"Wow," Derek said, "that has to be a world record for ruining a D&D game."

He groaned, sagging behind his dungeon master's screen.

"Maybe," Pat said, "we'd actually have a fun game if it weren't for some of us deciding it would be fun to play a chaotically aligned character in a game with good aligned characters."

"Hey," Rykker said, "Felix was neutral."

"I'm not neutral when you guys set the forest on fire," Felix said.

"Oh come on nature boy," Pat said, "can't you play any other characters than Mr. Lorax elf?"

"No," Felix said tersely.

"Are we seriously going to start over?" Rykker asked.

Derek sighed. "Yep. You guys kill yourselves, you pay the consequences."

"I am not making a new character," Pat said.

"You know the rules," Derek said, "you don't make a new character, then you don't play."

Pat clenched his jaw. "Fine, then I'm gonna play as a bard."

"Yuck," Derek said, "but whatever. I'm gonna keep a close eye on you. If you try to distract a dragon from a fight by trying to sell him a time share I'll have you roasted alive."

Pat smirked. "But only if I fail the skill check."

Felix saw the light return to Pat's eyes as he pulled out a new character sheet. There was always a wicked look on his face, always trying to pull something over on the group. He was probably mostly pissed because he'd been making some elaborate plan to betray the group.

Rykker begrudgingly pulled out a new character sheet of his own.

"Felix?"

Felix looked up at Derek.

"I'm not going to let you just play as the same character again."

"Oh c'mon Derek," Felix said, "I really like being a ranger."

"But you always choose the same personality every time," Derek complained. "It's usually only a slight variation on your last ranger."

"But I'm not very skilled at other classes," Felix said.

"Just give it a try," Derek urged. "You could be a Paladin or something."

"Do you really want me to do that though?" Felix asked. "All I'm gonna do is hurt the party."

"I think a Paladin is a great fit for you," Pat said as he filled out his character sheet, "the self righteousness is a perfect match."

Felix nearly tossed his box of brand new dice at Pat, then grumbled.

"Please Derek?" Felix pleaded, "I'll do anything... like... what if I played as a girl instead?"

That got a chuckle out of his friends. "You sure?" Derek asked.

"Um," Felix said hesitantly, "yeah."

"And let me guess...," Derek rolled his eyes slightly, "you want to be a human or elf?"

"Yeah," Felix said, "other races are weird or gross."

"Racist," Rykker said. He tended towards weirder D&D creatures.

"Whatever," Derek said. "We've already lost our gameplay session for today. Just make sure that you have your characters ready by tomorrow."

"Oh c'mon," Pat said, "I'm sure we can create characters in time -"

"For fifteen minutes of gameplay?" Derek finished, "no, let's just call it. Maybe if you guys actually put some effort into your characters you wouldn't feel careless about throwing them into dangerous situations."

Felix sighed, annoyed that he was going to have to go out of his comfort zone. Doing new things wasn't fun. Why else was he a hermit in his friends' basements when he could be doing something like looking for someone to invite to the school dance?

He forlornly packed up his D&D stuff, and began his way up the stairs. Felix said bye to his friends, smiling as Pat and Derek squabbled over Pat blatantly trying to break the rules.

****

"So how was the game?" Mom asked as they began eating.

"Well," Felix said, swallowing a bite of his burger, "Rykker decided he wanted to play as a 'flunkee wizard' from a magical college who couldn't control his fire. When Derek was introducing my character, Rykker accidentally set the forest on fire."

"Oh dear," Mom said.

"And," Felix added, "Derek had planned for a monster to attack us right after I was introduced, so the fire only angered it."

Mom laughed, "of course."

She leaned over to his side of the table. "Mind if I steal a few of your fries?"

Felix smiled, "no."

Mom grabbed a few of his fries, and he set down his burger for a moment.

"So because we're all dead now, Derek is forcing us to make new characters."

"Ugh, that's too bad Felix," Mom said. "That's the worst thing in dungeons and dragons, when people do things that treat it like a competition and not a way to have fun."

"Yeah," Felix agreed.

This was something he loved about his Mom. She was just as big a nerd as he was. She was the only girl who cared about his imaginary adventures.

"It was more of a crummy DM this time though," Felix said.

"So now you need to make a new character?" she asked.

Felix nodded, but with a pained expression. "Derek is mad that I'm so dead set on being a ranger."

Mom laughed. "Why fight when you can just sneak past the enemy?"

"Darn right," Felix replied, giving his Mom a fist bump.

"So what are you going to choose then if you can't be a ranger?"

"Actually," Felix said, "I'm still going to be a ranger."

"Oh? And what will be different?"

Felix looked down bashfully. "Well... I'm going to play as a girl."

Mom giggled. "Well, from what it sounds like, you're good at roleplaying. I'm sure you'll do great."

"Playing as a girl just feels weird to me."

Mom shrugged. "Why?"

"Because.... I'm playing as a girl...," he said, confused why she wasn't getting it.

"Oh," she smiled, "I'm sure it'll be fun. You'll do a good job.... Fern."

She grinned at the last part.

"Fern?"

Her grin widened. "I have a little idea for what you could do."