"Today sucks so hard," I whined as I tried on my fourth pair of tennis shoes. "I wanna try the girl clothes."
Laura had the audacity to roll her eyes. "You will as soon as you have something more substantial than oversize flip-flops to walk around the mall in."
"I hate shoe shopping. I hate that I might have to do it again soon too."
"You sound like the old Jake."
I exaggerated a gasp. "I've never been so offended!"
"Sure you have. Now buck up and try these on for size."
I stood and walked as directed, standing patiently as she pushed on the top to feel for where my toes were. "They're fine. Let's gooooo."
"If you get blisters, remember this moment."
"Uh I'm pretty sure that's impossible for KT's. What, am I gonna go threadbare?"
"Oh. Duh. I keep forgetting this is a glamour. You act the part soooo flawlessly."
"Insults upon injury, I say!"
A passing soccer mom gave a scandalized look, but we collectively ignored her.
"Whatever. I've waited my entire life to have a body that looks good in a skirt and I don't want to wait a minute more."
Laura made another of her funny looks, rolled her eyes and led the way to checkout. I put the empty shoebox on the register and gestured to the employee that I was wearing the shoes. They seemed phenomenally bored and honestly? Same.
Their eyes seemed to unglaze as I handed over my card and they did a weird look between me and Laura before shrugging and swiping.
They handed me my card and receipt, "$40.95, ma'am."
My heart did a small flutter but I ignored it. "Thanks."
I suppressed the urge to skip as we left the store. No more side tracks, I was gonna try on cute clothes. Laura, being the ultimate wingwoman she was, had already taken my measurements, so we had… honestly not a very good idea what size I was. We were probably gonna have to eyeball most things and grab a few sizes of each to try on. What the fuck is up with women's clothes sizes anyways?
We were at the department store in no time and I nearly threw away the shoebox outside the store before Laura caught me. Of course I'd be returning them later. I nearly facepalmed.
"I'll find us a cart. What do you wanna try first?"
“A skirt, obviously”
“Oh, and what are you going to wear with it?”
“A blouse, I guess. Gotta get one that buttons up on the other side for authenticity.”
“I…” she sighed heavily. “Of course you know about that. Do I even want to know how you know about that?”
“It's common knowledge? Anyone who has tried on women’s clothes would know.”
“Oh, so this isn't a new experience after all.” Laura was doing the expression again and it took me a second to realize why.
“I grew up in a house of girls. Stuff got mixed up in the wash sometimes. Geeze. I didn’t go around trying on women’s clothing as a guy.” I must have said something wrong because Laura’s expression turned stony.
“You say that like it would have been a bad thing.” Her voice was level, but somehow I knew I was on thin ice.
I stared at her blankly trying to figure out what hole I had dug myself into and how to get out. Her folded arms told me it was a doozy.
“I’m gonna sound like a total jerk trying to explain…”
She raised an eyebrow as if to say “Try me.”
“I just… I give up.” My shoulders slumped. “I'm a fucking hypocrite. What am I even playing at here? I'm still a guy inside. I don't belong in this store. Or in this mall. I don't know why you aren't disgusted with me. Because I am disgusted w-- I…” I felt a pressure building behind my eyes as a sickening tension wracked my spine.
I was enveloped in a warm hug.
“Just shut up,” she whispered.
I nodded into her chest and clung tighter.
“Stop thinking mean thoughts about my friend.”
“I'll try,” I whimpered. My jaw ached and I realized I had been clenching it. A hiccup shook my body as I tried to untense, but it was a slow going process.
She stepped back and held my face, wiping at my cheeks where tears should have been.
“You aren’t disgusting. You’re a bit of a dumbass, but not disgusting. Okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded as best I could within her grip and she pulled me into another hug.
“Just… I don’t know. Pretend you’re a girl. Stop thinking like you’re a girl-shaped guy and just let go. Just for today. Can you do that for me?”
“I'll try.” I didn't even feel convincing to myself, but she accepted it and released me. As requested, I pushed the dark thoughts down where the sun doesn’t shine and put them out of my mind. It took a couple steadying breaths, but I managed to relax my body.
“Did you talk about this stuff in therapy?”
I frowned in confusion. Why would I have talked about wanting to wear girl clothes with the therapist?
“No?” I tilted my head, trying to communicate as much confusion as possible without just asking what she meant.
“What did you even talk about?”
“She asked weird questions about why I look like I do and I said it's probably because of the KT and stuff and then I got uncomfortable and left... And she pinched the bridge of her nose just like you are now!”
Laura snorted and laughed, gasping something to the effect of “I should think so” before finally getting control of herself and calming down.
“Oh, you’re lucky you’re cute.”
My cheeks burned. “Thanks, I think.”
“You’re welcome. Let's go find you some cute clothes.”
So. Much. Dumbass. Energy!
Just so much. Critical mass.
Ahahaha why does everyone keep questioning these universal experiences I shouldn't have to explain???? :3
Right? It's borderline eggphobic.
cuuute
Were reaching neutron star density here
im here to push the envelope. we here at egg laboratories use our large nyadron collider to densify our eggs to the max. each egg is 70% more egg per egg!
laura: “im not alone! that poor therapist.”
misery loves company <3
I’m not the smart Person for these topics, as I was never an egg I pretty much instantly knew when I found out trans people exist, but I don’t really understand why everyone even when knowing someone is trans doesn’t try help them figure it out, if it would make it worse please explain it to me so I don’t f*ck something up while trying to help (not that I would ever be observant enough to find an egg)
on the other end, I thought I would always be an egg. that ended up not being true I guess. I wish the people who cared about me recognized signs and supported me better, but I grew up in a hostile area for that. I wrote this story this way because it reflects the stumbles I had in this self-discovery. Laura is also trans here, and represents both a mentor I wish I had and the mentor I hope i could be. Willow is a scathing representation of my personality. She is so f*cking valid but in this delicate time she is desperate to be told who she is. she is scared, unsure, and very very dependent on Laura in this time and that is a very dangerous place to be, even with the most trustworthy mentors.
My mentors meant well. They wanted the very best for me and they tried to guide me through self-expression to be happier as soon as possible. However, I don't think anyone could account for how desperately I wanted to not have to figure out who I was. I didn't want to be different, I didn't want to be noticed and teased for another thing, and because of that, I wasn't able to take guidance responsibly.
I don't tell people they are trans, because I have no way of knowing whether I will be giving someone the clue that helps them solve their own puzzle, or if I am stripping the nuance of a complicated situation and providing a reckless "out" to skip thinking and just let someone tell me who I am.
still, I really appreciate your perspective and I'm happy that you had a good experience, I just personally carry baggage from the life choices i tried to make on auto-pilot
@ForeverEgg Right right I understand, I think my main difference in opinion comes from the fact my school is super excepting, we have multiple clubs for lgbt and I know there were several people in my year that were out, my parents also expressed there opinion positively (even if my mom was against me at first) so obviously I don’t really understand the worry, I appreciate the difference in opinion, and thanks for the great story!
@aikuru13 I also want to note I had access to the internet since I was five, free rain since 10, and an interestin anime since 13, and them manga and light novels at 14 and then fanfiction Since I was 15, which I still am
Awwwwwww