Ying Zhen and Laryana both stared at the estate, unable to believe what they saw. While Laryana was caught up in how the building looked, Ying Zhen’s thoughts were still on how they had suddenly switched to another place.
He turned to Laryana, trying to get some kind of answer from her. Hadn’t she said that he would return to the battlefield again until he was able to accept what had happened? Clearly, that couldn’t have happened yet.
Laryana pulled herself out of her horror and turned to look at Ying Zhen as well. He didn’t need to ask out loud for her to understand. The situation was too strange. She even wanted to say that she didn’t understand either but she knew that Ying Zhen expected more than that. She was a part of the underworld after all. She should at least try to think of a possible reason. "Most likely … you already accepted it."
Ying Zhen’s brows furrowed. "But I didn’t do anything. I didn’t even return there after the third time. How could that have happened?" He really didn’t believe that this was the explanation.
Laryana also felt that it was a little far-fetched to assume that but it had to be the case. She looked behind them, trying to find some kind of clue. She had seen the blood on the ground lessen with each time he went through the illusion but it had been far from being extinguished. She would have expected that he would need at least another half a dozen times before he had a chance to make his peace with what had happened.
But come to think of it … She turned back to him, her gaze more inquisitive than before. "What exactly did you regret?" Maybe that was what they had gotten wrong.
Ying Zhen furrowed his brows. What kind of question was this? They had talked about this at length so he felt her words to be superfluous. "Of course it is not having been able to save Wu Rong."
"Only that?"
Ying Zhen raised his brows, clearly unhappy with her insistence on this line of questioning.
Laryana didn’t back off though. She felt that she might have grasped onto something there, some deeper truth that even Ying Zhen himself had not managed to see before. "Was there anything else in the battle? Something you wanted to do or … not do?"
"Something I wanted to do or not?" Ying Zhen turned to the plain behind them as well and gazed at the sky of the underworld that seemed to be dotted with gray clouds. It didn’t seem much different from the clouds that had hung over the battlefield just that the lightning and thunder were missing.
Thinking back, he naturally couldn’t deny that there were things like that. He had seen many good warriors die in front of his eyes. Wu Rong was one of those whose death had enraged him the most because he knew him better than others and also knew just what he could do for their people. But that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t have liked to save the others as well or take revenge for them so their souls would be able to rest in peace.
This was something that he knew but he didn’t understand how that was supposed to make a difference. He had fought on that illusionary battlefield three times. Each time, he had killed countless gods. Why would it change now that he hadn’t done anything?
Ying Zhen furrowed his brows more tightly at that thought and tilted his head to the side. Maybe he was thinking about this the wrong way. The outcome shouldn’t change by doing nothing. Thus, the only logical explanation was that it had changed when he made his way through the last battle. There should have been something different there, something that had changed the outcome without him knowing.
Ying Zhen closed his eyes, understanding already dawning on him. He knew what it was: The warning. He hadn’t fought like a berserker to get to him in time, he hadn’t tried to push Wu Rong to safety, he had only issued a warning so that he could save himself. And still, it hadn’t changed a thing.
He gulped and took a shaky breath before he opened his eyes and turned to the woman next to him. "I warned him," he explained in a low voice. "In the battle with the gods … in the true battle … I thought for the blink of an eye that he might not have fallen if I had issued a warning. I figured I was too late and afterward, I regretted."
"And now you did." She smiled and this time, she grabbed his arm. "It wouldn’t have changed anything," she said it aloud, confirming what Ying Zhen had already thought to himself. "Regardless of whether you had warned him or tried to help him otherwise, it wouldn’t have made a difference. He would have lost his life in this battle, at that very moment you witnessed. It wasn’t your fault. It was merely his fate."
Ying Zhen tilted his head back and stared up at the murky sky. Fate … What was that, really? Was it really this unchangeable thing that they could only succumb to? Then what was he doing here? If it was fate for the warriors to die in that battle, then maybe it was also the fate of the demons to finally die. As much as he loathed that thought, it might be the truth. And yet … yet, he was unwilling to give up.
He watched on as the wind blew the clouds past them and grazed the roof of the estate in front. The only sound that could be heard was the gurgling of a creek in the courtyard.
"Not my fault." Ying Zhen repeated Laryana’s words out loud. He had known that. After all, everyone was on their own in that kind of battle. You would try to look out for each other but you could only go so far when your own life was on the line. And while he had noticed Wu Rong’s plight, he had been locked in his own battle at that time and hadn’t been able to help in time. He had known that and yet, he had still found fault with himself.
He had thought that he could have done something different. He had thought that with just a little more haste, by fighting more quickly, by being more vigilant in his observation, or calling out once could have changed Wu Rong’s outcome. Now, his soul path had given him the opportunity to try all of that.
He had fought quickly and lost his own life by being too hasty. He had evaded the fights and only focused on Wu Rong and had once again paid the price of his life. He had chosen an approach in-between and still, while he had kept his life, Wu Rong still lost his. In the end, he could never save him no matter what he did. In the worst case, he would only add himself to the mountains of dead bodies on the ground.
Yes, as much as it hurt, as cruel as it was, it had been destined for Wu Rong to lose his life that day and nothing he did or tried could ever change that. He shouldn’t have been surprised. Even the gods couldn’t win against fate. What was bound to happen would happen. Your own struggles mattered little in the face of what destiny had decreed.
That thought did make him doubt what he was currently doing but he still wasn’t willing to give up. To triumph over death … Maybe it was indeed impossible. But just like he had done with Wu Rong’s death in those illusory battles, he wasn’t willing to step back from this path without trying.
Who knew? Maybe it was also fate that he would be able to save his comrades and the demons. He didn’t know but he knew how he could find out.
He looked up at the gates in front of them and determination entered his eyes. As long as he followed this path, he would be able to find the answers to his questions. If he failed, then at the very least, he could return to his people and say that he had tried everything. Even if they were indeed to meet their demise, he wouldn’t have given up without a fight. That was the way a warrior like him should live his life.
"Let’s go. This … should be easier to let go of." He couldn’t say so for sure but he had the faint feeling that this would be the case. After all, the part of his life that this estate was related to was from a long time ago already. It wasn’t as fresh in his mind as the battle he had only fought today and was more of a faint hint of pain hidden away deep in his heart. Thus, he couldn’t believe that this should be any harder than what had happened before and maybe even the rest of his soul path would be easier to overcome as the same should be true for whatever else he was confronted by.
Unfortunately, guilt and regret couldn’t be measured in time and Ying Zhen had not in the least experienced the full scale of emotions he would be confronted with on his soul path. In fact, in the truest sense of the word, his soul was only at the beginning of its journey.
