15 Tough to Live up to
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Ying Zhen looked at her, not sure what to do. This time, she wasn’t crying but her expression was so desolate that he almost hoped she would. At the very least, he could have tried to console her then but now, without a single tear spilling from her eyes, he didn’t dare to say a thing.

Laryana lowered her head, her mind once again wandering back to that day she had last seen Heidan. Even though she had known that he was on his way to Heaven and that his relationship with his brother was not good, she never would have thought that he wouldn’t return. The possibility hadn’t crossed her mind for a single moment.

She raised her gaze back to Ying Zhen, a certain determination in it. “That time … what happened?” She knew he was dead. She knew his soul had to have been obliterated for him to never return to the Underworld himself. But she didn’t know the full truth. She felt like she should though. Yes, she should at least find out what had happened. She owed Heidan that much.

Ying Zhen stopped in his tracks, feeling uncomfortable all over. Clearly, Laryana had somehow believed until the day he arrived and told her the opposite that Heidan was still alive. And obviously, she had been close to him even though Ying Zhen still couldn’t figure out if those feelings she held for Heidan were love or something else. To tell her the full truth of what had happened … he wasn’t sure if he could do it.

He had grown up in a world of bloody conflict and he usually did not mince his words. But at the same time, he wasn’t cruel. And he had to admit that in front of a woman like Laryana, he wanted to tell such a story even less though.

He turned away and sighed deeply. He knew he wouldn’t get around telling her some kind of truth. He could only tell her as little as possible and hope that she would accept it. “Much of the story was surely lost to time. The demons have preserved as much of that knowledge as they could since we are honoring him as our ancestor. To put it lightly, he was killed by the other High Gods.”

“But why?” This was what she still could not figure out. The conflict between the gods and the demons now stemmed from that but even back at that time, what reason could the other gods have had to kill Heidan?

It wasn’t like anyone was vying for the position of leading the Underworld. In all these years since Heidan vanished, not one of the High Gods had stepped foot in this place. They detested the Underworld and thought it dirty. Why dispose of the person in charge of it who was running it without complaint?

The longer she thought about it, the less she understood. She looked at Ying Zhen with her brow furrowed, hoping to find some kind of answer from him. “What did my master do to deserve this?”

Ying Zhen felt even worse when she asked him like this but, in the end, he could only sigh. “He did nothing to deserve this. He simply had the bad luck to be hated by the wrong person. In Heaven, among the High Gods, everyone listens to the command of Kaashuang. And he … he never was fond of Heidan. For it to end like this though, I guess nobody expected it. Maybe not even Heidan himself.”

Laryana clenched her hands into fists. “So it was Kaashuang?”

“The one who ordered his death? Yes, it was him.” As for the reason that had been given … he’d rather not let her hear it. “None among the other High Gods stood up for him though and they all stood aside as Kaashuang wielded his blade.”

Laryana nodded, even though she felt sick to her stomach. Kaashuang was Heidan’s own brother. To think he would go this far … No matter how bad their relationship had been, she never would have expected it to end like this.

Heidan probably didn’t do so either. Otherwise, he surely would not have gone that day and stayed in the Underworld instead. This was his realm, after all, and while his strength soared in the Underworld, Kaashuang’s was diminished. He couldn’t have done anything to him at this place.

She took a deep breath before looking into Ying Zhen’s eyes again. There was one more thing she needed to make sure of. Even though she had figured it out on her own, she needed to know for sure. “Then what of his soul?”

Ying Zhen lowered his gaze, feeling that this whole conversation seemed even more daunting than his own soul path. “It was destroyed by Kaashuang as well.”

Laryana nodded. She had expected nothing else. She had simply wanted to hear it from somebody she could trust so she would be able to accept it. “I figured it was like this.”

Ying Zhen nodded as well. He didn’t add anything, not wanting her to think about it further. He couldn’t help but faintly raise his hands though, looking at the white skin.

Laryana did not know but what was known as the gods and demons of Kishin was a product made from the bones of the master she revered. Yes, the first of them had literally been formed from the dust that remained after they had been ground. But that was a truth too horrifying to mention to her.

He lowered his hands again and motioned ahead. “I am sorry for what happened and I wish I could help you somehow. But with how much time has passed … I am afraid there is nothing left to do.”

Laryana gave a hum and silently followed him again. She also knew this. She didn’t even know why she so stubbornly insisted on knowing everything. It couldn’t bring Heidan back or undo what had happened to him. But then, this seemed to be how people were. Hadn’t Ying Zhen said something very similar not too long ago?

When Laryana thought of it this way, maybe what she was doing was not too strange. Maybe this was simply what one did when a person close to one’s heart left forever. Maybe until the very end, until you walked your own soul path, you would never give up on knowing everything.

She looked around the path to the Underworld that she had seen so often in the past. For once, she could not help but wonder what it would be like if she had her own soul path. Yes, if she could lay down her life and walk toward those majestic gates, what would she see? Would Heidan be among those she saw?

She smiled to herself at that thought. Who should he be among? Other than him, Lady Xingula, and Nilam, there was nobody in her life. If she had a soul path, then these three people were the only ones she would see. Well, other than Ying Zhen maybe. They hadn’t known each other for long yet but it might be long enough for a short appearance. She should be thankful for that.

Laryana couldn’t help but glance up at him, her gaze brushing over that familiar profile. He really looked a lot like Heidan. It wasn’t just a passing resemblance. Otherwise, she never would have mistaken him even after so many years. No, she was more familiar with Heidan’s face than even her own. To mistake another man for him, it wasn’t wrong to say that that man looked almost identical.

Ying Zhen turned his face toward her, not sure how to behave under her gaze. This wasn’t the first time she had looked at him like that but it was the longest. By now, he really couldn’t ignore it. He faintly cleared his throat, trying to drive away some of the awkwardness. “What’s the matter?”

Laryana tilted her head, not sure how to say it. “You … you do look a lot like him.”

Ying Zhen gave a hum. Even though stories had been passed down, those were just some tales. He had no idea how Heidan had looked so he could only take her at her word. Somehow, he felt a bit vexed though. It was one thing to be mistaken at first but to have her bring it up again … it seemed a bit wrong. Well, he also had to admit that he might have more trouble accepting it the longer he knew her.

Ying Zhen tried not to think too deeply about this change in his behavior and instead smiled faintly, trying to cover up his feelings. “To be able to look like the High God Heidan himself, I can count myself lucky. It’s a pity I am living in times like this. Otherwise, there would have to be many a woman throwing her handkerchief toward me.”

Laryana looked at him, clearly puzzled. “Why would they throw things at you?”

Ying Zhen wanted to explain but suddenly felt even more awkward. It had originally been meant as a joke but if she didn’t get it … He really couldn’t bring himself to spell out for her that he had just called himself so handsome women would flock to him and hand him their intimate items. It just … it seemed wrong.

He cleared his throat and once again motioned into the distance. “Never mind. We still need to finish this journey. So far, I haven’t found any of the others and who knows how long the rest of my soul path will be? It’s better to hurry now than to regret one more thing later.”

Laryana didn’t mind either way and simply followed along. Even though she felt that he could have explained himself on the way, he figured that he wanted to survey his surroundings to ensure he wouldn’t miss any clues. Thus, she kept silent instead.

Ying Zhen still felt awkward but when Laryana didn’t say anything about it, he simply pushed the thought away, only reminding himself not to joke like that again in front of her. Obviously, she wouldn’t get it. Not to mention that she didn’t know about the life of the demons and the lower gods, that kind of humor was acquired. And where should she have gotten it from? The High God Heidan?

He tried to imagine that kind of dignified person joking about their own appearance and failed miserably. No, even though he hadn’t known him and not much was passed down, he was sure that Heidan hadn’t been that kind of person. As for how he had been …

He glanced at Laryana and figured that he might have a good guess. Heidan had created her and taught her over the years. Surely, most of her thoughts and mannerisms had been picked up from him. There was also what she had said about Heidan before. Taking all of this together, Heidan should have been a calm and collected man with patience and a deep love for the people around him. He was somebody who wanted to help others and enjoyed the liveliness and bustling of the world even if he could have no part in it.

That kind of man … it was hard to live up to.

Ying Zhen pressed his lips together, reminding himself that he didn’t need to live up to Heidan in the first place. So what if he looked similar? So what if there was a woman here who really struck his fancy and seemed better and better the longer he looked at her?

At the end of the day, he was still Ying Zhen of the demon clan, the last remaining warrior of their race. Whether he succeeded in freeing the others or not, after this was over, he would return to the world above while Laryana would stay here, continuing to form those lanterns on her small stretch of land further up on the path to the Underworld. The two of them were from different worlds and no amount of wishful thinking could change that.

No, after he left here, the next time they would see each other would be after his own demise which would undoubtedly not be far off. Since he knew this, why even bother? It was better not to think about it or do anything that could make her realize. Otherwise, he would only cause her unnecessary hurt and she had clearly endured more than enough of that already.

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