After the momentary high, came the crash. The chaos of the events of the day, the clash of all the skills, both those I knew and those I didn’t know about, was just too much, something had to give. I passed out.

…

When I came to, it was once again night. 

… What. The hell. Was that. All of it! Firstly, my new improved meditation method? Complete bust! It nearly killed me! Or made me me kill myself! Also, the moment where I started talking to myself, and in a way enjoying my own suffering gives me creeps. It’s a fucking bust!

Well, no, not really. It would be easy to forget, that it’s the only reason I could fight at all. While it’s unlikely mother would let me die, even if I started behaving bizarrely due to being controlled, what about next time? I don’t believe she will stay with me forever. And even if she would, do I really want to live attached to her like a parasite?

No, instead of blaming it, I should think of ways to improve the situation. Develop new techniques! Train! Level up!

…

…

…

I can’t. I need a break.

Mental health is important, and In my case, it’s not doing especially well. Suddenly I remembered what I saw during the fight. 

“How about taking a peek at the world that I’m stuck in?”

I activated meditation, and slowly took my head out of the shell. It was dark outside, though a moon was giving enough light for me to not feel at risk. As it was the night, my siblings were asleep. My mother seems to have noticed me, and after looking at me wagged her tail for a moment, then seeing me just looking around, went back to the state of half rest, half guarding.

I moved a bit further away, making sure to still be within the protection of the surrounding roots, but far away so that I could try disabling the meditation and just… feeling. Being.

I found a nice spot, with sight on the nearby lake. For the first time in a long time I just relaxed. The water was relatively calm due to low winds. I could not “see” very far, both due to darkness and my snake eyes, but there were other senses that filled the gap. I could smell the characteristic smell of water and wet ground. I could hear leaves moving when the wind blew. 

Finally, there was my soul sight. The whole forest seemed ablaze with small sparks and embers surrounding me. A galaxy of lives, small comets of flying insects trying to find a mate, planets of fish, swimming in the sea, and stars of big animals, rarely scattered throughout. In the far distance, I could see a glow of something big, much bigger than anything else in the whole forest, a dangerous black hole of this small universe, which I knew to avoid. From time to time, a small comet would burn out, after meeting with a larger body, a reminder of the constant struggle for survival happening.

But for now, I had my peace. 

Reisinling

Next dream we go back to more mythical stuff.