slap him for some perceived slight. The boy hated both. 

 

Every part of him crawled at the thought of having to face his step-brother in this state, and so he cracked the hazelnut against the hard stone of his fireplace. A strange burst of air rushed out of the crack in the shell, bringing with it not the oaky scent of a nut, but the fresh winter smell the imp carried with them. The boy dug at the seed, widening the gap slightly, until he saw a scrap of fabric inside. 

 

Using two of his nails, Sid managed to grab the fabric and pull. It gave easily, easier than he was expecting. First out of the shell was a soft, dark-green cloak with a long hood. Something that would blend in easily with the pines of the forest. Next came a doublet, but it seemed to be stitched strangely. The chest was a bit too large for a boy like him. Following the doublet, came thick woolen leggings, gloves, boots, and then miraculously a pre-strung bow with a quiver of arrows. 

 

Sid stared at the clothes. It was the wardrobe of a hunter. And not a wealthy hunter by any means. He wondered for a moment how this outfit would save him. It was a disguise, yes. But he had been hoping for something more. Although, he wasn’t sure what. Something that would let him stop being himself for a short period of time. 

 

However, another shout from Bertrand ceased any further thought in this regard and he quickly tried to strip from his clothes to don the new costume. The first thing he put on were the leggings. They were thickly woven, and made from very fine, dense wool. But the strangest thing seemed to occur as he pulled them on. Sid had always felt lucky that puberty had seemed to be kind to him. His body hair was thin, but he still had enough leg hair to feel properly “masculine”, which frustrated him for some reason. Yet, as he was pulling these leggings on, they ran up his legs incredibly smoothly. As though his hair wasn’t even there. 

 

The boy assumed it was simply some of the magic, designed to let him put the clothes on quickly to escape. Next came the shirt and doublet. He slipped it on with ease, as though he’d done this hundreds of times before. However, as he pulled the jacket tight, he felt a pinching at his chest that made him gasp in surprise. 

 

Instinctively, his hands shot to his chest. It was no longer flat as it normally would be, but instead had swelled slightly, somehow. With every breath, these strange lumps swelled, until they respectively filled out the doublet. Sid gasped again as he realized that somehow, miraculously, he had grown breasts. And that also explained the strange proportions for the doublet. It had been designed for a woman. 

 

Under his breath, Sid cursed the imp for inflicting him with this cursed costume, as he pulled the gloves on. The gloves seemed as though they’d be unable to fit his hands, yet as he slid them in, his bulky hands managed to fit perfectly into the slim leather. The boy stared at his new hands with wonder filling his thoughts. If these clothes were turning him into a woman, his step-family would never find him. 

 

For a moment, he got lost in a fantasy of being a lone hunter, fending for herself and selling pelts to the local village when the spring thaw began. But she shook himself out of this thought as he sat down to pull the boots on. It was only when he sat down that he realized something. The leggings hadn’t just removed his body hair, they’d also slimmed his legs, making them stronger, more athletic. The legs of a woman who was used to long days prowling in the woods. The boots worked similarly to all of the other garments, thinning her feet, but making them stronger and more resilient. 

 

Finally came the cloak, and her costume was complete. As she pulled the hood up and over her head, she felt hair cascade down her back, and her face twitched and stretched as it changed as well. She touched her lips and found them soft and plump. And in that moment, she desperately. Sid roughly shook his head. HE! He isn’t a girl. No matter how much he wishes he could be. He wasn’t a girl. This was just a costume, but even that thought made him feel sad. Oh, if only he’d been a girl. But…. if these garments had changed him into a girl, why couldn’t she at least refer to herself as one? It would  be suspicious if she didn’t, the girl managed to logic. 

 

As heavy-drunken bootsteps began to make their way up the stairs to her room, the disguised hunter grabbed her bow and quiver. As soon as her hands touched the equipment, knowledge about her new form flooded her thoughts. Suddenly, this body was no longer foregin. It was simply another part of her.

 

With her bow and arrows in hand, she pushed the window open and climbed to the roof. She idled there for a moment, planning her next moves, and as she observed her surroundings, Bertrand slammed open the door. “Sid! You useless piece of…. Sid? Where in the damned hells are you, brother?”

 

The huntress giggled to herself, then finalized her course of action. With a quick start and a deft jump, she landed on the wall that separated the manor’s yards with the outside world. And from there she dropped down to the snow-covered ground and began to run towards the woods. 

 

~

 

The sheer excitement and enthrallment the girl felt at her new form swiftly diminished once she entered the forest. But it had been replaced with a quiet contentment instead. She hadn’t really thought about what exactly it was that she wanted to do once she escaped to the woods, as all she’d been thinking about in the moment was getting away from her brother. But now, she was alone and with nothing to do. Her entire life for the past couple years had been a constant march of chores and work, so the girl was left unsure of what to do with her new freedom. 

 

The sky was bright blue as she looked up at it, the brightest blue she’d ever seen, without a cloud in sight. To the girl, it felt as though this was the first time she’d ever truly seen the sky, seen the blue that filled the heavens, and it was magnificent. A chill wind blew through the woods in that moment, reminding her that it was also the middle of winter, and very cold at that. She pulled her new cloak tighter around her body, and continued trudging forward in an aimless direction. 

 

She’d only been walking for a few minutes, when she heard a sharp whistle, followed by a thud, and an equally sharp pain on the tip of her ear. The girl yelped in sudden fear and tried to pull away, but found herself thoroughly pinned to the tree behind her. A crossbow bolt sat quivering just at eye level to the side of her head, where it had grazed her ear and trapped her cloak. 

 

With her hands shaking from the sudden surprise, she tried to reach up to pull the bolt out, but it was deeply embedded into the wood, and she didn’t have the leverage to pull it out. 

 

“Gods damn it, Elice,” a girl’s voice shouted from ahead of her. “You could have killed them.” 

 

A smaller voice responded with “I’m sorry, I saw movement and thought it was the stag we’d been tracking.” 

 

The girl looked around trying to find the speakers, and her eyes quickly settled on three women standing a few paces from her. They were dressed in fine hunting gear, beautifully adorned, but still functional. She’d heard of female hunters before, in fact she was currently guised as one, but she’d rarely heard of noble women being hunters, especially without any men present. 

 

The leader of the small party stepped towards her, easily dressed in the best clothes of the group. Her jacket was a dapper green with black accents, and for a moment the girl wondered if the bulges she saw in the arms were simply padding for warmth or this girl’s actual muscles. She certainly looked strong. Her thick brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun, and her jaw looked sharp enough to slice. And to the new girl, she was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen in her life. 

 

As the leader approached her, she spotted something else, however, a thin silver band that sat above her brow. This girl was the princess. Oh gods, this girl was the princess!

 

“Let’s get you out of there, love.” She said, her voice strong and smooth. The princess put one hand just above the girl’s shoulder in a position and stood even a step closer. The girl felt herself squeak and blush fiercely at the sudden closeness of royalty. The other girl simply chuckled and grabbed the bolt with her free hand, wrenching it out of the wood with a quick tug. 

 

“Now that wasn’t so hard, my dear. No need to be afraid.” The princess winked at the girl. “You can call me Temi. What’s your name?” 

 

The girl, not initially responding to the question, touched her ear where the bolt had grazed then pulled it away to look for any blood. There wasn’t any, thankfully, but her hand was now streaked with the soot her step-mother had rubbed on her face. Finally, Temi’s words filtered into her consciousness. 

 

“It’s, uh…” she looked down at her hand, and said the only word that she could stammer out. “A-ash, your majesty.” 

 

“Ash…?” One of the other girls looked pointedly at the newly-named Ash’s face. 

 

“Yes…. I slipped into my fireplace this morning.” It was probably the boldest lie that the girl had ever said. 

 

The princess smirked at her and casually ran her hand over her hair. “Well, Ash. What’s someone as pretty as you doing out here?” 

 

Ash was struck speechless. Pretty? Her? She’s not even a girl? Well, not a real one, like these girls. Instantly a spike of envy filled her, only rivalled by the growing sense that they knew she wasn’t actually a girl. That somehow she was too manly. She hated it. Despite that, she managed to find an answer. Motioning at her bow and quiver, slung over her back, she said “I’m, uh, hunting. Ma’am.” 

 

Temi laughed. “No need to ‘ma’am’ or ‘your majesty’ me. We’re all girls here, who cares about what social rules dictate. There aren’t any men out here to tell us no.” 

 

For a moment the girl faltered. “But…” Her lips wanted to say I’m not a girl. But her mind managed to wrestle that instinctive response away in time. “Okay. S-sorry” 

 

The princess grinned again. “Well, Miss Ash, if you’re hunting, why not join us? It never hurts to have another face in the party.” She gestured towards one of the other girls, the one who was wearing a pink shirt below a thick grey cloak, and said with a laugh “This one’s Elice, the one who shot you.” The girl waved . “And my other friend is Seffy. Don’t tell them I said this, but they’re the best shot here.” The other person was dressed in a simple solid, dark-green doublet with an even darker green hood. They nodded at Ash. “Now come on, those stag’s aren’t gonna hunt themselves.” 

 

Instantly Temi turned and began to run off, only for Elise and Seffy to race after her, motioning for Ash to join them. Indecision froze the girl almost as much as the snow did. Did they actually think she was a girl? Had this strange magical costume actually fooled them? Or were they just trying to trick her? But why? 

 

For once in her life, Ash tried to set aside her habit of disasterizing every situation, and followed the beautiful princess and her two friends. 

 

The four of them spent the better part of the morning and early afternoon on their hunt. Not actually managing to kill anything, but still enjoying their time together. The three nobles chatted and joked with each other, and valiantly tried to include Ash, but her fear of being discovered stalled her tongue. Despite her relative silence, she still caught the princess giving her strange looks, then quickly blushing and looking away when caught. What was worse, is that she caught herself doing the same thing. 

 

The princess was beautiful, and any person who she would choose for a spouse was beyond lucky.  Ash found herself jealous of this not-yet-existent person. The princess was fun, kind, courteous, and strong (in multiple senses).

 

Finally, with all four beginning to feel their exhaustion and no trophies to prove their time, the Princess came to a stop, leaning against a tree and running her hand across her hair, which appeared to be a habit she had. 

 

“Well girls and pal. I’m tired, and we still have the ball this evening. So let’s make this our last.”

 

The others murmured agreement. 

 

Temi grinned again, and looked directly at Ash. “What say you about making this last attempt a challenge? That tree over there has a couple birds in it, whoever hits one first, I’ll throw a feast in their honor, aye?”

 

“Sounds easy enough,” Seffy said, as they lifted their crossbow. 

 

“Ah ah ah, not so fast, Seff. I want to make this interesting.” The princess leaned down and picked up a rock that was peeking out of the snow. With a deft hand, she slung the stone at the tree with a force that Ash hadn’t expected. With a resounding clatter, the stone collided with a tree, and a moment later four birds flew out from its branches in a panic. “Now you may fire, friends.” 

 

Seffy was the first to try their luck, with one eye closed they tracked one of the birds across the sky. The trigger made a thick sound as it was pulled and the bolt was let loose. It sung through the air, but failed to find its target. The wood shaft drove through the fowl’s tail, making it squawk in fear and nearly plummet from the sky. But still it flew on. The noble cursed softly and looked to Elice next. 

 

She also raised her crossbow with confident grace. The girl quickly aimed her shot, perhaps too quickly, and let loose the bolt. It flew wide of the poor bird. “You distracted me, Seffy.” She stuck her tongue out at them. 

 

The crown princess looked at Ash. “What about you? I’ve barely seen you let loose an arrow today, much less aim at anything. I’m sure you’ve just been holding back so as not to embarrass us, right?” She winked at the girl, who suddenly felt butterflies in her second. 

 

Trying her best to wipe the blush off her face, she tried to offer a response. “No, I just… this is…. I… Okay, I’ll try.” She drew the bow from her back and knocked an arrow with a single fluid movement that surprised even herself. She’d forgotten about the magic that made her bow feel so familiar. These strange instincts reared up within her mind, and she felt her face steel. Her feet automatically changed to a more stable stance, her arm found new strength to pull the drawstring back a fraction further. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a flash of movement. A swallow, one that had escaped the tree. 

 

Almost without a thought, she pivoted and released the arrow. Faster than either of the crossbow bolts, the projectile split the air. Not even a moment later and it had perfectly pierced the bird. The bird fell like a stone, and with it, Ash felt a piece of her regain itself. 

 

She nervously looked at the others, half wanting their approval, half expecting their anger at being shown up. Seffy and Elice looked stunned, staring into space at the spot where the bird had been. Temi was looking right at her with an overjoyed smile. 

 

“You know, Ash. I was joking when I said that you were holding back, but now…” She whistled softly and broke into a massive burst of laughter. The joy was infectious, and Ash, despite herself, began to giggle. 

 

“The feast is yours, my lady. But before we go, I must know. Where did you learn to hunt like that? I’ve never seen someone as natural with the bow as you.”

 

This was it. The test. The moment where Ash would accidentally reveal herself. “I don’t have a lot of money.” She instantly started to scold herself for such a stupid response. Not only was that a stupid response to the question, it made it sound like she was asking for money. She didn’t want to be a beggar, much less to the crown princess herself. 

 

Temi gave Ash a long, curious look, then took a long step towards her. Out of pure instinct, she backpedaled, but tripped on her own feet and fell backwards. The princess laughed, but all Ash felt was shame. 

 

“Here,” the other girl extended her hand and she reluctantly took it. Before she could pull her hand out of the grip, however, the princess shoved something into it. “It’s for you. I don’t know what your situation is like, but if you sell that, you should be able to live comfortably for some time.” 

 

With her hand finally released, she opened it to find one of the princess’ rings, a gold band with  perfectly cut rubies surrounding it. Ash had never held something worth so much before in her life, and her hands almost forgot how to function out of sheer panic. Her panic, the malignant beast that it was, began to transform into something else, reinvigorating that strange fear she felt, that she wasn’t a real girl.

 

The princess smiled at her, but there seemed to be an awkward edge to it now. Once again she ran her hand over her hair. “You know, uh, Ash. There’s the ball going on tonight, I think you should go. I’d really love it if you did.”

 

“But I’m—”

 

“A commoner? Don’t worry about it. You’d be coming as my guest.”

 

“N-no.” Ash felt like she was faltering further with every step. Every instinct screaming at her to just say she’s a man and run away. “Your majesty, I don’t have any clothes for it…” She clutched at every single excuse she could come up with. 

 

“Then borrow one of mine, we look around the same size, and I can have my tailor make any alterations that are needed.” 

 

Ash was speechless. Why was this girl being so nice to her? She didn’t deserve to be treated so nicely. Was this some kind of trick? Did she actually know that Ash was a boy, and would use the ball to mock her for ever thinking she could be a girl? 

 

Elice looked up at the sun, which was well above them. “Temi, we should probably get going. We’ve already wasted a lot of time today, and we still want you to help choose the gowns we’ll be wearing.” 

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” the princess said, then motioned to Ash. “Come on, love, we can get you fitted too.” 

 

But Ash wasn’t listening. One word was echoing around her brain faster than any other thought could process. Time. Time. Time. She realized with a jolt that she didn’t know how this magic worked. Perhaps there was a time limit. Oh gods, was there a time limit? Would her secret, her shame, be broadcast to everyone at any moment. 

 

Pure distilled fear washed through every inch of her body, so she did the only thing she knew how to do. She ran. 

 

“Wait! Ash!” She heard Temi call from behind her. “Ash! Stop!” 

 

She didn’t. The last thing she heard before she was out of earshot was the princess pleading again for her to go to the ball. And it wasn’t until she was within eyesight of the walls of her own home that she realized she still clutched the ring she’d been given. Her eyes went wide. She’d just stolen a ring from the only person who’d ever been kind to her.

 

Using the athleticism her new body gave her, she quickly scaled the wall of her home, and slipped back into her room. It was exactly as she’d left it, with the exception of the two remaining hazelnuts that were now sitting on her bed rather than on the floor. 

 

Standing in her room again, the reality of her situation crystalized before her. She was not a girl. She couldn’t be a girl. No matter how much she wished she could be a girl, she clearly wasn’t, Why did the world have to be so rigid? 

 

With a heavy sigh, Sid began to strip off the clothes he wore. As he pulled his hands from the gloves, they returned to their mannish-look, and with disgust rising in the pit of his stomach he looked away. And didn’t look at his body that seemed increasingly wrong, even after he’d removed the rest of the clothes. He stared at the pile of greens and browns that now sat on his floor. It almost mocked him. He thought he could just run away from this life. 

 

Almost as a sickening reminder, he heard the instantly recognizable sounds of his step-mother coming up the stairs. In a moment of panic, he shoved the hunting clothes under his bed, then sat down waiting for whatever punishment would be he was about to receive. 

 

Surprisingly, she didn’t slam the door open, so he was surprised when he looked up to see his caregiver standing there, a grim look on her face. 

 

“Sid,” she paused, judging him with harsh eyes, “Your brothers and I will be leaving for the ball soon. And you will not be accompanying us. If you had been a more respectful and obedient child, perhaps I would have allowed you to come along. I will not be having you ruining our chances at courting the princess. One of my sons will wed her, do you understand me?” 

 

Sid nodded, suspicion staining his mind. She was rarely this level with him. 

 

“However, I know you’ve been trying your best to work hard. Even if your work is terrible. Because of that, I am giving you two choices. The first is that you will remain in your room here, and I will ensure that you do so.” She lightly tapped the key ring she always kept on her side. “Or, because I have given the night off to all of the servants, you can clean the house in their stead. And to make that option equally as appealing to your lazy self, I’ll allow you to have dinner. I expect your answer within five minutes.” 

 

His step-mother slammed the door on her way out, leaving Sid alone with his anxieties. A mess of thoughts filled his head. He had never wanted to go to the ball. He’d never been planning on it. But meeting the princess, Temi, the beautiful, strong girl, had changed his mind. But he couldn’t go. She expected a girl to appear. And all he was was a gross, ugly boy who wished he was a girl. If being locked in his room meant no fire and no food, there really was only option. So he stepped out of the attic and went to find his step-mother. 

 

He quickly found her in his old room, with two maids helping her put on an overly-designed dress. Sid didn’t have a lot of opinions on fashion, but the gold-colored fabric with bright green accents felt gaudy. It certainly didn’t look comfortable. She spied him out of the corner of her eye, and maneuvered herself around to look at him. “Well?” 

 

“I’ll try my hand at the cleaning, ma’am.”

 

She rolled her eyes. “Fine. Make sure that the kitchens are thoroughly scrubbed. If I so much as find a crumb on the floor, I will not be happy. Also, you will be cleaning the fireplaces around the house as well. All of that soot is bad for my complexion.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

 

“There is a mop and bucket in the pantry. You may use that.” She waved one of her ringed fingers at him. “Now be away, you’re distracting me.” 

 

Sid quickly scurried away, not wanting to be in the presence of that hellish woman any longer than he had to be. He quickly found the cleaning supplies she’d mentioned and began to mentally process how he wanted to tackle this challenge. Most of the staff had already left, or at least been move elsewhere, so the only people who were left were a few of the handmaids and manservants for the other people in the manor, and a few cooks finishing last minute dishes in the kitchen. 

 

That was where he decided to start his night of cleaning. It was warm there, all the residual heat from the ovens. And, if the cooks ever had their backs turned, he could probably steal one of the pastries that was intended for the ball. He went to one of the unlit fireplaces in the room, found a brush to scrub with and began his work. 

 

He barely conjured a thought as he worked for the better part of an hour. And one by one, the cooks in the room left, until he was alone, quietly scrubbing. His peace was shattered when a voice ‘ahem’d’ behind him. He turned to see his step-mother, with her two sons flanking her. 

 

“Now don’t dawdle, sid. I want this house spotless by the time we come home. You never know. We might be hosting the princess, once she chooses one of your brothers.” 

 

Clovus grinned with that smile he always assumed was slick. “Maybe I’ll let you see her tits after I bed her. Wait, no, a girl like you would probably prefer to see a dick anyways.” He laughed cruelly, and Sid wished the step-brother’s comment had been less hurtful. Why would he even want to see a man like that? He hated his own as much as any normal man does.

 

With a flourish of their brightly coloured doublets, capes, and gowns, the three people disappeared to the carriage that would whisk them away to the ball. And finally, Ash was left alone. 

 

Wait! He shook himself. Sid, not Ash. Sid. He couldn’t be Ash. 

 

Once he finished with that fireplace, he moved to one in another room. Once again, kneeling on the hard stone and rubbing at the blackness that covered everything. He tried again to quiet his thoughts. To slip back into that trance-like state that he’d been in earlier but no matter what, it didn’t seem like his mind could quiet. Every turn of the thought “Why is this so unfair” pushed him closer and closer to crying. Until finally he finished the second fire place, and the tears began to pour.

 

They wouldn’t stop. He tried to rub at them. Pinch himself. Scream. Anything to stop the torrent of emotions that he felt. Why couldn’t he go the ball? Why couldn’t he have a family that loved him? Why was he so alone? Why couldn’t he have been born a girl?

 

He hadn’t even sat down at the third fireplace when a sobering thought stopped his spiral of tears. The magic hazelnuts. He had two left. Even if they only gave him solace for one more night in this blasted house, he would use them. 

 

Dropping the brush and bucket with a clatter on the stone floor, Sid rushed upstairs, not wanting to wait a second longer to become Ash once again.