“No, no more!” Changling said as he glared at the eunuch in front of him who placed down more books for him to go over.

“Your highness please. Just these few and you are done for the morning,” he pleaded.

Changling stood up with a shake of his head, “I said no and it means no! Don’t follow me, I’m going to Youxian. I haven’t seen him for so long. I don’t even know if he is alive.”

He made his way out of the palace in large strides and glared at the servants, who tried to follow him.

When he arrived at his old palace, he paused and felt guilty. Looking around he realised, ‘It’s been so long, I wonder does he still knows what my body feels like. Does he still want me?’

Suddenly, a crash came from the palace, making his heart jump to his throat. He reached the door, but it didn’t budge. Thinking that something was happening to his Youxian instincts kicked in and he rushed around the palace. When he saw the boulder around the back, he rushed up to it, jumped on then climbed over the wall in his white royal robe.

Dusting off the robe as he walked around, he looked for Youxian but couldn’t see him on this side of the yard. He made his way to the bedroom chamber but stopped in his steps when he smelled something delicious in the air. Confused, he made his way to the kitchen stealthily and the closer he got, the stranger things seemed.

It was silent, but there was a sound, a humming sound. 

It was evident someone was cooking, but who could it be? Youxian didn’t know how to cook, or that’s what he thought.

Standing by the doorway, he saw Youxian walking around with his robe hanging loosely around him while he was eating with his hands cooked fish. Youxian then moved to the boiling stove and opened the lid. Inside was a stew of fish balls and fish head. 

He watched Youxian cook silently on the side and noticed too that he put on some weight, too much for his licking, in fact, especially around his thighs, hips and stomach.

Youxian, who was minding his business, continued to hum. He dished up the food then carried the plates to the eating area, seeming to know his way around the palace with ease.

Sitting down, he stopped humming and looked up at the sky, thinking, ‘It’s almost time. Do you think he’ll miss me once I’m gone?’

Changling suddenly appeared in front of Youxian, who was still staring up at the sky. He waited for Youxian to notice him, but he only briefly looked at him, then started eating.

Confused, he asked, “Is this how you greet me?”

“I always see you. What do you want this time?” Youxian answered blandly.

Changling was even more confused. He sat down opposite him and stared for a moment. Watching Youxian, it almost seemed as though his appearance here was an annoyance.

Youxian’s guard came from behind the tree and looked at Changling. He had been watching him since he entered the palace and dreaded not telling Changling that Youxian had been hallucinating recently.

But it would be interesting to see where this would go…

“Youxian, look at me,” Changling commanded him.

Youxian sighed. He placed his hand on his stomach. Changling’s voice sounded so near to him, even though he had forgotten that deep voice that tortured him from time to time.

“Why? You’ll just disappear again,” Youxian said.

Changling didn’t like what was happening. He grabbed the chopsticks from Youxian’s hand, giving him a fright.

Youxian stared at him, momentarily confused.

“What’s gotten into you? I’m here. What are you saying?” Changling said as he placed the chopsticks back in Youxian’s hand.

Youxiang looked at the hand that was holding his, then looked at Changling. His eyes began to water. He could feel the warmth from the other’s hand, and it was just unbelievable. How long had it been since the last time he saw this man? He didn’t even attend the wedding due to his heart not being able to handle all of this, nevertheless, his fear of what will happen when they all find out about his condition.

“Cha, Changling?” He confirmed.

Changling came from around the table and placed his hand on Youxian’s, feeling as if he was okay, but there were no signs of a fever.

Youxian took Changling’s hand away and stood up. He stared at him and asked, “Are you really here?”

Changling nodded his head as he stared at the tears in Youxian’s eyes. “Why is it that you don’t believe I am here?”

Youxian crashed into Changling’s chest and held onto him for dear life. It was almost as if someone had harmed Youxian and was holding onto his saviour with hope of being rescued.

“You, you’ve been gone so long. I thought it was my imagination. I’ve seen you so many times, but it was never real,” he said as he sobbed.

“Fuck!” Changling cursed as he hugged Youxian. Now the guilt he felt before was overflowing more. It’s been a month since his coronation and with him being so busy after the wedding, finding out about the pregnancy. The constant meetings and meals shared with officials, it almost seems as though his father put up a wall between him and Youxian.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to come back home,” he said.

Youxiang opened his eyes, thinking, ‘I wish you’d never come back. My heart’s not strong enough.’

Pulling away from him, he gazed into Changling’s eyes and saw that they were glossy. He chuckled as he wiped Changling’s eyes and said, “No, I understand. You’re the Crown Prince now, the future emperor. Of course, you’ll be busy.”

Those words made him feel force. Holding Youxian’s hands against his cheek, he said, “No, I’m a piece of shit. I never meant for things to go this far.”

Youxian chuckled, he pulled his hands away saying, “Have a seat, we have much to catch on. How long do you have before you must leave?”

Changling sat down as he said, “What makes you think I’m going to leave?”

Youxian shook his head. All the words would be a knife to his heart. It was better to keep them to himself. He didn’t want things to end on a bad note for them.

Smiling at him, he said, “Well, I’ve been left here for far too long. I thought I would die, so I had one of the kitchen maids-in-waiting to help me in the kitchen and learnt from her. Your sisters have been busy so I’ve been lonely, but my guard keeps me company. Sometimes we share meals and he updates me on your wellbeing.”

Changling listened to him but didn’t touch Youxian’s food. There wasn’t much to feed them both and Youxian didn’t feed him. But just listening to his voice was comforting, and he missed it so much.

“I’ll get someone to co…”

“Don’t bother, I’m used to being alone now, although I miss all of you. Your mother sends me gifts now and then and letters telling me not to think too much about what’s happening. I understand it all, but I can’t help but miss the person I love,” he said, interrupting Changling.

“Youxian I…”

“Don’t worry about it. I used to keep myself busy with my duties in the army, but now I… I just enjoy the sun and birds singing,” Youxian said.

Changling stared at him. It looked like Youxian didn’t want to hear his excuses. 

Taking Youxian’s hands in his, he said, “Listen to me.”

“Then speak,” he said.

“I never stopped thinking about your,” Changling said.

Youxian was silent for a moment and although he tried to keep his thoughts to himself, “I heard you’re going to become a father. Congratulations, your highness.”

Changling’s heart dropped to his stomach. “Youxian I…”

“It’s only natural that she is pregnant with your child, but what I do not understand is how could you get her pregnant before your marriage? Others may not disagree with your choices, but known that you had sex with her and me at the same time makes me just feel disgusted,” he said.

“Youxian, listen to me,” Changling said. He doesn’t know what just happened or why he was feeling so anxious, but hearing him say this, he wanted Youxian to find out from him. Who could’ve told him about her pregnancy? Was it the guard?

Youxian shook his head, “No Changling. You made my body answer to you and only you. You took me away from what I knew and just deserted me. I’m stuck here like a prisoner and I haven’t even shown my face to anyone because I’m embarrassed. I chose you and yet look where I am today. Abandoned, heartbroken, and lifeless. I swear if he wasn’t here to watch me, I probably would have killed myself and no one would have known until you came today.”

Changling slapped his hand against the table, frightening Youxian. To Changling, Youxian had just been babbling on about himself. “It’s not like I didn’t do any of this for you! Fuck, if I knew things would end up like this, I would’ve never come here.”

“So, why did you come? I missed you, yes, but did you really think I wouldn’t reflect on our life? The days are going by so slowly now, you wouldn’t even think it’s been three years since you forced yourself into my life. You know what, why don’t you go back to your Crown Princess because the person sitting in front of isn’t the man who loves me,” Youxian said.

Changling was confused. Why would he say this? How could he be someone else? He was himself. “I am myself Youxian.”

Youxian shook his head with a listless smile. He picked up the chopsticks and continued eating. Changling had started speaking, but his words fell on deaf ears.

Seeing that Youxian had stopped paying attention to him, he left. He was upset, but upset at the truth.

The guard walked out from the shadows and sat down opposite Youxian. Staring at him, he asked, “Why were you so mean to him? You haven’t seen him in so long?”

Youxian looked at him, asking, “Why did he come here?”

“Because he wanted to see you. Who knows when you’ll see him again?” He asked.

Youxian sighed, “I don’t need you to defend your boss, Wulin.”

Han Wulin chuckled and shook his head, “You had the chance to tell him, why didn’t you?”

Youxian stared at Wulin for a moment. He had a question he had been wanting to ask him the whole time, but he was unsure of asking him before. “I think I’ve made up my mind about everything after seeing Changling today.”

Wulin nodded his head, “Before you tell me that, I want to ask. What do you mean when you say that he wasn’t the one who loved you?”

Youxian chuckled, “The Changling who loves me would have smacked me after disrespecting him and who knows made me have a miscarriage with his organ of destruction.”

Wulin nodded his head slowly as he thought of how peaceful Changling has been. “Yes, he hasn’t done any of the usual. It’s almost as if he is a different person.”

“He’s someone I don’t want to be around anymore. I’m not going to wait for him nor expect anything from him.” Youxian said as he looked at Wulin.

The two of them stared in silence. Wulin had learnt about Youxian’s condition after he fell sick my times and refused to see a physician. After Youxian came clean about it, they’ve been visiting an outside physician who has sworn to secrecy, especially since no one knew that Youxian was from the palace.

“I want you to be my child’s father,” Youxian came out and said.

Wulin stared at him. He was already keeping so many secrets from Changling who paid his wages. What would happen when Changling found out about this?

He’d pull the skin from Wulin’s body.

Youxian told him that he was planning on leaving the palace because he didn’t want to die. It is strange to know that something is growing inside Youxian and he didn’t know what to do. He was told to protect Youxian at all costs even from Changling himself but with this…

“Will you do it?” Youxian asked.

Wulin looked at him as he was pulled from his thoughts, “You’re asking me to do the same as your in-laws did? Are you not worried about my safety if I agree to doing this?”

“Wulin, you’d die if I poisoned you or if Changling finds out that I left. Come with me and help me look after the child. I don’t know if I can do it alone and how long do you already know about my child and yet you haven’t told its father?” Youxian said as he squeezed the chopsticks anxiously.

“I can’t stay here any longer,” He said, talking to himself.

Wulin sighed. He was at a loss here. He felt so sorry for Youxian and from all the talk in the palace about Youxian, it would be better if he didn’t live here anymore.

Chuckling, he said, “Who knew I’d feel sorry for you?”

“I’m pitiful, I know, but it’s for the best,” Youxian said.