Now I may be quick with my fingers and body but, and I mean but, it doesn't mean that I'm equally quick in the head. Going from 10 minutes of contemplating my sexual orientation due to the conundrum of gender bending, to being blindsided by thoughts of sterilization, had left reeling, mentally speaking and me being caught unaware. This in turn allowed that knife-eared skank to get her whorish hands around my arm, the same one Tah'Styr had previously held, and pull me into a tight embrace. The She-devil leaned in close to purr in my ear.

 

"Just play along and I'll make it worth your while~."

 

-What?-

 

"No need for anything like that sir, my hubby can assure you that we have no plans for children, for they would be a burden on our trading routes. We will just be paying the toll fees. Is that not correct, dear?"

 

I hesitated a bit, but only a bit, her reasoning was understandable but her chosen accomplice was poorly picked.

I expelled my arm from her clutches, her look of surprise palpable, and shoved her away causing her to stumble and fall like some sort of damsel in an alleyway.

 

"Wha-what?!"

 

"What the fock are you talking about? You mangy chi-chi knife-eared forked-tongue saggy-titted Whorlet, my beige ars I'm your 'Hubby'! Guards, I've never seen this woman before today. She tried to degrade my morals with promises of sexual favors."

 

The guard on the left side of the gatehouse quickly jogged to the sprawled-out woman. Seeing the guard approaching her she made to get up and run. Unfortunately for the Elf, the Guard closed the distance setting his leg in front of hers and with a slight shove, caused her to trip and fall onto her face.

He seized her arms and clamped both her wrists in manacles with a practiced ease seen only in veteran Law Enforcement Officers. With a slight grunt, he hefted up the, probably 170lbs, woman and criticized her inane action.

 

"Git your hands off me!"

 

"You dumb powder-nose; I was just coming to help you up so you could explain things. Why'd ya have to go attempt to run away? Now Santigo and I have to search you for contraband before taking you to the dungeon. *Tsk* *Tsk*"

 

He professionally unfastened the dagger at her hip and handed it over to the presumed Santigo.

 

"Ey Santigo, mind fetching the Augur? Seeing the amount of wealth on this reprobate makes me think she's got some enchanted items stashed on her and I don't want her accusing me of molesting her if I have to do the normal search. Don't want to end up like Manuel, you hear?"

 

The once tired-looking guardsman perked up with a solemn expression.

 

"Right away, Mateo. That poor lad ain't gunna be getting a proper job anytime soon."

 

Santigo saluted with a hand over heart then left to the nearby guardhouse.

 

"Aye, why do you people always try to run? It just makes you look more suspect, no? So! Mr. "Beige ars", while we wait on Santigo to fetch the equipment, do you mind stating your purpose of travel and declaring any items for trade?"

 

The Guard I assume is called Mateo turned to us still with the High-Elf firmly in hand, despite her constant squirming, and made a pointed look towards our Cleric with his last query.

-What is up with people? This is the second person who's looked at Her like she was chattel.-

 

"No... Sir we just came to purchase travelling supplies and the like and maybe sell out our swords."

 

"So you're saying that Tiefling there ISN'T being transported by you two for sale to some wealthy individual?"

 

-What the fuck is up with this place?!-

For a second time today, I was sent stumbling back from the mental blow. I know we all have seen her status page and its racial description but, for it to be so systemic, it made me nauseous. As an American I've been taught in history class about the slave trade and its effects on the South with how systemic the slavery was, it was horrible. All of that though, was in the past. Sure slavery still existed, much to my disappointment, it wasn't, however systemic. You couldn't bring chattel in front of a Law Officer without being thrown into custody. No, not like here where it was more of a shock to see a freeman of a typical slave race. I could only shake my head.

Finally making a choice, and an action I can only assume was based on unconscious desire, I wrapped my arm around Tah'Styr's waist and pulled her in close to my side, eliciting a sheepish mewl from her.

 

"That is correct Sir. She is one of MY dearest party members, and no one can put a price on her head."...

..."Right... Ma'am, can you attest to being a citizen beholden to the Crown and not a 3rd party?"

 

Having recovered from the surprise snuggle, her vermillion face and neck flushing to an Imperial shade, she answered the guardsman.

 

"Y-Yes Sir. Onimous, Fahkir, and I have been banding together for a few years now, I trust them with my life."...

..."Well do be careful ma'am. Not many, but there are a few unscrupulous individuals who would still try to claim a freeman. Best be around those that can protect you, no?"

 

He gave a pointed look at me when he said that, and I squeezed Tah'Styr even closer. The five of us stood there waiting on Santigo for a moment until Fahkir, of all people, finally spoke.

"So what's the deal with the whole "Sterilization" thing? I didn't hear no similar questions asked to any other person in line, nor us for that matter. An' the only thing I can think of that makes her stand out is that she's an elven woman. So, what’s the deal with the strict rules around elven women?"

 

"Hehaha it's due to the travel ban."

 

He said it so casually, as if it was some well-known fact and it probably was. He soon caught our puzzled looks though.

 

"You... You know about the travel ban, no? How Elven women and Dwarven men aren't allowed outside of their homelands without extensive supervision? No?... Hehehahahah! BY THE GODS! They don't know! Where the fuck have you three been living? Under a fucking rock? Even you, Mr. Beige Ars?"

 

"Kyahahahah! Gods Oi've met some pretty Stoopid wood-elves, but you're the stoopidest one Oi've met! EVERY-one knows about the travel ban you Stoopid Woody! Kyahaha!"

 

Both Law enforcer and Suspect were letting out such powerful belly laughs, that the guardsman was in tears, the posh git broke her facade, and reverted to, what I assume is her natural state of sounding like a typical Brit. I wanted to take offence but I was just left with even more questions. After several more minutes of them trying to calm down, Guard Mateo composed himself enough to continue speaking without having to take a breath after every word.

"So for those of you who have been seemingly living under a rock for, Idon'tKnow, a half-dozen centuries? A long time ago, an Elven woman and a Dwarven man thought it would be a great idea to fuck each other, despite the fact that the races of the land CANNOT interbreed. The Gods, and their infinite wisdom, royally fucked up and gave Elven women and Dwarven men hyper-fertility to compensate for their counterparts near-sterility. These particular circumstances not only allowed the cross-species couple to have kids, but also allowed for the abominations they called children to also be able to breed themselves.

"These are what we call halflings.

"Now you may be wondering what's so bad about halflings, 'I know a couple myself and there's nothing wrong with them, quite jovial in fact', and you'd be right if you weren't talking about those wretched abyss-spawn.

"Due to the union of dwarf and elf, the halflings got the pride of the elves, No offence to either of you by the way, and the stubbornness of the dwarf, again no offence intended Just stating generalizations. What the halflings DIDN'T get from the union was the intelligence, nor the wisdom.

"So here, you have a race of people who can breed almost as fast as rabbites with the personality of a Noble's spoiled first-born. Imagine a dozen self-entitled pricks who believe anything and everything is theirs for the taking, whether it be the coin purse on your hip or the cheese on the market stall. What's worse is that in their eyes they've done nothing wrong, it's their coin purse, it's their cheese wheel. An' when you ask them how they came about it they'll say, 'oi gottit thru' me haflin' luk!', kagh 'hafling luck' my ass. Those diminutive pricks treat filching as stumbling on a shiny Cops in an alley. If I had a Cops for the amount of times I've seen a halfling still asking when they'd be released from jail while ON the chopping block, I'd have a couple more SIlvs to my name. Don't get me started on the Green Weeds, If those Orkish bastards just kept it in their pants we wouldn't be having to deal with Goblin infestations every decade.

"k-hmm So anyways, that's why 3 hundred years ago the 6 great western nations put their differences aside, for a bit at least, and signed The Wooden-Stone Accords. The Accords detailed the strict control on Dwarven men and Elven women outside of their home nations. And since... What is your name?"

 

"It's Motherly-Wolf, sir."

 

"And since... Motherly-wolf here has neither passport to declare she's been sterilized, nor armed escort to ensure safe passage, she will be going to the jail until we can muster a group that can expel her back to Thyne-Laend."

 

The three of us who just benefitted from the impromptu history/politics lesson nodded our heads in thanks to our impromptu teacher, though something was bothering me about the Elf's name. Tah'Styr brought up an important question herself.

 

"Um Sir Mateo..."

 

"I'm not actually a sir. Just a Corporal of this gate, nothing more."

 

"Okay... Mr. Mateo, do you have change for a SIlv? Me and my companions like to travel light so most of our coinage is made up of SIlvs and I'm afraid we don't have enough Cops to pay the toll."...

..."Well I'd love to ma'am, but unfortunately I keep my purse in my locker for safekeeping. Santigo should be back any minute and He could take your Silv and give you your Cops as change, He's... fairly decent at arithmetic... In fact, I think I hear him coming already! What took you so long Santigo?!"

 

From the side entrance to the gatehouse, the sound of rustling metal and rusty hinges could be heard squeaking as Santigo slowly shambled out.

It, was, a, sight.

From head to toe the once 5'7" Santigo was clad in armor plates. Not like a knight, no, It looked like someone took Robby the Robot from the 1950's movie "forbidden Planet" and swapped his cone head with a spinning LED disco-ball, where in place of the colored LED emitters were glass-looking panels, allowing for a basic amount of visibility. His right hand held foot long paddle that I swear was just a metal detector wand used by security guards. Fahkir Saw the amount of protection the guy was wearing and hesitantly asked Mateo.

 

"Uum...Why is he under so much armor an' should we also be dressed like him?"

 

"Pssh, nothing to worry about. It's mostly just protocol in case of exposure to pure mana. Since you four are of magically inclined races, if there is mana around you should be fine."

 

"Then why aren't you also dressed up like him?

 

"Well that's because if there is pure mana around then I've already been exposed to it just by way of putting Motherly-Wolf here in chains. Chances are slim that we actually find any contraband. Besides, hehe, it's not like I wanted any more kids than I already got. Five kids are already a lot, no?"