Three adventurers squared off against a towering Minotaur. One wore the garb of a pious person, though her blackened Horns and blood-red skin was a striking contrast to her white robes and gold cross.
She sent off a burst of holy light to aid her diminutive comrade tanking the huge chopping blows from the beast.

"[Lesser Heal]!"

The Ironclad dwarf with his ironclad shield Grunted as another brutal cleave landed squarely on his square shield.

"Thanks Tah'Styr, [Concussive Targe]!"

The three-foot tall shield crashed into the cowman’s legs and sent the cloven hooved figure staggering back.

"Your turn Onimous!"

The last figure was hooded, and clad in tight dark leather with enough buckles on it to let people know his armor wasn't going anywhere. He was also armed with a sword as tall as he was.

"Already on it Fahkir!"

The leather-bound swordsman slinked behind the stumbling Minotaur and prepared his attack.

"[Backstab]!"

With the staggering speed of a mobility scooter, the longsword impaled the beast's chest, ending its unfortunate life.

 

The stout statue of a stubby dwarf pumped his fist in the air, his enthusiasm apparent.

 

"FUCK YEAH! LOOOOOOT!"

 

The edge Lord with a long edge opened his inventory to check his RNG'ed loot drop.

 

-Well, the stats are good at least-

I Onimous, or as my mother and father call me, Kyle, shrugged my shoulders at the aesthetically questionable uncommon item I got from this dungeon. Being able to move faster as a squishy class was a great way to avoid being mauled by lowbie Mobs, and aided in me repositioning to land those crit-tastic [Backstab]s with my unreasonably slow Longsword.

I hate the fact that Myth-Land treats my favorite real world weapon like all of the other Fantasy RPGs out there. Slow and cumbersome. Then to add salt to the wound, they made the bow exactly opposite, like every other damned RPG out there. Quick and nimble. All these game Devs act as if they got their historical weapon knowledge From Tolkien. I mean have they even SEEN what it takes to draw a war bow?! And here they expect a damned twink of an elf to draw 80-150 pounds constantly like a damned machine gun?! I mean-

 

"Hey! Onimous were you even listening?"

 

Tah'Styr, or Darren IRL, is a G.I.R.L. and it was more obvious that he IS a he when his chocolatey voice bellowed out from his mic. When the chubby weeb with natural sulfur hexafluoride in his lungs wasn't partied with us he'd catfished players out of their gold and items being aided by a voice changer. Thankfully, to both mine and Fahkir's, or Chris IRL, envious selves he played a Smurf account when partying with us.

He attempted to get my attention by trying to snap his fingers using the VR gear. It only made his avatar's delicate fingers spaz out of control for a bit

VR still isn't quite there yet.

 

"I'll be honest. I wasn't. What were you saying, your majesty?

 

I genuflected with the highest amount of sarcasm I could muster with The VR gear.

 

"Okay then, peasant. Report to your highness what relic doth ye been awarded from aiding in vanquishing the mighty Minotaur?"

 

Darren's smug smile was somehow captured beautifully by his gear as he turned on his voice changer to bring an air of royal haughtiness to his retort. The cringe felt by both Chris and Kyle was also captured well. Chris had to pipe in with a major complaint though.

 

"Dude you said you wouldn't do that shit with us, c'mon! God, hearing that made images appear in my head that I do NOT want to have in regards to you.

J-Just tell us what you got Onimous!"

 

"Y-yeah that was pretty cringe Tah'Styr... Anywhore, cringe aside, I got a movement buff."

 

After saying that he equipped the golden bangle, and shared the stat screen with the two.

 

"Nah bad, Nah bad, check mine out."

 

Darren nodded in approval at the shit-tier item, for him that is, and then equipped his loot drop... to the horror of the others.

 

"Shame the Myth-Lands doesn't have a layered armor system, cuz the robe took up both chest and legs slots, and I ain't about to miss out on these better stats."

 

Both Chris and I were horrified on two accounts. One, we couldn't deny the white with gold-trim jean short-shorts had better stats. And two, Darren's 5 hour long project of an avatar was basically on full display. The only respite was that this game didn't have nude avatars so Tah'Styr's ample bosom was covered by a gray bra.

Now Chris and I would have to deal with staring at a well-crafted avatar until they could either find a top for her or find a better quality robe.

I wouldn't call us narrow minded, in fact we were pretty chill with just about anyone who wasn't an asshole, but we really wanted to cover His avatar in a burqa stat. Bad enough seeing Tah'Styr's glacial blue almond eyes, her perky nose, plump lips, and... Hell might as well describe her entirely. Hair cascading down to her lower back in waves. Horns curled into an umbral tiara. Smooth stomach. Wide hips, and generous posterior, with sinuous 4ft tail. Thick thighs, accompanied by legs for days. Ending in a pair of cloven hooves.

I mean, we're just a bunch of nobodies who rarely chat with girls IRL, So Darren was being a huge dick by doing this.

 

"AH fuck you Tah'Styr!"

 

"HA! You wish simp!"

 

I hate myself even more right now as there is a modicum of truth there. -fuuuuuck!-

 

"Fahkir PLEASE! Tell me you have something to change the topic from... this."

 

"Thank god I think I do, man. Thank. Fucking. God. Though it isn't equipable though, oddly enough."

 

He shared the item's stats with us and sure enough, it was very intriguing.

 

 

"Well that's fucking ominous."

 

"You're tellin' me, and it's my reward."

 

"What's the worst that can happen?"

 

Chris and I glared at Darren apathetically raising an obvious flag and... shrugged as well. -It's not like life is like novels where bad shit happens because of shit like "Karmic justice"-

 

"Fuck it, why not?"

 

"Eh, I don't got work tomorrow. So sure, why n-"

 

Chris never really got the chance to finish his sentence when he clicked yes.